Scootaloo turned under the covers of her new bed. Both the bed and the blankets were softer than anything she ever had back in Ponyville. To her confusion, she had asked Twilight why that was only to receive a long, confusing explanation that caused the filly’s head to spin. Not that she needed anymore confusing things in her head.
After everypony had left and the two ate dinner, Twilight had decided that they should start studying. The purple unicorn started by asking what Scootaloo already knew. The filly did her best to tell Twilight what they had been going over in class but it was clear by the unicorn’s expression that she wasn’t impressed. She then began to pull a large number of books off her shelves until there were ten piles with were each larger than Scootaloo.
The first thing they started on was math. Twilight had opened up several math books and began to lecture. Scootaloo did her best to pay attention, but there was too much that didn’t make sense and she was afraid to raise her hoof to ask a question. Once Twilight finished she wrote down several sample problems and gave they to Scootaloo to try and figure out. The filly got everyone incorrect.
After that, the two worked on a couple other subjects until nine. By that time Scootaloo was dead on her hooves as well as confused. Everything that Twilight had tried to teach her was all jumbled around. Perhaps soon Twilight would see that she wasn’t smart enough to go to this school and give up. But until then Scootaloo would at least try her best.
-x-
“What was that?” asked Cadence as she stepped back a bit. Ruby Moon looked up at Cadence to stare her directly in the eye.
“We wish to become part of the Royal Guard,” she repeated.
Cadence nodded. That was what she thought she heard but she had to be sure. She didn’t have anything against these ponies nor did she think it was a bad idea to let them join the guard. In fact, it was just the opposite. It would be the first time in a thousand years that there were bat ponies protecting a princess of Equestria. But why were they asking her? There was an administration office a few blocks away from the castle. They could have easily applied there.
The Princess of Love then noticed that the spears held by the guards were getting closer to the bat ponies. Not by much, but they were defiantly closer than they were a moment ago. Some of the guards looked like they were ready to attack at any moment. Then, one of the guards spoke.
“Bat ponies can’t join the guard,” he growled. “Any pony with a criminal history is banned from joining, thus it is impossible for scum like you things to join us.” With that he spat on the ground near the three ponies.
Ruby looked at Cadence with a sorrowful look. “We do what we have to in order to survive,” she said simply. “If there was another way, believe me, we would. But since no pony will give us work or land to grow food we are forced to steal. It is that or death.”
“Death is the only thing your kind-” began a different guard. However, Cadence took a step forward while keeping her eyes on Ruby.
“I see,” said Cadence. “Believe me when I say how sorry I am for the way ponies like you are treated.” She paused for a moment before speaking in a louder voice. “As a Princess of Equestria I hereby pardon Ruby Moon, Dusk Blitz, and Thunderclap of all previous crimes. They will also be allowed into the Royal Guard. After their training has been completed they shall become my personal guards.”
Normally, only Princess Celestia had her own personal guards that stayed with her almost around the clock. Guards were assigned to ponies like herself or Blueblood by Celestia or the captain of the guard. But it was well past time that changed. Cadence may not be a ruler like her aunt, but she was still a princess. This was her decision and she would not back down from it.
“You can’t do this!” yelled one of the guards. “We shall take this to Princess Celestia!”
“Go right ahead,” said Cadence as she motioned the three bat ponies to follower her. “You will find her still locked within her private quarters. If you do manage to find her, I will be in the dining hall making sure these three get a good meal before they begin basic training.”
-x-
“What do you mean Trixie is not allowed inside,” demanded the student of Princess Celestia. She, as well as the ponies from Ponyville that had given her a ride, were standing in front of the Royal Archives. It was a tall, spire like building that stood in the back of the castle. Inside was nearly every document that had ever come out of Canterlot. If there was any information about what really happened it would be in this building. However, the guard stationed in front of it seemed to be taking a great deal of join in giving Trixie a hard time.
“Just as I said,” came his reply. “No pony is allowed inside without Princess Celestia’s permission.”
