It's Only Forever
It's Only Forever
Despite how tight her eyes were closed, tears still squeezed between the lids and rolled down Celestia’s face. Again, she knocked her hoof against the thick wood, unsure if the sounds of her knocking could even be heard over the steady sobs coming from inside the room.
“Twilight,” Celestia said. “Please open the door.”
Pressing her ear against the wood, she could just hear the low whimpers penetrate through the enchanted wood.
“Twilight, please come out. You haven’t left your room in a week. You need to eat something.”
“Do I?” came the shout from within the room. “Can I die of starvation? Leave me alone, you troll.”
Celestia looked over her shoulder and to her company, then back to the door. “Luna is out here. Cadance and your brother, as well. There is also somepony else I would like you to meet. Somepony who might be able to help you."
The whimpers stopped. Perhaps it was a trick of her ear, but Celestia faintly heard, “My brother?”
Shining Armor trotted to the door and gently placed his blue hoof upon it. “Twili,” he said. “Can you open the door for me? I’ll come in alone, I promise, but I need you to open the door.”
For several moments, they waited, but finally they heard locks click out of place. Shining Armor frowned. If Twilight Sparkle had resorted to mundane locks instead of magic, she must be in true disarray. The heavy wooden door opened with a low creak. The room inside was dark. In fact, the light of the hallway seemed frightened of venturing past the threshold. Shining Armor felt a pang of fear deep in his stomach, but ventured forth regardless. Princess Celestia attempted to follow, but a wing from her younger sister blocked her path. Soon enough, the door had been slammed shut and the locks all clicked into place.
Shining Armor waited as Twilight Sparkle tended to the locks. He made his presence deeper inside the room so he would be out of the way. His horn was glowing with its magenta magic to produce some light, but he actually had to fight the shadows. Twilight Sparkle must have cast a darkness spell.
“It’s been a long time,” Shining Armor said. What else could be said after half a century of no contact? They had not fought or parted on bad terms. Twilight Sparkle simply stopped returning his letters, and when enough time passed that Shining Armor believed he should venture to Canterlot, he felt awkward making the trip. Tomorrow, he kept telling himself.
“You should be dead,” Twilight Sparkle muttered. “You’re old enough now. Why haven’t you gone to see mom and dad? Why haven’t you just left me like everypony else?”
Shining Armor lowered his head. By the sun, she didn’t know? Had Celestia never told her? Or had Celestia told and Twilight Sparkle simply didn’t listen. “Twili,” he said. He produced more light from his horn, gradually pushing the heavy shadows back and revealing more of his strong, muscular build. Shining Armor could not see his younger sister. The shadows enveloped her. Nevertheless, when the glow of his magic stretched past his shoulders and revealed a pair of powerful wings stretching out of his back, he heard a gasp. The shadows of the room were suddenly gone. Shining Armor lifted his arm in front of his face to shield his eyes. When his vision had adjusted, he laid his eyes upon Twilight Sparkle for the first time in years.
She looked horrible, to say the least. It was not just that she hadn’t bathed in weeks and her mane was a mess. It was not just that her skin sagged sickeningly off her bones from poor nutrition. There was something about her face. Her purple eyes had always been so full of life and wonder. Everything about the world around her had always fascinated her. Perhaps that was what made her such a good student. She simply loved to learn. She loved to read and solve every mystery that was laid before her. Now, the eternal joy in her eyes was gone, glazed over from decades of boredom. She had read every book in the Canterlot library. She had mastered every spell there was and invented thousands more. Her eyes looked dull and dead, bored even. Shining Armor had to look away.
“It was the troll, wasn’t it?” Twilight Sparkle spat in disgust. “What did she promise you? An eternity of bliss? A lifetime of mystery? Love and friendship that would last forever?” Twilight Sparkle trotted forward and came to stand before her brother. “What did she promise you? What did she offer?” She waited. “She lied to you. She lied to you just like she lied to me! She put you on the narrow path of eternity, but she never told you what eternity really means. She didn’t tell you what it’s like to see the world around you rot to nothing. She didn’t tell you that your baby would turn into a monster and he would have to be put down. She didn’t tell you what it’s like to hear laughter turn to dying coughs. To see honesty lie when she says, ‘we’ll be friends forever.’ To see charity left with nothing in the world and kindness turn ugly and black.” Tears trickled down Twilight Sparkle’s face. “To see loyalty abandon you when you need her most..."
