The Champions of Equestria

by Succaeros the Chronicler

The Miseries of Despair pt II

(~M.O.D~)

Morning came, bringing sunlight streaming in through the parted curtains. The sunbeam crept its way up the wall until it finally fell across a peacefully slumbering pony. The bright light disturbing her dreams, Rainbow Dash woke with a grumble and a rather futile effort to go back to sleep. She sat up, wincing at a twinge from her sore wings. After rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she took a look around and noticed something was off. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to figure out what was missing. She took a look at the other bed, neatly made up and-

Wait a minute... Where's Fluttershy?

This disturbing revelation caused her to rush out of the room and into a cavernous area, a den of sorts. It was well furnished, and on one side was a kitchen area where the MIA pegasus sat, laughing and chatting with another mare. The mare was gray, dark gray with pure white hair. No, wait. Not pure white. There was the slightest hint of a cyan blue running down her mane. Her eyes were a deep cerulean blue, so colorful she could get lost in them. The pegasus looks over and smiled broadly.

"Hey lazy bones! Glad to see you up and moving around. How's the wing? I tried to mend it as best I could, you were pretty tore up out there." Her expression changed, becoming more somber. "I wasn't sure your wings would be okay after a crash like that. How'd you do that, anyhow? The entire crater was glowing with a rainbow of colors. And speaking of rainbows, there was a rainbow trailing into the distance from the crash." She looked at them quizzically. "What happened?"

Rainbow looked around sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head with her hoof. "Right, the crash. To be honest, I don't remember much after that. A few images of you and the other mare. But the cause of the crash, well… I do know that. We were traveling, see, and we came all the way from Stableside. We're on our way to Gallopfrey, and Fluttershy here wasn't strong enough to make it all the way in one go. She hasn't had much training in distance flying, and I had to help her towards the end. And well, after that I got caught in a storm front and had to make an emergency landing. We were still out aways, so I had to go supersonic in order to make it. And braking from supersonic speeds nearly tore my wings off. They still hurt, so no flying for a bit."

She took a long breath, a moment to recollect her thoughts. "I -I guess I should introduce myself, shouldn't I? I'm Rainbow Dash. Fastest flyer in Equestria, keeper of the Element of Loyalty. Who are you?"

The gray mare was staring at her through her entire speech, those blue eyes staring her down. Rainbow shifted uneasily, waiting on her to speak.

"Name's Blinkstep. Call me Blink. I don't know where I come from, or anything about my past. I was raised by a man I hated, and used because of what I can do. I ran away, and no matter where I went, I was treated with hate. I was picked up by Cloud Eyes, my friend, and her family. They gave me this place, as a home. They treated me nicely, and cared for me like a daughter. I owe a lot to them." Blink didn't know why she was telling Rainbow all this, but she felt like she should trust this pony.

There was another few seconds of silence, in which Fluttershy was looking between the two mares and wondering what was wrong with her friend Dash.

"You said you were taken advantage of because of what you can do. What CAN you do that made people so eager to turn you away and hate you?"

Blink turned her face away, simply shaking her head. "It doesn't matter. I swore I wouldn't use my talent again." She spat the word out like it was a curse. "People didn't trust me because of it, and they turned me away. That alone is enough to make me hate it."

Blink winced, then turned around, her face sporting a mischievous grin. "But enough about me and my woes. You're my guests! Why don't I show you around? This island is just a barrier island. Wait until you see Gallopfrey. It's absolutely fantastic. It's an industrial town with a serious tie to the sky. You'll be able to go anywhere, just charter a transport. You'll see. Come on, let's go!" She leapt towards a lever on the wall, which revealed a portal in the roof. Blinkstep took off through the doorway, leaving Rainbow and Fluttershy to follow along behind. When they cleared the door, the slab dropped. When Rainbow looked back, she couldn't see anything. "Hey, Blink, wait a sec. Where's your house?"

Blink looked back, a look of slight confusion crossing her face. "What do you mean? It's right there! ...You can't see it, can you?" Rainbow and Fluttershy shook their heads. "Oh, I guess I just got used to it. When I first got here, I had to hide away from... some.. ponies. It doesn't matter who, they gave up eventually. But while they were hunting me, I found this cave on this island. It was dark and secluded, built into the side of the cliff face. Well, I hid out there for a while, hoping to wait them out. Turns out, they had brought some kind of special stone with them that created an explosion, because there was a freak accident and it blew up. The explosion drove my pursuers away, but it also created a hole in the roof of the cave. So, I got the idea to build my house there. Here, come on. I'll show you."

