ButterflyCakes

by FlameingToast

Roomates For A Week

Pinkie sat in a chair inside Fluttershy's room and waited for the doctor to finish his checkup. Twilight, having predicted that Pinkie would get sick, called a doctor to diagnose her at Fluttershy's.

Fluttershy was still in her bed but she was feeling guilty for making Pinkie sick. Well maybe she hasn't got chicken pox yet. That thought was quickly dispelled as she saw the doctor finish his examination and proceeded to tell them, that indeed. she was ill.

"Oh, no. Pinkie Pie I am so sorry." Fluttershy was covering her face with the covers and trying not to think about how mad her friend would be.

"Aw, Fluttershy it's okay. I mean you were trying to warn me." Pinkie smiled at Fluttershy and was glad to see that it seemed to have made her feel at least a little better.

"Pinkie Pie, it seems you have chicken pox. I need to advise you to not be around anypony who has not had chicken pox. It is highly contagious. The virus should run its course in about a week."

Pinkie looked at one of her hooves and noticed two small red dots. Uh oh! "Doctor! I live in Sugarcube Corner and ponies come in there everyday, not to mention there are two foals living there."

The doctor finished packing away his tools before he answered. "Then it would probably be for the best that you don't go there."

Pinkie frowned "But where will I stay for a whole week? I don't have anywhere else to stay!" She sighed.

Fluttershy suddenly thought of a way to solve Pinkie's problem and (hopefully) make it up to her for getting her sick. "Actually you could stay with me, Pinkie."

Pinkie looked up from the floor. "Really?"

Fluttershy nodded. "Since we're both sick there's no harm, and it's the least I could do to for getting you sick."

Pinkie Pie bounced on the bed and enveloped Fluttershy with a bear hug. "Oh thankyouthankyouthankyou! I would have gotten so lonely and bored if I had to stay all by myself." Fluttershy blushed a little when she saw that the doctor was giving them a funny look.

"That would be perfectly fine if you two want to stay together." The doctor grabbed one bottle of medicine. "These should make you feel a lot better, but even though it represses most of the symptoms you are still highly contagious. So no leaving the house."

The doctor began to leave but he stopped to say, "And if you run out of the medicine, ask somepony you know to come to the hospital and bring some back."

"Thank you doctor." Fluttershy whispered.

"Yeah, thanks doc!" Pinkie grinned as the door was shut.

"Uh, Pinkie." Fluttershy nervously started to ask.

"Whats the matter Fluttershy?" Pinkie grinned down at her.

"You're still hugging me, but you don't have to stop if you don't want to." With each word her voice got quieter and quieter.

Pinkie let go of Fluttershy and blushed a little. "Sorry about that Fluttershy, I was excited that you would let me stay with you."

Fluttershy, stopped smiling. "You wouldn't have to stay with me, if I hadn't gotten you sick."

Pinkie stopped Fluttershy from continuing. "Fluttershy I'm not mad. I could never stay mad at you. And it's not your fault! And letting me live here for a week so I wouldn't start hitting my head against the wall in boredom completely makes up for it."

Fluttershy sighed in relief but started coughing badly. Pinkie picked up the medicine bottle and read the back.

"I'll be right back." Pinkie said before walking downstairs into the kitchen. She then filled a cup with water and brought it back to Fluttershy. At least she's stopped coughing.

Pinkie gave Fluttershy two of the small blue pills. "Swallow these, they'll make you feel better." After Fluttershy swallowed the pills Pinkie Pie gave her the cup of water.

Fluttershy was about to thank her friend when she saw Pinkie giggling. "Whats so funny?"

Pinkie laughed. "Normally you're the one who makes ponies feel better."

"Actually it's mostly my critter friends that I help." Fluttershy mumbled while putting the empty cup on the nightstand.

"Don't be modest Fluttershy! Remember when I had that reallyreallyreallyreallyreally bad headache?"

Fluttershy replied, "Yes, you accidentally knocked some bird food over, and Robin pecked you a lot because you were covered in her food. I gave her a stern talking to about not doing that to other creatures."

