Twilight Sparkle has been a princess for a month now, and she has been having some problems with her duties. Celestia noticed this and sent her nephew Blueblood to teach Twilight how to rule, but in return, Twilight has to teach Blueblood how to act nicely. As time goes by the two start to fall for each other, but they will meet some obstacles, mainly in the form of a captian, a fashion designer, and a night princess.
(Props to Dirty Bit for coming up with the name)
(Cover belongs to ZakSaturday2468)
Chapters (1)
Yay for more Twiblood fics! Keep it up.
Hm... I'm no grammar nazi, but some speaking parts are either not finished, or need a period to end a sentence instead of a coma.
For a first chapter, it also seems a bit empty. Lots of white between paragraphs, and little details here and there.
You have a story premise though, and I hope to see this story bloom from a bud to a real flower.
2309777 Gonna agree with this. I only came because of that. I had a idea about one that I am gonna see if someone can write latter but this one is nice to,
Tiny little suggestion, when I was looking at the story I nearly passed it over because I couldn't find the title.
consider making a title worthy of this story.
like I don't know, A tenuous Alliance
I like the concept of this story, but you should really get a proofreader.
2309779 can you explain more i don't understand the comment or problem
2315806 Well, I'm not really that proud of the final result, so I got you to help make it more presentable
2315806
“What do you mean Celestia, I have been doing a great job,” Twilight said in shock.
Well right there in the middle, between Blueblood's pointing out and "Celestia knew" there should either be a space. or not breaks between the lines.
It's towards the end mostly. Granted, we know who is saying those lines. But some may not know if that's it due to to the comas there. Either they are periods or the author was going to add more.
2316113
you mean that there is not a lot of description or exposition
2316150
That too, though it's also a matter of a background for me. I think there's two spaces between the lines, leaving a lot of white space between two small sentences. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I think it's just me.
2316113 from what I heard, when a character speaks and they use quotation marks, you do not add a period after character is done talking.
2316196
I found this online, not sure if it explains myself better.
Look under the "Single line of dialogue, no dialogue tag."
2316196 I'll show you the small guide I use when looking at punctuation in quotes, it's pretty awesome and makes sense.
Super Awesome Quotation Guide
Hope that helps! Now, I read, yes yes.
why you no update?
Can't wait for more
ever planing on finishing this?
2673918 Yes, but I have been extreamly busy.
2675149 alright just making sure this wasn't a dead story.
2675149 Still going to finish?
Planning to update someday?
5851043 it just got cancel