Harmony in Force

by Khandnalie

Prologue - Fear

In front of him, the datapad gave a small beep as it powered itself down, having relayed its information. Behind his command console, Captain Dax Telsh wearily sighed and laid the device down, his head coming to rest upon his palm, leaning against the console. A long moment passed, murmurs of intrigue from his crew and the occasional chirrup and whirr of this and that console livening the otherwise silent bridge. Normally these sounds brought him comfort, but he could feel the headache they were about to instill. The slightly panicked voices of his bridge crew... the sensor readouts giving the slightly lower, longer chirp that signaled an anomalous reading... these little things would have told him there was trouble brewing, even without the completely alien planet hovering outside, its oddly bright colors shimmering in its star's warming light.

Captain Telsh looked down to the datapad by his side and picked it back up, the device obediently powering back on with an overly cheerful whirring sound. The report flowed across the screen as he re-read it for the third time. Malfunction in the navigational array... Cumulative jump calculation errors... Unforeseen gravity well interference... He sighed and put the report down, collapsing into his command chair as he came to the same conclusion he had come to after each reading of that report: They had very nearly all been killed, and it was only by the grace of sheer improbability that any of them were not currently inside of a star, all being broken down and then slowly fused into higher elements, or crushed into nonexistence at the heart of some black hole - or any number of other equally hideous fates. The captain inhaled deeply, holding his arm to his chest, keeping that pose for a few moments, before extending his arm slowly outwards, his breath escaping with the motion. He smiled to himself. It was a simple action taught by his father, a simple man, yet it always calmed him down. He looked down to his bridge crew, knowing they expected action. His nerves renewed, he launched himself out of his chair and barked an order to his navigations officer “Incident report, Lieutenant!”

The younger officer turned to her superior, swiveling on the seat behind her navigations console, replying with the same story everyone else on the bridge already knew, “Sir! It seems our hyperdrive malfunctioned en route to Coruscant. One of the navigational arrays had a triple-critical system shutdown as we were making the jump, and the error buffer system had a simultaneous breakdown, causing us to complete the jump despite the malfunctioning navigational systems.... “ She took a moment to look back down at her navigational panel to check her facts before turning back, a datapad in her hands for reference “It seems we jumped roughly in the direction of Manaan..... And then, it appears as if we got tossed by a gravity well - I’d reckon a black hole or dead star - somewhere in the vicinity of Balmorra... “ She hesitated as she scanned the technical document for the relevant information, concern growing on her face. She made an apologetic grimace as she looked back up, not having a ready answer to the obvious next piece of information that would be expected of her. “And right now, I’m not sure where we are. Based on the last known nav data, I would say somewhere between Hutt space and Bothawui.... Though we could be looking at just a very pretty day on Korriban for all our nav computers can tell us at the moment.” She turned and took a look out the viewfinder, the colorful marble which hung out there in space before them.

The planet turned below them serenely, bright greens and blues flashing at them from the surface, signaling life, and lots of it. He turned to the ensign sitting at the main sensor console “And, Ensign Brin, what can you tell us about this odd little jewel we seem to have found ourselves orbiting? Is it, in fact, Korriban on the most gloriously beautiful day of its existence?” The rest of the bridge crew chuckled a little bit at his joke, easing the tension in the room.

The ensign smiled nervously at his captains remark and turned to his display to relay the information coming in from the sensors “Well, as is rather plain to see, it’s a small rocky planet, plenty of water, moderate temperature, oxygen rich atmosphere - there seems to be a high probability of habitability, or even life.” This statement prompted everyone aboard the bridge to look once more at the bright blue and green orb, its surface very clearly covered in ocean and vegetation, then back to the officer. He chuckled nervously, reaching up to tug lightly at the collar of his uniform, before returning to his report, embarrassment at the inane and obvious statement barely hidden from his voice “The gravitational attraction is right at 10.12 meters per second per second - just slightly above the galactic standard - and the atmosphere seems to have a density a bit above normal as well.... but other than that it does have a Type I breathable atmosphere. There is a small, rocky moon, no atmosphere....” He squinted at his data display for a moment, confused by the odd numbers appearing there, before turning back to the captain, “We’ll have to wait for diagnostics and repairs on the nav and sensor arrays to get anything on this systems mechanical dynamics - Right now, whenever we try to measure its rotation or orbit, it spits out absurd numbers that don’t make sense.”

