Black

by Zelda Spectrum

Where am I?

Black

by

The Spectralist

Black; everything is black. My consciousness is returning to me but my eyes remain shut. The darkness just feels so comforting, so hypnotic, and so peaceful; I just want to stay in this embrace of darkness forever. My senses start to return, but something feels different. The surface I am laying on feels like cold metal rather than a soft, comforting surface. Curiosity opens my eyes to show me what new area I must have been taken to. However, I don’t know if I really am awake. Did I ever open my eyes? Am I still under the influence of sleep?

My blinking eyes tell me that I am wide awake, but everything is still black. The comfort and peace diminish as my strength returns and I bring myself up onto my hooves. This darkness emits an eerie atmosphere and an unwelcoming sense of unrest and discomfort. I miss the embrace of the love and peace I had in my dream state; I wish I could go back. This new darkness send a chill down my spine.

My mind is in a haze as I attempt to remember how I wondered into this predicament. Unfortunately, all my memories of how I entered this darkness, as well as the memories of who I am, have vanished completely. After minutes of trying to bring up the memories, I finally give up. I decide it is best to try and find a way out of this black void as the discomforting aura starts to send fear into my mind.

My legs move me forward into the endless black ahead. The small sounds of my hooves against a metal surface are the only thing I can hear for miles in this empty void. I cannot see as my eyes do not seem to adjust to the darkness. My hooves echo as I continue my trek into the unknown. I do not know what lies ahead, but there must be an exit somewhere in this darkness and I know that I must find it. The seconds become minutes, and the minutes turn into hours, but no matter how far I travel, the only see the same color stretch infinitely across the empty space; black.

Suddenly, there is a blood curdling scream that shatters the silence of the dark realm. The sudden scream causes my heart to leap into my throat as I immediately come to a halt. I look around frantically to find the source, but as quickly as it comes, it suddenly disappears. “Hello?” I call out, “Is any pony there?” My shouts echo in vain. I begin to feel a sense of unease trickle down my spine once again as I resume me hike into nothingness carrying a desire to leave my current location.

Time passes by and the darkness continues to linger. I begin to feel a wave of exhaustion course over me. How long have I been walking? Have I made any progress? Am I in a new location? These questions swirl around in my head as I begin to lay down on the cold, metallic surface. My desire for an escape still lingers, but my desire for sleep and its easing darkness is even stronger. I close my eyes and let sleep take me. I do not dream; instead, I let the comforting darkness wash over me like a crashing wave. It embraces me like a loving mother comforts her child. I feel safe and happy here; I never want to leave.

---

Drip…Drip…Drip…Drip…

I am awoken by something wet dripping onto me left cheek. I bring up a hoof to wipe away the substance. I stare at my hoof to see the liquid is black and seems thicker than blood. Getting up, I look around to see the area is now sprouting trees with no leaves dripping with the black substance. ‘Where did these trees come from?’ I wonder.

As my consciousness continues to stir, I realize there is a small amount of light that outlines the trees. This light also allows me to barely see my white hooves in front of my face. The ground now feels like cold stone from a smooth mountainous terrain. I look around my surroundings to see dark colors clashing. The dark brown trees surround me like a forest and add individuality to the black void of emptiness. The sound of the dripping substance surrounds me with an endless row of trees lined up in each direction.

I stand up and start walking in a random direction. With no indication of direction, all I can do is walk in one direction and pray to Celestia that it leads to the edge of this blackness, and possibly a brighter dimension. As I walk, I try to gain my bearings and attempt to process how I moved from a dark, cold area to a dead forest that is dimly lit.

'Perhaps the trees grew overnight. No, impossible; trees can't grow that fast. What if some pony brought me here? Should I have stayed and waited for them? No, that can't be possible either. If some pony was here, I would probably know; plus anything from this strange place is probably unfriendly.' Every scenario and explanation I come up with is immediately shot down as they all prove to be illogical. I decide to push the explanation to the back of my head and focus on finding an exit to this unsettling atmosphere.

Once again, the minutes turn into hours as I attempt to navigate through the dead forest. The constant sound of the thick black liquid from the trees begins to send a slight chill down my spine as my speed starts to decrease. I try to gain my bearings again, but this task proves to be nearly impossible. All the trees look exactly the same in every detail and the constant dripping makes concentration a challenge.

Without warning, the scream returns with a greater volume. My heart gets caught in my throat once again and I cover my ears to protect my eardrums from the high pitched scream. This time, the scream is not alone as many other cries of agony join to intensify the haunting atmosphere from all directions.