“But Trixie is Princess Celestia’s faithful student!” cried the blue mare.
The guard smiled. “Yes, I know who you are,” he said. “But being her majesties student does not mean that she has given you permission to enter. Even if she did you still couldn’t go in. The Royal Librarian for the Archives left hours ago. So you have until she comes back in the morning to get Princess Celestia’s permission. Have a good night.”
Trixie felt her anger rise as she snorted. She was about to say something nasty to him when she was suddenly grabbed by the ponies she had brought along. As they dragged her away the farmer pony apologized to the guard as did the shy yellow one. Trixie began to shout only to find Rainbow’s hoof covering her mouth. The group turned the corner and kept going until they were out of the guard’s sight before letting Trixie go.
“What is the meaning of this?!” demanded Trixie. The girls exchanged looks except for Pinkie Pie who was missing.
“Well I think it obvious that we’re not getting in through the front door,” said Rainbow. “So it looks like we’re going to break in.”
An amused smirk appeared on Trixie’s face. “Oh what a wonderful idea,” she said sarcastically. “Tell me; just how do you all plan on taking down a member of the Royal Guard?”
“Well dear, you could teleport us in with your magic,” said Rarity. As she said this, Trixie’s smirk vanished only to be replaced with a look of fear. It, however, lasted only for a moment.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie shall not use her incredible power to break into a building,” stated Trixie with her nose in the air. “You will have to think of a different way to get inside.” The girls gave each other another look that said ‘she can’t do it’.
“Well there’s gotta be a way in there,” said Applejack as she looked at the spire. As she looked upward, she thought she saw something pink.
“Impossible,” said Trixie as she turned her back towards the mares. “This is a twenty story building with windows only at the top. Even if the two pegasi did try to fly up there are magic spells keeping unauthorized pegasi from opening them. The outer walls are completely smooth making it next to impossible to climb up. Even if somepony tried they would be caught by the-” Trixie’s long explanation was cut short as a large amount of rope fell on her head, completely burying her. A moment later Pinkie Pie, still in her ninja outfit, slid down with a smile on her face.
“Um, are you ok?” asked Fluttershy.
About fifteen minutes later everypony had climbed up the rope and gotten into the Royal Archive. The window they had climbed into was on the nineteenth floor which was lucky for them. The higher up the older the document. Or at least that was how it was done the last time Trixie had visited this place. All around them there were stacks of dusty books and scrolls. It was clear to anypony that few ever came up here.
“My word,” said Rarity as she covered her mouth with her hoof. In front of her was a spider web twice the size of her body. “I don’t mean to be rude but perhaps the royal cleaning staff has been slacking off a bit.”
“They don’t need to come up here,” said Trixie as she used her magic to pick up a book. She then blew on it to remove the dust, revealing it to be a journal that had belonged to a noble named Proper Manners. “Every record that is kept here has a magic spell placed on it to make sure it is preserved. According to what Trixie has been told the building could flood, crumble, and then explode without losing a single piece of parchment.”
Deciding not to waste anytime, all the mares decided to split up as that they could search the archive a bit faster. Applejack had used her hat to destroy the spider web to see what she could find past it. Slowly the farmer mare picked up a scroll and began to read. Finding nothing she picked up another and then another. After a while she began to wonder what she was even looking for. Would one of these scrolls just say ‘Make Luna evil to the public’ or ‘Lets make up stuff about moon ponies’?
After awhile she found one book written by a stallion name Divine Right. She began to skim the pages only to find that a lot of them talked about Princess Luna. Or rather complained about Princess Luna. From what Applejack could gather, Princess Luna had been poking her nose into the business of the nobles. He also whined about how Luna was giving aid to ‘dirty peasants’ so that they could attend school. The more Applejack read the more it seemed that she was despised by the nobles simply because she didn’t play their game.
