Excellent. The way that this conversation was so realistic, like a fight between real people, was astounding. Bias is almost always present in these sorts of fights, where one side is obviously right and the other is only delivering fallacious arguments, but I feel that they both made legitimate points. I got the idea that these are both two good characters that love each other, but life and their dreams could pull them apart.

Really, really, really, really, really good.

This needs to be featured. NOW.

I really dislike shipping fics. I really do. I'd rather read a HiE, or something, than read ship fics.

But when I saw this story, I was like 'What the heck, why not?'

Best choice I made in the last day.

The way you present the characters, how you can FEEL for them, is really amazing.

You say this is your first normal fic?

Bravo sir. Bravo.

*gives 5 stars*

Edit- Now with 100% more featuredness.

Congrats.

i really liked this i myself like any kind of fic but this is one of the most down to "equstria" stories ive ever read

i must say i agree with Mister Fluttershy, and Bashfluff, so a round of "Bravos from me as well

wow, this was truly amazing.

im not even a fan of lesbian pony shipping either

I HAVE THE POWER!*clicks on chapter 2, hard*

>>191931191931 Thank you so much Bashfluff! I really love to write dialogue, because when I write it, I feel it lets me bring across, and give the reader a look into a character's soul without having to blatantly tell someone what they are thinking. It was so hard to avoid bias in this story. I wanted to create a story where you could feel sympathetic toward both characters, because in many relationships in real life, both peopel in an argument like this usually have good points. Even though I didn't mean to, in my first draft, the argument did end up getting slanted one way. One of the people that proofread this story, Vivex, pointed that out. I'm really glad that you think this turned out to be realistic, that is something I always strive for in my work. I'm really happy you enjoyed the story! I hope I can create more that you enjoy!

>>191980191980 Hey Mr. Fluttershy! I'm really honored that you feel this story should be featured. Whether it gets featured or not, what really makes me happy is that YOU liked the story. I'm really happy that you chose to read this story, and that you can feel the characters. That is something I really strive for, and can be hard to do many times. One of my biggest weaknesses as a writer is that I use a lot of simple words like one of my favorite writers, Ernest Hemingway. I was told by a "high quality writer" that this stinted my stories. I'm really happy the emotion got through, thank you for reading! Oh and you dislike shipping fics eh, have I perhaps converted you *Evil grins* (lol jk!)

>>192036192036 I am really happy you thought this fic was down to "Equestria," again that is really what I strive for when I write, and as I said it can be hard to pull off. Thank you for reading this story Big Mac!

>>192192192192 Thank you so much BronyRave24! You aren't a fan of lesbian shipping? Have I converted you too? Hehe, just kidding. But I'm really happy you liked the story! As far as type of story goes, I was never one to worry about what the characters were, as long as the author used them to tell a good story. I am really happy that you felt the story was good, that makes me feel warm inside. Oh and you have power...is it the power to breathe fire?! I have always wanted to learn how to breathe fire, or fly, either one would be awesome! Jk! Thank you for enjoying the story!

Beautiful.

I have nothing more to say.

>>192268192268 Thank you so much TAFYFSI. That means a whole lot every time I hear it. By the way, I can relate to your account name every single day!

I actually teared up a little. I just love a happy ending

>>192297192297

Just remember; TAFYFSI = IS TAFFY.

Wow, really good. I'm so relieved that Dash stayed. If she left, I wouldn't sleep well tonight. My parents have been divorced a while and this story is essentially the issues that come up. Please continue doing these!

>>192304192304 I love happy endings too, Ezio! Not all of my stories have happy endings, but my favorite stories are those that do!

>>192305192305 And as well all know Awkward Feeling, Taffy gives us LOTS of nervous energy!!!!!

>>192308192308 Hi Jahalus! I think I remember seeing you before! Well I wouldn't want to keep you up all night, I'd feel really bad. I never had to go through parents that had a divorce, but I have seen friends go through it and it was very hard on them. They were in my mind as I wrote this story, and were part of what inspired it. I am really happy you liked the story, and don't worry, I will keep writing, it's kind of my addiction.   

As a shipfic writer/sadfic writer that has enjoyed moderate success, I can, with gusto, say that you're going places. Keep this up.

I'm glad you chose this route- you could have, conceivably, taken the drawn out path and made her go on tour until she realized what she had left behind, and then come home begging AJ to take her back. That could have made it longer, but yeaaaaaaaaaaah.

>>192379192379 Hi John! I'm really honored a fellow shipfic/sadfic writer feels I'm going to go far! That was a possibility, but I felt that the choice she made at the end would be what Rainbow Dash would have done in that situation. I might do a long shipfic one day, I don't really have an idea for one, but I'll let me convoluted mind mull over ideas. Now that I know you write, I'll have to visit your page and check out some of your stuff! Thank you very much for reading this story!

More!

Wow.....just.....this is a very profound piece of work you have written here my friend, and someday I hope to be able to write dialogue half as good as you can. You have also given me more ammunition to fuel the fight in my mind of who to ship Dashie with in my story that I am writing. Thank you.