He nodded, satisfied with his crews report. He stared out at the gentle planet for a few moment before sighing, pressing the holoterminal beside his station, the recording device casting a gentle glow on him “This is Captain Dax Telsh of the Republic Cruiser ‘Bondar Thane’ calling to any ships in range. We have had a massive warp drive and navigational systems failure and are stranded in orbit around an uncharted planet. We request immediate assistance from any available friendly parties.” He nodded and paused for a moment, remembering his lieutenants remarks about possibly being near Hutt space, adding, “And to any unfriendly or indifferent parties, I would like to add, that the Galactic Republic always pays well.” With that he terminated the message and set it to broadcast on a loop. That should grab someones attention, eventually. Hopefully someone in a Republic uniform. He closed his eyes and gave a silent shudder at the thought of being rescued by some Hutt spice lord and forced to pump even more credits into its already bloated accounts as compensation, out of the Republics waning coffers no less.

With that business taken care of he glanced back to his crew, seeing their expectant faces patiently awaiting orders. He smirked, deciding that while they awaited their sensors repaired, and their collective asses rescued, delegation and relaxation in equal parts should be utilized. “Ensign Brin, I want you to go grab an extra repair droid team and kick them until they work on getting our sensors back online. Lieutenant Vesh, I want you to go grab even more repair droids and kick them even harder until our nav computers and hyperdrive are back online.” He pauses a moment, mulling over his next decision, before silently putting pride aside and taking the wiser course. “Corporal Ulgo.... go wake our Jedi friend.... The rest of you: You know your duties, so let’s get to work and get ourselves back to Coruscant where we’re supposed to be!” His voice rose in a sharp command tone, and at that everyone on the bridge snapped to attention, filled with renewed purpose at their leaders show of conviction, and began about their duties. Captain Telsh smiled, his heart string tugging a bit with pride at how well his crew was handling this. He shook his head and sauntered into his ready room. He was getting sentimental in his old age.

---

Sam Ulgo hurried along the corridors of the ship, ostensibly obeying his captains orders. In reality, his eyes were looking not for the quarters of the Jedi stationed aboard ths ship, but for a very particular supply closet. He raced through the ships various bays and past its many bulkheads, worming in between other shipmen doing their duties. At last, he rounded the final corner, and with a glance around, slipped into the innocent looking supply closet. In the dimly lit cramped space, he immediately began rifling through the various medpacks and stims, and searching through bins of discarded blaster parts. His expert fingers then darted to each corner of the room and up against the durasteel seam that held the walls in place. He had bug-proofed this room with electro-fields and holo-static binders more sophisticated than most experimental starship hyperdrives - and worth more than most starships - but both training and experience told him, there was nothing that could replace a quick physical check for bugs. Satisfied with the rooms security, he activated the holocommunicator on his wrist. After a few moments of signal searching and difficult calculation by the device, it managed to force its direct connection. He smirked to himself. Nothing in the galaxy could interrupt a good old-fashioned hardlinked direct holoconnection. Sure, he could only contact one person.... but there was only one person he would ever need to contact with this communicator. The transmitter on the device began to glow, and a blue glowing figure now stood before him in miniature, seemingly perched a few inches above his wrist. A pinched face with a snubby looking nose looked up at him, standing at ease in its crisp uniform - which, he noted, you could still somehow manage to tell was grey, even when everything was tinted blue. “Well....? This had better be important.”

He grinned and nodded at the flickering blue officer. “Agent Ryen reporting in, sir. There has been.... quite the development.”

