When I First Saw You

by Monster_Under_The_Bed

The Filly With The Rainbow Mane

The Filly With The Rainbow Mane
Chapter One
When I First Saw You

"I have a surprise for you, Gilda!" My mother sang happily. I looked up at her.

"A surprise?What?" She patted my shoulder.

"Yes, a surprise!It's time to go, I don't want to be late!" I followed her to the door. We walked along the road for quite a while in silence, save for my mother humming a tune.

"What's the surprise?" I asked. She stopped.

"Oh, well,we're so close,I might as well.You get to meet another friend today!" She purred. I groaned.

"Moooommm! Not another playdate!"

"Oh, I know the last one with that griffin didn't work out so well,but-"

"She dyed my feathers neon green."

"Yes, but I've met this girl. She's very nice, rebellious like her mother though. Her mother and I were best friends in school,you know."

"Were you?" I asked. This made me hopeful. My mom didn't get along well with people who had shit attitudes.

"Yes, she had a great sense of humor. Not the best flyer at first,but she learned." She must've noticed my demeanor.It had started to drop back to utter hopelessness. I was a good flyer for my age, I didn't want some wimp who'd never leave the ground.

"I assure you, her daughter is not like that. An amazing flyer,she is.Let's go,we're nearly there." In just a few minutes of walking, I found myself in the park. Soft clouds rolled as far as the eye could see. Huge ridges and bumps, slide-shaped clouds floating around and soft little platforms in the air to land on when flying. Needless to say,it was awesome. It was my favorite place.

"There they are!" She told me,pointing to two pegasi.

"Aurora!" She called to the taller pegasus.

"Lily!" Greeted the mother. The two ponies trotted towards us. Aurora was pure white with a pink and yellow mane that appeared orange in spots. She was tall and her curly mane flowed in the breeze.

"Aurora,this is my daughter, Gilda."

"Oh,hello." The tall pony peered down at me. I waved my tail in greeting.

"Gilda,this is-" Aurora began,but stopped suddenly.

"Please come here!" She called. A soft clunk sounded behind me. I turned. A cyan blue pegasus filly with round magenta eyes stared back at me. Her mane was not like her mother's at all,but was straight and shimmery in the sun. The filly's mane was every color, red,orange,yellow,green,blue,purple. As the wind gusted slightly harder,it looked like a rainbow trailing from her body.

"Hey."

"Hey." We stared at each other in mutual silence.

"I'm Rainbow Dash."

"I'm Gilda."My mother seemed to notice how uncomfortable we were,because she chimed in.

"Why don't you girls tell each other what you like to do?"

"Umm..." I began. "I like to...do....something?"

"Yeah," She responded. "I like to do...things...too."We giggled softly.

"I like to fly the obstacle course that those teenagers set up on the west end of my street."

"Oh!" She said."D'you mean that one on Storm Avenue?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah,I've been there! It is sooo much fun, I go there almost everyday!" She continued excitedly,standing up and stretching her wings.

"Those teenagers take a look at me when I come by, and they're at a total loss for words! They're always like,'Isn't that the filly who's better than us?' and 'Wow, I wish I was that good.'" I smiled at her.

"Show me your skills,then. Race me."

"No problem!"

* * *

"Girls,you know the course! Straight ahead until the statue of Celestia,which you will then fly around, and come back to the starting point!Got it?" We nodded,poised for action.

"On your mark...Get set...GO!!" We took off at full speed. Rainbow Dash was right at my side. Our wings flapped like mad, propelling us through the wind over the clouds. I cut her off as I turned around the statue. The ground flew below me.I was easily ahead, the finish line was approaching quickly,and then suddenly,a colorful blur was ahead of me. I was already going as fast as I thought I could, but I couldn't lose, this was my chance. Only ten more yards. I flung myself forward, barely at the pegasus's side as we crossed the line.

"And it's a tie!!" My mother shouted. We gradually slowed down. Rainbow Dash turned to me,panting.

"Not...bad..." I sat down,breathing hard.

"Yeah,you gave me quite...quite a time too," I said, smiling. She stepped closer. She held out her hoof.

"Good game," She said. I balled my taloned hand into a fist and tapped her hoof with it.

"Good game."

Comments

[Monster_Under_The_Bed]

I'm just going to shoot this out there. This story is very poorly done and I wish I had an editor. Spot is up for grabs if you would be so kind.
Also.
I am fully aware that this is bad. I hope on improving when it gets into summer flight camp. Or at least past when they have barely met. I feel really shaky on this concept.

[JAWSify]

While I am no English professor, I do agree that the writing isn't the best... however I do like the idea of exploring Gilda's childhood and the history she shares with Rainbow Dash. It's not my place to make suggestions or anything, however I suggest practice, edits and re-edits. Anywho, I am interested in seeing where you take this story, keep it up!

[RBDGabe]

DAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW .. Cute Pic!

[66666666666666666-]

not too bad.I like da childhoodness!

[Wind Whistler is love]

Love this. The characterization is so dead on.

There are definitely a few awkward spots, but on the whole actually I think this is well-written. The worst I think is: "She must've noticed my demeanor. It was pertaining back to hopeless. " That's just very unwieldy, and there's no way pertaining is the right word for that...

[Monster_Under_The_Bed]

Uh, yeah. Pretty much. Thank you, Wind Whistler is love, for calling me on my BS.
I have GOT to fix that line.
EDIT: Fixed it. Am hoping this is more satisfactory.

[HoneyPie]

you should really continue this, it's like we actually met Rainbow Dash's mother.

[RohanSpartan]

DAWWW...

Urp...

i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/118/420/pukerainbow.jpg

[Monster_Under_The_Bed]

313029

I plan on it, eventually. Taking a writing hiatus, so to speak.

[Monster_Under_The_Bed]

Am seriously wondering why I marked this story with 'gore'. What on earth did I have planned for this story that I forgot about