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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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OK I think you need to change the tags for the story to teen and sex with this chapter, not that that's bad but that is the rating I would give it ( not mature unless sex scene/more in depth description of the groin)( language is also at teen). I personally like the way the story is flowing, but you still need to prof read your work, because there are some switched words that break that flow( I will strange him...should be strangle) don't just count on autocorrect. Good luck!
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fixed that error.
I wasn't going to go in depth with the clop. This is not a clop fic. It would be rather unrealistic to just completely write out this kind of stress relief entirely as its a normal, but by no means central activity and will fall to the background over time. The plot will have a heavier focus on the tome, the impending meteor, and all the fun times its bringing.
Your story is not mature and sex, but it is still teen (language and sex jokes). It is just to protect your story from being flagged ( kids use this site). Your story can still be great even if it is rated teen.
the entire last bit made me fall off my chair laughing....... oh well, worth it.
also i think james is taking this a little to lightly, maybe he will have a mental break down in further chapters? meh, even if he doesn't still not going to stop me form reading the rest of the story.
that line is so true.....
'lol good chapter -_- i can totally by discord pulling this kind of demented stunt after being pressured into a "controlled" chaos state of mind everyone has to vent some how right?
Found some typos, if you dont mind that is...
...half a mile from the freeway entrance. Thankfully it was empty save for a handful of parked vehicles. The pain peaked in a jut (gut?) jarring knife stab in his groan, (groin) making him scream in pain. Aside from a dull throbbing, the agony subsided quickly, leaving him gasping for breath. “Holy piss that hurt.” He reached down to massage the ache away when he felt something was missing. His eyes shot open as he pulled his pants off his hips to find nothing but smooth fur. Of all the changes thus far, and the self-denial of the pronouns used against him, this brought him up short and his mind broke.
A solid minute later, he regained his wits and would swear for the rest of his life that he heard uproarious laughter coming from somewhere. “You’re joking.” He said after breaking from his dazed state and felt for his old friend only for his fingers unfamiliar folds in its place. "Only for his fingers to find unfamiliar folds in it's place." “What the flaming hell is this!?” He raged while slamming his fists on the wheel. “Changing my damn species wasn’t enough for you? You had to take my gender too?!”
Gotta say, that was an unexpected reaction towards the end. I ended up falling out of my chair laughing, and then my boss yelled for me to get back to work. More than worth it.
If I was a less experienced fan fictioneer I would say this is cleverly original while it is clever AND original I don't think that is why I like it the most ... I think I am a discordian. Should I be worried for the sanity of my fellow bronies?, I have been a troll my entire life often doing things that will knowingly bring anxiety or frustration bordering on panic upon others supporting my recent epiphany my supporting evidence for this view change is that I am engrossed in a vaguely similar fanfiction called diaries of a madman, wether you (the author) know of it's existence or not (which I highly recommend expanding upon). the pint of this comment is that I love many things dealing with discord and his always familiar chaos magic.
ERMAHGERD!!! DA FUQ JUST HAPPENED?
Man, this dude has superhumanly fast thinking, to connect all the dots so fast and to just assume that the tail isnt the only transformation(and not to freak the flip out) superhuman i say!
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Predicable reactions get stale after a few fics. Yes?
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Heck yeah, Diaries is awesome! Have yet to finish it though. Lol He updates every two weeks haha its maddening. When will it endddddd?? Lol :p
This... Just got BEYOND strange.
Really. I'm. Already out of things to say. SO IM GOING TO INSTEAD IMPROVISE!
Ponies eating meat, gender change, transformation, dildo's... What is this fairly tale?! It's glorious!
Alright. Got that outta my system. Now for srs biz.
Ahhhh, damn it... That meteor is stroking my Apocalyptophobia pretty damn hard. But it's okay. The strangeness distracts me from the impending... Doom... T^T
Ah, Chapter Two. Where the story gets strange, and cool and not-so-cool things happen.
This was much more intense than the last chapter, for sure. Even had our first taste of blood, which I'm going to guess there will be plenty of through the story. Though, I'm glad it kept that weird sense of humor. Dildo's, Plastic Horse Masks, Drunk raves, and that rather comical end in the stores, trying to hide his transformations. ...Well, at least I found it funny. I hope this story keeps that humor.
Anyway, I'm glad to see James finally break from the transformation, because honestly I couldn't believe how well he was taking it. Then again, if I lost my Manhood, I would be pretty damned hysterical myself.