---

Princess Celestia was just settling in for the night, a small smile on her lips as her magic enveloped a steaming cup of tea and levitated it towards her. One sugarcube, then two, then, after a quick glance to make sure nopony was watching, five more, managed to float into her tea. The spoon danced in her aura and tinked gently against the sides of the teacup as she dissolved the sugar into her hot drink. She settled herself a bit more into the pillows adorning the floor of her study and breathed deep of the warm vapors coming from her drink. A beautiful morning, with a sunrise she could honestly call one of her best yet, a pleasant visit from the Saddle Arabian ambassador, only a handful of easily resolved diputes at Court - she had even managed to visit briefly with Twilight and her friends on her way through Ponyville to inspect the new appropriations proposals by Mayor Mare, all before coming home to a relaxing evening playing cards with her sister, and now a quiet night with a warm mug of tea. A bump and a scraping sound from upstairs made her chuckle softly to herself, knowing full well that that had to be Luna, rearranging the various telescopes in her observatory.. Maybe her night would not be all that quiet, but they were sounds of home, and so they pleased her, and would not keep her awake. She sipped quietly at the tea, the gentle shimmering sound of her magic punctuated here and there by a quiet slurp or a muffled bump from up above.

The moments passed by, and Celestia savored each one as she let it pass her by, idly reviewing the days pleasant events. She closed her eyes and glowed slightly at the memories of being able to spend time with Twilight and her friends without having to also attend to Equestria’s imminent destruction. Her eye flickered open to see the scarf that Rarity had insisted she give to the Princess - and, darling, she would never dream of accepting payment for such a thing for a Princess! She chuckled at her mental impersonation of the fashionista unicorn and levitated the scarf over to her, wrapping the finely woven silk around her slender neck, the delicate shade of green harmonizing rather well with the green stripe of her mane. She decided, then and there, that she should wear this scarf during the Ponyville Parade next month. She grinned to herself as she imagined a panicked Fluttershy and an exasperated Applejack having to carry Rarity home after passing out from seeing her hoofwork on a Princess's neck during a parade. She then looked over to the brightly colored box that was next to the scarf and eagerly licked her lips. She knew better than to eat a Pinkie Pie Pie right away - the pink pony had made it very clear to her on several occasions that such a special pie could not be eaten until it had been in your possession at least three days. It tasted much better that way, she said - and Celestia was bound to agree. She knew from experience with Pinkie Pie’s previous confectionary creations, that unless she waited the full three days, it just wouldn't be the same. Her stomach grumbled slightly, and she suddenly wished that Pinkie had given her a turnover instead. You only had to wait two and a half hours with a turnover.

As the moments wore on, and Celestia contemplated the etiquette of baked goods consumption, a frown started to form on her face. Very slowly, she was realizing that something was off. Her eyes scanned the room, looking over every inch of her sanctum. Her ears perked and listened for several seconds; all she heard was the same familiar sounds as ever, nothing wrong with them at all. She decided to do a quick search of the room, her magical aura expanding and filling the confined space, aggressively searching every crevice for an intruder. As her magical senses reported no more than her physical senses, the feeling of unease grew within her. The feeling itself was not of unease... it was more like a tickling at the back of her mind. But feeling it brought her anxiousness. She was uncharacteristically beginning to feel a small lump of something grow in her throat. After countless centuries of its absence, she struggled to recognize this alien emotion: fear. She bolted upright, standing straight up on all four legs, her wings expanding to their full width as she surveyed the room once more, confused and angered by the return of this unwelcome sensation. What was this tickling within her mind, and why did it scare her so? What was there that could scare her - She was Princess of the Sun! She literally commanded the source of all life and warmth for all of Equestria. Her hooves clopped loudly against the wooden floor as she stepped towards the center of her room. With an indignant and furious pose, she raised her voice to the Royal Canterlot Voice that only she and her sister could create, announcing to her empty room, “Show yourself! I am Princess Celestia of Equestria, and I shall not be mocked, ignored, or spied upon!” The rafters above her shook with the power of her Voice, and she breathed somewhat heavily as she looked expectantly at the empty room.

A pregnant moment passed as she stewed in her uncharacteristic rage, before the doors to her chamber swung open and a stern looking guard pony charged in, a spear brandished in his magic aura, ferociously growling at...... nothing. He stopped in the middle of the room, seeing nothing but his monarch, standing in the middle of the room, looking confused and angry. “Umm... Your Highness? Is everything okay? I thought I heard...... I thought I heard you crying for help?”

