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The second book in the renown Daring-Do series.
Join Daring on her quest for the Griffon's Goblet, the legendary drinking cup said to have belonged to Discord himself. A quest that will take her around the globe, from the highest towers of Canterlot to the lowest dungeons of the Lost Kingdom.
Spacial thanks to TehJadeh for letting me use her picture as a cover. Find her gallery here: http://tehjadeh.deviantart.com/
First off: monocles on unicorns are wicked. So far your off to a pretty good start! The only thing I can really say is it might be good to go back and check out your punctuation on sentences such as this: ‘Her lungs burned, the smoke from the steam locomotive made her cough and stung her eyes.’ The comma after ‘her lungs burned’ should be a semicolon. There’s a few instances like that, but nothing too drastic or show stopping. Also, I’m not entirely sure what you mean by ‘a monocle was tugged in his right eye’? The dialogue overall seems to be a bit lacking (in my opinion) and I think things move a bit too fast, and the story would likely benefit from a bit more description and character building. But in general, I’m looking forward to the next chapter! 
Sorry, I'm working on chapter 4 and am about 7000 words into it, but progress is slower than i'd like. And I had the other chapters in the /fic training grounds and spend a lot of time edeting, up to the point where I didn't want to read another word of my own story.
But don't fret, I will finish this story! (or die trying) Pinkie promise! 
Definitely great start.
I love the setting and how you narrated the action, very clear and very to the point. You know you got it good when I picture everything in my head with a grainy filter and the adventure music theme sounding in my head.
There are a few spelling errors here and there, but I make them myself too a lot and they don't break the inmersion. Good start! 
I just can't take Buddeldot seriously... that whole pirate thing is *way* overdone. 
I noticed a few errors (grammatical or spelling) so you might want to have a bit more scrutiny. I love Daring Do though, so I'll be sure to keep reading. It's good so far! Although the threat at the end was a little bit too far, IMO. 
The Griffon's Goblet, the cup said to contain chocolate milk drank by Discord at the Last Breakfast, the cup which caught his liquid hot magma blood after he was turned to stone.
It will grant those who drink of it eternal insanity and likely turn them into his mind-fuq-slaves!
Daring Doo reads all this and blinks, "Yeeeeeahhhhh... I'll pass. This Holy Grail things looks cool though..." 
"When Daring tore her eyes away from their well-formed flanks, she noticed him. A dark feathered griffon was looking at her, hunger in his eyes. She briefly wondered in which way he fantasized devouring her. The thought sent shivers down her spine."
Oh Daring Do, you naughty closet vore, you!
This time I decided to record all the errors I saw. I would go into wording perhaps for some stuff, but that'll take too long.
[[When he had stilled his thirst, she began to clean his face with a wet cloth from dried blood an vomit.]] and vomit*
[[Without warning Daring swiped him into a tight hug. The knife fell to the ground cluttering. “You did the right thing. Nopony could done it better!” she whispered into is ear.]] his ear*
[[“I don't hear no birds and no critters. There are not even insects to be seen. It's like we are the only things alive on the planet.”]] I don't hear any birds or critters* and (pretty sure) There's not even insects to be seen*
[[The mare frowned, and looked around sceptically for long moments.]] skeptically*
[[Not only because for the first time fuel was readily available, and it would ward of the chills of the night, but they hoped it's light would keep away whatever was lurking at the lake.]] ward off* and instead of it's, its*
[[The angry curse of the young stallion broke the night's silence, and startled Daring, who had been staring absentmindedly out to the lake.]] no comma after silence. And, instead of "to the lake," I would say "towards the lake."
[[“Whats wrong?” she asked, raising her eyebrows.]] What's*
[[“All of them are rotten; even the dried fruits; even the hay!” he exclaimed baffled, then shook his head in disbelieve, and threw the spoiled food away in anger.]] instead of semicolon, I believe it should be a colon? dunno. Also, disbelief*
[[“We got,” he started, and squinted is eyes, trying to read the labels. “Two cans of beans.”]] his eyes*
[[The colt snorted in response; opened the can, and placed it next to the fire.]] Instead of semicolon, just a comma will suffice.
