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Applejack finally builds up her confidence and decides to confess her feelings to Rarity. However, after the white mare makes a careless remark, Applejack realizes that Rarity hates filly foolers! Will Applejack still confess to Rarity, and possibly ruin their friendship? Find out next time, on Yu Yu Haku-uh, I mean My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
Oh, and there's a live-reading now. Watch it here!!!
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lol, that was funny
No development, no details, characters OOC, cliche story not done well.
Shame, this is one of my favorite ships.
2123100 Well, the overall point was to be funny, but seeing as how this story has mix'd reviews, I'm guessing I could have done better. This wasn't suppose to be a serious story, and should not be taken as such. I'm not bashing on your review, looking back at my story I whole heartily agree with you on the most part, but it just seems like you may have took this story to seriously. You did bring up some excellent points, one's I'm definitely going to keep in mind next time I write a one-shot, so thanks for the helpful review.
The set up was ok, but the resolution was very abrupt- and Rarity's reaction was extremely ridiculous and not fun to read- I get that this was not meant to be a serious fic, but it needs more content. Thank you for posting your fic, though.
That was hilarious.
Glad I read it.
2129335 And thank you for reading. I really should get to working on that ending to make it more satisfying, no good ever comes from rushing I suppose.
I can't really critique it different than any-one else has. You did help me realize something: Rarijack works as a ship because they are the most mature and grown up of the Mane 6. Yay. Thanks for putting it up.
When it comes to romance, Rarity is even more oragnized than Twilight Sparkle
2142163
You...you commented on my story...THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVAH!!!!!
This type of aside detracts from the story and takes the reader out of the moment. Better to offer some description rather than say you don't know. For example, say it is one of Applejack's favorites, or a new place neither had eaten, or some clue what sort of place it is. You did this several times, this is the example I chose.
Other than that a nice funny fic that needs some polish.
2177429
I know that, but it was meant to be funny, but I do agree I need to polish this bad boy up a bit. I'll probably fix this up when my other fics are finished, thanks for the review!
2177489 You're welcome. I can only offer my opinion on such things, but I think the story would be stronger without those.
BTW, thumbs up
because I did enjoy the story. And that 'dark chocolate' joke.
*facepalms* (Still thumbs up
)
That pun is positively fabulous.
I did a reading!
4848201 That got more views than I expected
! Though I am incredibly happy about this!
This could use proofreading, but more than that, it needs more of those meta-narrative asides to the reader. They set up a certain tone, but there aren't quite enough to carry it through the entire story. The opposite decision, of course, would be to remove them entirely and let this stand on the ridiculousness of Rarity's reaction at the end, which it certainly could do.
4953069 When I first wrote this, I didn't wanna put too many of the meta-narrative thing, but looking over it again you're right, shoulda added some more into the story.
4953280
They distract from the narrative. That said, if the whole point of the story was to break down tropes and cliches, as you do a little, they would have been just fine in greater numbers. It's just that there aren't enough to really drive home what the reader should focus on: the story, or the meta-story?
Calling it now: Rarity is talking about them bringing food into a restaurant. The nerve of some people!
Edit: close! But no cigar.