Celestia shot the guard a harsh glare, her voice cutting like a knife “You were mistaken. I was merely yawning. Now go back to your post.” She could see the color drain from the guards face as he gulped, turning and exiting the room. He closed the door as he went, bowing and uttering a string of apologies. She frowned, now more at herself than the odd sensation. Since when did she rebuke her guards like that? Since when did she scream at empty rooms and then lie about it? She made a mental note to apologize to that guard later. Being royalty was no excuse for such behavior. Her face contorted in an unfamiliar grimace as she stomped a hoof, frustrated at herself. What was this sensation and why did it make her so fearful and agitated?

Her mind toiled as she closed her eyes and struggled to identify this presence. She had felt it before. She was now aware of that fact. She sensed it.... It was a presence she hadn’t felt since...

Her stomach dropped, and her eyes shot wide open. A shiver of terror ran over her body, the likes of which she hadn't felt since she was a filly, many aeons ago. Nothing in all of Equestria could bring her terror like that. She knew what this was.
With a panicked surge of magic, she frantically teleported herself up to her sisters observatory. Telescopes and globes and all manner of scientific instrument scattered in the wake of her explosive entrance, more than one treasure on the study's shelves tumbling to the floor to go immediately from priceless to worthless. Luna leapt up in a cry of surprise that quickly turned to one of indignation, “Sister! What in Your name are you doing? You’ve just destroyed all of my telescopes!” She was about to continue her rebuke, when she noticed the look of dread on the elder sisters face. Her mood suddenly softened and she inched toward the panicked deity with a worried frown on her face. “.....Tia? Whats wrong?”

Through rapid breaths and barely controlled hysterics, Celestia managed to practically hiss out “They’re back.....”

“Who is back, sister? Who could scare you so with their return? Discord is safely encased in stone in the courtyard below, and I myself have not coveted our thro-”

She was cut short as Celestia put a hoof up to her mouth to stop her from speaking more. She shook her head and looked her younger sister in the eyes, breathing out with dread “The Infinite Empire has returned.”

Comments

[ShadeTail]

You need a serious grammar check. Your verbs keep jumping back and forth between past and present tense.

[Brutydude]

Nicely done

[Brutydude]

Moar plz!!

[AuthorGenesis]

“Sister! What in Your name are you doing?

This just doesn't flow well. Perhaps something like "Sister! What in the name of the sun are you doing?" or "Sister, What in the name of all things solar, are you doing?"

Also, do you envision the unicorn teleport in a similar vein as Force Push? Because I don't understand why teleporting would physically topple objects to the ground. Unless there's a blast of air emanating outwardly, like a wave from a rock being tossed into the water? An instantaneous appearance of matter causing the compression and dispersement of air around a unicorn in a very physical interaction of its surroundings? Perhaps even creating a windy explosion. Because otherwise I don't understand why Celestia teleporting anywhere should knock off anything.

I can see the energies used causing telescopic equipment malfunction, though. But on the flipside, arguments could be made that there'd be no energy leaked as everything would be used in the spell. Like turning on a faucet to wash dirty hands, and then turning it off when finished. There is no excess, beyond what is used to accomplish the set tasks.

[Mixolydian Grey]

Here's some advice on the first section. I hope it helps.

There are some longer sentences in which two unrelated items are discussed. These don't flow well. There's also some awkward and excessive wording throughout. Some sentences are especially cumbersome and difficult to read. Try to trim away excess wording and make things more concise where you can. A few specific examples:

"Behind his command console, Captain Dax Telsh wearily sighed and laid the device down, his head coming to rest upon his palm, leaning against the console." (Paragraph 1)

There's too many different ideas crammed in here. Seperate the items that aren't directly related to improve the flow of logic.

E.g., "Capain Dax Telsh sighed and laid the device on the command console. He leaned into it, chin in his palm."