Twilight Sparkle spent a moment gathering her thoughts. “It’s a curse, you know,” she continued. “The troll calls it a gift but it’s a curse. You see the world around you wither and die. You try to harden your heart, but love still seeps into your soul even though you know it’s only going to cause you pain. So you throw yourself into your studies and your work but soon enough all the words look the same. You know what’s wonderful about reading the same spell the three hundredth time? Absolutely nothing. How could you be so stupid?” she snapped. “How could you do this? What were you thinking?” She smashed a hoof across his jaw. “What?”
“I was thinking that one day I would die and I wasn’t sure we would be on speaking terms before that happened. I was thinking I would never get to tell you I love you one last time. I was thinking I would leave Cadance all alone in the world, and her heart would break. I told Celestia that if she had a method, I would take it.” Shining Armor sighed and looked down. His cheek was turning red from the punch. “It wasn’t her though. She searched and she searched but she couldn’t find anything. Cadance gave up hope and I grew old right before her eyes. Then one day, there was a great and horrible threat to the Crystal Empire. I was old and tired but I still had my duty to perform. These shadow monsters sought the Crystal Heart and beat the guards back into the tower. I was nearly killed, and in those last fleeting moments of life all I could think about was Cadance. I didn’t care about my own life or my own soul. All I could think about was keeping her safe and I begged to whatever power would listen to somehow grant me the strength to push just a little farther. I don’t remember what happened next, but when I woke up, I was like this. I had also encircled the entire Crystal Empire in the mother of all shields. I guess destiny runs in the family, huh?”
He sighed heavily. His voice took on weariness. “You didn’t come to Rainbow Dash’s funeral. It broke a lot of hearts.”
“I’ve been to enough funerals for ten lifetimes.” Twilight Sparkle trotted to a vanity mirror and began to brush her mane.
“They’re going to erect a wing at the Wonderbolt Academy for her. Princess Celestia is paying for all the expenses.”
“A preferable form of immortality, to what has been thrust upon us.”
“She had a daughter. Did you even know that? Her name is Soaring Rainbow. She’s already an ace flyer but just look at her parents.”
“She’ll be dead soon enough.”
Shining Armor trotted forward and came to sit behind Twilight Sparkle. She was showing exaggerated interest in a few of her front bangs. She brushed them this way and that way in a struggle to make them perfect.
“Twili,” he said. She didn’t turn around but he could see her reflection in the mirror. The tears were running down her face fully now and in shame she tried to hide her face with her mane. Shining Armor turned her around and placed a hoof under her chin. There were tears in his eyes, as if he just wanted to show her she wasn’t alone. “I miss them too.”
He lowered his rump to the ground, and with a heavy push, lifted himself to sit on his rear. It took a moment to balance on his posterior but when he believed he was secure, he spread his forelegs and wings and offered Twilight Sparkle his belly. She practically crashed into him and he was almost knocked onto his back. She buried her face in his chest like she was a filly and the bullies at school had reduced her to tears.
Twilight Sparkle was accustomed to crying. She had spent day and night sobbing for the past ten years. At first she had tried to stifle her tears, because she thought that was what a princess would do. When that sentiment passed, she wrestled with her tears because she didn’t want the troll to earn the satisfaction. Today she wept. She wept long and loud as if she had never wept before in her entire life. Tears streamed down her face and onto Shining Armor’s chest. He said nothing. He only stretched his long, powerful wings around her and held her as long as she needed.
The door to Twilight Sparkle’s personal quarters opened slowly. Again Celestia attempted to approach but Luna blocked her path. Shining Armor trotted out. He offered a smile to the three princesses. “You head in next, Luna.”
The princess of the night trotted forth and into the room. The door abruptly slammed behind her. Celestia listened closely but did not hear the locks click into place. That was a sign of improvement.
Inside the room, Twilight Sparkle was standing before a window. The drapes were held wide by the embrace of magenta magic. The purple princess was staring at the moon. Luna was ashamed to think it, but she was somehow proud of that. She had been putting extra work into the moon and stars each night for the past month, hoping that Twilight Sparkle might happen to look out and see their beauty. She hoped that somehow that might snap Twilight Sparkle out of her present depression.
“How do you do it?” Twilight Sparkle asked without turning around.
“Lift the moon?”
“Yes and no. How do you deal with the same routine every day? Every night you wake up and lift the moon. You watch over the dreams of your subjects. You peek into their lives and help them with their problems. You get to love those subjects, to care for them, but then they fade away. They’re replaced with a new crop of souls, sure, but the ones you love are still gone. How do you deal with it? Have all the faces of the millions of colts and fillies just blobbed into one ugly mound before your very eyes? Do you eventually just stop caring and learn to fake smiles and compassion?”