She sped off over the cliff, trailing the two mares. When they finally caught up to her, she was hovering next to the cliffs. She motioned for them to look, pointing to the wall in the cliffs. It was a mottled gray and black surface, carved smooth with openings for the windows. “There’s no doors into my house save for two. The one we exited through and a tunnel leading to the other side of the island. It’s the safest place for anyone to hide out. But enough of that. Come on, let’s go see Gallopfrey!”

The three pegasi took off, soaring above the peaceful island. It was generally flat, with the occasional hill or dale. There was a river flowing through the center of the island, originating in a calm lake and snaking easterly towards a lagoon. Blinkstep looked at the river, and then suddenly dove towards the lake, shouting for the pair to follow her. They flew just above the water for a ways, until Blink motioned for them to land. She approached a much smaller lake, which only had a small stream flowing out of it. It was barely deep enough to swim, but she dove in anyways.

“There’s a secret to this lake. The lake’s not very big, but the stream flows through a series of canyons and tunnels, ending in the lagoon separating this island and the main island. It’s really fun, and it’s the best way to travel to the coast. Care to try?” Her expression and mischievous smile practically goaded Rainbow into accepting. Fluttershy, not wanting to be left behind, merely squeaked and followed her to the start of the stream. Fluttershy approached the start of the stream, which dropped away on a steep slant flowing over algae-covered rock. She shivered in fright, and then gave a shriek as Dash gave her a nudge and she fell in, the swift current carrying her away.

“After you, Miss Rainbow,” Blink motioned, smiling slyly. Rainbow grinned, and shook her head. “Oh no,” Rainbow Dash replied. “After you, I insist.” She gave Blink a playful shove, and just before she fell in, Blink reached out and grabbed Rainbow, laughing at her amusingly shocked expression. The current being strong, it carried them over the steep drop, rocketing them down a curving slide of water and stone, which tossed them left and right. The stream continued, dodging around huge boulders, corkscrewing, going through massive canyons and down abyss-like tunnels. Every so often it would give another drop and enter a calm pool, which served as a quick respite for the laughing mares. Then the rest was over, and they descended yet again.

After what seemed like seconds, they emerged from the side of the cliff into dazzling sunlight. They flew out of a hole in the cliff face about ten feet above the water, landing with a huge splash. When they finally surfaced, they saw a cottage in the distance, and a baby-blue unicorn helping a bedraggled yellow Pegasus out of the lagoon. After a rather relaxed swim over to shore, Blinkstep emerged onto the bank, greeting the unicorn with a big hug.

“Hey Blink,” The unicorn noted. She spoke to the mare’s shoulder, and Rainbow realized the unicorn was blind. Her eyes were a light shade of gray, and she carried an unfocused look. She had a well-kept mane and a cutie mark featuring an orb with magic signs surrounding it. “I see you brought a friend.” She turned and addressed Rainbow, staring at her with that piercing, unfocused look. “I’m Cloud Eyes. Yes, I’m blind. Yes, I can still see. No, I am not a mind reader. How is your wing holding up?” Rainbow just stared, at a loss for words.

Blinkstep merely looked amused at the pegasus’s expression and explained, “Cloud Eyes was born blind, but she can still see things. Not in the way that you think. Rather, she feels the magical vibrations objects put off. She can sense them so well she can even tell color and small details, like the shape and colors of your cutie mark. She’s also the one that helped me to heal you after your…ahem… mishap.”

Rainbow shook her head, a little embarrassed. Cloud Eyes grinned, sensing her feelings. “How about we dry off, and then you can continue on your way? Gallopfrey’s just across the bay, in the next canyon. You really can’t miss it. I’ll go get your friend. She’s the one who told me where you were going.” This last remark was directed at Blinkstep’s raised eyebrow and Rainbow’s look of surprise. “Fluttershy is quite the charming mare. Nice and kind, but not too much of a pushover. She has a bit of a fiery side, that one.” She winked at Rainbow, grinning. “Oh, and Blink? That article you were waiting for is done. You can pick it up at any time.”

