Broken
“Pardon my language, Twilight, but what the BUCK,” Echo said in disbelief.
“A completely reasonable reaction, really,” Chrysalis said, raising one eyebrow slightly, “if a bit crude.”
“Yes,” Twilight agreed, “it is. Let me explain a little bit. Chrysalis came to me a few days ago out of concern for you -”
“Me,” Echo repeated, “she's concerned for me?”
“Yes, Echo. She came to me a few days ago because she was concerned for you. I had Rainbow Dash give her a place to stay – since not many ponies go to her house – and Dash gave Chrysalis permission to use her shape as a disguise. I actually forgot about that for a minute there when you first arrived,” she chuckled, “but after you passed out, I kind of came back to my senses.”
“Okay,” Echo mumbled, rubbing the back of her head. “but I still don't understand why she's so concerned about me.”
Twilight began to speak, but Chrysalis interrupted her, “Twilight, maybe it would be best if I were to explain this part?” Twilight nodded, and Chrysalis turned back to Echo. “It was about twenty five years ago. I had just finished overseeing the latest batch of hatchlings, and I was about to get back to my royal duties, when Cluster called me back to the hatchery. He told me that the last one had hatched, and that she was a mutant. Mutants, as you know, are rare in our race, and so I came back to see this young one personally. I asked for you to look at me, and you did. I saw your red eye, and I recognized the mutation. Echo,” she paused, “the gene for that mutation is only carried by the royal bloodline.”
“Wait, do you mean that -” Echo stammered. Chrysalis waited for her to finish her sentence, but no more words would come.
“Changeling law prohibits us from seeking out our offspring,” Chrysalis explained quickly to Twilight before continuing, “you don't know how hard it is, Echo, to know a changeling is your own flesh and blood, but not to be able to express it to them,” the changeling queen's eyes remained stoic and regal, but her words betrayed her emotions. “The only thing I could do, as queen, was to give you your name. Things have changed though, since the failure of my invasion. My status as queen is,” she looked idly to the side, “disputed. This gives me a little bit more flexibility when it comes to legal matters. Which means that I can now take a personal interest in the well being of my daughter, and - apparently - my granddaughter.”
A long few minutes of silence followed. Echo realized that the situation must be very strange for Twilight – she was watching a rather profound family drama unfold and had nothing to include. On top of that, one of the changelings in the room was impersonating her sister in law recently, in an effort to take over Equestria. Come to think of it, it's a wonder that Twilight isn't trying to murder Chrysalis.
“Well, where do we start?” Echo huffed as she buzzed her wings again and hovered a yard or so off the ground. Flying was considerably less painful than trying to stand on the leg that had only just been properly set.
“Let's start by getting all of your friends together, Echo. If my studies have taught me anything, it's that you'll need their help to get Scootaloo back,” Twilight stated plainly.
“Here's two of them!” Pinkie Pie shouted, having seemingly appeared out of thin air. Surprise had materialized next to her, and the two were wearing the same enormous grin.
Chrysalis screamed. “Where did you come from?”
“Well,” Pinkie began pensively, “I was born on a rock farm, and Surprise -”
“That isn't what I meant,” Chrysalis was obviously displeased with Pinkie's unintended insult to her intelligence.
“Maybe we should move on,” Twilight said, stepping between the ponies and the queen, “before somepony does something stupid.” Echo couldn't tell who Twilight was talking about, but had a feeling that she was right.
“So,” Echo interjected, “that leaves Rarity and Applejack. Twi, if you can go get AJ, I'll head back to the Boutique and get Rarity. Your Higness,” Echo paused, “No offense, but it might be best if you wait here.”
“I wholeheartedly agree.” The changeling queen stated dismissively.
“Okay, Echo. Meet back here in half an hour, okay?” Twilight teleported out of the basement.
Echo turned and flew toward the staircase. Chrysalis stopped her just a yard short of the stairs, “Wait, Echo. You and I will have to talk later, I think. There is a great deal that we should catch up on.”
Echo didn't say a word. She turned back and flew up the staircase as fast as her wings would carry her. As she approached the library's door, she changed into an orange pegasus, to avoid starting a panic, and rocketed back to the boutique. As she flew, her mind raced. Why did this all have to happen now? Things were going so well for me. I had a simple, pleasant life and a loving daughter. Then it all comes crashing down in the span of a few minutes. Now Chrysalis is trying to be my mom, Cluster has kidnapped Scootaloo, and Twilight – somehow – is unfazed by all of this. What in the hell is going on?
She landed in front of the Boutique and knocked on the door. “Rarity,” she pleaded, “Open up, please, it's me, Candlelight!”