Luna came to stand beside the purple princess. Twilight Sparkle had taken after Celestia in appearance. She was tall and slender, while Luna had remained somewhat stocky and muscled. Twilight Sparkle was slouching forward, however, so Luna could stretch a wing over her back in a sign of affection.
“How many stars are in the sky tonight?”
“I don’t know Luna. That’s your area of expertise. I’m in charge of magic, remember?”
“For argument’s sake, let’s say on this particular night, there are three thousand million billion stars. That is the number three followed by sixteen zeroes. That is more stars in the sky that ponies in Equestria. Every one of those stars is different. When faced with the sheer massiveness of the sky, it is easy to excuse each one as just a little twinkle but take my word for it, they are each unique. If you would like, I could take you into the sky and you could appreciate the beauty of my stars. They are so beautiful up close.
“Eventually, each of those trillions of stars will burn out, as all things do. That is just the way life is. That does not mean I cannot appreciate the beauty of my stars. I care for each of them like a mare would her filly. My heart grows heavy each time one of them burns out of the sky, but I take solace in the memory of their beauty while they were alive. I never forget a star either. As long as I remember them, they remain with me forever.”
The door to Twilight Sparkle’s bedchambers opened and Princess Luna trotted out. Princess Celestia attempted to step forward, but a stern glare from the princess of the night kept her at bay. Princess Luna looked to Cadance and tilted her head to the door. The pink alicorn nodded and trotted forth. The door was closed, but remained open a crack. Twilight Sparkle either did not notice, or did not mind.
The smell was what hit Cadance first. Twilight Sparkle had let her hygiene falter, but there was something else in the air. The sorrow and grief that afflicted Twilight Sparkle’s heart was as thick in the air as any odor. Cadance was not sure she could help her, but that did not mean she wouldn’t try.
“Sunshine, sunshine, ladies bug awake. Clap your hooves and do a little shake.”
Twilight Sparkle performed the steps of the dance on instinct. Even when it was done, she could not suppress the smile that spread across her lips. She quickly trotted to Cadance and they shared a long embrace. “It has been too long, Twilight,” Cadance said. “I suppose time can slip away when you have an eternity in front of you.”
“Why didn’t you stop Shining Armor? Why didn’t you tell him about the curse of this fate?”
Cadance sighed, and wrapped her wings around the younger alicorn. “Did I ever tell you about my parents?”
Twilight Sparkle backed away and stared up at the pink alicorn, a look of utter shock spread across her features. Cadance smiled, and continued. “I suppose after all these years there are still some things you don’t know? Some mysteries that you have yet to solve. Isn’t it wonderful, that sense of unknowing?” Cadance trotted to the bed, and lay down.
“I was born an alicorn,” she began. “My parents the same. They taught me the concept of love and kindness, and under their gaze I was so happy.” Cadance closed her eyes as the tears started. “We are not immortal, Twilight Sparkle, we are simply long lived. We can be killed just as an earth walker or a pegasi can. Such was the fate of my parents. They stood against a great and terrible evil and they paid with their lives so that I and the rest of the world could go on. I was just a filly at the time, a blank flank in fact. I stood before eternity, completely alone. I tried to go on with my life. I tried to make friends with my fellow fillies, but was ridiculed as a freak because of my horn and wings. I locked myself in my bedchambers.
“It was Princess Celestia who pulled me out of that dark place. She showed me the love of a mother mare that I so desperately needed. When I met Shining Armor I felt the love of a mate. When I met you, I felt the love of a sister. Still, dread touched my heart every moment of every day. When I looked upon you, a filly so full of life, all I could see was the old, withered mare you would one day become. When I looked upon Shining Armor, I saw a decrepit stallion gasping for his last breath while I sat beside his deathbed. I could not even put my faith into Celestia, for I was all too aware that alicorns can die.”
“What changed?” Twilight Sparkle asked.
“I realized I had a choice to make and only I could make it. I could harden my heart and refuse love’s entrance. By doing that, I would spare myself the pain of loss but would it be worth it? The other option was to allow love to fill me and accept the pain it caused along with the good. I chose the latter, and my cutie mark spawned on my flank. When I saw my husband, my knight in shining armor, fall to the hordes of darkness, I felt my heart break once again. I felt the same horrid sickness as when I watched my parents succumb to the hordes. I begged to whatever force was up above. I offered my soul to save his. It was selfish, I know, but I cannot imagine an eternity without him. I do not know what god answered my prayers, but I am forever grateful. Still, I am aware he may someday fall to the spears of our enemies so I have made the choice to treasure every moment I can spend with him. I also treasure every moment I spend with you. Even as eternity is laid before my hooves, I believe every second is a gift to spend with those I love.”
