A Wolf's Revenge

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Goodbye

Goodbye #1 · Mar 21st, 2013 · · ·

First off you should have an oc tag. Secondly you need a editor. For instances in the description when you say decade I assume you mean to say decays. Decade is ten years. Decay is when the body slowly rots away, being used as food for worms and scavengers. I could take a shot at editing this chapter but I'm the middle of writing two or three stories of my own

Goodbye

Goodbye #2 · Mar 21st, 2013 · · ·

Here, see how this differs.
this here is what you have for the first paragraph

It was a cold night. The wind blew harshly throughout the night. The sky above a beautiful as ever every time you step out of your house or stared through the window. The moon shines brightly down peacefully throughout the land. One peaceful town laid beneath the great moons glow. The small town was called poniville. This small town was peaceful and every pony walked the streets in the morning happily, cheerfully and above all full of life. But not every pony knows that in this small town lies a dark secret in between the cracks. Even though they walked alongside the others they didn’t know but in this village it’s home to 6 horrible ponies that enjoy hurting, killing, murdering ponies for pleasure, fun, and for profit. But today it’s all going to change. Before they become monsters they were friends of a certain friend who was completely different compare to them. Only different now from his murderous friends is he’s underground.

Now this is it with a little bit better flow without really changing whats going on. Just put together quickly in the last few minutes of study hall

It was a cold night, and with the wind blowing harshly throughout the night it felt colder than it was. The sky above was as beautiful as ever, just like every time you step out of your house or stared through the window. The moon shines brightly down, like a peaceful guardian of the land. One town under the moons watchful gaze was a happy, cheerful town. In this town, a town known as Ponyville to its residents, everypony had a skip in the step, particularly overflowing with life.
Not everypony knew this but in this small town, in the cracks of its glamour, there was a secret. A secret that went unknown to the innocent ponies that pranced the streets. These naïve ponies did not know that among them, for who knows how long, there has been a group of ponies different from themselves. These ponies, this group of six, found pleasure in activities that others would reel away from fright in. These ponies enjoyed the pleasure of the hunt, the thrill of the kill. But not for much longer, today it is all going to change. Today an old friend of their’s is coming for an overdue visit.

distortedtruth92

distortedtruth92 #3 · Mar 21st, 2013 · · ·

I agree with 2296958 you need an editor. I mean, I guess the premise isn't bad but the execution is what I find lacking

wolfman93

wolfman93 #4 · Mar 21st, 2013 · · ·

GAH MAN. but question is who will be my editor. i'm mostly do my own editing

Goodbye

Goodbye #5 · Mar 21st, 2013 · · ·

2297824
Well I can take a shot at edittig your first chapter today if you want. I'm home alone and most certainly not skipping school tomorrow. Nope, not at all. I have some free time for once though

wolfman93

wolfman93 #6 · Mar 21st, 2013 · · ·

2297888 sure if you can and if it's no trouble at all. but please send it back ok. this is my first story that i'm making with lots of gore and blood and mostly torture in it.

Silas5399