Pinkie Pie woke up from a wonderful dream involving giant marshmallows, as her alarm clock rang. Hopping out of bed she noticed that one of her pillows was missing. Pinkie scratched her head for a moment before shrugging it of.
Grabbing a pink-frosted-sprinkled cupcake from her hidden stash under her dresser (Don't tell anypony!) for breakfast she bounced out of the pink room and down the stairs. How she didn't trip or fall was a mystery to everypony she knew.
Once she got down the stairs she walked into the kitchen and saw Mrs. Cake "Hiya Mrs. Cake!" Pinkie beamed as she greeted her.
"Good morning Pinkie" Mrs. Cake gave a small grin. It was impossible not to smile when the premier party pony was in the room.
"Where are the twins?" Pinkie asked as she swiveled her head around the bakery.
Before she could get an answer the two small foals in question flew into the kitchen. One with his wings, and the other using magic. They were quickly followed by Mr. Cake who was almost begging at this point for them to stop being so wild.
"Pound Cake! Get down here now!" Mr. Cake tried to command, but it ended up sounding more like a tired plea.
Pound Cake and Carrot Cake just started giggling and resumed their game of tag, except they started zooming around the rest of the house faster.
Mrs. Cake looked at the clock above the stove before shouting "Sugarcube Corner opens in an hour! We can't have our foals floating around everywhere."
With Pinkie's help the Cakes were able to catch the mischievous twins just in time. Pinkie had just enough time to wash the flour off of her face when the bell rang, signaling that a customer had walked in.
***
Pinkie laid her head on the counter and sighed in boredom. The whole day had been pretty slow. Around lunchtime the little amount of customers to come in started to die down. It was a beautiful day outside and most ponies were outside enjoying the sunshine.
Pinkie jolted up from the counter when the door (finally) opened up, and Twilight walked into the bakery. Yay! I was about to fall asleep from boredom.
When Twilight saw that it was Pinkie Pie manning the counter she smiled and trotted up to her.
"Hey Pinkie Pie! Sugarcube Corner seems a little empty today," Twilight said as she noted the slow business.
"Yeah it got really boring, but my shifts over in..." Pinkie glanced at the clock, "Wow! Only two minutes." As soon as I'm done working I should go see if I can play some pranks with Dashie, or maybe-
She was snapped out of her planning by a small cough from Twilight. "Oh sorry Twilight! I was just thinking of what to do after work."
Twilight grinned and levitated a piece of paper out of her saddle bag and read out to Pinkie Pie "I would like two carrot cupcakes please."
"Wait a minute" Pinkie Pie said after handing the order to Mrs. Cake. "I thought you hated carrot cupcakes? It's usually Fluttershy who orders those cupcakes." For Angel she thought, that bunny needs to treat her a lot better.
Twilight frowned a little "Actually, the cupcakes are for Fluttershy."
Pinkie scratched her chin "But why didn't she come pick them up? Oh no!" Suddenly a terrible thought struck her "Is she mad at me?! Was I mean to her on accident, and now she doesn't want to see me?!"
Twilight interrupted Pinkie before she could start a rant about the theoretic idea that Fluttershy hated her. "Pinkie, Fluttershy doesn't hate you. She just couldn't come herself because-" Twilight was interrupted by a small ding as Mrs. Cake hit the small bell on the counter.
"Here is your order Twilight, that will be three bits." After Twilight floated the money in front of Mrs. Cake and she had counted it, she turned to Pinkie Pie.
"Seeing as that's the last customer of the day your shift is over." Pinkie jumped up and down in delight.
"Thank you Mrs. Cake, now I need to deliver these to Fluttershy." Twilight said. Before she could get the cupcakes Pinkie put them on her back and started walking towards the door.
"You don't need to Twilight! I haven't seen Fluttershy in forever. And besides, I have so much energy I could probably run all the way to Canterlot!" She began to bounce out the door while humming her Smile song and she didn't hear Twilight call out to her.
"No, wait you can't see Fluttershy right now!" But Pinkie was already out of earshot, glad to be free to do whatever she wanted (after delivering the cupcakes, of course.)
Mrs. Cake asked worriedly, "Why can't Pinkie deliver the cupcakes?"
Twilight turned around to face her, "Has Pinkie ever had chicken pox?"
Mrs. Cake's face became puzzled, "Not that I know of, but what does that have to do with-" then it dawned on her.
"Oh no." Twilight groaned.
***
Pinkie Pie made her way through Ponyville, bringing smiles to the face of every citizen she met. When Pinkie Pie was in a good mood, you were in a good mood. Trotting up to her friend's cottage she noticed the distinct lack of a certain pink maned pegasus. She must be inside, Pinkie thought to herself.
Pinkie walked up to the door and knocked, but to her surprise the door was opened by Angel.
"Oh hey Angel! Where's Fluttershy?" Angel pointed upstairs so Pinkie walked inside the cozy cottage.
Bounding up the stairs Pinkie Pie came to a halt in front of Fluttershy's door. Better not knock too loudly. She tapped on the door and called out "Hey Fluttershy its Pinkie Pie! I've brought the cupcakes you ordered!"
