After years of occult and magical studies, sifting through tomes of arcane lore and obscure history and myth, Twilight Sparkle arrives at a conclusion to her journey: an ancient, reconstructed ritual to try and penetrate the veil between her and the ultimate truths of the universe. Proposed background story fic for a picture by Equestria-Prevails
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It's... Beautiful. It has everything needed in Story and I loved it. My stars, have them! I just need to know, what does Ante-umbra mean since I couldn't find it anywhere. Also, what exactly Twilight seen? Has she pierced veil of Multiverse too or not yet? I beg you, write sequel where she is slowly being nursed to what can be called Normal, not completely but... You know.
Also FIRST!
214657 Wow, umm...thank you so much, I really appreciate the kind words. Truth be told, I hadn't decided whether or not to answer any comments that might come for this fic, but your question brought to light a typo on my part. The Ante-Umbra is supposed to be the "Antumbra"., which should be more google-able. I suppose we can just say that to Star Swirl, in the already unfathomably ancient tongue of Latin and with what scraps he had to work with, he made a bummer. Again though, thanks for pointing that out.
As for what Twilight saw...what makes you think I know? ;)
And lastly, on continuing it. That was not at all my intention, but maybe in time, if I can make it good somehow. Without wanting to sound pretentious, I like to think I know my limitations and what I'm capable of. If I'm not up to the challenge, and if I'm being asked to do something for the benefit of other, I'd rather not do it.
This was good. 5 stars man.
That was pretty good, if a bit dark for me. Not really sure if i thought this when i saw the picture.
Still I won't hold you for that, it was really well written, that's what counts.
214799 Thanks for your generous interpretation, and your praise. I suppose this story came about via a combination of focusing on Twilight's eye bandages and having gone through the collected works of Lovecraft recently. Still, thanks again. :)
WOOOO! pretty good. so twilight obliterated herself in the pursuit of ascending beyond all planes of existence?
The Good: I really enjoyed how this played out. You showed just what needed to be showed and no more. Twilight's journey was illuminated JUST right, and the style for those parts was exquisitely beautiful. It actually made me tear up a bit when I imagined what she was seeing, and her internal conflict when she was stopped just before taking the final step. The whole thing reminds me of the accounts people have reported after taking DMT, and I have to wonder if you've had experience with that yourself. Also, where did you find that picture to accompany the story?
The Bad: I could tell that you attempted to write the beginning in a similar style as the middle, like you were warming up to it. As a result it came off as being more verbose than it needed to be. I forget who said it but they were right when they said "write the extraordinary with extraordinary vernacular and sentence structure, but write the common mundane things in a common mundane way". The content was fine, but the areas before the ritual started (and a little bit after she had her vision quest) were clunky in their wording. Your sentences ran on too long. They needed to be broken up or the ideas behind them made more brief. This was ONLY during the very beginning and a little towards the end, though. The middle part was wonderful.
Honestly, I think the first part could do with a rewrite in simplifying the wording of things (not the actual events that happened but just in how you tell them). It would make the story flow better.
The Ugly: It makes me angry that good stories like this basically get ignored, while poorly written troll-fics that aren't at all funny or clever seem to get an unworthy amount of attention and praise. It just seems unfair really, and I have to wonder why. Do the people running this site even screen the crap that gets put up in the little "featured" box at the top of the page? Most likely not, which is why we get crap like "The best clop-fic Ever" with thousands of views.
nice!
I'm kinda wondering when you will continue writing this... I really want to see where this story will lead off into.
Perhaps she found Kadath.