The Final Sunset
The sun had already begun to arc toward the distant horizon, casting shadows through the cracked windows of Ponyville Schoolhouse. A lone figure sat near the chalkboard, staring out into the impending sunset. As the brilliant shades of orange and red streaked across the figure's face, it let out an audible sigh. The last employee and teacher of the fine establishment was witnessing what would be her last evening within the faded walls of the once-great establishment. The older mare could see, with a slight apprehension, the new school building that had been erected just across the street from the aging structure. All those classrooms, dedicated to each pony race and teachers trained in specialized subjects made for an appealing education.
She closed her eyes and said aloud, to nopony in particular, "I guess this is it, then. All those years of teaching the young foals of this town, no, city..." she trailed off. Taking a deep breath, she regained her composure as a single tear fell from her muzzle and plinked on the bare floor. "And now, I have to sit here and watch as they forget the town we used to be, reveling in the view of a small city, and learn from Canterlot's best..."
Cheerilee tried not to cry. She had already shed too many tears for what had become of Old Ponyville, the thatched roof cottages and grassy knolls replaced by paved paths and taller structures that echoed the larger cities of Manehattan and Baltimare. Try as she might, the tears still came, the pain still lasted, the foals still trotted by without so much as a glance. No longer could she hold back her emotions, as she collapsed to the floor, a small puddle of her released sadness dampening her coat as she cried into the sunset-lit room.
"What happened to the friendship, the love that held our little village together?" she cried aloud. Had nopony listened to her lectures? Surely somepony had to have taken away from her lessons a sense of love and adoration for the small things in life! So why was this city still expanding daily?
Cheerilee got to her hooves and looked further down the street. She could make out the two-story Pony Pet Shop, now owned by Snails. Next door, she saw the exquisitely-designed jewelry shop/boutique, Diamonds and Silver, run by none other than Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. In the far distance, she could barely make out the orchards on the edge of town, where little Applebloom had grown to become a fine farmowner and caretaker for her aging sister. Her reflections brought her to remember her own age and thus, reason for her retirement from the teaching profession. No longer could she keep up with this fast-paced environment, where everypony expected results. Fast.
She sighed again, tapping her hoof lightly against the floor, the echoes of her action flowing around her. The once-great classroom, one she worked her whole life to maintain, was nothing more than an empty memory of what it had been all those years ago. Since Princess Twilight had ascended the throne, friendship had become a priority among the townsponies. As a result, more and more towns made contact with each other, allowing the spread of urbanization that now threatened the very schoolhouse Cheerilee now sat within.
"Is there anything I can do to save this poor schoolhouse?" she sniffed, wiping away more tears. She already knew the answer to that question though. She had gotten the notice a few days ago...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An aged Cheerilee stood next to the mayor of the now-city, discussing matters involving building expansions. The stallion was a calm earth pony known to the city-ponies as Mayor Coltson. Coltson was the nephew of the late Mayor Mare, Celestia bless her soul, and he took to the role quite well. Since the passing of three of the original Element bearers, the town had been subjected to nothing more dangerous than a stray Everfree storm, for which she was thankful. The village had a history that certainly held its own amongst the settlements around Equestria. If anypony could handle it, Coltson could.
Which is why he now stood, keeping a straight, but solemn, face during the heated conversation now taking place inside his office.
"The old Schoolhouse is going to be demolished in three days?!" Cheerilee complained loudly.
"I'm sorry, Miss Cheerilee." the mayor shook his head. "There is nothing we can do. The building has been out of use for almost 5 years now, and Ponyville Academy can certainly handle the flow of students more readily than the Schoolhouse can."
"But I've spent my entire life dedicated to helping the ponies of this town learn about life and valuable lessons on our history and-" Cheerilee was silenced by the Mayor's hoof raised toward her.
"We understand that you are quite attached to this building, Cheerilee, which is why I've managed to convince the City Committee to allow you a few days to spend in remembrance. I hope that will suffice. Demolition will begin on Friday. I'm sorry." the Mayor broke eye contact for just a moment to stare in the direction of the condemned structure.
Cheerilee sat on her haunches, a slight ache accompanying the movement, not just in her hips, but in her heart. The place she had called home, her schoolhouse, was doomed to fall in three days. She sniffed and quietly bid the mayor goodbye. "Understood...good day, Mayor Coltson.."