My heart races, I shut my eyes, and I begin to shake, paralyzed in fear. A few minutes pass before the chorus of screaming finally fades. I remove my hooves from my ears and open my eyes to be greeted by the sight of dead trees and the sound of their dripping substance. With my legs still shaking, I back up into a nearby tree and check to make sure there are no branches above me.

After taking some deep breaths and calming myself down, I lie down on the stone floor, curl up next to the tree, and close my eyes. The long walk and calming techniques make me drowsy and I strongly desire to escape this hellish forest, even if it is only temporarily. Relaxing myself, I wait for sleep hold me in its soothing realm where I can relax and bask in its luxury.

---

Sleep does not come to me as easily as before; in fact, it feels so distant as if it is beyond my reach. I toss and turn, but I cannot enter the security of the dream state or its relieving grip. I try many techniques to fall asleep such as counting sheep in my head and counting from one hundred. However, they all prove to be useless as a continue to toss and turn. At last, I give up. I reluctantly open my eyes and bring myself onto my hooves to be greeted by the same sights and sounds. My body feels slightly weaker from the lack of sleep, but I can still balance myself with ease.

I trot off in another random direction, hoping for a way out of this uninviting location. This time, however, I feel a presence somewhere around me. Although I cannot locate the source, I feel as if some pony is watching my every move. I slightly pick up my pace as I start to feel more discomfort from this presence. Whatever is watching me, it cannot be friendly.

As the minutes pass by, my fear begins to grow. No matter which direction I walk, the presence does not leave. I hastily hide behind a tree and wait for it to leave. My breath is shallow, my body shakes, and my heart beats like a drum. All of a sudden, I hear a sound I never expected to hear; hoofsteps. With my curiosity taking control, I peek out of my hiding place and turn to the source, but I see nothing. I leave the tree and slowly walk to find the source. 'Perhaps some pony has come to help me out of this place!' I think as hope starts to return to me.

A whole minute passes as I walk towards the hoofsteps, but no matter how fast I travel, the sound maintains the same distance between us as if the sound has a desire to abandon me. Another minute goes by before the sound of hoofsteps disappears without a trace. I look around desperately to try and find a silhouette that could prove to be the source of the disappearing sound; alas, my search is in vain.

I turn around to continue my journey through this dead forest only to be greeted by a pony mere inches away from my face. I jump backwards out of panic and stare at the pony, analyzing its details. It is a bronze earth pony filly with a red mane and green eyes. We both meet the same height and we appear to be around the same age. I catch my breath as the sight of this strange pony brings me relief is if we have met before.

However, I notice something is off about this pony. She starts smiling with a sinister grin and begins laughing evilly. Fear begins to press down on me as a lower myself to the ground and start backing away from this new pony as her wicked laughter begins to turn into a maniacal laugh. I blink once, and the filly vanishes without a trace, but her laughs echo throughout the forest. Not wanting to stay in the same place any longer, I start running away in a random direction. The laughter does not stop; instead, it follows me.

My legs ache and my chest burns as I run away from the laughter, failing to lose the frightening sounds. After a few minutes of running, the laughter finally fades. I stop to catch my breath and collect my strength. Hiding behind another tree, I land on my rump gasping for breath as my heart runs a mile a minute and my legs shake uncontrollably. My vision becomes blurry as a tear streams down my cheek. My fear of this place is stronger than before as I feel both my safety and sanity constantly diminishing.

‘What is this place?’ I ask myself, ‘Why is this happening to me?’ I sit under the tree trying to keep my breath under control, hoping that the bronze filly will not find me in my hiding place. Hours pass by, but the filly’s sinister laughter seems to have finally ceased. All that remains is the constant sound of the dripping black substance from the trees.

Exhaustion tries to take me into my dreams, but I am not convinced that I am safe from that pony. I desire to travel back into the luxury of the darkness in my dreams, but fear keeps a tight grip on me and I cannot bring myself to fall asleep. My heart continues to beat in a high-tempo rhythm as I sit in the corner of the tree. ‘Where is that strange pony? WHO is that pony? How can I escape this place? How can I-’

“Psst!” My thoughts are interrupted by a new sound followed by a voice. I nearly scream as the voice catches me off guard. “Psst! Hey! Over here!” I look to my right to see the source of the voice; it is the voice of another earth pony filly. This one is yellow with a rose red mane and a big red bow in her mane. She is motioning towards herself, insisting that I should follow her. “Follow me; Ah think Ah found us a way outta’ here.” She then disappears behind another tree. As I walk towards her, I immediately stop myself and contemplate whether I should follow her or not. Despite every one of my senses telling me to run the other way, I cannot help but feel like I know this filly and that she is worthy of trust.