Cadance dipped her head and kissed Twilight Sparkle, before turning and trotting out of the room. “You’re never alone, Twilight Sparkle. Please never forget that. Outside your door are ponies who will always be there for you but you must take the first step.”
Looking out the window, Twilight Sparkle noticed the first glimmers of the sun on the horizon. She abruptly closed the curtains and the room was filled with darkness once more.
Her first steps outside of her bedchambers were filled with fear and hesitance. Luna had gone off to sleep and Celestia was on the balcony most likely, raising the sun. Twilight Sparkle was not sure where Cadance had gone off to but she felt a pang of sadness that the pink alicorn did not wait longer for her to come out. Her brother was there however, and as she stepped out of the room, he greeted her with a warm smile. She could not stop herself from rushing to him and burying her face in his chest again. He wrapped his wings around her and kept her safe from the world.
“Where is Celestia?” Twilight Sparkle asked.
“On the balcony with her guest,” her brother said. “Would you like me to come with you?”
“No. I need to go alone.” She broke the embrace and headed down the hallway, but then turned around and once more rushed to him. “I love you so much, Shiny,” she said through tears. “Your wings really look great, too.” She laughed for the first time in years, before hurrying down the hallway. When she stepped out onto the balcony, the warm rays of the sun touched her fur for the first time in years. For so long, she only ever went out at night. She had blamed the sun for her affliction and refused to let it touch her. Celestia had done a good job on the sun today.
Celestia was indeed standing at the edge of the balcony and watching her handiwork. Standing beside her was a large, black alicorn who Twilight Sparkle did not recognize. The purple princess cleared her throat, and both alicorns turned to look to her.
“Good morning Princess Sparkle,” Celestia said. Her magenta eyes were a little puffy and she wiped her snout on her foreleg in a very improper way. “Forgive me. This is… uhm…” She looked to the black alicorn, unsure what to say.
“You can call me Digger.” The black alicorn’s voice was like an earthquake. Twilight Sparkle actually found herself shaking at the deep baritone that vibrated through her every bone. Digger was a little shorter than Celestia but he more than made up for his height with his girth and the apparent muscle housed beneath his obsidian fur. He was bigger than Shining Armor, a stallion Twilight Sparkle had always fancied the biggest and strongest of all ponykind. “I am an old friend of the royal family,” Digger continued. “Ms. Celestia asked me to come here as a personal favor.”
Celestia lifted a hoof in front of her face and took a deep breath in and out. “It was never my intention to hurt you, Princess Sparkle. I thought that placing you on the path of your destiny was the right decision. I thought it was what best for you and for all of Equestria. I now realize my mistake.”
Celestia gestured to Digger. He stood like a statue of onyx. Twilight Sparkle was not even sure he was breathing, although it might have just been a trick of his black fur or her tired mind.
“It is not my right to hold you hostage in this world of pain and suffering. Seeing what I have done to you has caused me agony like I have never known before and yet I cannot free you of your curse.” Celestia bowed her head. “Cannot, or will not? I am sure that question quivers on your lips. I do not know. Digger can free you, however. If you wish to leave this world and join your friends in the world beyond, Digger will escort you. I only ask one thing, Princess Sparkle.” Princess Celestia bowed her foreleg and lowered her head down. “I ask for your forgiveness for my mistake and all the pain I have caused you. I never wanted that. When I set you on the path, I fancied myself a simple guide. Instead I thrust a destiny upon you, never wondering if it was a destiny you desired. I am sorry.”
“You are forgiven,” Twilight Sparkle said, her voice quivering.
Celestia stood up and offered a smile as warm as the very sun. With a deep breath she turned her back to Twilight Sparkle. She lowered her head and used her magic to pull her mane in front of her face, hiding it from the world.
It was her turn to cry.
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I say let the reconciliation be complete, and let Twilight return to her duties with the same vigour she had when she started out.
2147621 That is where I would lean. I dislike all the fics where Twilight is miserable and that's just it. I was hoping to write Cadance, Luna, and Shining Armor strong enought that they would be convincing. But, losing all your friends and most of your family can be difficult to deal with, and this is her one and only chance. I was hoping this fic would get more attention and people would share their opinion. Let's see what others say.