After the mare had left, Coltson sat back as well, the stress of the last few minutes collapsing on his shoulders and bringing him to almost regret the decision he made. But, he reasoned, funding from Canterlot would stop if the Schoolhouse were left standing. Coltson hated these days. He called to his assistant, "Quill! Fetch me a glass of whiskey!" 'Celestia knows I need it now' he thought.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So it came to be that Cheerilee now watched the final sunset fall over the creaky old structure she sat within. Her heart ached as well as her eyes, a near constant stream of tears falling from them having made them irritated. She stood slowly, and began to close the dusty shutters to the windows for the last time. She passed by the chalkboard, old outlines of young foals' drawings and her plans still visible in the darkening room. With an audible grunt, she forced the door open, and slowly walked from the classroom, never to return. As the door closed with a rickety finality, the old mare herself closed her eyes and began to trot slowly away from her beloved past, towards a dark and unpredictable future. Luna's night sky had awoken, the stars themselves shining a melancholy aura over the city and its lights.
Two lone words were heard as Cheerilee departed the ever darkening scene.
"Class Dismissed."
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So many feels
Don't worry Cheerilee, the building was never as important as the work that was done there.
2258704
Glad you liked it!
It was really interesting thinking of the story on the spot, after having read a fic with Cheerilee, and looking at my drawing. Spread the word, Celestia knows I need more viewers.
And that's very true, but it doesnt make it hurt any less within..
Sadfics/sad poems are my preferred medium. seems like it worked!
All the feels!!!
2259018
Thank!
2259119
mind reading my just now completed story about derpy and dinky?
;_; I has a sad now.
2259513
Awh. I'm glad this story had the desired effect! Im sorry that you're sad though. have a
2259263
Yeah, I just felt the urge to write sad, and this is what came up! It's gotten alot of good attention so far, and honestly I'm surprised. I thought everypony would just pass it by. so thanks!
oh man...
2259599
Hey, now, I warned you of the onset of The Feels! I told you all!
Glad you liked it!
So very sad, but very well written. Bravo!
2259991
Why thank you! Ive gotta say I'm surprised with all the positivity it's gotten so far! Thanks for reading, and any suggestions you may have are greatly appreciated!
Sad music is playing in my head now
Good job!
2260012
I was actually listening to November Rain during writing. Perhaps that is what you hear?
And thanks! I'm really glad so many people love this one!
Still got more attention than my Antimark story. maybe its cause its a one-shot? heh.
Well...you're always gonna have one stickler in the crowd and I am probably gonna be that one.
Call me an emotionless jerk, but I didn't get it.
It was just so short that as you took us through the story--I couldn't really relate to it at all. We are given very quick and somewhat shallow definitions of what's going on from Cheerliee's perspective. Her life is changing completely--her whole purpose now no longer needed. It felt to me more like a dry and somewhat flat description of events and not much else.
I would have loved to have seen some quick flashbacks of the good times: where she was teaching a class and just allowed herself to get lost in memories of the times where she made those impacts and helped to shape the lives of the students that were in her care and tutilage. I know that you meant to impact my feelings, but...
I'm sorry--this just did not hit me as strong as you had intended it to.
Good points:
• Short and direct read
• Good paragraph and sentence structure
• Events were covered in a linear and understandable order
Points that could be better:
• Connecting with the reader on a more personal level
• More descriptive than merely Cheerilee crying
• More than just NPC Characters to help illustrate the events
I can't handle Feels today, so out of necessity I'll be skipping this.
2260187
Thanks for taking the time to tell me what you thought! Honestly, I didnt really mean anything from it, I was just wanting to write something based from my cover art. I didnt really plan it out, kinda wrote as I went, and published first draft material. I'm sorry, but what's NPC stand for?
Also, I know I couldnt convey emotional attachment as well as I could have, but I've never really had to experience this sort of thing myself. It was really hard, actually, to try to make it as sad as I did. I mean, the characters seem pretty able to adjust to change, thats why my mind kept telling me Cheerilee would just move on as long as her students were happy. But that wouldnt make a very sad fic, now, would it?
