Begining

***

Site of the past city of Applewood

Hundreds of years before the formation of Equestria.

***

Rain was pounded down onto the evaporating ground. The land around it was saturated with fear. For a hundred years ponies have been living in this fear when the mythical Black Stallion appeared. None of the Elder and Wise could say where he came from, let alone where he was born. His magic was blacker than the darkest Unicorn that ever lived. Flowers began to wilt as he made his way passed them. The lakes near his home were beginning to produce more and more poison gasses the longer he spend there.

But to make the matters even worse, this Black Stallion took the three most violent and powerful pony he could find during his raids over the land, corrupting them ever so deeply with his own magic. The three, a Pegasus, Unicorn and Earthpony raced and raged through harmless villages and settlements as they consumed the powers from the lakes, crops and above all, the lifeforce of ponies. Not even the smallest of foals was spared from these monstrosities.

Over the course of time itself, these once of full of life and fertile land turned into nothing more but sand and dust. The elder stallions and mares could remember how they once ran through the grass and simply enjoyed a warm sun upon their coat while they were either working or relaxing. It saddened them every time they were thinking about it. Their land taken from them ever so forcefully by a stallion that was led by insanity, and insanity alone.

Though there were some who rebelled against the Black Stallion, hearts as brave as they could become and horns and wings that were fierce enough to take an army of Changeling out in one blow. They only underestimated the horrible power the stallion had flowing through his body.

With the rainy season making its way over the desert, the liquid was pouring down to the ground in, what appeared to be, never ending storm. The skies as dark as they could get with the thunder roaring through the skies as the lightning dominated it. On the very ground was a Unicorn walking through the weather of insanity. The face of the pony was covered by a hood and not even the eyes were visible. The hold of the pony came to a standstill by an immense iron gate.

Normally there would be standing a school behind them, but all that remained from that once so prideful building was the stones out of which the gravestones were made. With the hood moving gently over the cemetery, the pony spotted the bodies of many unburied Unicorns and Pegasi. The once so prideful rebellion was equaled to the ground. The hooded pony simply gazed over their forceless bodies and know that Black Stallion had done this to them. For there was no other force known that could do such a thing.

With this thought in its mind, the hooded pony charged up some magic in its horn as it began to shine in a deep green coloring as the screeching metal sound of the gates opening did its turn through the air, but accompanied with a new sound. The sound of the remaining rebellion fleeing for their dear lives. As the Unicorn stepped through the gates, it passed over an invisible line of black magic and the pony began to make its way over to the hill, the hill from where behind it, the screams came from.

In its covered eyes, the Unicorn saw the remainders of the rebellion fleeing for their dear lives, but all of it was useless. They wouldn’t escape. For on the top of another hill he stood. The body was hiding itself behind that of a Pegasus that was levitated before it and the poor soul appeared to be begging for its life, but all of the begging resulted into nothing as his forces to live on got sucked out of him, killing the Pegasus in the process.

The body was dropped to the ground where it rolled down the hill. The Unicorn followed it with its invisible eyes before turning its attention back to the one who did the horrible act of cruelty. A Unicorn with a coat as black as coal, eyes redder than the most healthy blood there was and with a rigged horn that could be used as a bonesaw. The very incarnation of the leader of Tartarus itself, Lucius.

Black Stallion rose his head back up as well and took deep note of the other pony across the hill. From behind him, came the deeply corrupted Unicorn as he stood next to his master. The Unicorn began to charge up his horn and before anypony could react, a deep red beam of corrupted magic left the horn.

But the pony across the hills had already expected such a thing to happen and just before the blast would hit it, a beam of white light left the horn of the hooded pony and counted that of the corrupted Unicorn whose blast got pushed back only more and more as eventually the white beam was touching the horn of the Unicorn.

Under screams of pain and agony he fell to the ground, burning into nothing more but a pile of ashes as Lucius didn’t even look down to his once so fierce and loyal Unicorn. The pony across the hills discharged its horn as the hood got removed from the head, revealing a bearded stallion whose eyes were fixed upon the monster they saw.

Lucius began to speak and his voice appeared to be breaking through the heavens themselves, the clouds of darkness shattered into nothing more but tiny pieces as the rain stopped falling down. “Fool! Thousands of souls have tried to stop me, and I took them all myself! Do you truly think that you can do what an army can’t?” The black coated stallion smirked ever so deeply before starting to collect some magic in his horn and releasing the stored energy as bolts of black lightning that made their way over to the bearded stallion who was able to jump out of its way just before the impact would come.

The stallion proudly straightened his back as he spoke in a soft, yet loud enough voice. “You have ravaged these lands for far too long, Lucius! It is time to stop you!”

But before he could react, the stallion was hit by a second wave of dark lightning and he fell over to the ground, rolling down the hill he just had been standing on. Deep within his body it could already be felt, the drainage he began to suffer. The draining from his very lifeforce.

“Ha ha ha!” Shouted Lucius on top of his hill. “Light Magician! Savior of the lands!” But the joyful tone in his words turned into an utterly dark one as he continued to speak. “Fallen by my hooves, what can stop me now!?”