Wow this is really good and very beliveable! Unlike other fics I have read, I can really connect with it and the story overall is very well written. I can't wait for more!

i enjoyed

good story

keep up the good work

kthanxbai

Whoa, a foal named Red Dawn?

*inhales*

Image: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BCr4D9CYp_A/Tg4488X6Z-I/AAAAAAAABJo/X-nMpOwdOMs/s1600/wolverines.jpg

WOLVERINES!

YAY FOR MUSIC

My mum loves the CD with this song on it

I DON'T WANNA PLAY HOUSE (different song I know, but they always remind me of each other)

Manly tears

They have been shed

Wonderful. A different take on shipping stories. While most tend to show the forming of the relationship, this one shows the gradual separation some couples feel. If I was to complain about anything, it would be that the argument felt very circular. AJ constantly returned to the "you're been selfish" while Dash returned to the "I'm doing this for my family", which is fine, but they did it over and over again for the entire scene. Still, your knowledge of storycraft was enough to counterweight that so it didn't seem overbearing.

Ending was nicely done. Very solid emotional appeal. Overall, deserving of a 4:5+ star rating, to say the least.  

>>192609192609 I shall most certainly give you more in the future Appleloosa! Thank you for reading the story!

>>192614192614 Thank you so much Hundashter! But I bet you are a better writer than you think you are. Many people are good writers, they just don't realize it. I am happy that I was able to provide the cannon balls and gunpowder for your creative cannon! If you ever feel you need writing help and don't have anyone to turn to, let me know. I would be happy to help you in any way I can.

>>192732192732 I was hoping that I made the characters believable enough so that you could connect with them! Thank you very much and I will most certainly create more!

>>192815192815 Thank you sargeantmoonbeam, I hope I am able to create more stories that you will enjoy!

>>192820192820 Clonetrooperkev, all I have to say to that is...WOLVERINES! Thank you sir, you have helped make my day.

>>192837192837 clap2times! WOW! I didn't know there was anyone else out there that knew of that song! Funny story, the only reason I know of this song is because my mother used to play it all of the time, along with "Sitting on the Front Porch Swing," and "I don't Wanna Play House." She played many others, but those songs stuck with me because of their deep messages. Even though I am not a huge fan of country, the messages in those songs are so strong they kind of grabbed me and wouldn't let me go. Thank you so much for reading the story!

>>192861192861 I have made manly tears? I am very honored. Remember, it takes a real man to cry! Thank you I am happy you enjoyed the story!

>>192864192864 Hi Mazzy! I'm not sure if the other story I did "Letters to the Princess" is a traditional shipping story either. I try to do a normal shipping story, but something will happen and it will turn out different. I wanted to do a story about problems that some couples face in their relationships, and overcoming these problems. To me, this makes the love between two people grow stronger, and I love stories like that. I am really happy you liked the ending, I was hoping that came out okay! Your argument is very valid. While I was writing this, I kind of pictured AJ and RD hammering at each other with their points, just doing it in a different way each time. However, I did agonize over the point you brought up, and tried to fix it as well as I could. Although, RD did bring up that flying was a huge part of who she was, and I tried to use that to show the sacrifice she had to make if she wanted to stay with her family. Thank you so much for your feedback! Critiques like that really help me take a deeper look at what I do, and do better the next time. I am very happy you liked the story, thank you so much!

A very awesome shipfic. It is definantly the most relatable shipfic I have ever read. Many familys have to go through his issue everyday, you just pray it doesn't happen to yours. The way you portray their side of the arguement matchs almost spoton with the show. AJ honest the entire ime telling RD what is best for RedDawn. On the other hand RD in her mind thinks that being on thw wonderbolts, her dream, is the best thing so she lets her pride get the best of her. 5/5 from me good sir!

>>192897192897

Thank god some pony got that reference. Thank you sir. You have my respect as a writer and a reader. You have a good story and hope we can see more.

Image: http://bulk.destructoid.com/ul/user/2/25509-212756-handshake3jpg-620x.jpg

in the words of the infamous commentor Wilhelm,

Good Day Sir

this was honestly,one of the most well-written of all the fics ive ever read(& ive read well over 500)

this was so good im actually gonna encourage people over who watch my playthrough of DS2 to go check this out

no words for this... only! ON TO CHAPTER 2!

WOW! this was just... WOW! I really liked this story and ill give it a 5 star.. comon.. i mean... it even made me cry a bit!

Seriously, I would love some more stories and gonna check out the rest of the stories that you wrote.

again: Well done!

this shipfic is amazing, i could imagine this situation happening after a majority of AppleDash fan fics. It was so emotional that it made me tear up at the end nice job :)

I buy their anger at eachother for the reasons presented, but their argument seems really expositionary. I think at that stage in a divorce, people would tend to be much more isolated and cagey. It got me thinking 'if they are so willing to share their feelings, how did they get to this stage in the first place'.