To be more honest, It's my second only attempt at story writing. So I havent got the skills needed to write anything particularly epic. I would have loved to write flashbacks in there, but I wasnt too inspired as it was. I mean, you try taking Ponyville's future from that artwork!
But I'm glad you liked it anyways, and thanks for the tips! its better than "sad fic!" or "I like it". I feel writers need courteous feedback to improve, and that is just what you've given me!
ahem. /long-flank comment
2260204
I'm sorry to hear that. Hope you recover from your Feels-itis, and can come back another day!
2260294 Will do. Already have this on my "Read Later" list.
2260304
Awesome! Thanks alot!
2260290
NPC stands for Non-Playing Character. It's usually a designation for a background pony or an Original Character, which is the term I should have used in that situation.
Above all, don't stop writing. You will get better with practice, learn how to stick in little details that will make me stop and ask if I've ever had something like that happen to me in my life. What can I take away from the story, what am I going to remember from it? That doesn't need to be the generalized focus of what you write, but it's a wonderful by-product thereof.
2259542 Thank you kindly!
2260422
Ooooooohhhhhhhhhh I get it now!
Yeah, I usually strive for emotional connection, but thats because I write poetry mainly. Im just new to story writing, and skills therein involved. Usually i write a lesson in my works, but again, not alot of areas to take inspiration from.
Thanks for the suggestions and help! Maybe you could take a look at my other story The Antimark, and let me know what you think. That was my first true fic writing attempt.
2260453
Hope it helped!
2259994 I'm afraid I don't really have any suggestions as I'm honestly not that great when it comes to actually breaking down and critiquing a piece of work, but I can give a little more detail now that I'm not trying to type out on my phone.
I felt like you really got the emotion pretty well down. People -- or ponies in this case -- get attached to things emotionally after a certain time and I can understand where Cheerilee is coming from; when I was in high school, I went to watch when they tore down the building I went to grade school in and a lot of memories both good and bad where there while I watched. For Cheerilee, it felt like it was as much about taking those memories with her as it was getting a chance to say goodbye to something important. That's what really got the emotion for me and what nailed it for me story wise. I liked the characterization and I think you did good on the tone
2262718
Wow. Having not actually been through an experience like that, and having someone who has say it fits means so much to me!
Thanks again, You make me wanna write more chapters now!
2262750 You're quite welcome and if you do write more chapters I'll certainly read them too
Reading through the comments, I noticed you mentioned this is your first attempt at writing a story. By that scale, it's pretty good. I think this could be stronger if you expanded it some. Let us see the changes happening to Ponyville via flashbacks to how it was, then contrast them to how it is.
Mayor Coltson is a good character for how little we see him. I like how you didn't make him a heartless jerk despite filling the role of antagonist.
2450802
Hehe actually, this is my first one-shot. my other story The Antimark is my first fic ever. Go check that one out (its still in progress) and lemme know what you think.
I'm not really keen on the whole OC business, but Mayor Mare just wasn't getting any younger. So we had to replace her! But yeah, I don't have an easy time creating my own characters (it's the same issue on the Antimark.) so i'm glad to know I did halfway decently.
I would love to expand, but I feel it would take away from the overall feels produced.
This story is, from my point of view, a pretty good story for a student, no matter the level, to read. A student has experienced teachers in their lives, ones that last long and those that don't. It just makes it all the more sadder when you hear the last two words of the story... it's just that, the happiest phrase in a school day... can also be the saddest sentence a being can ever hear.
I really liked this, gave me feels, a splash of sympathy, and yet I still didn't cry.
As one leaves from their own joyful past,
An experience one can and cannot choose.
A feeling of happiness will now ever last,
On face of small ones with not much to lose.
A journey one can say will be their hardest,
A goodbye one will not ever want.
But for now dear friend, go to bed and rest,
For tomorrow another day will come.
3372613
Thanks! I haven't actually had views on this one in a while, but i feel it made the point across. Hey, for a first one-shot, I'd say it went swimmingly!
that poem's really nice also.
3372617
Coincidentally, I'm reading poetic insights next.
Hello! Have a review. I adore the setup for this story, and the melancholy feel to it is satisfying. Unfortunately the fact that this is your first (completed) fic here does show -- for one thing, a thousand words really isn't enough to explore a setup like this.