The rest of that paragraph is pretty awkward, too. You're giving lists of things, which isn't very descriptive, and makes it hard to read. Use more verbs to make the descriptions more lively. Also, "he could feel the headache they were about to instill" makes no sense.

Try something like

"A long moment passed, filled with the murmurs of the bridge crew and the lively chirrups of various control surfaces. (Here I've taken out some excess wording. I replaced "console" so the word doesn't become stale.) Normally these sounds were comforting, but this time they brought only stress. The voices of the bridge crew betrayed fear (fear instead of panic because panic is too strong a word for a sensation you only want to hint at), and the sensor readouts gave the low ping (because you used chirrup earlier, and you don't want to repeat unique words too much) of an anomaly in the system."

"'Though we could be looking at just a very pretty day on Korriban for all our nav computers can tell us at the moment.' She turned and took a look out the viewfinder, the colorful marble which hung out there in space before them."

The first sentence is very awkward, and I doubt it's grammatically valid. The last sentence is missing a preposition or a verb. Try something like:

"She turned and looked out the viewfinder, seeing the colorful marble which hung in space before them."

In the fifth paragraph, there's punctuation missing.

"...and turned to his display to relay the information coming in from the sensors. 'Well...'" (Use a period, not a dash.) "'We’ll have to wait for diagnostics and repairs on the nav and sensor arrays to get anything on this systems mechanical dynamics. Right now...'"

Sixth paragraph, missing apostrophe.

"He nodded, satisfied with his crews' report."

The sentence after has several issues. Missing apostrophe, and incorrect verb tense.

"He stared out at the gentle planet for a few moments before sighing. He pressed the holoterminal beside his station, and the recording device lit up and cast a gentle glow on him. 'This is Captain Dax Telsh of the Republic Cruiser ‘Bondar Thane’ calling to any ships in range.'"

"...warp drive..."

In Star Wars, they use hyperdrives, not warp drives. Unless the KOTOR era is different. I'm not familiar with the expanded universe enough to know.

"He nodded and paused for a moment, remembering his lieutenant's remarks about possibly being near Hutt space, and added, 'And to any unfriendly or indifferent parties, I would like to add__that the Galactic Republic always pays well.'"

Missing apostrophe, and there's no need for a comma there.

"That should grab someone's attention, eventually."

"...forced to pump even more credits into its already bloated accounts as compensation. Out of the Republic's waning coffers, no less."

"With that business taken care of, he glanced back to his crew, seeing their expectant faces patiently awaiting orders."

"Patient" and "expectant" convey a similar idea. You don't need both.

"He smirked,"

"Smirk" is defined in the dictionary as "a smile expressing scorn or smugness rather than pleasure." If that's what you meant, good. If not, fix it. It's a very common mistake.

The rest of that sentence is very awkward. Suggestion:

"He smirked, and decided that while they awaited the repair of their sensors, and the rescue of their collective asses, delegation and relaxation should be utilized in equal parts."

Verb tense slip.

"He paused a moment..."

Also, regarding ellipses, I'll have to double check the rule on those. If I remember correctly, you use four dots only when ending a sentence. (Use three at all other times.)

Don't capitalize after a colon.

"...The rest of you: you know your duties..."

Another awkward sentence.

"His voice rose in a sharp command tone, and at that, everyone on the bridge snapped to attention. Filled with renewed purpose at their leader's show of conviction, they set about their duties."

There are similar problems in the rest of the chapter, I just picked out the specific examples from the first section. You forget a lot of apostrophes.

[The Ohvist]

There are eerie parallels between the establishments of Equestria and the Tho Yor Arrival at Tython long ago: in which both parties despite their diversity were forced to cooperate in order to survive against the wilderness: the Tyhan Pilgrims had to seek balance in The Force lest suffer from the planets massive and uncontrollable Force Storms, while the Three Tribes stood by in Harmony due to the fear of the Windigoes that fed off of the mistrust and anger from the ponies towards one-another.

[Base-Delta-Zero]

Corporal Ulgo......

Is this in reference to Thrask Ulgo from the Endar Spire tutorial level of SW:KotOR?

*reads further*

Oh, nope, never mind.