2148059 In regards to your last 5 words:
lh4.googleusercontent.com/An7RgKrhUBOlKdE0WqjUkTc1xvBkVSa1DTNkQ9nAlnI749KUqX8VdbT5Jb2eSXRZN9VOy_24G3zQ4_mOQkl3V7nC6ucVXJPbkMWhtF8W5bDFL35fBmlNhGhN_g
2148158 Let's see if others even read it, actually. I know I complain too much, but I really don't get what I am doing wrong. This is even me jumping on the bandwagon and writing about a subject that has proven popular.
I like "reconciling and prepared to take on eternity side by side" a lot better than dying.
She still has her bother, Cadance, Celestia, & Luna.
I would like to see someone do a fic with the adventures they have together.
2148269 Yeah. While I recognize that losing your closest friends one by one would be emotionally taxing, Twilight Sparkle still has Luna (who I usually as her sister figure since her banishment has lead her to regress socially,) and Cadance (essentially her big sister,) and Celestia (her mother figure) in the canon. I added SA because it always bothered me Cadance and Celestia would just let him die, and it seemed logical he has his own destiny to perform later in his life. But the fact that everyone seems to write Twilight as alone after her friends die is bothersome.
Oh, another one.
2149420 Could you be more specific? Another where Twilight comes to terms with her immortality? Yes, that's true, but I have tried to put a unique spin on it. I hope you will at least give it a chance.
2149423 I alway do.
I enjoyed it it was well thought out and nicely written.
I can certainly try Exilo, if i must suffer through these tears of mine. This piece definitely deserves a spot on EQD.
There is a minor spelling error in the expanded description.
There are two 'd's in address.
In the story itself:
This one is different. When read aloud, there are some changes made to this sentence, in my mind. I read this excerpt as "I never even asked you what you wanted, if this was possibly a gift you would like." or "I never asked you what you wanted though, if this was a gift you would even like." Minor changes, but they feel more natural than the original sentence. There are even permutations of this that read slightly differently, but those two keep the feel of the original sentence, while seeming more natural when read aloud.
There appears to be the 'usual'* lack of commas like most fics have, and i can send you a draft with my comma additions, if you wish. (*I mean that in the weirdest of terms, actually; most, but not all of the fics i've read so far on fimfiction here, have this problem, and it's not hard to see why. Commas are weird, and not everyone knows exactly where one goes... not even me.) By no means is this a poorly written piece! I'm just probably failing to explain what i wish to express properly. This piece has been the best i've read tonight, at the very least, and has moved me to tears before i reached the ending of it.
Edit - There are probably other errors that i missed in my original reading. I'll give it a re-read tomorrow to confirm this.
This is amazing. THIS IS AMAZING. Finally a break from all the dumb immortallity is a curse, woe is me fics.
(in one of those, Discord actually makes a mercy killing, can you believe that!?)
This deserves a feature. Unfortunately, because there are many fics that sound similar to this that were posted first- it might not.
People really need to wake up. Alicorn Twilight is only a fandom ender if they let it be.
People keep saying immortality is a curse fics are the only kind of fics that can written now..... a pox on those people.
There are plenty of alicorn Twilight stories that happened before this, and they were among the most popular fics in the fandom.
I loved your fic. I am faving and watching. hope you build on this!
One thing that might detract from your popularity would be if the black alicorn was your OC.
I'd still fave it, because his impact was negligible. but....
Wonderfully written
One small complaint, the word "troll" doesn't fit with the story at all. Even twilight saying it seems really off.
This like the eighth "Who Wants to Live Forever" Twilicorn fanfic I've seen since the finale. They're everywhere!
*throws onto obscenely long Read Later list*
Good Show,Jolly Good Show
Why are all these sad fics? Why isn't there a happy one?! Immortality isn't bad for everyone! not everyone believe it's a curse! I want to see a Fic where Alicorn Twilight isn't sad about being immortal. She might be evil and have enslaved the world, but still! It would be different and unique!
2149905 If you could send a draft with corrections, I would take a look. EQD complains when I use commas, they complain when I don't use commas. This was fic I was conciously limiting how many commas are used. And the change in the ending has been implemented.
2149925 Yeah, there are a lot of fics already like this. I hope that the readers would give it a chance, since I did want to do something unique and highly emotional. I read the Discord one. It was... it was alright, I'm not sure deserving how much attention it recieved. Twilight Sparkle just seemed very emo.