Trusting my weak memory, I walk up to the tree the yellow earth pony disappeared behind and peek around to find her. Instead, I am greeted with a new pony that pounces at me while making the roar of an enraged lion. I immediately jump back and stare at the new pony in fear. It is yet another strange filly, but this one seems different. This one is an orange pegasus filly with a purple mane and purple eyes. The eyes, however, are small and full of fury. They seem to stare directly into my soul and the eyes carry an unpleasant aura; death.

This pony wants to kill me; I can see it all too clearly. She stares at me with those eyes while her back is hunched down as if she is going to pounce again at any minute. This time, I obey my instincts and flee. The pegasus gives chase as her grunts and hooves follow behind me, showing no sign of wearing out. My legs scream in pain and my lungs begin to burn as I continue to run for my life. Suddenly, my hooves give way from underneath me and I fall face first onto the ground, sliding to a halt. The filly pounces once again like a predator ready to feast on its prey. I shut my eyes and cover my face as I await the pegasus to sink her teeth into my flesh and give me a slow, painful death.

The pain does not come. I open my eyes to see that the filly has vanished into thin air and the sounds of her grunts and hooves against stone are gone. Instead of resting as I intended, my exhaustion relief both cause me to collapse.

---

I do not feel the loving embrace of the darkness in my dream, I do not even know if I am asleep. Everything around me is black, but I can still hear the substance dripping from the trees. The soothing darkness is gone, never to return; it has abandoned me and left me to my fate. What I would not give to feel the comfort of the black flood over my body and give me rest one more time.

My eyes snap open as I hear the sound of crying from all around me. As I pull myself up into a sitting position, I feel a presence standing behind me. Whatever it is, it feel big, muscular, and it is four times my size; the size that only a buff stallion could reach. I tremble in fear and my heart pounds in my rib cage as I know it is not friendly. Every living pony I have encountered in this hellish dimension has held the same desire to see me dead.

It is a fierce battle with my curiosity to avoid turning around out of fear that if I do, the presence will attack. My curiosity wins and I quickly look over my back only to see nothing there. Whatever it was, it is now gone.

Suddenly, I hear hoofsteps coming towards me and a loud crash of wood against stone. Instinct takes over as I quickly run behind the nearest tree that stands between me and the sound. My heart pounds quickly, my body quivers, and my tears flow freely as the hoofsteps draw closer. Eventually the sound draws close enough to for the source to be on the other side of the tree. My heart painfully pounds out of control in my rib cage as the sound suddenly stops.

I try to keep my breathing under control as all is silent for the next few minutes, minus the constant dripping. Finally, the hoofsteps return, but they fade into the background from wince they came. I peek out of my hiding place to see nothing is there. After looking around and scanning the environment, I come out from behind the tree and walk away from the direction of the previous sound.

Not even a minute later, another ear-piercing scream fills the air. I fall to the ground and cover my ears, curling up into the fetal position. Fear is now threatening to break my mind as I tremble in the same position and break out into sobs.

---

I have been crying in the same place for hours; surely there is no hope for inner peace. I do not bother to try and sleep as I know it is hopeless. There is no way into my subconscious shrine, and there is now way to escape this nightmare. The layout of this area is the same, everything that lives here wants to kill me, the loving ponies I once new are now evil and bent on murder, and worst of all, attempting to escape proves to be futile no matter where I go or how hard I try.

“Sweetie,” a motherly voice suddenly calls out in my direction. Both the word and the voice suddenly click into my memory. I recognize the voice, and I recognize the word, no, the name she calls out to me.

“R-Rarity?” I whisper. As I turn my head, I begin to feel her presence and a spark of hope begins to ignite. However, I stop and realize this void of fear is most likely trying to lure me into another trap of false hope. Another tear rolls down my cheek as I close my eyes and look away. “No…you’re not real…you’re not real…I know it’s not really you…”

“Sweetie,” her hoofsteps draw closer to me and begin to circle around in front of me. I keep my eyes closed as I continue to cry from fear's tight grip on my mind. I know I cannot afford to be lured into false hope as my sanity is on the brink of depletion from all the horrors this world has brought me.

“I know it’s not you…”

“Sweetie Belle, darling; look at me.” Against my better judgment, I open my eyes and look up to see a white unicorn mare with a curly purple mane. She has a soft welcoming smile and soft, blue, caring eyes. “See? It really is me. You don’t need to worry anymore, you are safe now; your nightmare is over.”

Comfort and happiness begin to embrace me as a smile sneaks onto my face, but they are immediately shot down as the unicorn starts grinning and laughing evilly, leading into maniacal laughter. In the blink of an eye, she vanishes and her laughter echoes all around me, growing in volume. Her laughter is joined by the evil laughter of others as the sounds close in around me. This sudden turn of events hits me hard and the last thread of sanity snaps causing my mind to break.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!”