But hats off to you for trying a story which involves REALISTIC emotion and conflict. So many writers just get caught up in the sense of the dramatic and symbolic, and don't stop to think if real people would act the same as the characters in their story.

you douche. why you gotta make me cry so hard, there not even manly tears, just a never ending wave of tears **BRAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW** oh gods

**sniffle** you sir have stolen all my tears with your story. You may keep them.

P.S. Take all my stars

cool shit bro

Dialogue was 10/10 and everything else looked like something out of the original show

Good job.

i,m truely amazed.... you got me a tiiny bit worried when i started to read the intro for your fic

but allready after 5 lines of reading, i was inthralled. i loved the dialoge, i loved the setting, i loved the atsmophere i love everything abourt this fic.

my biggest praise to you will how damn realistic you made it all. that i takes skill and a lot of effort to do.

tough.... if i have to make some nitpicking here it would be...i wanted to learn more abort red dawn, or just seen more of her in your story.

but its nitpicking, something i wont hold agienst you.

so when all is said and done

5 stars for you and a big brohoof from denmark

Very nicely written. A little... Emotional for those of us who have been in little Red-Dawn's position, especially those of us whose parents didn't reconnect, but if it's emotional for a reader, that means you have done a good job. Both their points were, as everypony before me has stated, very good, and made sense, and the fact that Rainbow was shallowly disguising her own desires with the desire to care for her filly is at once apparent without being shoved in our faces, characteristic of how she would probably handle it, and relatable to many readers. It was tense and emotionally charged. Five stars!

I can't describe with all the words in the English Language how relieved I am that you decided to have Rainbow Dash stay... I'm certain that a part of all of us would have died inside if this story had gone down the other road, and broken little Reddawn's heart in such a way.

Feelings aside, you did absolutely great work with this fic, the conversations and emotions going around were uncannily realistic.

>>192192192192

Agreeing with you here, bro. Agreeing with you here.

amazing !

After reading some sick and twisted fics makes many enjoy these other stories that bring sentimental value to there minds. The way that heartache was so real that I wanted to reach out to both ponies to see reason. You are a genius and deserves to be recognized. Thank you for making my day.

It's my life's dream to become a rockstar. This story hurt me. Alot. When the time came, would I have to give up the career I always wanted for my family. Looks like I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get there.

10/10 This was a very good story. I hope to see you do more.

I can't recall the last time I read something that made me cry this much. My Little Dashie came close, but it didn't make me start bawling my eyes out like a baby.

>>192950192950 Thank you very much newbrony! I try to make my stories as realistic as possible. It can be hard to do, placing yourself in a situation that you've never been in. I was very lucky to have the help of some very nice readers to help me get this story right.

>>193020193020 Not only did I see the movie, but I think I also played the board game based on the movie. It was really fun, but I can't remember what it was called. Or, at least the board game was inspired by the movie. Btw I am a big fan of war movies (They don't make enough of them anymore!)

>>193183193183 Thank you very my Geacu! I really do appreciate that, and I am very happy you liked the story. I hope my story will be able to touch one of your friends as well.

>>193221193221 Thank you very much Kladdos! I hope that you enjoy my other stories like you did this one!

>>193306193306 Thank you so much marcus! I can see this happening a lot too. Especially given how both RD and AJ are. They would work as a couple but they would both have to work at it.

>>193503193503 Hi Canterlots! You're right about that, most couples at this stage are just ready to cut each other's throats (with a few exceptions). I had to move the story to this stage of the proceedings to give the story a sense of urgency. I am really happy you liked the realism. I don't think a story would seem nearly as powerful if the characters don't act realistically. I've read stories, published by actual book companiesm, where the stories seem extremely artificial, because all the writer did was focus on the emotion and not the characters themselves. It kind of turns me off of a story. Thank you so much, I am really happy you enjoyed it.

>>193557193557 Hi Agent Brony, its really nice to see you again! I shall take your tears and stars and keep them well! Thank you so much for reading this story! Remember, it takes a real man to cry!

>>193761193761 Thank you so much Mr. Hopper, it took a lot of work to make sure the characters were true to the show! I had a lot of help from the wonderful folks that preread my story! A great big shout out goes to those guys!

>>193772193772 Hi kharnes, I wanted to do more with Reddawn here as well. However in the story, she is kind of there to help symbolize the family life that Dash and Applejack have. Thank you so much! A big brohoof to you too! I used to have a friend that lived out in denmark! He was someone that drove tanks in the army during his duty time and worked in a warehouse during his off times. I miss that guy, he was really great! I am very happy you liked this story!

>>193893193893 Thank you Inkarus, one of the things I like to do as a writer is strive to connect to the reader's emotion. Bringing tears to someone's eyes does hurt, but I often find that after the story is over, the reader feels a little better about the traumatic event that happened. I wanted to make sure that both characters were relatable, and that there was no real "bad guy." Thank you for reading the story!