Then came a passage that really made the orange mare wonder. ‘The light at the end of the tunnel has finally begun to shine,’ wrote Divine. ‘Princess Luna and her low brow followers have left us. When I heard the news I simply had to tell Princess Celestia. Several times she asked me if I was sure. I revealed my sources who had witnessed the account. Truly it is a glorious day. Equestria needs not two princesses but one. Lowly, young Luna has caused nothing but trouble since the day she set hoof into the castle. It seems that Princess Celestia herself has realized this as well for she has decreed that Luna’s name shall never be spoken again. Blessed Celestia has even order a halt to that annoying Hoofshire incident. Who cares if a couple commoners die? But Royal Bit did say something to me about that. Now there are fewer ponies to tax!’ Applejack fought hard not to slam the book shut after that part. She was sure that he was laughing as he wrote that part.
After a bit longer she did eventually close the book. Placing it on her back Applejack began to look for the others to see if they had found anything yet. After a minute or two of walking she found Rainbow Dash. She was sitting there, staring at something in a dusty book while looking like she could start crying at any moment. Her hoofs trembled as she bit her lower lip. Slowly Applejack walked over to her friend only to trip over a book that was on the floor. Hearing this, Rainbow quickly closed the book.
“Ah hey AJ,” said Rainbow in a somewhat forced cheerful tone. “What’s up?”
“Something wrong sugarcube?” asked Applejack as she ignored Rainbow’s question.
“Never better,” said Rainbow as she stood up. “Let’s go see what the others found. So far I’ve only found this old history book.” Before Applejack could say another word Rainbow had walked past her.
-x-
Another letter written. Another letter sent. Another letter ignored.
Celestia sighed as she began to wonder if Luna would ever answer a single one. Since this morning she had been writing non-stop in the hopes that her little sister would listen. But so far she hadn’t even gotten a letter telling her to stop.
For a brief moment, she felt anger towards the pony named Twilight Sparkle. Had she not appeared at that moment, both sisters would have united their two countries and Celestia’s plan to change the ponies views on lunar ponies would have begun. But this feeling only lasted for a moment. Now matter what Celestia knew it was mostly her fault for letting things get this bad. And because of that she might not see her sister again for another thousand years.
Quickly Celestia shook her head. ‘No,’ she thought. ‘I will not let her go again without a fight! If she won’t answer my letters then I will just go to her so that we may speak face to face!’ With this new resolve Celestia’s horn began to glow. Golden light began to cover her entire body, shining as brightly as the sun. There was a flash and then she was gone.
-x-
Outside the Lunar Palace, Shining Armor was giving chase to Shadow Blade. The bat pony had the nerve to say that he was going to ask Twilight to marry him regardless of how Shining felt about it. Shining had decided to respond in the mature fashion by pulling out an energy cannon and trying to kill his sister’s coltfriend. Shadow, in response, dodged each shot with ease. He knew sooner or later the cannon would run out. He would let Shining Armor get the crazy out of his system so that he would be too tired to try and stop his proposal later.
Suddenly there came a beeping sound from inside a pocket from Shining’s jacket. The two stallions ceased their antics at once, knowing what that sound meant. Normally, life in the Royal Guard and Shield Corps was mostly fun and games. After all, they had no enemies that could get up to the moon. So unless there was an emergency, Luna allowed them to be a bit flexible when it came to their behavior as long as they knew when to be serious.
And that beeping sound meant it was time to be very serious.
“What’s going on?” asked Shadow as he landed next to Shining. The white unicorn stallion pulled out a thin black device with a screen in the middle which was displaying a lot of information.
“Some unauthorized pony just tried to teleport into the palace,” said Shining as he placed the device back in his pocket. “Luckily for us, we were able to redirect whoever it was into the anti-magic holding cell. A group of guards are heading towards it to find who was stupid enough to try something like that.”
Shadow nodded before he took to the air again. However, it was not to run away from Shining Armor. He flew in the direction of the palace to personally interrogate this prisoner.