Pinkie absentmindedly rubbed her left foreleg. "I do remember that, but what I was getting at is you made some fancy herb thingy to get rid of my headache."

"Oh it was no trouble at all." Fluttershy face was hidden behind her mane.

"Fluttershy, I'm one of your best friends, you don't have to be nervous around me." Pinkie replied.

"I'm sorry, I won't be nervous...um, if that's okay." Fluttershy mumbled.

She needs to learn to be a little less shy. Pinkie thought, but it is so cute when she does that. Whoa, Pinkie! What was that last thought? Probably just me feeling bad (right?)

"Well, you don't need to be Fluttershy. You're my best friend!" Pinkie said as she looked outside. Well It looks like Luna's raising the moon.

"Really?" Fluttershy asked as she peeked out from inside her pink hair barrier.

Pinkie nodded. "Why do you think I was so excited that I could spend a whole week with one of my friends, instead of being all lonesome." Pinkie headed towards the door. "Well G'night Fluttershy!"

Fluttershy flew out of her bed and landed in front of Pinkie. "Oh no Pinkie. You can sleep in my bed, I'll sleep on the couch."

"It's your house Fluttershy! And besides you're sick." Pinkie said as she tried to get around Fluttershy.

"I couldn't let one of my friends sleep on the couch, and besides you're sick too." She pointed to the mirror on the wall above the dresser. Pinkie looked in the mirror and noticed three or four red dots had popped up on her face. But it still wasn't as bad as Fluttershy's face.

"Fluttershy I don't mind sleeping on the couch. I Pinkie Promise not to eat one of your pillows in my sleep."

Fluttershy gave Pinkie Pie a puzzled look but decided against asking for clarification to why Pinkie would eat her pillows. "I insist Pinkie, I wouldn't be a good hostess if I didn't."

Pinkie inwardly sighed. This will go on all night if we don't find a compromise. "Fluttershy, lets stop this silly argument. How about we both sleep in your bed?"

Fluttershy blushed madly. "Bu-Um-I don't-"

Pinkie wanted to giggle at Fluttershy's stuttering but if she wanted them both to have a good nights sleep she would have to get her to agree."No need to get all flustered Fluttershy. I'll be on the other side of the bed and this way we can both be comfortable."

Fluttershy was about to protest but Pinkie started pushing her back towards her bed while saying, "C'mon Fluttershy you're feeling bad, and right now I am your caretaker so what I say goes." Fluttershy just yawned and looked about ready to fall asleep standing up.

Wow, I thought it take a lot more persuading. Pinkie Pie helped Fluttershy into bed and then she climbed on the other side, making sure to give Fluttershy her space.

"Goodnight Fluttershy." Pinkie yawned.

Fluttershy sleepily mumbled, "Good night don't let the bed bugs bite."

Pinkie shot out of the bed like a rocket and yelled, "YOU HAVE BED BUGS!?!"

Comments

[MidnightCrew]

Ahahaha

[Sparkler Hooves]

This is cute!

[FlameingToast]

2427686
I'm trying to go for a cute lighthearted fic with some laughs and awkward situations. Those are the best kinds of situations.
2427585
Which part of the chapter made you laugh, if indeed is what your comment meant (I'm a little new to these kinds of things.)

[Tranquility]

That last part was hilarious.

[FlameingToast]

2427864
I actually wasn't going to end the chapter that way, but once I thought of it it was impossible to resist

[Sparkler Hooves]

2427856 Well, you've passed the funny and lighthearted fimfiction exam! 100%!

[FlameingToast]

2427895
Wow! An 100?! Twilight would be proud

[WolfBlade606]

"really?"
hair barrier hair barrier

[MidnightCrew]

2427856
Bedbugs...

[Tranquility]

2428726

Yeah, it's kind of hard to write it on a kindle fire.

[FlameingToast]

2429576
Nothing is more impenetrable.
2431490
It gets annoying sometimes. The reply to the comment below this one thought believe was "beloved"
2430920
I can't believe Pinkie wasn't told sooner about Fluttershy's infestation problem

[Crimson Dawn]

Oddly back in the day the Cakes may have asked Pinkie to stay due to her having the pox but hey chicken pox is weird like that.