>>193898193898 Thank you Unwitting Brony, I am really happy these characters seemed realistic! I have to admit I am a sucker for happy endings, however this is how I actually feel RD would respond in this situation. Thank you so much for reading the story!

>>193918193918 Nice to see you again Mobius, thank you for reading!

>>194032194032 Thank you Alex! I like you profile picture, who drew that?

>>194094194094 Well I don't know about being a genius, but I am very happy that you enjoyed the story. I am not a big fan of sick, twisted stuff either. I have never read cupcakes and I don't think I want to, from what I've heard about it. Thank you for reading!

>>194444194444 I wish you luck on your quest Frizzy, being a musician is very hard work. But it is worth it if you can make it. Those kinds of choices are really hard to make but when the time comes, I think you'll be able to make the right one.

>>194660194660 Thank you so much sniper! I look forward to doing more for you to read!

>>194717194717 Wow Sergeant, I am really, really honored you liked this story. My Little Dashie was the story that got me into this fandom, and to me it felt very emotionally powered. For it to just be mentioned in a sentance referencing my work, is a very high honor to me. Thank you so much!

A good idea, excellent presentation, raw emotion, a realistic scenario, an awesome read.

Well done!

I love sappy endings.

This was so beautiful!

That was so... beautiful. But seriously, I loved it. I could really feel like I was right there as AJ and RD were fighting, and the argument was uber realistic. 5/5

>>192404192404 You got featured. Who called it? I called it. DAMN STRAIGHT.

^What they all said!

Writers like you that keep me trapped reading until 3AM.

But I couldn't help get ejected from the action for a minute when:

"I recall tastin' the Rainbow that very night, and it fell a little short o' my expectations. You're too fast in more places than just the air, sugar cube."

That was good.

ok....my comment screwd up...i had said "people over on youtube" but it decided to cut out the on youtube part :/ meh...wierd...

This gets a D'AWWWWW.  The ending made my eyes wet, not tears but wet.  And for that this fic must be celebrated.  Way to go parter

>>194896194896 Thank you so much baconboom! I'm happy you liked the idea!

>>194970194970 You aren't the only one rattlehead! I like them too, more than I like to admit!

>>195019195019 Thank you Silhouette, I'm really honored when someone thinks my work is beautiful.

>>195175195175 I am really happy you liked how realistic the characters were! That is something I like to strive for in my work.

>>195182195182 You did call it John, well you and Mr. Fluttershy. Thank you for your support!

>>195246195246 Wow! Someone liked the joke I put in there!! Thank you Grey Pegasus, you really made my day! But credit goes where it is due, Sour Grapes helped come up with that joke. She gave me the idea and I fiddled with it until it became what you see in the story!

>>195267195267 I think this website, along with all of the other websites, have a built in filter to protect the promotion of other media sites. This is something you get into when you study "internet marketing" if you are ever interested in a boring discussion on the topic, let me know and I can put you to sleep! But thank you for the help!

>>195489195489 Thank you so much ty! I'm happy you liked the story!

I love this story. It makes me think about how I would handle something like this. I hate complications

Amazing, loved it.  I almost got choked up.

Made me listen to "Stay Togther for the Kids" By Blink 182

1: i hate sites that do that,i know WHY they do it but its just annoying

2: dosnt make sence that it let me say it THIS time...

what a good story they grown up so fast

You sir are amazing. Definitely one of my top 5 fics on this site now. Top notch writing and dialogue, I envy your skill . Have all my stars!

>>194791194791 nope, but I like furry art :)

>>195634195634 Complications like this can be very difficult, but if both partners are really willing to work together, then things usually work out for the better. Thank you very much!

>>195692195692  I'm really happy you liked the story, and I love that song! Thank you for reminding me of it, now I shall have to listen to it!

>>195715195715 Well I can understand it in a way, and in another way I think it's annoying as well. Meh, what can ya do? XP

>>195764195764 Thank you so much! I really appreciate the comment!

>>195789195789 Well I don't know if my skill should be envied. But I really appreciate your praise! I am very happy you hold this story in such high regard! Thank you for that nice comment! I shall put your stars in a nice safe place!

>>195831195831 Furry art can be really cool, though I tend to stay away from the more ummm...."revealing" art. If you know what I mean.

if you follow me i will send a follow on you

>>192897192897

not a big fan of country music either, but always liked those songs

also, another one I remember is Harper Valley PTA... I can imagine that with RD as the mum

>>195935195935 I have sent you a follow nikky! I am happy that you want to follow me!

>>195943195943 Clap2times, I think you may have struck gold on that one. That would be a REALLY FUN story to write. Ironically, I could see some of the other mane six filling that role as well, but in different ways.