This sentence should be shot, burned, and its ashes scattered to the four winds.
Her majesty's
Ordered. Also, how does one 'order a halt' to an incident? That doesn't make sense.
You know, you might wanna look into editors.
One more thing, how is the Lunar Republic a republic if it's run by a princess? The definition of a republic is a country without a monarch. It's just semantics, but it just bugs me a little.
Oh So now the Mane...5? Are trying to find clues to the truth? Good for them and Celestia... Really? She did that JUST NOW?
More please, I want to see where the mane 6 went off to.
Great chapter. Why was Dash crying? What did the others find? What will happen now that Celestia is in the republic, Can't wait for the next chapter to find out.
Hehe they caught Tia.
Oh dear. Now holding Tia/Tia invading might be spun as an act of war by both sides. Wonder what Rainbow was reading. The book AJ found is consistent with the BS Celestia let go.
Really everything is her fault. Glad to see Cadence stepping up, but she best be careful or what happened to Luna will happen to her.
Also, I remember at the beginning this was all the result of a what if spell. Are Twilight and the gang living this alternate timeline or are they just watching it like a movie?
Toher confusion, she had asked Twilight why that was only to receive a long, confusing explanation that caused the filly’s head to spin.
Poor,poor Tia. Tried to see your sister, wound up in jail.
Glad there are ponies looking for the truth out there.
2500736
Why are Celestia and Luna princesses when there isn't a Queen?
Anyways, sorry for some of the grammer mistakes. I have a beta reader and an editor. However, my editor is only on chapter two.
Might want to fix this, I would get rid of the first "the".
And I like where this is going.
Regarding Chryssy, I believe her true plan was to trap all the ponies of Equestria in pods like they did with Celestia, and maintain them alive and dreaming while gathering their emotional energies (yes, Matrix style).
Question: Is Trixie going to keep having a relevant role in this story, or will she be discarded as soon as Twilight joing the team? Despiter her flaws, I still see her over a sympathetic light.
2501067
I will respect your decisions and assumptions about my story. However, I do find it funny that you think the flashbacks serve no purpose. They are there for a reason other than to take up space.
Hey in the beginning of this story didnt celestia want the lunar ponies back so she could get to Twilight sparkle? what happened so she didnt know anything about her?
2501381
Well, she doesn't know for sure Twilight is the Element of Magic holder. All she really knows is that the element bearer she needs is on the moon. Right now it is more of an educated guess.
I hope that makes sense
Mane 6 Comments:
I wonder what I or other me was reading? Twilight why did we only get to see other Applejack's scroll?
Not really sure Dash, I don't really get full control over what we view. I guess it just randomly goes to where ponies deemed important are.
Silly Twilight, the author chooses our locations and what we see.
What?
Ah'd like to buck that noble to the present and let other me buck em back!
I approve, he gives Canterlot a black eye, darling. It was very unattractive.
: *Still discussing Pinkie's knowledge to no avail*
Yay, Cadence.
YES oh god YES
I just wish I could give you more thumbs up
someone is bucked
I'm guessing that the mane 5 and trixie are going to teleport on to the moon and be misfits
*RING, RING!*
*RING, RING!*
*RING, RING!*
Trixie slowly made her way to the phone as she tried to both rub the sleep from her eyes and not trip over any furniture.
"*YAWN!*......Hello?"
"Trixie?"
"Princess Celestia!?"
"Hi......um......I'm in jail......"
Trixie closed her eyes and silently mouthed 'not again!' before answering. "Uh huh."
"........on the moon."
Trixie's eyes snapped open as her jaw hit the floor with a loud *THUNK!*
"Could you bail me out?"
Giving the phone handset a long look Trixie silently put it back on the cradle and went back to bed.
