• Member Since 11th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 11th, 2017

Charade


I'm an over obsessed Brony. I'm not good at music or art though. Only writing so...here goes.

E

It has been ten years since Twilight and the others have taken on their role as the elements of harmony, but a final secret about their power remains unknown to them.

Fearing that they will soon find out for them selves anyway, Princess Celestia diceds to tell them all the truth...

Inspried by other 'X years later' fics I've read. I hope this story adds a new twist to that concept, and I hope I inspire others to write based on this idea!

Minor character: Princess Luna

Cover image by Equestria-Prevails of Deviant art.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 37 )

That's a sad one, typical 'immortality is a curse, not a blessing'.

919842 "Immortality is a gift, but not one without its consequences."- Cassandra Clare 'Clockwork Prince'
Immortality is a hard thing to live with, it makes you understand through the eyes of centuries how fragile life really is.
:fluttershysad:
This is sad and somehow i saw this coming from the first bit of the story. somehow ur a little too predictable but it was over all a touching tale

Sad but well written.

Y1

Well that was reasonably interesting, though I don't think it took full advantage of the concept. Basically it could have been sadder. I liked it well enough but it seemed like it could have been much greater. Though I do love that cover art. Where did it come from?
I just feel that someone could take this concept and blow minds with it. I suppose "duties" did something a little similar with AJ's chapter but I want to see this idea of out living what you love taken to the absolute end of it's potential.

It could have been longer, but it doesn't need to be. Very well written, have a like and a favourite:pinkiesmile:

Never have understood the whole 'immortality is sad' thing myself but I do kind of like the concept. Instead of them all becoming alicorns they are just ageless which works for me. Outliving Spike is the only real shocking concept I found in the whole thing really.

I liked it, although you can do so much more with the idea. But it's still good. :twilightsmile:

Fave'd I shall wait on your updates like an eager colt.

Woah, still I would have loved to see Rarity;s and Pinkie's reactions to learning the truth.:raritydespair:

This is a very interesting concept that would have been nice to see expanded. I would have liked to see Rarity's reaction but overall I really liked this. There are some grammar mistakes though.

funny idea :rainbowlaugh:
give us a followup story where everyone they love are dead :trollestia:

seriously, this was a great oneshot. it was a bit short, and it had a lot of unused potential, but still very good :pinkiehappy:
thumbs up and a star

919907
I was somewhat afraid of that.

920680
Thats my first clap gif reaction! Thanks!

920289
Thanks, and the image is by Equestria-Prevails on Deviant art.

920289
:eeyup:
It did. I am still not done reading Duties. Immortality is a blessing and a curse. It have a great price.

But immortality is not the same as invincibility or invulnerbul. They may not be able to die by age, but they maybe can die by something else.

Y1

920917
Actually I seem to recall someone saying in duties that it was outright impossible for an alicorn to die. Something about Luna being completely destroyed and still being fine after about a thousand years.

I had meant to imply that they are all going to live for a 'very very long time' not 'forever' there really is no canonical estimate for exactly how long an alicorn lives except that its well over 1,000 years, exactly how long it IS (and therefore how long 1/6 of that is) is open to speculation.

But as the readers you are welcome to take the story anyway you please, however long you think it is.

920932
The other part of my comment was not related to the story. That is how I see it and why I seperated it from the first part of the comment. I know that they culd not be totaly obliterated from excistens, only extreamly weekened to the point of a extream long time recovery period. They can not simply stop excisting in that story. They was bound to the world as Celestia and Luna was bound to the celestial bodies in the sky. But I for myself sees immortality, invulnerbility and invincibility as different things.

920947
I call that semi-immortal.

Y1

921007
Ok fair enough, on that point I agree with you. Those are three different things.

921065
So differend, yet so easy to mix into one.

The idea is not that new, but still, nicely done.

> it all made since now.
sense

> come even greater sacrifice.
either "come even greater sacrifices." or "comes even greater sacrifice."