There are going to be people who look here and see this fic, and brush it off as another hugbox victim (I certainly did) - that it's just rated well or something because lots of FIMfic isn't very... discriminant, I guess, in it's ratings.  But I'm kind of astounded by the quality of this fic.  And that isn't to say that it's "mindblowing" or anything "Superb."  It's "incredibly more much yes better than I expected it to be."  I mean this premise is something that... looks like it would plague hugboxes.  And that's what FIMfic is; i hate to say it.  I went into this kind of expecting the worst, and I wouldn't have read it were not for my... certain position.  You can see my profile for why that is.

But first off, cons of the fic, because there's fewer of them and they could be addressed:

There's some weird leftovers in editing, like I think one paragraph ended without a sentence, and another ended without a ", and one sentence started without an " and I lost track of who was talking briefly.

The opening is also kind of purple.  Like, it's really long.  I understand it was a "tool" to not be blatant exposition, but it's kind of long still.

The ending is... really abrupt?  Like I don't think Dash waited long enough.  The next day, resolving it with their daughter (oh god I said that), and an "everyone hugs" kind of ending I think really would have contrasted the 6k of arguing from the previous day- er, chapter.

As for the pros:

It addressed the idea of Dash's dream separating her from her friends (and in this fic, her loved ones) in a much better way than I've ever seen in these fics (and my favorite character being Rainbow Dash and my favorite genre being Shipping, I see it a lot).  It's normally done in exposition that she chose one - she's either with the WB all the time or in Ponyville all the time.  Having a fic actually specifically be about that decision process is really fun to read, in all honesty.

You have some interesting fanon about both of their childhoods that I can kind of get behind, though I don't want to spoil it.  I just think it isn't extreme or overly specific and I liked that about it.

The argument flowed very well.  Dash is actively or subconsciously hiding behind her work and her dream.  Her selfishness is her projecting her "horrible" childhood onto her own foal, and not wanting it.  AJ is just trying to dig under that and help her realize it, while being characteristically worried about Family, like she always is.  The argument flowed so well because of how remarkably in character it is, despite being such a far cry from the show.  I'm glad the emphasis wasn't on romantic interaction, as it definitely shouldn't have been.

It's just the right length, honestly.  Not much else to say about that.

So yeah that's why this story should be fucking read by anyone who likes shipping and AJ/RD.

This one here shed some (many) manly tears. Thank you a lot for writing this wonderful story. I really enjoyed it, and thanks for not making me horribly sad with the ending! I wish I could write more, but English isn't my native language and I sometimes find it quite hard to express myself in it.

Really great, I can't wait to read more of your work

Write something that doesn't have a copy write stamped all over it... right now... as fast as you can... And you will be set for life. There is nothing I can say that has already been said 50 times over but I am going to say it anyway. This story is by far one of the easiest stories I have immersed myself with and I NEVER lost that immersion. I could properly place myself in any position in the story without an issue and I got that feeling of sadness that didn't involve crying, which is a better feeling to go for because it is a sympathetic feel, and not a straight up sad feel. Also, you wrote the dialogue of Red Dawn (love that movie btw) absolutely brilliantly! Being in her place at one point made me really think and wish I had a chance to do what she did, but accept that shit happens regardless (Thought dash was going to leave TBH). Over all the characterization was brilliant, the dialogue was beautiful, and the perspective was golden. I say again... Go write something that won't get you sued out of your ass for publishing and publish it! You could even take this story and change the names and it would be an amazing short story! That is my advice from critique to author

Aw, man... That made me cry. If there's one thing that really gets me goin' among all the others, it's when a kid loses a loved and loving parent to something as idiotic as a divorce; and your writing was good too. Nice job.

>>196547196547 Hello Ninestempest! I am very happy that you enjoyed this fic. Whenever I  write something like this, I try to keep it from simply being a feel good kind of story. There is nothing wrong with a feel good story, and I think they do have their place. However, I never really feel that the emotion in a story is truly authentic unless there is a central reason, that feels like it could easily happen in real life, as to why it is happening. I am glad that I surprised you and hope that in the future, if you are given the opportunity, you can read another one of my stories.

I would like to give you a really big thank you. You pointed out some really important cons in this fic that I did not see. At the beginning I wanted readers to feel what the character was feeling (I am vague here, and in the rest of this post, so I don't give anything away), and looking back at it, it does feel a little long. When I do something like this I hate slipping into purple prose, because instead of just allowing a reader to feel the emotion, if feels like I am trying to force the reader into feeling it, which makes it seem fake. A bit longer of an ending probably would have been better for this fic. In a way, one of my proofreaders actually pointed this out. I wasn't able to think of a way to address the problem at the time, so all I did was add a little bit more description. That was kind of like putting a band-aid over a foot long gash, now that I look back.

I have not been in this fandom very long (less than a month) so the first item on your pros list shocks me. There aren't many fics that focus on her agonizing over a decision between her dreams and her friends? That is something which is so powerful, I am surprised something like that isn't overdone. We all have to make decisions like that in life, and I would think that a lot of writers would relate to that and write about it.

I am very happy you feel that the characters were, well, in character. I had a good deal of help from my proofreaders with this, and I actually do owe a lot to them for helping me steer the story in the direction in went in.