[FlameingToast]

2454382
Scootaloo pox is pretty weird.

[HadezPKMN]

I love the story so far, but I caught 2 glaring mistakes while reading this.

First

And letting me live here for a week so I wouldn't start hitting my head against the wall in boredom, completing makes up for it.

Completing? should be completely and that comma isn't really necessary

Second

Why do think I was so excited that I could spend a whole week with one of my friends, instead of being all lonesome.

There should be a you between do and think

[Probably Jesus]

So cute so far

[Adenbadens]

Pinkie sat in a chair inside Fluttershy's room, and waited for the doctor to finish his checkup.

Fluttershy was still in her bed, but she was feeling guilty for making Pinkie sick.

Remove comma.

But where will I stay for a whole week!

Question mark, not exclamation point.

Actually you could stay with me Pinkie.

Actually you could stay with me, Pinkie.

from the floor "Really?

Fluttershy nodded "Since

Period before the dialog for both.

These should make you feel a lot better, even though it represses most of the symptoms you are still highly contagious.

Better, but even though

but he stopped to say "And if you run out of the

Comma before the dialog.

blushed a little "Sorry about that

Period after ‘little’

Fluttershy's stopped smiling "You wouldn't have to stay with me

Fluttershy, not Fluttershy’s. Also, a period after ‘smiling’.

Pinkie stopped Fluttershy from continuing "Fluttershy I'm not mad, I could never stay mad at you. And it's not your fault! And letting me live here for a week so I wouldn't start hitting my head against the wall in boredom, completing makes up for it."

Comma after ‘continuing’, period or colon instead of comma after ‘I’m not mad’, no comma after ‘boredom’, completely, not completing.

Pinkie gave Fluttershy two of the small blue pills "Swallow these, they'll make you feel better." After Fluttershy swallowed the pills Pinkie Pie gave her the cup of water.

Period after ‘pills’ but before the dialog. Didn’t Pinkie get the water to make it easier for Fluttershy to take the medicine? Why would she give her the water after she’s already swallowed the pills?

Pinkie laughed "Normally you're the one who makes ponies feel better."

If Pinkie stops laughing before she speaks then put a period after laughed. If she is laughing while she speaks then it needs a comma instead.

Fluttershy replied "Yes, you accidentally

Comma after replied

rubbed her left foreleg "I do remember

Period after foreleg

Fluttershy, I'm one of your best friends you don't have to be nervous around me.

Either: best friends, you don’t have to
Or: best friends. You don’t have to
It’s your choice.

Whoa, Pinkie! What was that last thought? Probably just me feeling bad (right?)

This line is a sin against everything I enjoy about reading. (Read “A Beautiful Day in Equestria”) However, it is your right as a writer to include it.
That being said, there was something else: In previous instances you have used parenthesis to include a one or two word character thought when it would be silly to have an entire sentence dedicated to a one word though or a thought identical to the narration. If Pinkie is already thinking, why do you use the parenthesis instead of just putting it as “just me feeling bad, right?”

Pinkie nodded "Why do think

Period after ‘nodded’ and a 'you' between do and think

Pinkie headed towards the door "Well G'night Fluttershy!”

Period after ‘door’

landed in front of Pinkie "Oh no

Period after Pinkie

a puzzled look, but decided

Remove the comma

How about we both sleep in your bed.

This is a question. It needs a question mark.

Fluttershy blushed madly "Bu-Um-I don't-"

Period after ‘madly’

Fluttershy's stuttering, but if she wanted

side of the bed, and this way we can

Remove those commas!

towards her bed while saying "C'mon Fluttershy you’re

Comma after ‘saying’

Fluttershy sleepily mumbled "Good night don't let the bed bugs bite."

Pinkie shot out of the bed like a rocket and yelled "YOU HAVE BED BUGS!?!"

Comma after ‘mumbled’ and ‘yelled’

[HyperBlossom7]

THE ENDING Oh Pinkie