(Yeah, yeah, Equestria wouldn't have phones but I thought the above bit was good for a chuckle)
Oooh, Tia, you're being a irrational idiot in this mess. If she was thinking correctly, she realized that was a horrible idea from the get-go. As for Cadence and the Mane 5, I have to give them my thumbs-up of approval. And, I suspected Rainbow Dash must have read something involving something horrible that happened to the Bat Ponies, at least that what I think might be the case. As far as this goes, Celestia sure did drop the ball on this one...
C&Cs:
After their training has been completed they shall become my personal guards.
> Comma after ‘completed’.
...the captain of the guard.
> Capitalize ‘captain’ and ‘guard’.
...she motioned the three bat ponies to follower her.
> Correction: ‘followed’.
Even if she did you still couldn’t go in.
> Comma after ‘did’.
As they dragged her away the farmer pony apologized to the guard as did the shy yellow one.
> Comma after ‘way’ and ‘guard’.
Even if the two pegasi did try to fly up there are magic spells keeping unauthorized pegasi from opening them.
> Capitalize ‘pegasi’ and put a comma after ‘up’.
The outer walls are completely smooth making it next to impossible to climb up.
> Comma after ‘smooth’.
Even if somepony tried they would be caught by the-
> Comma after ‘tried’.
About fifteen minutes later everypony had...
> Comma after ‘later’.
According to what Trixie has been told the building could...
> Comma after ‘told’.
Slowly Applejack walked over to her friend only to trip over a book that was on the floor.
> Comma after ‘friend’.
“Ah hey AJ,” said Rainbow...
> Comma after ‘Ah’.
“Something wrong sugarcube?”
> Comma after ‘wrong’.
Before Applejack could say another word Rainbow had walked past her.
> Comma after ‘word’.
But so far she hadn’t even gotten a letter telling her to stop.
> Comma after ‘far’.
Now matter what Celestia knew it was mostly her fault for letting things get this bad.
> Correction: ‘No matter’. Comma after ‘knew’.
And because of that she might not see her sister again for another thousand years.
> Comma after ‘And’ and ‘that’.
If she won’t answer my letters then I will just go to her so that we may speak face to face!
> Comma after ‘letters’.
The bat pony had the nerve to say that he was going to ask Twilight to marry him regardless of how Shining felt about it.
> Comma after ‘him’.
So unless there was an emergency, Luna allowed them to be a bit flexible when it came to their behavior as long as they knew when to be serious.
> Comma after ‘So’ and ‘behavior’.
2501067
What he said, though my outlook is more negative than 2.8/5.
I've continued to follow this story since my last comment, 2280131 , to see if it could prove my criticism wrong and thus remove my downvote of this story. Sadly it hasn't come close to doing that.
Darth, your reply to me was
Well, we've had an additional 10 chapters since then, and what have we seen? The Lunar Republic is still a shining beacon of hope hanging over the black abyss of Equestria. Luna is a forward thinker while Celestia has, which is now confirmed in story, sat on her ass for the last 1000 years letting the problem fester. Scootaloo has been taken from her home by complete strangers (who she has believed her entire life to be liars and murderers), but other than a brief panic attack she immediately accepts it and just falls right into her new life without a second thought (I found it very suspension of disbelief breaking when Scootaloo awakens surrounded by strangers, one of which was a freaking alicorn, is immediately adopted to someone she had just met and yet Scootaloo has NO REACTION WHATSOEVER!).
So, we're still right where we were 10 chapters ago. The Republic is great, Equestria has a lifetime membership to the KKK.
Darth, you are writing a bashfic. This story could have expanded on Luna's and Celestia's characters, examined their strengths and weaknesses, imagined how their two realms could honestly be different. Instead its one long ode to how great Luna is and how horrible Celestia is. You are pandering to your own biases and desires (See Author notes from chapter 10). That's fine, it's your fanfic, but don't pretend you're treating the characters with an even hand or that the story has any depth to it. It simply doesn't
What if King sombra was trying to stop the changelings by filling his kingdom with fear and hate?
