The Doctor finds himself in Ponyville where he befriends Ditzy "Derpy" Doo and makes her his companion. After learning about his origins, Celestia decides to make him her advisor on anything of extradimensional origin.
Set in my megacrossover multiverse and contains some G1 references.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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5 down votes?! Why? This is pritty good so far.
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Anyway, onto the story itself. Grammar, spelling and the like are fine, but the big problem here is pacing. The story moves faster than a damn bullet train. In less than five hundred words, The Doctor has gone from relaxing in the TARDIS to talking to colourful horses. You need to flesh out each scene, describe everything. Before Tau appears, show us what is going through The Doctor's head, how he is feeling, stuff like that.
Secondly, you're doing a lot of telling, instead of showing. What I mean is, dialogue just tells us things like "this happened. Then that happened," and it's very boring. Finally, dialogue is very flat. There seems to be no life in these characters. Most of them don't care about the supernatural nonsense going on about them (especially The Doctor, whose only reaction to becoming a pony seems to be "lol ok better go meet the locals"). You'd think Derpy would be a little more worried about a random stallion in a blue box crashing into her house who could be a potential threat to her daughter, wouldn't you?
Anyway, that's my two cents. This story's not necessarily bad, it's just not much good either. My advice is to look up some fanfic writing guides, as well as reading some good fics by other users (personally, I recommend Loyal2Luna's Doctor Whooves and Mass Effect stories). Well, good luck in the future.
~Gherkin8088, the self-proclaimed 'Crossover Guy'
2377886 congrats you've made fun of a dyslexic person who types on a phone with a broken keyboard's spelling. Also: ivve read all of those. The point of the voting system isn't to punish pppeople who are willing to try its to sort out the hopless cases and encourage those who are giving an honest effort. So yeah, go a head and faceppalm at my crippled attempts at spelling, at least Im not judging someone just because they arnt as good as one of the best writers on the site.
That said im getting off my soapbox now. I don't know if you down voted or not but you gve good constructive criticism so I don't/wouldent have a problem with you even if you did on that count. I just get annoyed when people down vote a story with an intresting idea behind it and don't say why.
2378737 Uh huh.
You realise the rest of my comment was directed at the author and not you, right? And I'm not judging him because he isn't better than Loyal, or any other author. Like I said, I was recommending him good fics to read that might help him improve.
Can you write more, I'm really enjoying this so much!