As far as the OC, considering the Grim Reaper hasn't been introduced into the fandom yet, I don't see any other options. Although Celestia could offer to kill Twilight Sparkle, it seems too out of character for her.
2150428 I use the term "troll" to describe Celestia in this and in the Return because I can't use harsher language and keep the everyone rating. If I use anything higher, they will rate it a Teen, which EQD doesn't seem to like. Any thoughts for a different curse?
2150723 There are a lot. I'm fully aware of it. I hope this one is unique enough. As I said, a lot of them seem to be "Immortality sucks," and Celestia is an aloof, dismissive monster. This was meant to show a very human side of all the characters.
2151093 Did you actually read the fic? Twilight Sparkle is the only one depressed. Luna, Celestia, Cadance, and Shining Armor all talk about how you can still love people even though you will outlive them, the strength of eternal love, and how despite immortality, every moment should still be savored. Twilight Sparkle is emotional, but by the end its entirely possible she has embraced her immortality and realized it is indeed a gift.
It seems like, based on your comments, you skimmed the fic and gave me a thumbs down based on assumptions.
I'm just a little bit dumbfounded by how many people erroneously have interpereted the finale as Celestia granting or bestowing alicornhood on Twilight. That was never the case. The magic of Twilights friendship, channeled by the new spell through the Elements of Harmony, is what brings her to the astral plane. She even smiles as it takes her... she is at peace with what is happening, whatever ot may be.
Celestia is old and wise. She only saw the raw potential in Twilight. Celestia foresaw the destiny Twilight was capable of achieving, and made certain to give Twilight the resources, education, and opportunity to excell and pursue that destiny! She only appears to guide and reassure Twilight as she goes through an amazing change.
Never once does Celestia apply any of her own magic on Twilight. All the magic that changes her came from within her own heart. Twilight achieved this on her own. Celestia had every reason to be proud of her!
2151310 She might be at peace, at that moment, but living a hundred years and seeing your friends die can certainly put a damper on your mood. On top of that... I'll have to watch the episode again, but Twilight didn't ascend to the plane as an alicorn. It was only when Celestia confronted her. It's not clear what happened or who did what. I understand your view, but until more about the coronation is uncovered, it's up in the air.
2151315 When you do look at it you will notice that the magic that changes her come from inside herself. I think Celestia was there more of a greeting/congratulatory/explaining what is going on kind of way.
2151351 I gotta watch the episode again. I'll admit, it was far from my favorite episode, so I wasn't watching it as closely towards the end.
In that case, I might make some slight changes to the dialogue. But I feel like, even if the magic came from within Twilight herself, she might still apply blame to Celestia. She may view it that Celestia put her on this path, Celestia chose her to be her student, Celestia gave her the Elements of Harmony and the spell without seriously considering the consequences. That's not to say that Twilight Sparkle is correct in blaming Celestia, keep in mind. She might just be so depressed she needs to blame someone, and Celestia is someone physical while "destiny" is an abstract concept. Celestia, who loves Twilight Sparkle with all her heart, is willing to accept blame if it means easing Twilight's pain even slightly.
2151170 I don't care about the others. If they didn't like immortality they would already be dead, or sealed away and all that. I meant only about Twilight. Why are there no stories where Twilight is happy and not sad.
2151621 It is not as simple as "I don't like immortality so I'm going to die or get sealed away." As Celestia states she does not have the power to take Twilight's immortality away from her. Twilight Sparkle herself may not know the limits of her immortality either. She wasn't sure if starvation would kill her, after all. Celestia has to call in Equestria's Grim Reaper to assure Twilight Sparkle's soul will ascend to the other plane of existence. In case it wasn't clear, "Digger" is the Grim Reaper.
My view is that Twilight doesn't go with Digger, she stays with Celestia and embraces her immortality and is at peace. The original ending was much more explicit about her happiness, but I felt the open ended nature was a bit stronger.
If I do a sequel, then Twilight will have come to terms, and perhaps even take a mentoring role to the new generation of Bearers of Harmony (such as Soaring Rainbow.)
From a storytelling standpoint though, what's the fun if everyone is always happy? A story requires conflict. It requires worry and threats. It requires an emotional or physical journey. Hopefully, at the end of all their trials though, the character can be happy again, which is what happens with Twilight. I can relate to Twilight, hitting rock bottom and pulling herself out, much more than I can relate to Twilight constantly happy and living on cloud nine for an eternity.