2504627
Just wow. Are we reading the same story. The Republic might not have the same amount of problems, but it does have some MAJOR flaws. Like, for example, locking ponies away in those isolation cambers for 20 years. Darth can explain it anyway he wants but that is brutal. Also, I find the Republic to be a bit on the violent side. In school they teach children to fight with light sabers, there are laser tag free for alls, and military combat training with laser tanks. That seems a but extreme don't you think.
As for your comment about Scootaloo, I think that's bull. Before she went to the moon she got to know both Twilight and Shadow which resulted in a bond. That added to the fact that they kept their promise to her to giver her flight might have helped her believe that they weren't so bad. I do admit that it was a bit too fast but I can still understand why. Or at least that's how I'm seeing it. And, if case you haven't noticed, Learning Curve seemed to be taken back a bit when he found out that Scootaloo was from Equestria.
2504627
You made some good points, but there are some points I have to disagree with you on.
The Lunar Republic's positive appeal is actually a bit deceptive if you think about. While you are right that Equestria's racism has become a major issue, the Lunar Republic isn't perfect either. They have became very arrogant and highly judgmental, due to the combination of having superior technology and Luna's influences (not intentionally, mind you), and they are prone to make rash decision in absolution without giving it much thoughts. For one example, they actually was willing to actually carried out Project Umbrella, an ill project in itself, just because Equestria have been poorly educated about the Lunar Ponies. Another example would be how Twilight didn't even bothered to further investigate the issue further, let alone talked to the Equestria's ponies about it, she just automatically marked them as horrible lying monsters, and left in a huffed with Luna.
If you think about it, while they are being a bit more subtle about it, they seems to be just as racist as Equestria is (though, I'll give Luna some credit for stopping the movie). Twilight have been a perfect example of this. Several times she make very subtle sly remarks about Equestrian, the kinds that isn't easy to pick up on, unless you are either on the lookout for it or have outside knowledge of it (like us readers). She might not realized or even meant it to be racist, but in the end, it still was. Another would be the whole council meeting and the whole 'Project Umbrella' deal.
As for Scootaloo, I don't know...while I can see where you are going with it, I can also understand her happiness about being adapted. There might be other issues that might touch on what you said, like Scootaloo beginning to missed Ponyville and Rainbow Dash, but it is too soon to say at this point of the story. We'll have to wait later onward and see.
2505263
Don't forget about the Lunar Justice System!
2505260 2505263
Except the 'faults' of the Lunar Republic citizens are minor compared to those of the Equestrians. It's like comparing a paper cut to an amputation. One is an egalitarian, republic form of government. The other is a bitterly racist monarchy that is ineffective and corrupt. Trying to see the Republic ponies' arrogance as a major fault comparable to Equestrian faults is just way too much of a stretch to be believable. Same thing with the idea of aggressiveness. The kids are playing with light sabers. It's rule of cool and another way to make the Republic seem even better.
Also, you mentioned the prison sentence as another fault. Again, there are differences. Bat ponies are mistreated because of what they were born as. In the other situation, the person was a confessed criminal (and not a very believable one. Would you steal money for a dress when the sentence was 20 years?) Even worse, Darth seemed a little surprised at the reader's reaction in the following author's note and comments. He was trying to defend it. It was just another way to highlight Luna's and Celestia's rule. Luna is tough on the ruling class so they don't abuse the public, Celestia let's her nobles run roughshod over the Equestrians. Once again, Luna good, Celestia bad. The fact it backfired doesn't matter.
The problem is that there's no conflict in this story in terms of who to 'root' for. Which is exactly what this type of story should be. Readers should be discussing the merits of both societies, their strengths and weaknesses. Anyone here willing to to take up the Equestrian side? Didn't think so. I liked this story when it started out, but it has squandered a good premise for the author's own biases. Biases he's admitted to in his own notes.