A mumble was heard from inside Fluttershy's room. It sounded like "Pinkie have you ever had c-chicken pecks?" Or at least the last part sounded like pecks, it was hard to tell due to Fluttershy's quiet voice and it being muffled by the closed door.
Chicken pecks? Pinkie thought to herself. That's a weird question. She thought about it and remembered the time when she tried to help round up an irritated rooster at Sweet Apple Acres. "Yeah Fluttershy, I have."
"O-Okay you can come in then." Fluttershy said from inside her room. Pinkie opened the door and walked inside. The room was a little dark because half of the curtains were closed. Pinkie Pie looked around the bed room and, at first, didn't see Fluttershy.
Looking closer at the bed she saw a pink mane sticking out from the top of the covers. Fluttershy poked her head out from under the covers at the sound of Pinkie walking up to the bed, and she looked bad.
Fluttershy's face was tired looking and there were red spots dotted around her face. She looked tired, but she was glad to see one of her friends.
Pinkie placed the cupcakes on the nightstand and came closer to Fluttershy, "What's with the red dots on your face?"
Fluttershy looked puzzled, "It's chicken pox." She whispered, "I asked you if you had it before you came in because it's very contagious."
Pinkie frowned "I thought you said chicken pecks. 'Cause I've never had chicken pox before."
"Oh No." Fluttershy squeaked.
Wait, pinkie was bored? Can....can that happen?
"who gets bored when u are insane?"
Lol good job, keep it up!
I remember getting the chicken pox from the vaccine meant to prevent it. It was a pretty stupid time. Anyway, I enjoy the premise of this story. Do more of this, and this time with even more gusto!
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Thank you for the feedback! and the new chapter should be coming soon. I've started writing it.
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Pinkie's not insane...just a little off.
Looking forward to more
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Actually I'm formatting Chapter 2 as I type this, so it should be up later tonight
I liked this chapter, though, I noticed that there were a few teeny tiny, itsy bitsy errors.
One, you didn't have many commas at the end of a sentence, and that didn't really bug me, but you should fix that.
Second,
The first of should be off.
Still a good chapter, though.
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Thanks it should be fixed now. And I'm writing these on a kindle fire and then proofreading them on my laptop. So mistakes here and there might happen
If Pinkie were human this could be ugly. Chicken pox is an odd affliction because it actually becomes more troublesome the older you get. When you are a kid it is just annoying but when you are a teen or so it can be debilitating. That is why parents would set up play dates for their kids with kids that have the pox so that they could catch it at an early age.
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That last part is messed up.
2424067 That's weird, I got vaccinated too and I still haven't gotten them. Though at this point it'd be shingles, if I ever do.
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Too bad it's true.
2931538 And for the best, really.
That comma needs to be a period or a semicolon.
While technically correct, if she’s still shouting to her husband, shouldn’t the period be an exclamation point? Also, while still technically correct as Pound and Pumpkin are her foals, they are also Mr. Cake’s. Since she is yelling to him, it makes sense to have “my foals” changed to “our foals” or even “the foals”
With Pinkie’s help
This needs a comma after today, since the quote is ending.
Since Pinkie isn’t ending her sentence, “over in” should have an ellipse (…) or at least a comma. “glanced at the clock” should also have a comma after it since you’re going from narrative back to dialog.
As it stands, and I’m nitpicking with a personal preference here, if Twilight is clarifying for Pinkie, her line should read “Actually, the cupcakes are for Fluttershy.” Also, not nitpicking, “For Angel” needs a comma after it.
Now the main thing that reads wrong: Pinkie works in a bakery and knows every pony in Ponyville, and according to her Fluttershy is the only one in all of Ponyville who orders Carrot Cupcakes? Cupcakes that are then brought out to Twilight moments later? Either Cup managed to bake those in record time, or they have carrot cupcakes sitting around on the store on the off chance that the only pony in Ponyville to purchase them will come in that day for that specific reason. No bakery would serve baked goods that are stale, so that means that the Cakes are making carrot cupcakes every day they are open on the chance Fluttershy comes in for them, and throwing them away. That’s a severe waste of product and money.
It would be better for Pinkie to say something to the effect of “Wait a minute Twilight, you hate/dislike/can’t stand with any fiber of your being/usually don’t get carrot cupcakes.”
Then the line by Twilight, which would then be unchanged: no emphasis, no italics, leave it as is. Followed by something along the lines of “For Angel.” Pinkie thought, “That bunny needs to treat her a lot better.”
"Is she mad at me? Was I mean to her on accident, and now she doesn't want to see me?!"
Change those exclamations to question marks or have them both, but if Pinkie is asking Twilight something, it needs to be a question mark.
You should indicate that Twilight is the one speaking. I thought it was Pinkie the first time I read it, which meant the narration didn’t make sense.
Smile song should either be in quotes as “smile song” or be capitalized as Smile song.
All three of these sentences need a comma before the dialog.
Trotting up to her friend’s cottage.
The comma does not need to be there.
Needs a comma after ‘Fluttershy’
Needs a comma after ‘puzzled’ and ‘whispered’
This looks like a good start already. Cannot wait to see Pinkie and Fluttershy's Chicken Pox Adventures.