Pure romantic interaction here would not have worked. Actually, one of the minor morals I kind of wanted to get across is that people who are in love can make each other better people. Like you mentioned, this is a situation where something like that is called for. In my opinion, this interaction makes a relationship feel more real and romantic than lovey-dovey kind of stuff.

I am kind of excited that you enjoyed the dialogue. That is my favorite part of a story, and I am happy that I was able to get it right.

Thank you so much for your honest review. When I write more fiction in the future, I'll have an easier idea of what to avoid and continue doing. I hope that I am able to continue to improve on my craft!

>>197652197652 Thank you very much CZFrank, I am happy you liked the story! I am happy you enjoyed the ending and hope I can create more stories for you to enjoy.

>>197672197672 I can't wait to create more work for you to read notepic

>>198612198612 Brimstone, there is nothing an author likes to hear more than the fact that he or she was able to immerse a reader into their story. I am very happy that you felt the emotion the way that you did. As I kind of said earlier, sadness for sadness' sake really doesn't feel like true sadness. To me, true sadness comes from the real emotions that people feel, and not just sad words on a page. I am really happy that you liked Reddawn (one of my favorite movies!). To me, she served a very big role in this story, even though she was only given a few lines. I am happy you liked the story as much as you did, and it helps me gain confidence as a writer (not long ago, because of a certain series of events, I lost a lot of confidence in my writing). I tried to make sure I kept my language simple in this story, and the fact that you think the story was beautiful kind of helps me see that you don't need big words for big emotion.

I am planning to get back into fiction writing, and creating a work like that. However, I feel that I have a little ways to go, and a few more things to learn, before I do that. Thank you so much for the positive critique! I hope you will be able to read more of my work!

>>199389199389 Thank you so much DreamCatcher, that really means a lot to me!

Wow, this is truly awesome. One of the best Fan-Fics I've read so far

>>201312201312 Thank you so much RF! I am really happy that you loved the story that much!

Rarely does a shipping fic investigate the clash of dreams and romance. Usually, it fails to meet expectations, often relying on angst.

This portrays a realistic conversation that's truly tragic. I commend you. I COMMEND YOU.

ACCEPT MY COMMENDATION.

ACCEPT IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.

>>201459201459 When I wrote this story, I had no intention of being different. I just wanted to attempt to write a good story. I am very happy that you liked it, and I hope I'm able to create more work that you like.

Not only do I accept your commendation, but I am very honored by it. Thank you very much!

This played out exactly as i expected it to.

well, actually, i expected Dash to go off with The Wonderbolts, but it came as no surprise when she chose what she did.

not sure if this would fall under cliched as fuck or just tropey.

either way, good story. 4/5.

I liked this fic, as it is rare that fics even try to deal with issues of a shipping going into the future. I guess my biggest complaint would have to be that RD was willing to give everything up. I mean, I know that her element is loyalty, but given her cutie mark, she literally had to give up "what makes her special". I think that her argument was fairly justified, really, and though I was sad to see it given up, I can, of course, see why it turned out the way it did.

I suppose that I also have to like this fic as, given my long advocacy of the impracticality of appledash (pinkiedash ftw), I thought this fic really did portray many of the issues inherent to that ship, especially at the point where it could only be resolved by one character sacrificing a large part of who she was, her hopes, and her dreams. While I doubt this was the intended effect of the fic, I really thought the character contrasting that caused it to happen worked very well.

All in all, I thought you did a wonderful job of portraying the character personalities, even if I may have disagreed with some aspects. It is rare that a shipping story exists that breaks the all-to-common framework for what shipfics generally are, but this one did. Bravo.

"I could save my lonely soul for you

but the feeling in my heart can't follow through

you can give your broken heart to me

cause you know that i'll stay with you

That's why they call me loyalty."

Sad to see this story get so badly trolled by 1-star ratings in EqD.  I personally find this to be a very engaging read.  I've never had to deal with divorce, but I've seen my parents get into some heated arguments about these same issues(money, work, etc).  Both Dash and AJ had some real good points, and both centered their argument around what they felt was best for Reddawn, which shows that they both deeply care for her and her future.

Reddawn's reaction to hearing about Dash leaving again hit hard, as I could easily see me or my younger sisters in that spot if our family ever started to break up.

>>201815201815 Hi Wackyteen! I am really happy that you thought the story was good! Sometimes these stories can come off cliched, and I tried to keep that from happening too much. However, sometimes no matter how hard you try, a story still comes off as a little cliche. In any case, even though some may see your input as "bashing" or "mean," I really appreciate your input and hope you enjoy the next story you read of mine a little better.

>>201868201868  Hi Darkdrake! A real relationship between Applejack and Rainbow Dash would be a very strained one. In reality, likes do attract, but people who are too alike tend not to work out. Actually, originally that was not the intended point of the fic. However, one of the prereaders (Vivex I think) actually suggested that I expand on the argument that the two were having. I made the expansion that forced RD to either give up something special to her to stay with her family, or lose her family. I am not sure if this was the best way to go with this piece or not.  I did work hard to get the characters right in the story, and the prereaders that I had worked hard in that department, too. They helped this fic out a lot.