2506648
Sorry if you still don't like it. Me, I'm going to read it till the end. I've read Darth's works on FanFiction.net and he's sort of out of his comfort zone. He usually sticks to retellings with lots of fight scenes. Here he has been trying to tell a somewhat original story so I'm going to be patient with him. Maybe he is biased, but this isn't a bash fic. From what I've seen from his previous works he makes sure that the characters he doesn't like has no redemming values and are constantly in pain.
I have also noticed another thing about Luna and Celestia. Celestia seems to represent the older generation who wants to keep things like they are. Luna, on the other hand, represents the younger generation who wants change believing it is better. Maybe that's what he was going for.
2504668
MIND=BLOWN
Just curious, HOW THE HECK CAN
PEOPLEPONIES ON THE MOON DEVELOP TECH THAT FAST WITH THE RESOURCES THEY HAVE????2511211
2511211
consant forward thinking without society holding them back.
2506988
Yeah, that's actually the worst part of it for me. I actually did like it. Darth is not a bad writer. I don't comment, hell, I don't even downvote stories that are complete junk from the word go, but I will comment on what I considered wasted potential.
That's also why I gave it time, but we're 60k words into this story at this point. We're now reaching the average length of a novel. The characters are just way too out of character (basically the entire Equestrian population) or are a Mary Sue (the Lunar Population) to redeem it at this point, at least in any kind of believable way. I don't mean to try and ruin anyone's enjoyment of this work, I just wanted to voice my sadness that this story could have been so much more.
2500864
There is, her name's Chrysalis... What? It's the only explanation.
For better in-universe explantions: I think there are actually some countries where the ruler was referred to as a "Prince" rather than a "King" so this is just the gender-swapped version. Either that or the Princesses thought calling themselves both Queen would have led to newcomers believing whichever one they met first was the absolute ruler.
In reality, of course, it's because Queens are usually portrayed as evil in kid's cartoons and the writers thought it'd be easier to just work around that then try to fight the system.
2520235
Well, I did that because I wanted to show that this Twilight had a different upbrining than she did in canon. Life in the Lunar Republic is different and it was bond to affect her. Also, she later admits that her skill was only so-so. She was the brains of the group.
That aside, I have to admit that 'the line' is always something I have had trouble with. When I did the Michael Hay bit, I originally thought of just mentioning it and then leaving it. However, as I thought more about it, the idea of a trail or something like that somehow clicked. But now that I look back I guess it was a bit too much. I am trying to work on it, but it is hard.
I would also like to thank you for your honesty. It's comments like this one that help me more with my writing. This is my first major pony story and the first ever I am not doing a retelling. It's a lot harder than I thought.
2520285
I also have my own idea on why they are still called 'Princess'. It's something I like to call the Prince Phil affect. In The Slayers there is a character named Prince Phil who basically runs his own country and has for many years. He's married and has a couple daughters, one of whom is a main character in the series. So why isn't he a King? Because his father is still alive. In MLP, we don't know if Celestia and Luna were the first rulers. If they weren't and their parents are still alive, then maybe that's the reason. Who knows.
2520379
Writing is hard. I've trashed every thing I've started to work on, so just trying takes a lot of persistence.
I'm glad you're the type to take constructive criticism well, not everyone can manage that and you do have good ideas so if you can get a bit better at balanced story-telling I'm sure you can make some enjoyable pieces.
Many of your jokes were fairly good as an example of something you do well.
2536803
Don't worry. I don't like the Twilight series either.
Fuuuuuuck you! I promised myself I would go to bed after this chapter but nooooooooooo, you had make it so inviting I had to read on!
Wonderful work!
2520285 actually that was hasbro. Faust originally wanted Queen Celestia.
Seriously That is taking too far with Shining. JEEZE!
2505260 Considering where she took the money from. she got off light. It's not the fact she embezzled money, it's where she got it from that's the big deal.
If only the Library of Alexandria had such a spell.
Yup, getting the typical nobles=bad vibes. Which is a shame. The effect not only turns the contrast between Equestria and the NLR trivial, it also makes Celestia look like a total moron for going along with it.