Once a writer, but now gone. You might see him again one day, though...
Simple teen romance fic starring my OC and the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Rei stands at his taco stand, one morning, not doing much of anything. Then, he is approached by the most beautiful filly he ever saw. The only problem is that she and her friends don't have cutie marks. So naturally, Rei hatches a (rather stupid and desperate) plan to fit in with them. This succeeds, but he isn't home free. This little colt just can't catch a break.
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Hey there! I'm Scribblestick the Chill, and I'm here to identify the source of the downvote swarm. Let's get started, shall we?
-First Impressions-
Your story description looks good. OC x canon character shippings don't have a good reputation, but there's not much you can do about that except write a decent one. The cover image fits, I guess, and the story's appropriately tagged. Aside from the stigmas surrounding the subject matter, it looks like you've done a good job.
-The Story-
Please indent your paragraphs or add extra lines between them. Otherwise, it looks like a giant wall of text, and that can be hard to read.
Nope. A prequel, perhaps? Also, that name's a bit unusual for a pony.
What?
Well, she was oddly prepared.
Sweetie Belle already invited him to hang out. Why does he think his cutie mark will be a problem? Also, why didn't she notice it when they met at the taco stand?
Try to avoid references like these unless you're writing a specific kind of comedy. References in general distract from your story because people immediately start thinking of other things that aren't your story. These two in particular are troublesome because there's no way Rei could know what these are without shattering the fourth wall (unless he's actually a human in Equestria...?), and they're both really gruesome.
I don't understand Cheerilee's taco deal. Why is coming without parents such a big deal, and how do tacos fix that problem?
-Final Thoughts
Despite all that, I don't think the story is that bad. It's enjoyable enough to read, your mechanics are good, and you're not breaking any characters or rushing too fast like a lot of romance fics do.
That said, the fic's pace was a little brisk. One thing you might do is use more description. This will help flesh out the world and settings a little more. Also, try to "show" a little more using body language. This will give us a clear picture of how a character feels.
Best of luck!
~Scribblestick, the notoriously friendly reviewer
2333838 Thanks for everything. I've actually noticed a couple of things you mentioned and am working towards fixing them (but he can break the fourth wall, I do that in all of my stories).
The "prequel" was the story "Of Purpose... and Vengeance" (which, now that I think about it, probably hasn't been read by many ponies due to its own down votes). Also, he was sitting behind his taco stand, so she never would have seen his cutie mark anyway. However, yes, she was oddly prepared. *Twilight Zone theme* Also, he's a dirty taco sales-colt. Of course Rarity wouldn't like him.
All in all, thank you very much. I appreciate the help.