During a war in the future, King Shiro dreams of a prophecy; one that will save them from his corrupted friend, Goldenfang, now turned Metalfang. He sends his Captain of Warriors in his diminishing group of soldiers to train the girl who was told by a deceased clan elder that she would save the Clan of Fire, and all of Equestria. And that same girl, is Twilight. Now she is trained by the Captain to fight, and with her new skills, and the help of friends both new and old, she may just be the one to save them all.
Chapters (3)
A fan of Higurashi no naku Koro Ni. I haven't gotten to Kai yet, but I'm pretty obsessed with the series.
It came as a shock to me to see that your first story is actually a lot better than your second. This one could show potential if it was a little polished up, but I'm very disappointed in the other one. It's like you stopped trying altogether. You show a bit of actual promise as a writer if you tried to learn and improve, and you really shouldn't shoot yourself in the foot like that by publishing something that looks like it was done with little to no effort. Maybe the comedy genre isn't for you.
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I was thinking that before I wrote it. I do have another that is much longer than "The Pack", but it is a horror/macabre genre, and it goes by the name of "Slave R.O.M.A." (Not talking about early 1900's slavery, human lab test subject slavery) Since it has nothing to do with MLP, I can't put it here, but it's better. Maybe i'll just go with the horror and action suspense. I was more of a gore lover anyway.