I scream at the top of my lungs and press my hooves against my head as I lie back in the fetal position. This is it; all hope is lost. There is no escape. I am trapped forever. No pony will come to rescue me. I will never feel safe again. Always running, always crying, always cowering in fear.

A sudden bang to my left causes me to frantically back into a tree out of pure instinct. I look up through my blurry, tear-stained vision to see silhouettes slowly approaching me. The three fillies I encountered, the silhouettes of my fake friends, along with the fake Rarity, are joined by another white figure; the muscular stallion I once called 'dad'. They slowly draw closer while their maniacal laughter echoes through the air. As they finally close in on me, I let out one final scream in fear.

My world goes black.

Author's Note:

If the link to the ambiance in the description does not work, please let me know.

Comments

[Totallyrandomdude]

*Series of monumental claps from heaven*

[Luz]

I love this story. Fav'd

[sweeT2010Tooth]

That's awesome! Especially with the ambient music for setting the mood. Just a suggestion: I feel like this story could have been taken to a whole new level if it was written in second person considering your intentions in reader involvement.

[Captain Lunar]

I learned something very important from this story. Only read in day time and never at night in a dark house with that music playing

[Zelda Spectrum]

2733587 But that's what helps set the atmosphere!

[Captain Lunar]

2735338 Relax, just joking Still a great story

[Zelda Spectrum]

2735341 I thought so. Once again, glad you enjoyed it.

[Silver Moon]

Not bad but I do not scare. I even had all the right settings for this: almost midnight, listening to the music with headphones, black setting on the page, alone but for my mostly-black cat on my lap. But no. No scare for me. Nice try.
But you did get an emotional response from me at the end. When I (finally) realized who "I" was, I couldn't help but chuckle at the ending.
All in all, good story but no fear.
Better luck next time.

[FaleYur]

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?

Good job on this one mate. Although I find that reading horror stories with characters I already know tends to put off the scare a little. For some reason, an OC walking in creepy woods is scarier than when Sweetie Belle, (or Twilight or Rainbow etc) does it. Just my personal opinion.

[Silverstein]

Silver out!

[jmj]

I liked the music. It did seem to add to the story but I think it was because of coincidental jarring moments of music that seemed to time themselves with the suspenseful and sudden shocks of the story.

The story is good but a little less frightening because I grew up in rural areas and have frequently been in the woods at night.

The language is good and there are a few moments when the phraseology is particularly aware. My favorite being " ... ;instead, it followed me" which was pretty creepy and probably a more atmospheric and subjective way to use the description. You also seem to have very few errors, if any, grammatically. I don't recall seeing anything that caught my eye as incorrect or awkward.

I am also quite enchanted with the overall lack of gore in the story. I've always felt that a certain amount is useful to a story but that line is easily, and almost always, crossed. This story is far more atmospheric horror than plot driven and that is a very viable form of scare.

I also love the first person narrative because it is far more valuable for supplanting the reader in the place of the character than second person ever is. We experience the story as the character does and we know what they know.

This story seems to draw much of its power from the unknown. We know very little about the main character (until the end) and we never know where we are or why. We also don't know what these things are that are appearing (I mean, we know what they represent but not what they really or why) and that has a certain haunting energy as well.

Something that bothered me was how many sentences begin with "I". This isn't easy to overcome or replace but I did catch myself thinking 'Okay... I, I, I, ... yep, another I,' so varying a little could probably benefit the story some, but this is a minor thing and I've been struggling with it as well because it seems to naturally flow in that subject, verb, predicate kind of way that is hard to break, especially when trying to reduce the number of passive voice sentences (although I don't know why so many have such issue with passive voice).

The only other thing that I didn't like was the straight-forward ending. Not that this is technically a poor form of storytelling but most horror stories have a ubiquitous twist at the end that makes the reader think "What? Holy crap."

I enjoy hat you seem to write a lot of horror/dark genre and I think that's great. I also love your lack of gore in this story. Your structure works well and the grammar is very well done. So well, in fact, that I am only writing this critique because I think you deserve it. You may be writing a fanfiction but the quality is good and shows that you took it seriously. Much of it is leaps ahead of what one normally finds (and subsequently must overlook) and this story deserves more views for its execution and style. Alas, stories here are a perfunctory and generally masturbatory effort that leaves many good stories to simply waste away and no amount of caliber or engineering can make the ignorant peel themselves away from bad storytellers with a certain degree of contacts, marketing, or outright stupidity.

I'd give this story a 7/10. I think you did well with it and show a lot of promise.

[The Red Butcher]

................................I don't get it.

[quagga747]

6909180
You and me both.