921126

Thank you, fixed.

Dammit I've read way too much sad shit today.....NEED HAPPY!!!

good job btw.

Very good. Marked as incomplete so I think I'll keep an eye on this, love the concept.

921203

lol, its bitter sweet. They still have each other.

Oh never mind It is marked as complete lol. Mind if I use this idea in an upcoming story I'm going to write?

Odd, I thought Applejack was fully grown already.

There's just... too many errors and awkward sentences in this to read it. Flush out your scenes more, make sure you use proper punctuation, and maybe this fic will be better. As such, though, I am giving it a downvote.

Good day.

Though short, this is a nice bittersweet story. I thought it was fitting that Twilight told Applejack that she would live long enough to see her baby sister's grandfoals die. That really made the long life feel less like a blessing since family is so important to Applejack, I imagine that she's not looking forward to having to bury her baby sister or her brother.

Why didn't you add Rarity and Pinkie Pie :raritycry:

But overall you did amazing It's great that people

are coming up with emotional stories keep it up

Fave:derpytongue2:

921302
Sure go for it!

921358
I've been told that the way I do dialog is technically wrong by like 'English teacher' standerds but I use the same rules I remember learning form school.

While I enjoyed reading this, I have a few pointers.

What I found nice about this fanfic
- It was interesting. We actually go to see their perspective over time.
- The story in itself is decently written
- The characters seem to have gotten the right personality traits, compared to the actual character they are supposed to be.
- It was depressing enough to actually stirr some emotions.

The downsides...
- We didn't get to see everyone's view of how it has changed. Rarity and Pinkie pie have both been left out. While it might be harder to point them out, Rarity literally didn't have one say in the story(She may not be my favourite, but she deserves a spot, just like the rest)
- It was too short. Far too short. I didn't even feel like 'The ending' was a true ending.
- While I usually leave grammar alone, I found multiple typos in this. Some seeming to be done more on purpose than others. A well-read fanfic, despite not only relying on grammar, usually has it all fixed. My tip for that is read through your fanfic at least once before you finally decide to release it.
- As mentioned, it was sad. Sadly, not quite depressing enough. It lacked any direct say from the others, or their feelings on it. Rainbow Dash seemed happy about it, so did Pinkie Pie. Would be nice to see them suddenly regret that thought...


Overall, I'll give it a 6/10.
While not original, it still has its own peculiar touch, and that makes it unique like so many other fanfics. They have their author's signature, one way or another. Nobody ever seems to write entirely alike.
It did, as mentioned, have its sadness trait, so that's a bonus.
It has potential, bonus points.
The potentials weren't fully used, minus point.

That's my full review on it. Don't take my critisism for hate, I enjoyed it full-out, like I usually do when I first sit down and read something. The list of good/bad is basically a keep/remove list.

Edit: While it does not fall entirely in my taste, I give this a like because you A. Have potential and B. Despite not entirely, the parts I did enjoy deserves a like.

I agree with "dashed_brony", the story was well written, but lacks some points.

Still it was a nice story, and (besides) I'm definitely sure some other people will write their stories based on this one, you can be sure of that.

PS: There are some points in orthography you missed, like when you say Fluttershy's name for the first time, it's written "Fluttery". And when Twilight was surprised at the news Celestia gave them, it says "he jaw hung open. Other than that, just lacking capitalizing names, but that's it.

931694
Thank you, typo's fixed

923788
Thank you for your feedback, after all I'd like to get better. I feel like i'm juuuuust teetering on the edge of something really great I just need to get better! I had a Rarity chapter in mind but I felt it was too much like Rainbow dash's story. Over all I guess I should have taken more time. Still! I did learn a lot from writing this! Its my most popular story so far so I know I got some stuff right that I didn't before. XD

it was meh. have a like.

933216

No prob, and sorry if it sounded harsh somehow.

Again a very cool idea, and with a well thought out background.

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