[[She took a wide stance, her head lowered, and stared into the near field of high grass. Bulwark quickly got to his hooves, and positioned himself at her side.]] and she stared*, hooves and positioned*
[[Daring relaxed a little, and let her guard down. A striped mare embarked from the high grass, and walked into the light of their fire.]] I'll stop with the comma-conjunction errors. It looks like you aren't completely sure of the rules for it. If the two parts it separates are individual sentences on their own, then it needs a comma. If not, then it doesn't need one. Here remove them. There is a bunch later but I'll ignore them.
[[Share your fire with any traveler that might come along, like he is your friend, and friends you shall be; and friends at any fire you will find!”]]
*Share your fire with any traveler that might come along like he is your friend, and friends you shall be, and friends at any fire you will find!”*
[[and a bashful smile found its way to his lips .]] Remove the space after lips.
[[“Heh! So, what brings you to this lonely place. Oh, and by the way: I'm Daring-Do, and this is Bulwark,” the pegasus asked, and made a quick introduction when the laughter had faded.]] *“Heh! So, what brings you to this lonely place? Oh, and, by the way, I'm Daring-Do, and this is Bulwark,” the pegasus asked and made a quick introduction when the laughter had faded.*
Okay, yeah. That took a long time anyway for just grammar/punctuation/other typos. That was maybe the first 3.5k-4k words of the chapter. In other words, MORE EDITING. That was just a first read through and some mistakes; who knows what a battle-hardened editor would find? :pinkie gasp:
I really need to become an editor. 
EDIT: Yeah I found a lot of mistakes after I stopped putting them here. And also, damn your cliffhangers.
Thanks for pointing this all out. Corrected them to the best of my knowledge. Curious thing, one of them was in the FIM script but not in my open office original.
Maybe you really should become an editor. You seem to have a knack for finding the small things that got overlooked even after four times of editing. Would you like to help me with chapter 6?
But I swear English punctuation eludes me. The more I learn about it, the more I seem to be doing it wrong. Doesn't help that there are different ones for American English and British English too. Friend of mine, who is an English teacher, told me it is so hard that I shouldn’t even bother to learn it. It's really frustrating and I feel like banging my head against my desk. I need something like “The defining guide of punctuation for hopeless dummies”.
>>820671 Yeah sure I could help with some of the editing. Just not next week after the 29th, I'll be gone without a computer (OH DEAR CELESTIA WHAT WILL I DO). I hope editing this will not make me compulsively start editing things... I have my own fanfic I want to begin writing this summer before school begins again!
In regards to the British English grammar, I can't say I am not too familiar with it. I know about the different spellings of some things, such as ou's instead of o's and s's instead of z's in some cases, but other than that, nope. With you bringing that up, it made me wonder about this line:
[[“You will need a compass; water canteen; fire stone; pot; knife of course; and a blanket,”]]
That for me was a "What is this... I don't even" moment when I first read it. I never have seen semicolons used like that for lists except when there's commas in the individual items in the list. Is that a British English thing? For me, I'm just familiar with how the language is supposed to sound and when/where to use punctuation and certain words. Pft. I should be in AP English, yet I never decided to take it. Generally as a rule for me, I would avoid correcting wording in quotes *coughcoughApplejack* unless I knew they already seemed to be relatively proficient in the English Language.
Hmm, The Doctor is canon in this story!
That can only mean the President is... the Lord President of the Time Ponies! IT'S RASSILON!!! 
And he wants the cup to open the time lock and release Gallopfrey from the Time War!
This all makes perfect sense. 
PS: Would you mind doing a wee lil ol' clop expansion of the encounter between Daring and the griffon back at the tavern a couple chapters ago. So hot... 
*Alondro is a horrible pervert...*
This is truly awesome. Just finished reading the fifth chapter and now I want more How dare you leave me on a cliffhanger! 