“One moment,” came a muffled voice from upstairs. Echo heard hoofsteps on the other side of the door. The latch clicked as the door opened. “What?” Rarity's face showed pure confusion, “you aren't Candlelight? Who are you and what do you want?” Her night mask was sitting on her head above her horn, and her mane was remarkably unkempt. Echo surmised that she had woken Rarity up, but couldn't stop to apologize.
“It's me, I promise, Twilight will explain. We need to get going, we have to meet her back at the Library. It's important.”
“I suppose... if Twilight says it's important, it must be. I do hope that she explains what is happening, though.”
Rarity started off in a gallop toward the library, and Echo fluttered overhead. She cursed her pegasus wings as she flew. Changeling wings are so much easier to fly with.
“I'm still confused,” Rarity huffed as she galloped, “about what is happening. Is there anything you can tell me?”
“It would really be better if Twilight explained.”
“Oh my,” Rarity's pace slowed for a moment, “something awful has happened, hasn't it?”
Echo flew ahead of Rarity and turned around, giving the unicorn a pleading gaze. With a nod, Rarity returned to a full gallop. A few minutes later, they arrived back at the library. Echo nearly broke the door from its hinges as she flew inside and down the stairs. Rarity huffed something about making a mess as she followed.
As the two of them rounded the bottom of the staircase, they were greeted to a room full of ponies. There was Twilight, Surprise, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and two iterations of Rainbow Dash.
“Excuse me,” Rarity stared at the two blue pegasi, “I … dare say that I'm missing something. Would one of you care to fill me in?”
The Rainbow Dash on the left looked at Rarity quizzically for a moment before her eyes widened in realization. “Oh, yes, my apologies,” she said before igniting a tower of green flame, revealing her true form as Chrysalis. Nopony in the room flinched, save for Rarity.
The fashionista recoiled in horror. “It's queen Chrysalis, oh Celestia help us, it's queen Chrysalis,” she shouted. Hearing no affirmations of her terror, she looked around the room at the faces of all the ponies whose expressions betrayed no surprise at all. “Let me get this straight,” she said, unsure, “that's queen Chrysalis – the changeling queen – who has been impersonating Rainbow Dash – who tried to take over Equestria – who nearly ruined your brother's wedding, Twilight – and everyone is okay with this?”
“That isn't all,” Chrysalis mentioned, nodding to Echo.
“Oh yes, that's another question, isn't it,” Rarity began to sound a little angry, “you said you're Candlelight, but you quite obviously are not – though you do have her eyes. How do you explain that?”
Echo stared expressionlessly into Rarity's eyes as she changed in a flash to her natural form. The insect-like buzz of her wings filled the room. Everyone else but Chrysalis, Pinkie, Surprise, and Twilight gasped, and Rarity promptly fainted. “Huh,” Echo said, “well that went beautifully.”
“She'll be back on her feet in a few minutes,” Twilight reassured.
Chrysalis looked down passively at the unconscious unicorn and stuck her bottom lip out just slightly, as she asked “she does this regularly?” Twilight nodded succinctly in response.
“Can we please get back to the matter at hand,” Echo pleaded, feeling exhausted from constantly flying, “you know, kidnapped daughter, insane changeling in need of my horn through his throat and my hooves in his skull.” She said the last part with a growl under her voice. Everypony in the room, save for Chrysalis, recoiled slightly at the changeling's outburst of anger.
“Attagirl,” Chrysalis smirked.
“Well,” Twilight intervened, “Let me introduce Echo. To those of you who have never seen her like this – which is, well, all of you – you probably know her as Candlelight, Scootaloo's new mom.”
“No way,” Rainbow Dash took into the air and began to fly in Echo's face, “you're telling me that Candlelight,” Oh, here it comes, she's going to hate me! “can FLY?” An enormous grin came over Dash's face as she flew around behind Echo, examining her wings. “How fast can you go with these things?” Okay, that was unexpected.
“I'm sorry if this is rude in pony culture, but can we get back to SAVING MY DAUGHTER, PLEASE?”
“Oh, yeah, sorry,” Dash looked away, embarrassed, “but how do we find this crazy changeling?”
“I've got an idea,” Echo said, “it's insane, but it's just about the only thing that I can do. Twilight, can you talk to the mayor and arrange for me to have the town square tomorrow?”
Twilight nodded. “Absolutely. I'll go talk to her now,” she said as she bolted off.