I never really knew I was breaking any frameworks or anything. I haven't been in this fandom very long, so its still kind of new to me.

I had a very difficult time writing this fic, partly because I was doing my best to make it believable, but this is also the first "real story" I have written in a very long time. That is why some of it came out unwieldy. I tried to create a story where you could sympathize and side with both characters.

Hopefully I can create better stories in the future, knowing what I do now.

Thank you very much for your feedback!Your feedback, and a little bit of the feedback I recieved from other sources (most of you can guess where) was actually helpful and I think will help me on the path of becoming a better writer.

>>202046202046 That was really good bladelord! I looked that up and found it was a pretty cool song. Did you do that song? If so it was really good!

>>202067202067 Thank you very much EonMaster. So I was trolled? I thought people just didn't like the story. Well, what truly matters to me is that You, and others, enjoyed the story. On a side note, I didn't really think AJ was being manipulative in the story. I am going to reread it again and see if she actually was or not. I haven't looked at the story in a couple of days, so my eyes might see now what they originally missed.

Thank you all for your feedback! It really means a lot to me!

I love stories that have little foal or fillies in them. You displayed Rainbow Dash and Applejack really well in this story, and I loved the emotion you put in the arguments they had. I couldnt stop reading this story, it was put together well. Im not ususlly into a ApplexDash story but I have to say, you changed my mind. You did an amazing job

Also, RedDawn is now my fave.

>>202272202272 Thank you Jos! I have converted another to the dark side...

lol jk I'm very happy you liked the fic!

>>202236202236

it's not that cliches are really bad or anything, it's just when the story feels like every other story, it gets a little... dull. which sorta comes with the concept, tbh. Without taking huge leaps, i can't think of an effective way to write a divorce story that doesn't sound cliche. *shrugs*

Hmm, with Rainbow's character i really thought that she would stay with the Wonderbolts, but then again if you ended it like that I would be crying rivers even in my dreams. I do still sense a reluctance with Rainbow though, and i wonder will you continue this ship? Plz?? Write On!

>>202236202236

No sorry not me. Just the best artist of all bronydom, Mandopony.

>>202317202317 Hey Rainbowstep! I am really happy that you liked this story. Well I may not continue this story but I might do another AJ and RD ship in the future. If I do, I will certainly let you know

Hopefully I'm not going over things that people have already covered, but what follows is basically my comments on EqD with some amendments.

The story's actually not bad and I don't much trouble in seeing it working.  In particular dialogue works well.  The story's strongest in the first half of the first part, depicting Applejack's frantic attempts to keep her mind occupied with work, as well as her and Dash's terse engages and Dash's petty sniping over her cooking. That's exactly the kind of pettiness married couples engage in when their divorce is on the rocks. And while I see some readers' complaints about Applejack's behaviour, I can even see that as plausible given the circumstances. Neither would be thinking very clearly in that situation, and Applejack making threats about custody under those circumstances don't feel as implausible to me, even if I wouldn't see the character doing so otherwise. (Though I'll add a qualifier later.)  I didn't see a problem with starting out with them being at the point of divorce either as feel the story clearly enough establishes the grounds for how they got there.

What doesn't make it work is that after Dash leaves the night passes and she just shows up the next day deciding she doesn't want to be in the Wonderbolts and just wants to be with her family. While I applaud your efforts for actually trying to tackle the likely difficulties of Applejack and Rainbow Dash's contrasting aspirations, the actual narrative resolution has been pushed off-stage so we don't have an idea as to how Dash comes to her decision.  It cheats the reader because the otherwise heartwarming resolution doesn't feel earned.  It just seems like it was fast-tracked.

Plus, Dash just drops her dreams after Applejack piles guilt on her and emotionally manipulates her. As I said I could buy Applejack's behaviour in the thick of a nasty, deteriorating relationship.  But it feels like that point needs to be addressed more substantively, even with a simple admission of guilt.  Otherwise it sticks on in the narrative like a rusty nail. And arguably it works against the reconciliation thrust of the ending since only one partner concedes anything.

Still I'll be interested in seeing what else you come up with given your willingness to tackle subjects like this.

>>202236202236

"A real relationship between Applejack and Rainbow Dash would be a very strained one. In reality, likes do attract, but people who are too alike tend not to work out."

There was a discussion over at EdQ on this matter, whether they are too alike to viably pair up.  One poster, as well as myself, argued that Applejack and Rainbow Dash are more different that most writers realize, who often focus on their similarities.  I mean it might seem easy that Applejack and Rarity would come into conflict as a couple over their different values on personal presentation and appearances.  On the other hand Rarity probably values hard work and living up to one's social obligations as Applejack, just that it manifests different.

