Fluttershy lives an average life. she has a coltfreind who cares for her, a house to live in, and animals to take care of... until Stormagedon, a snooty dracoponie, comes along
Edited by: Doctor_N
Cover Photo: Elixir (Soon?)
I apologize for any spelling mistakes and for the first section of the first chapter. it is setting the stage for the rest. CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM is glad fully excepted. hope you like it!
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It's hard to read a wall of words!
There are several capitalization errors (mostly at the start of a paragraph), also when a character speaks, make a new paragraph just for them. This editor isn't doing a very good job, please send my complaint.
You do well at describing the things going on in scenes and in character's thoughts though, keep it up. Overall, you did well so far. But I'll keep my eye on you...
This was good other than a few grammatical things and typos here and there. --Will be looking forward to future chapters--
3585104 my editor hasn't gone over it yet. He is going over it as we speak. i forgot to add the "(Soon?)" to it. my apologies. thank you for the constructive feedback though!
Three things:
1) You might want to add this to a group or few.
2) Indentation and capitalization are your main grammatical issues here. Did you copy-paste this out of word?
3) The story was interesting, but your excessive use of pronouns made it somewhat difficult to tell who was who.
That aside, I find the story itself interesting and hope that you make the necessary corrections (they're small and easy, so why not?) to make people more willing to see the story for itself and not the wall of text they'll first spot.
3704855 thanks for the advice? what groups are some that would be good for me to join?