Applejack and Rainbow Dash wake up somewhere in the Everfree Forest injured and need to survive until help comes. During this time they find out something that will change their friendship and their future forever.
(If you give me a downvote please explain in the comments why and what I can change/how I can get better. I'm always open for criticism. But I really hate people downvoting my story without explaining to me why. )
Your title should say AN appledash story.......that's a big one right there lol
You could use a proofreader....ur premise is good but there are many grammatical errors that take away from enjoying the story...clean these things up and I think you will be more successful with this story :)
Well, I have some free time. Why not?
"Cyan" is not a proper noun and does not need to be capitalized. Technically, "pegasus" isn't a proper noun in this context either, but enough people capitalize it anyway that I just ignore it now.
It's common practice to put thoughts in italics.
This is also not a proper noun.Go here for more capitalization tips.
Time for my lesson in dialogue punctuation. When a line of dialogue is followed by attribution, the quotation ends with a comma (NOT a period) placed inside the quotation marks, and the first word after the quotation is NOT capitalized unless it is a proper noun.
If a line of dialogue is not followed by attribution, it ends in a period placed inside the quotation marks, and the first word after the quotation IS capitalized as the start of a new sentence.
If a line of dialogue is phrased as a question, it has a question mark at the end, regardless of what follows.
If a line of dialogue is shouted or otherwise needs copious amounts of emphasis, it has an exclamation point at the end, regardless of what follows. Keep in mind that exclamation points should be used sparingly and ONLY one at a time, unless you have a very good reason to do otherwise. Fifteen exclamation points in a row do not make the line more dramatic.
Also, every speaker gets his or her own paragraph. Do not have more than one character speak in the same paragraph unless you have a very good reason for it. Otherwise, we lose track of who's saying what.
There. Lesson over.
Technically, this is not a word. "All right," on the other hand, is.
The beginning of chapter 2 is just a repeat of the end of chapter 1. Don't do that.
The romance seems rushed, at least from Dash's perspective. She just instantly starts having romantic thoughts, and a lot of them take her out of character.
You have some Lavender Unicorn Syndrome going on. LUS is where a writer constantly describes characters as "lavender coated" or "rainbow maned" instead of using their names. While repeating names over and over can get old, overusing these descriptors gets annoying as well.
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First off all thank you for the tips Yeah I forgot to put the thoughts in Italic here on Fimfiction, but i already fixed that. Now going over it and fixing all the errors you pointed out.
It seems as though you made rainbow dash question her sexual orientation... I believe she is bisexual, even usually avoiding stallions. So it surprised me to hear her trying to persuade herself not to be a lesbian, but you still seem to have a very interesting plot line going. Please continue.
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Thanks for thte feedback. I also think that RD is bisexual but for this story i decided to go this way.
You could have put up a pre story like how did they get there at lest make it like one of twilights spells went wrong you dived right into the fray fix this and this story has potential
2973156 Hi I added some explanation on how they got in the forerst to the first chapter. And I maybe write a more detailed one in a later chapter, but that'll be a surprise
Please update quickly
3831137 I try. I'm just working out the next Chapter in my head before I write it down.