But I guess I'll just have to bare with it and wait until chapter 6 just like your other readers. By the way I also want to compliment you on your clop scene in chapter 3. Although I am normally turned away by clop (Because it just creeps me out), you have written it well enough that it is not uncomfortable and awkward. Where it's more humorous and shaken off. Well done! 5 stars for that! Rarely that ever happens I find. Anyways I better wrap this up...You may find this weird but I like to give the President the voice of Christopher Walken. His personality just fits his awesome voice and I can't wait to read more of him again...Keep up the great work!
While doing the final edit, I decided to split this chapter into two after all. Just like I did with the previous two, but much sooner. I wish I had done that weeks ago, before I started revising one monstrous chapter. I don't know how other authors handle weekly 20k+ word chapters. 
Sorry for the long wait. The final chapter should take much less time. 
Sooooo... now a side story about Bulwark rutting the zebra twins like a wild animal...
Foolish President. He forgot the first rule of true chaos: It cannot have a goal. Only owe who comprehends the utmost bounds of chaos and revels in madness can ever drink of Discord's power... *grins evily* I wonder who that might be...
Out of all the Daring Fic's out there this is by far the best one in my opinion!
Funny, Exicting, Sad, Dirty () and overall just awesome! I realy realy realy realy realy realy hope you make more Daring Fanfics, cause knowing this is over makes me a sad Panda !
Rocken story! I can see why RD liked it.... but I sure hope the hospital makes certain that this isn't mistaken for a book to be read by the little fillies and colts that come through.... that could be awkward.
Daring Doo = Chris Hansen in, to "catch" a predator *wink* *wink*
Full of action-packed adventure, ancient secrets, and seat edging thrills on the edge of every seat! I'm serious, this was so amazing, it had me refreshing the page in the off chance you would have multiple chapters lined up, which admittedly wasn't very likely, but oh well! It's like they say, you go the extra mile for the things you love! That includes obsessive refreshing and impulsive comment writing!
Really, though, keep up the good work, this was an amazing story, and I can only hope you write more like it!
I just finished reading chapter 5 and wanted to share some thoughts I have at this point. I'll get right to it. The one and only thing I am against in your fiction is how you went portraying the Element of Kindness. As a college student who formerly majored in Criminal Justice, I have had to do some practice with controversial topics. Your portrayal of kindness makes me think of the subject of physician-assisted suicide which I am highly against. I am not here to ask you to rewrite your fiction at all. Indeed, politics and ponies do not often mix well. Moving on with the subject though, would it have been possible for Daring and Bulwark to save the injured and have him try to return to a safe place? As I type this out, I am beginning to understand that the answer would likely be no. Still, I do believe my thoughts should at least be mentioned.
Even now there are still spelling and punctuation errors aplenty but since it has been considered complete for a while now I do not think we need to go over this. Beyond this it has been a phenomenal reading. Your use of subtly adding the Elements of Harmony feels spot on (besides what I have already mentioned) and your original characters have personalities deserving a thumbs up --in my opinion.
Only one question to ask at this point. What would Rainbow Dash say if she read this?
Well. This is interesting. I never thought the humans from World One had been able to get your hands on one of the books from the series! I always thought this book was one of my better ones, so I am pleased to see it transcribed for the human fans of the seres to read! Of corse, I would have wished you kept my name under the author, but I can understand why you did, and will not even press charges of copyright infringement! I officially give you permission to transcribe any other of my works if you find them, and naturally any fanfiction you wish to write yourself.
((Printworthy is supposedly the author of Daring Do where he is from. As a role playing account, he is naturally going to look at the book as his own if I really, really like it. Which I do. So what I am saying is, this is good enough it can be considered semi-canon. Head canon if you will. So don't worry, I'm not trying to steal your creative work. I am just saying, well done. I'll definitely give it a favorite and read the rest of the story when I can.))
I enjoyed the story enough to give a few crazy transformations that could match the one that New Order went through.
Tell me, which one fits New Order's transformation the best?
They had not walked more than a minute before Daring burst out in excitement with a new idea. She poked Bulwark in the shoulder to gain her attention. “We should totally have sex!” he exclaimed out of the blue.
And I thought this is a children's book series...
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Such a strange love story you have between them, yet enjoyable and funny to read.
and it was funny to what happened to them.
Daring even has her own soundtrack made by 
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