Most impressive, I've been reading a lot of these Alicorn Twilight fics lately. Still, this one stands out, as it captures the actual conflict that someone would go through in this situation.
Moreover, while I agree that Twilight's own power and her connection to Harmony were the main reasons she became an Alicorn. Celestia was just meeting her in the Astral-area and doing the exposition thing. The transformation was triggered by her own inner Magic. I re-watched the episode just to be sure. It came from inside her, no prompting from Celestia's Magic, and was Twilight's own Magical Aura color.
That said, that's not to say Shining Armor himself couldn't become one was well. After all, Twilight's method was unique to herself, his own could likely have been a trial of love between himself, Cadence, and his desire to protect, which is signified by HIS cutie mark.
But I digress, well done, and honestly I'd love to see the two eventual ending to this someday. The ambiguity ending is good, but I'll be honest. As a fan and as just being me, I love closure and seeing the true ending of a story.
Also, just for the record, I hope this makes Equestria Daily, this deserves a spot there.
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I want to see her live! But I would like to see in in a way where Twilight is shown on a little adventure by each alicorn (including death if he has a personality in your fic) going through life for them, Starting with death (or shining) ending with Celestia.
I think Twilight killing herself right after having been convinced about leaving her room I think that she would not really be in the mind set right now for killing herself.
2151732 I enjoy doing that. i enjoy taking a rather standard flare for fiction, and making it somewhat unique. So your comment is certainly touching, that mine was able to stand out.
Before I submit this to EQD next week, I am going to have to make some edits to spiffen up the grammar and such (I need to post it by next week before they put a block on Alicorn Twilight fics.) I will go back in and adjust the dialogue, and make it that Twilight Sparkle is simply blaming Celestia for ever putting her on the path at all, less that it was outright Celestia's magic. Perhaps something of Twilight saying how she would have prefered a quiet life, and that she had never even visited the magic school.
I would also like to take your advice on Shining Armor. Something about him protecting the Crystal Empire, and when the smoke clears he has become an alicorn. Something more vague, but yes, I like the idea of each pony having the potential to become a demigod if they perform a great action in their life. ...Cripes, this is going to need to rewrites.
Tell you what, if this is accepted by EQD, I will write up a sequel. Perhaps based on the idea that the person above you talked about.
2151788 I'll admit, I'm rather happy there is such a let Alicorn Twilight live group. I was worried I would be in the minority. Well, the Reaper does have a personality that was developed in a different fic I posted on a different site. "Grave Digger" (get it?) is a name he takes when he takes human (pony?) form. I'm a fan of portraying Death as less a cruel and evil figure and more as calm, level headed (omnipotent) figure. He doesn't neccassarily enjoy taking people away in their prime of life (in the other fic he actually comments how he wishes he could only take the old and the weary to give them peace,) but he is doing a service. It's almost like... "I do this job because it needs to get done, and no one else will do it. It's a thankless job and everyone hates you, but it needs to get done. End of story." He also has the utmost respect for someone like Celestia, who despite over a thousand years of tireless burden on her back, she has never asked him for relief, which is why he was willing to visit her. The fact that Twilight Sparkle has pulled herself out of her suicidal depression might actually earn his respect as well, because he understands more than anyone that life is sacred and precious, even when it is infinite. That would actually be a good lesson for him to teach... perhaps she accompinies him in a reaping... Thanks for the idea. I like that.
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Well wow, heh, glad I could be of assistance. And I did read the comment above me. Indeed, if anything would help Twilight appreciate life, it would be witnessing the process of Reaping, as it were. Grave Digger, I like the name as it certainly seems about right for him, and likely not a job anyone would covet.
Let me know when you submit this to Equestria Daily, I'll be rooting for you. If anyone's Twi fic deserves to be shown, it's yours. After all, like you said, all life is precious. If you ever need help with such stories or anything, let me know, I'd be more than happy to lend a hoof.
2152420 I'll make a journal when I submit this, hoping for luck.
And if you would like to do a proof read run, that would be appreciated. This and the Return are the two I am working on submitting atm.
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Sure, I'm up for that. Just send the stuff over my way. And by that, I mean either Pm me, or I can PM you my e-mail, whichever is easier for you.
I like this latest version even more. It seems much better with that little transition between first leaving her room, and the balcony now. Glad i could help you, Exilo.
2154220 I have been blown by how helpful so many people have been with this fic. It's a small addition, but it's one I and other beta readers overlooked time and time again. It sets the mood for Twilight and also shows true love between her and her brother. I have also been dying to call him "Shiny" for weeks. Thank you so much.