Dash on the other hand is less concerned about what people think about her.  I'm probably in the minority in that I don't see her lazy per se, but as someone who can't be bothered to put her effort into things she feel that she doesn't have an interest or stake in.  That's at least one ground of conflict that hasn't been explored much, among other differences.

Let me just say that I am a guy who normally avoids homo ship fics (and in this fandom of all places. Sssstrange, isn't it?), but I greatly enjoyed this story. You did a great job of portraying characters realistically in such a situation. Of course, the probability of having a happy ending in our world, especially this quickly, is very, very small. But at some point, making things too realistic just wouldn't be enjoyable to read. 5 stars.

>>202236202236

I have to point out: I'm not sure why people seem to consider Applejack and Rainbow so similar. I, personally, have always argued that they are way to different for their own good. Granted, they share a love of aleticism and healthy stubbornness, devotion and ego, but from there, the similarities end

fundamentally, Applejack is hard working, incredibly dedicated to family, and seems to focus a whole lot more on her role as a part of a family or friend unit. In addition, while she is a bit prideful, this usually doesn’t show unless she is directly challenged. Her dependability is legendary, and she can always be counted upon to help someone else out.

Rainbow on the other hand is lazy, is far more focused on herself then her job, and generally seems to be far more worried about herself then about helping her friends. This is not, of course, to say that she is completely selfish (which, given her element and blatant display of loyalty towards her friends is easily show to not be true), but that she is generally more worried about helping herself then helping others. She is incredibly prideful and boastful, regardless of whether she has been provoked or not.

All in all, I must agree that the two maintain a basic personality similarity and fill similar archetypes, and that because of this they often react to situations in similar ways. However, in terms of personalities and personal beliefs, the two very quickly diverge in nearly opposite directions.

Because of this, I am more likely to attribute the lack of viability of Appledash to them being too different rather then two similar(to say nothing of their completely divergent life goals, as illustrated by this fic). The one thing that they appear to share, their athleticism and resulting rivalry, does not seem like it would make for a basis for a relationship, and beyond that the two are incredibly different people.

I would also like to note that I don’t say all this because I feel the need to prove anyone wrong. I simply have a viewpoint which I have just recently seen disagreement with, and seek to understand a nearly opposite view by presenting my own and hoping that someone will point out the flaws.

Wow, like the shipping discussions going on in the comments, but as someone who likes AppleDash shipping, I don't feel the need to contribute.

What can I say, this story very nearly moved me to tears. It's hard for me to say more than other comments have, but as someone who hadn't lived through any perspective of this story, it still made me feel so bad for anyone whose gone through a divorce, especially a child. I love foals in stories, especially to canon characters, so I really liked the concept of Reddawn (will her cutie mark be a wolverine? ), and seeing her clearly unhappy even though she couldn't understand everything really got to me. This was fantastic, and I do hope to see you write more around these parts.

>>203494203494>>203638203638>>208089208089

Hey guys, thank you so much for your feedback!

Adam I really appreciate the honest feedback! It has been a long time since I've written a normal story like this, and I can use all of the help I can get. I learned a lot from your comment and will take greater care with the next stories I write.

Thank you so much for the praise Bamakid! I really hope that I have inspired you to check out some other stories by other authors in this fandom whose stories have themes similar to this one.

Thank you very much sith, I am happy you liked the story. Writing a story like this was tough and I see that I made a few mistakes. However I feel that I have learned my lesson and will take greater care with my next story.

This was amazing and I truly loved it!

5 Stars!

>>208326208326

You're welcome.  I'm glad to hear that my comments were of use to you.

(Also I'll finally get around to responding to your note sometime this weekend.  Just been busy with a bit of school and all.)

>>209081209081 Thank you Destructio! I'm really happy you liked this story! I will put the five stars you gave me on my wall!

I read "Cupcakes" affected me a little.

I read "Rocket to insanity" affected me more.

I read this...... i just couldn't handle it. i was crying after every prhase.

Those stories are just Treehouses of Horrors from The Simpsons compared to this.

I fact im still crying, Wonderful story, Wonderful. I is like in the movie "Cheaper by Dozen" the Father quits life´s dream to chase a bigger dream: his family.

>>211997211997 Hey Chocobroni! Thank you so much for reading the story, I am very happy that you enjoyed it that much. *Gives you a tissue to help dry your tears*

Which Cheaper by the Dozen are you referring to? The original one or the remake? Both, in my opinion, were good movies.

>>212117212117 The one with Steve Martin, i didn´t that´s was remake (like Fun with "Dick and Jane" with Jim Carrey is a remake too, the original is from 1977)

Really? I woulD love to see more works from you !! Keep it up

Loved this! Very emotionally engaging and well written. This deserves 5 out of 5 twilights

>>220770220770 Thank you very much Professor LP, I will do my best to keep writing good stuff for you to read.

>>227458227458 Thank yo uso much Phanto! I really appreciate it and hope to create more work that you'll like!