Though, I do wonder why he's so on top of things. He just kind of... Connects the dots as to what he has to do, and gets it done. From the book, the predictions of the transformations, and the rather inept people around him, he's gotten pretty darn lucky so far.
But, hey, I can't rip on him for keeping his cool for that long. That's damn impressive. I'd have gone ballistic at the tail, so good for him.
Now, for the biggest concern I had this entire chapter. Him changing genders? I can handle that. Rather... Explicit and sometimes gruesome transformation? No biggie. Meteor making my Phobia react? Over it. Ponies other than Unicorns capable of magic? Okay, that's... Pushing it.
No, its the fact that Ponies eat fish. Fish. Meat. It still doesn't add up to me, and I PRAY that it's explained in more detail later, besides that it fuels magic to Pegasi and helps with the Unicorns.
The first time through this chapter, it left me shocked so much, I had to stop at this particular chapter. This time around, I was aware of it, and particularity dreaded it. But... also this time, I noticed something. Something that... shocked me even more than the fact that they ate fish.
And it was the very beginning of that paragraph: As much as it may surprise you, dear reader. Those words made me stop short. I had to re-read that particular line more than once. It got me thinking...
Why is it a surprise to the reader, that ponies eat fish? If a pony were to read it, why would they be surprised? Wouldn't they already know, even if they were Earth Ponies? Don't their parents teach that? Isn't it common knowledge in Equestria? I suspect it would be, and that's when it came to me.
That particular book was edited just for James.
It would be a surprise to him, for sure. Or, maybe it was for non-pony races who read that book, for whatever reason, and didn't have much knowledge on Equestrian Culture. But, then again, the book WAS sent to him by Discord. Who... Maybe knew ahead of time that James was going to be a Unicorn and thus edited it accordingly?
Maybe, just maybe, he knows the outcome. Of the war. The ponies. The humans. The relationship between the two.
Maybe there IS a reason as to why James became a Female Unicorn, you know? Maybe... Maybe it wasn't luck. Maybe it was all deliberate, and Discord made it look like it was just luck, fooling the reader...
Maybe he knows about the reader. Tricking us as one his pranks...
And, if he knows about the war, why not use his infinite chaotic power to win it for the Humans? Certainly he can't be doing this for his amusement. He wouldn't put ponies and humans in mortal danger for his own fun. He knows better, doesn't he? He isn't THAT psychotic.
And, we humans are chaotic enough without war... So, whats the point? LAP, what are you planning?
I'll just have to read further to find out, won't I?
Wait. ...FINALLY, I GET TO READ A NEW CHAPTER!! WOOHOO!
That is exactly what I would do if I turned into a female suddenly!
Right now this is competing with Five Score Divided By Four as my favorite human -> Pony TF while still on earth.
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I second this.
Quote of the Week.
You know what? I normally ragequit a fic when it goes all tg on me, but i genuinely like this so far. It's a fairly realistic interpretation of what would happen if a human ever started turning into a pony. So yeah, i can deal with some lost genetalia.
awesomely cruel
all-mart? lulz wanna c wu utter of brand plases r in dis fic
What is the 'equivalent of five Americans?'
2406769 Lies
This is not a clop fic.
LIES, James is going to have his way with Luna or someone from the mane 6, you wouldn't have transformed him otherwise. :P
No jokes about "becoming a little hoarse?"
I'm disappointed.
It was already malignant when it gave you the tail. At this point it's metastasizing.
That's... not to say that ponies on Earth won't eat meat if they get the chance. Don't believe me?
[youtube=http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qkQ7o-gWWng]
Never heard of a drunk wet dream, are those better or worse?
Uh...
XD loved the ending
Americans are a measurement now?
aisle
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(Super old comment I know, but I'm horrendously late to the party) As an American I can agree with this though? It depends on what kind of equivalency we're talking. Violence? Liquor? Sex?
Okay, but I didn't see that coming! I honestly thought that we'd have an alicorn somehow instead!
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Yes.
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A Communist is half an American and a Brit is a tenth.
Ehhh, I'm normally OK with transformations, forced sex changes are a no go. Why the fuck is it that every time there's a transformation fic, they always have a forced change of their sex? Seriously, is it like some requirement or something?
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No not really, but it is in way to many of these kinds of fics. Though there are some absolute gems out there like "Alicorn in Canterlot" and "Ascension, Abdication, or Abduction?" But other than that, its the norm.