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One-Shots18,922 stories ·2,369 members

Toboggan

On this cold winter's morning, three fillies stand alone on a snow covered hill. Not to pursue a cutie mark, or go on a daring quest. But to simply enjoy the snowy wonders of a classic wooden toy.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 2 )

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jmj

jmj #1 · Feb 13th, 2013 · 2 · ·

It's a cute story for sure. The CMC are great in it. Also, your choice of music is exceptional and I feel it really added to the emotion of their thrilling ride. It was fun, easy to read, and well written. I'm amazed at the difference in your level of writing from your first chapter in your initial story. Keep up the good work, sir.

Firebirdbtops

Firebirdbtops #2 · Feb 15th, 2013 · 1 · ·

Pretty good story, but I would say that real time dialogue would have helped me get into the feeling of the scenes more than the physical descriptions alone. Of course the trouble with that, is dialogue interrupts the flow of prose sometimes. It can be quite tough to slot it in. Still, good job.