With every ounce of force that was still within his body, the bearded stallion turned his gaze up as around his horn, the aura was seen once again. “Prison.” He spoke loud enough to fall in the ears of the devil and from his horn, a crystal emerged that shot up into the skies before falling down just in front of Lucius who began to stare at it in confusion.

High above their heads, the clouds made their return as the light of the moon shone down upon the coal black stallion as the crystal began to sprout all the colors of the rainbow over the ground. But it was when the moonlight, came in contact with the gem itself, a spectacular lightshow began to play as colors and flashes all did their turn violently.

Lucius found himself surrounded by rainbows and moonlight and in one last attempt, he struck the crystal with a wave of black lightning as the stallion on the ground tried to crawl back up on all four of his hooves. But no matter what he tried, the black coated stallion couldn’t escape his fate.

The grounds below him began to tremble and crack open as his red eyes simply were looking into every possible direction. “No, no… No!” He simply shouted into the air before the very ground beneath his hooves disappeared into a hole and pulled him in with force.

It was after this event, that the moonlight and rainbows faded away just as they came as on the spot where the incarnation of the Devil stood, was now a stone slab, a crystal. A crystal that shone a rainbow when light moved through it.

As the Light-Mage finally had managed to stand up again, he glared over to the hill and a faint smile appeared on his face while he straightened his back again. “We shall meet again Lucius, one day sooner or later. But I’ll be ready for you then.” Having spoken his words, he simply turned himself around and left through the gate he came, venturing through the cold deserts of the once so lively place.

***

The excavation site in the vicinity of Applewood

Present time.

***

Ponies of all three species had been digging for some days now with the sun burning down upon them without any mercy. The desert was known for its ruthlessness and these brave soul were given orders to continue upon their work. An normal looking and working Earth Pony had been digging up another piece of stone and dragged it out of the pit. Having found his usual cleaning spot, the stallion sat down upon his behind and before to ever so carefully blow and dust the remaining pieces of sand away as in his mind he tried to figure out just from where it possible could be from.

His initial thought was that it was from a building, but as more and more ruble got moved away, it was everything but another brick in the wall. The stone he had in his hooves was bright and colorful. The worker held it up against the sun and gazed through it ever so gently, seeing the rainbow reflecting through it. Upon seeing this, the lucky soul jumped up and began to shout in the air. “Report the Queen! We found him...”

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The Feline Bard

The Feline Bard #1 · Apr 1st, 2013 · · ·

Major Arcana here!
Just read this...intresting story of yours.
Aside from a few grammatical errors, I'm intrigued by this story.

Comment posted by Daring_Do deleted Apr 2nd, 2013

Daring_Do

Daring_Do #3 · Apr 2nd, 2013 · · ·

2358163
Thank you! I tried to be pretty interesting. And i hope that you'll stay with me for next chapter.

Warren Peace

Warren Peace #4 · Apr 13th, 2013 · · ·

You qualify for a Warren Peace review. Prepare yourself...

Warren Peace

Warren Peace #5 · Apr 13th, 2013 · · ·

The land around it was saturated with fear. For a hundred years ponies have been living in this fear when the mythical Black Stallion appeared.

Ignoring the random fact that the story appears to be in all bold, don't change tenses like this. Either stick to past (was saturated) or present (have been), don't try to juggle them around.

But to make the matters even worse, this Black Stallion took the three most violent and powerful pony ponies he could find during his raids over the land, corrupting them ever so deeply with his own magic.

I might actually find this interesting to read if it weren't being relayed to me via the boring recounting of events, i.e. telling instead of showing. While some telling is needed in a story, you always want to show more than tell. This is especially the case when describing scenes like the one here. If we got to see this Black Stallion kicking flank and taking cutie marks instead of just being told that he did it, it would be far more interesting to read.

The three, a Pegasus, Unicorn, and Earth pony raced and raged through harmless villages and settlements as they consumed the powers from the lakes, crops, and above all, the life force of ponies.

See previous gripe.

Though there were some who rebelled against the Black Stallion, hearts as brave as they could become and horns and wings that were fierce enough to take an army of Changeling out in one blow.

Read that out loud and tell me that it makes sense without lying to my face.

A Unicorn with a coat as black as coal, eyes redder...

Great, another black and red antagonist. The most original color scheme ever.

Also, I just noticed that your chapter title is spelled wrong. Beginning is spelled like that <==, not like how it's spelled in the chapter title.

So yeah. The biggest issue with this is that it's got too much telling going on and not enough showing. That makes it pretty boring to read. The majority of it is also pretty cliched, badguy punches goodguy in the face, goodguy spouts one liner and pulls something magical out of his ass that stops badguy temporarily. It's all been done before. There's also quite a few oddly phrased lines, like you were trying too hard to make something stupid sound flowery or special. Don't do that.

Questions or concerns? Pm me. Otherwise good luck and farewell.
/)

Shadowblarg