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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Damn. Good. Chapter.
I wish that the story was going to be longer.
Should be skill-less.
This can be one word.
Fet rid of the space between "suspended" and the comma.
There should be a comma between "fight" and "eh"
This is one word.
This should be "There're more." You said "They are more".
The "o" in "of" needs to be lower case. Also, in my opinion, to help the story flow better, it should be "The recently bandaged Scootaloo clung for dear life to Big Mac's slab muscled back as he charged on." If you don't want to change it, that is fine.
This should be "smoke an' fire an'..." (Every time someone says "an" instead of "and" it should have an apostrophe after the "n"
This should be "clotheslining her"
This should be "Solstice's masterpiece ended"
This should be "lover's caress"
It should be "Behemoth's jaw"
This should be "colt's forelegs"
Should be "pain racked blue"
Should be "colt's eyes."
Should be "doll's eyes."
All the times that it is said, this should be one word.
Should be "what's"
Get rid of the "l" in "blow"
Should be "comet's"
This should be "sign of his passing being the distinctive"
You switched tenses here. It should be "there was no way"
This should be "unsurety." (Google thinks that is wrong, but Merriam Webster says it's a word.)
This is one word.
This should be "half-assed knock-off."
To flow better, it could be "She peeled away..."
Should be "updraft of vapor"
This should be "back alley." An ally is what the US was to Britain in WWII.
Should be "orange-brown"
This should be "...thought, but wasn't sure, that he saw a..."
This should be "dive-bombing"
This is one word, like "anybody"
Should be "Behemoth's attention"
There should be a comma between "Shade" and "with"
Should be "get 'em"
Should be "Knockout's path"
Replace "passed" with "past"
You accidentally hit enter between "thug" and "carrying Apple Bloom"
Change this to "razor-sharp blade"
This needs to be "Dash's eyes"
3557384
Heh, that's what I get for trying to post/edit after a 14 hour shift. Thanks for catching those.
3558025 No problem. I also noticed that there is quite a gap between the last chapter and this one.
If you want, I can be your default proof reader from now on. I'll PM you my Email, and then you can send me the chapters in a google doc, so I can correct any errors, and then email them back.
Save Sweetie Belle, Cheerilee was a cunt.
3742295
I honestly don't know which way I'll go with this. She's not exactly kind to him, true, but then again she has every reason not to be. I don't know, it's one of those things that will decided when I have another day off to spend some time writing. Either way, should be interesting.
For some strange reason, I would put money on neither of them if Luna had her way. "You have already gone through so much so... you make the call, I promise when it comes back to haunt you I'll be there".
But as much as that deterrence seems almost trollish in light of things, I would like to put my money on Sweetie Bell. Young life over an old classmate... maybe?
Good story, looking forward to the next update on it.
3838555
Well, as far as her deference to him in making that call, I can only imagine how many dozens, or hundreds of times she's had to make that choice. How many times she's been in the position to chose who lives, and who dies. It's not an easy decision to make, and she just doesn't want to have that kind of power anymore over the lives of others. At any rate, thanks for reading and commenting, chapter 20 is making progress...slowly.