Applejack has problems, problems she has never revealed. As a strong, dependable pony, she has always managed to deal with them on her own. But now, having broken down in her friend's presence, she's not so certain of her strength - and more and more troubles appear...
Page generated in 0.138 seconds
Total duration
977 users online
1,444,958 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I approve greatly, this is a good story.. You've captured emotion so easily when others find it so hard.. I almost envy you.
This is actually a good example of taking a well used idea - Applejack's parents are dead - and actually coming up with something meaningful to do with it. While it's not necessarily how I see Applejack, I think it's an interesting and unusual idea to take the view that her personality is the product of having to grow up fast. And it's certainly a worthwhile idea of exploring the emotional toll that this taken on Applejack, and then using it as a flashpoint for forcing Dash to re-evaluate he friendship with Applejack, and more importantly herself.
And the prose is pretty strong as well. It's descriptive and gives the reader a palpable sense of the action and emotions, but it's not overwritten. I'm definitely tracking this.
You deserve 5 stars!
This story is amazing i wish i could write like that
A few typos, but those are irrelevant. This is glorious! Give me more!
Some grammar issues here and there, like you use "affect" where you should be using "effect" in the second paragraph, but I like the premise. Think I'll track it, which is surprising seeing as I'm definitely not a fan of Appledash. You really should regulate your indentation as well--most new paragraphs are indented, but then you see a few that are just a wall of text. Either indent or don't, but either way you should put a single blank line between paragraphs to make them easier to read.
Beyond the actual errors, there are some patches of awkward wording that could use some work. Things that aren't incorrect, they're just... weird.
186440 Thanks! While I'm not sure why you said I should use effect instead of affect (I want a verb and "to affect" IS a verb, right? Or I'm stupid.), I know some parts may sound weird. English isn't my first language. I had a native speaker pre-read the story for me and he was supposed to tell me about the mistakes but I guess he didn't manage to spot out all of them. Anyway, thank you again - I'll do my best to improve my writing. :)
forEVer
186440
This. Everything else seems fine.
Also, the scene of Dash comforting AJ comes in too soon. It's more than early.
2/5
186557
Well, yes, "to affect" IS a verb, it's just not the right one for that situation. "Affect" is used when dealing with emotions and the like (like the word "affection"), while "effect" is used when something physical is occurring. The correct verb to use in your case is "effect," since you're not talking about emotions.
186659 Thanks again then, I'll correct it right away. :)
Apart from some grammar issues as mentioned above, and some quirks with wording... I'm quite liking this :) tracked!
This is a pretty intresting look into AJ's world and into RD's never say die attitude. I love it, following has commenced!
Wow...I'm impressed. I didn't expect to take this angle, not so much with the matter of the Oranges (though I truthfully didn't expect that either), but the way you actually found an interesting angle of conflict between Dash and AJ. Not only did you build on AJ's story as set out in the first chapter, but you contrast her duty and tradition bound personality with Dash's very free-spirited manner of living.
A lot of people complain that AppleDash doesn't work as a ship because they are too similar. However, it's been my feeling that too many writers simply focus on their similarities or use the pairing as a vehicle for generic romance rather than hitting on the differences that make them interesting as a couple (and make them compliment each other as a pair). Here you actually find a point of conflict, and it comes, out of all things, Dash trying to do the right thing. And doing so in a way that's utterly appropriate to her character (i.e.; stubborn, arrogant, completely disregards others boundaries) in the show while emphasizing her loyalty.
And I can also see how following this promise can very easily get Dash in to trouble with Applejack. Were well played. You're doing a fine job with this story.
My gosh, this is beautiful.
You rolling this one differently, I like it. It is refreshing to read something somewhat heavy on the emotional pull but also takes the mood along with the transitions, which are fluid.
I could actually see where this Rainbow Dash-Applejack dialogs will lead,and I cant wait to read more.
intriguing
keep em coming friend
that is all
kthanxbai
I can't say anything more than what my fellow associates have already put out. I can say that I am tied into the story, I am interested deeply into what comes next.
May you enjoy the triumphs of your victories more than the sins of your transgressions.
~E.C.
The Sheer levels of toothache inducing D'aaaw in this is making me go mad!
Seriously though I love this series already and It's only 3 chapters in. You've managed to take an approach to Rainbow's and AJ's friendship that I don't often see. Congratulations on a job well done thus far!
Very nice! I think you've captured their characters pretty well. Looking forward to more.
One minor detail-at the wine part, you said 'hands' not 'hooves'.
257980 Thanks, I changed "hand" to "hoof" :)
Drunksnuggle Appledash love. Good times!
And interesting angle on everyone's favorite athletic duo.
Dun dun dun, the big city awaits.
A first night in the big city.
I really hope you continue this. I'm looking forward to reading more. Especially how they two will deal with that hangover.
Why? Why is this dead? Whyyyyy?
you know what's funny?
ithink just like applejack in is story, although, my problem isn't from dead parents.it's from constant bullying, from like, 5 years old on...
i'm not tellin' you guys this so you all can comfort me, because my story has a happy...continuation? it's not an ending.
i finally found really good friends, and i'm learning to open up.
i like this new version of applejack.
if you ever need help, like with editing, or something to base off of, come talk to me. i am a veritable wealth of information.
Will you continue and if you will when will you?