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Trixie's Failure

Source

Trixie had made her mother a promise. She had promised to make her proud. And she had failed.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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The Lunar Samurai

The Lunar Samurai #1 · Feb 23rd, 2013 · 2 · ·

Dat feel.
This is a diamond among the coals. I congratulate you for your amazingly deep portrayal of Trixie in a new plight.
It should be labeled tragedy as well.

Fazed Audio

Fazed Audio #2 · Feb 23rd, 2013 · · ·

You get a resounding meh from me; nothing personal. I like the idea that Trixie is trying to make her mother proud and the tragic back story to help motivate her. My issue with this story is simply a lack of pacing. As a whole; everything felt rushed, like you simply wanted to establish the basics of back story so you could get to the part where she admits she couldn't cut it. Without taking the time to properly flesh out her motivation in the first place; the final scene has as much weight as if that was the only paragraph in the story. Aside from that; just a few grammar mistakes, nothing massive but still there.

Summary; good potential but improper pacing destroys weight.

I'm not going to give you a vote however because, like I said, I don't dislike this story, but I don't like it either.

Flutterbye4ever

Flutterbye4ever #3 · Feb 23rd, 2013 · · ·

2163710 Thank you so much!

Zweiterversuch

Zweiterversuch #4 · Feb 26th, 2013 · · ·

Man...this fic scared me.
The cover and the "sad" tag made me think twice before reading it.
I knew this fic would hit a sore spot.
Man, I can't stop crying now.
A happy end! I need a Trixie story with a happy end!