Blink nodded and entered the cottage. After the door had closed, Cloud eyes turned back to Rainbow and motioned her closer. “I want you to take Blink with you, wherever you’re going. She needs to experience the world, otherwise she’ll end up hating it. Just,” she said before Rainbow could interrupt, “Do it for me. I know she’s not your friend, but I think you could use her company as well. I would go with her and take her around the world, having adventures and such. But I would be a bad tour guide. Do it for her, do it for yourself, do it for me; I don’t care why you do it, just promise me you will.”

Rainbow shifted uncomfortably, weighing her options. “I’m sorry, I just can’t. It’s too much risk, and we have to move fast. It’ll be dangerous, and I just don’t want to have to watch over her.”

Cloud Eyes raised her eyebrows. “If you’re worried about danger and taking care of her, put those fears to rest. She’s easily the most reckless and headstrong one I’ve met, though my impressions of you make me wonder.” Rainbow gave a sheepish chuckle. “And she’s one of the fastest mares I know. She’s intuitive and knows the ways around here.”

Rainbow just sighed and shook her head. “I can’t take responsibility for another person on this trip. Even if she did come, we couldn’t tell her what we were after.”

~We don’t even know ourselves~ “It’s a mission of the highest confidentiality. I just can’t allow her to-“

Her refusal was cut off by the re-emergence of Blinkstep, now sporting a silvery breastplate and covered in a dark midnight cloak. The breastplate was etched with strange designs, in the center of which was a depression, like a place for an ornament. It had the rough shape of a phoenix with upraised wings. The rest of her was covered in various bits of metal, making her look like she were heading into battle. She even had a streamlined helmet, with a visor that covered her eyes when she was flying.

The overall affect was menacing.

She approached the group, nodding to Cloud Eyes. “Thanks for repairing it, it feels brand new!” She stroked the helmet affectionately. “Now then, shall we be off?”

The gathered up Fluttershy (amid much fright at Blink’s new getup) and bid farewell to Cloud Eyes, who looked up at them with a mixture of longing and sadness. As they approached the mainland, the sun was just getting high. Over hills and dells, ravines and flatlands they flew. And while it wasn’t truly that far, it was nearly sunset when they approached the cliffs overlooking Gallopfrey.

The three mares landed, eager to rest from the flight. They approached the edge of the cliff as the sun touched the horizon, bathing the world in a fiery glow.

“Behold,” Blink said with an audible smile in her voice. The Portal to the Sky, Gallopfrey!”

~(M.O.D)~

Comments

[Netaro]

Yeah, I've finally found some time to read that story. I've noticed you're using hlissner's framework (by that, I mean, his map), right?

My current opinion is: It's quite good, has a good premise, and as much as I'd like to read more, it suffers from a few quite painful problems.
First, there are a few parts in the story where there's a sudden switch from 3rd person to 1st and back. It's quite confusing, to be honest.

Second, your story has the same problem as mine: "Show, don't tell". You might consider it somewhat hypocritical on my part, because that's the same thing that I've done... But yeah, you know, it's easier to tell others than to do in oneself That thing triggered me doing ( yet another ) rewrite. Ouch. But it's still a part of a learning process.

Furthermore, there's a small problem with plot: Celestia sends the Mane 6 across the world, but doesn't give them a good, solid reason to do such a thing. Essentialy, it boils down to "Go, bearers of harmony!" But why? I believe it might be much, much better if Celestia explained to them in detail what's really going down.

Word of advice, there's a fic board on ponychan, where you can submit your story for better, more in-depth review. I'm still pretty new to the whole "writing fanfiction" business, and as such I'm still making the same mistakes that I notice others doing.

So, a good premise, but a few problems that are fixable. Thumbs up!

[Succaeros the Chronicler]

266317
I'd rather not get tied up in Ponychan, if it's all the same. But the info was helpful, and gave me ideas. Which, is currently what I need. Yes, it's based on hlissner's design, with a few minor changes. Where did it jump from third to first? Can you point it out?

[Netaro]

266508
>I'd rather not get tied up in Ponychan, if it's all the same.
Why's that?

>Where did it jump from third to first? Can you point it out?
I'll point that out later, if I may. Right now I'm rather busy

[Succaeros the Chronicler]

Eh. Ponychan and I don't get along well.