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Not a problem. I just love helping authors improve. Well, that, vidja games, and reading stories. The helping one doesn't happen nearly as often as you'd think.
Actually, no. Stars don't burn out, I can give you several videos explaining why if you've got two hours to kill.
Other than that scientific inaccuracy(which was not the point of your story anyway), I can say that this is pretty awesome. I like what you've done. Good job.
2157328 Are you sure they don't burn out? Eh, yeah, it's not important. If pressed, I will just say Luna was speaking metaphorically. I mean, I hope that's clear. Although she loves stars, she wasn't actually talking about stars. But I'm surprised you say stars never burn out. But oh well. I'm happy you enjoyed. This fic has been submitted to EQD. Hopefully they will enjoy too.
2157426 Well, I knew it was a metaphor, just that scientific inaccuracy bugged me.
Also, EQD are elitist assholes, don't expect it to be accepted. They'll find that you missed an apostrophe somewhere or something and say it's "unacceptable".
2157455 Well, that put a damper on my mood...
I might go back in and change something. I might do some research and Twilight says, "Stars don't burn out. You're the goddess of the night. You should know that!" And Luna simply sighs. Might do that.
2157469 Lol. Well, this IS a different universe...
Anyway, it's not worth having it on EQD. They accept stuff by people like Pen Stroke without even reading, and squash new writers like bugs under their high heeled shoes.
2157597 Considering EQD might be reading this and all my comments right now, I would rather refrain from making any negative comments about them.
I submitted a fic called the Return and although they turned it down, they gave me constructive criticism and I have taken the comments to heart. I am working very hard on the next submission of that fic and some people have helped with proof reading. Some of their grammar rules absolutely baffle me and I have no idea what they are basing it on, but… I just have to hope that the quality of my work will eventually show through. It’s not just EQD. It’s making a name for yourself as a writer at all without resorting to “cheating.” FurAffinity is absolutely brutal on writers. Unless you fill your gallery with commissioned artwork from well known artists, you are going to have to struggle and claw for every watch and fav. And never bother posting anything other than smut! I don't really like that EQD holds writings up to much, much higher standards than artwork but that's just how it is no matter where you go. I just gotta keep trying, and keep hoping that eventually I will make a name for myself. Become the kinda brony every brony should know.
2158073 Oh boy, FA is not even worth it.
Also, why hide it? EQD PROOFREADERS even claim that EQD is terrible with fics. They need a system overhaul.
2158290 *shrug* I dislike that there is such an apparent disparity between the quality in the fics they accept and the quality of art they accept. That is as far as my comments will go. As far as why I don't shout that from the rooftops, I just think it would be better to be respectful when I am a guest in their home, or trying to enter their home. That is a rule I try to live by. Now, if people come onto my fics or profile (my home) and don't show me respect, all bets are off.
They are the MLP site. It's the same reason I am struggling on FA. Because it is the furry site. It's not fun and it's not easy and it's not pretty, but you just gotta keep hoping and trying.
2158346 Jeebus, the fursonas on FA. Talk about Gary Stu overload!
Also, I suppose.The only time I ever want to make EQD is for my music.
2151315 Yes, she did ascend to the astral plane as a unicorn. Celestia never uses her magic on Twilight though, not once. The magic that starts Twilight's Alicorn transformation... It most definitely originates from Twilight's own heart. You even see it leave her chest, hover for a moment, then surround her back as it manifests the wings she is about to grow. That event is clearly depicted, and nothing about it is "up in the air". Celestia's magic is yellow, and never once touches Twi. Twi's magic is magenta/purple... and that is the color of the magic that comes from her heart.
I imagine, that in your story sequence, that grief can cause unfounded blame, but is it not possible this was a stage of grief ALL the living alicorns once went through. No pony is at fault, unless you want to blame the eternal cogs of the universe... Each alicorn was offered a destiny, and each reached it. Quite frankly, The only blame I'd lay on Celestia, is that she probably did not want to be alone, so she made certain Twilight's destiny could be reached. That's the extent of her actions in this. Ultimately, it was Twilight who ascended. All said, it was a good story. Don't ever misinterpret a few criticisms from me for not liking the story... It was good!
All said, Celestia's role there, IN the astral plane, is as a guide, to show Twilight why she has appeared there, and to keep her from being alone during her major life change. Also... Celestia is best voyeur!
Also... Are you having a serious conversation with Regidar??? Wait, WAT???