"Surprise and Pinkie, I want you to spread the word. Tell everyone that Candlelight is having a party tomorrow, and invite everyone you meet. Okay?” The two party ponies nodded before giving each other a hoof-bump and bouncing off up the stairs. As they were leaving, Rarity began to regain consciousness.
“Applejack, can you get some candy apples made for the party? I know it's short notice, but -”
“Say no more, sugar cube. You can count on me,” Applejack said as she, too, bounded away from the library.
“Rarity, do you think you could stay with me, you know, as moral support? You were the first pony to show me true kindness, and having you by my side tomorrow would be very important to me.”
Still disoriented, Rarity managed to nod at Echo and smile gently.
“Rainbow Dash, I'm counting on you to be my eyes in the sky. If you see an opportunity to end the confrontation, take it.”
“Speed's my game, Candlelight! I've got your back.”
“Your Highness,” Echo turned to Chrysalis, “your role is the most important in my plan.”
The Next Morning
The sun broke through the clouds on the horizon as it rose. Tendrils of soft orange morning light worked their way between the buildings of Ponyville, bathing the town in a warm glow. The town square was alive with ponies, and a party was already in full swing. Some ponies were asking each other if they knew what the celebration was for, but most were simply enjoying the festivities. Atop the steps of the town hall, Candlelight stood next to Rainbow Dash and Rarity.
Rarity turned to Echo with uncertainty in her eyes, “darling, are you sure this is a good idea?”
“Yes. Cluster thinks he knows what I will do. He built his whole plan around predicting my behavior. Up until now, he's been right. In order to beat him, I have to act in a way that he wouldn't predict. He knows about this party, and he's here now. There's no doubt in my mind. He couldn't resist. This party is just too unexpected.”
“Are you sure you don't want me to beat the snot out of him when I see him?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Yes, Dash, I'm sure.”
The sun peeked up over the top of the buildings, and Echo took a deep breath. “It's time,” she said, turning to her friends. “Here goes nothing.”
She walked up to the podium that rested at the top of the stairs, and began to speak, “Mares and gentlecolts, let me thank you first of all for coming to this celebration today. Many of you are probably asking yourselves why I asked you all to come here,” she turned away from the podium for a second and exhaled deeply before continuing, “I have a confession to make. My name is not Candlelight. My name is Echo, and I,” she paused again, looking at the confused faces of Ponyville's residents, “am a changeling.”
The stage erupted in a flash of green fire as Echo shed her disguise. Her white coat melted away to reveal the hard black chitin, her legs filled with holes, and her eyes became one solid color. Her fangs glimmered in the early morning sunshine. Some ponies in the crowd gasped, and others stifled screams. One, however, had no reaction to her change. It was a light green unicorn with white stripes in her hair, and a lyre for her cutie mark.
“I'm still the same mare you know as Candlelight. I'm the same mare who adopted Scootaloo – which leads me to why we're here today. I called you all here because last night, my daughter was kidnapped by another changeling. He's here today,” she stared at the green unicorn, whose eyes began to widen in fear, “and I intend to rescue my daughter from him, no matter the cost.”
The unicorn's face twisted to show a smile, and her eyes closed half way. She began to walk slowly up to the stage. Ponies stepped out of the way, and the unicorn and spoke as she went, “very well done, Echo. I really didn't expect this. You found me. What exactly do you plan to do now?” Cluster took a few steps onto the stage as he dropped his disguise. “You can plainly see that I don't have your little chicken with me, so you can't kill me. So what's the next step in your brilliant plan?”
As Cluster mocked Echo, an unassuming pegasus took a step out of the crowd and walked up behind him without a sound. Slowly and silently, the pegasus' fur melted away, exposing the holes in her hooves and the black of her armor. Her eyes radiated the rage of a mother whose child was threatened. Without a word, she wrapped Cluster in a green aura of magic and slammed him forcefully into the stage. “You fell for the oldest trick in the book, Cluster. Who's the incompetent changeling now?”
“What?” Cluster's eyes widened in fear as he gazed into the fury of Echo's stare, “how is this possible? You can't be in two places at once!”
“No,” the other Echo said, “but she had help from her mother,” she said as she dropped her disguise, revealing once again the slender shape of the changeling queen, “whom you have thoroughly enraged.”
“Let's not be too hasty now,” Cluster stammered, “after all, if you kill me, you'll never find out where Scootaloo is, and it's going to take you a good, long time to get that information from me.” He grinned up at the two changelings, baring his fangs in self-assurance.
“Oh, don't worry,” Chrysalis said flippantly, “I'm the changeling queen, remember? I have ways of extracting information from my subjects,” she began to charge her horn with magic. She brought her head close to Cluster's ear. “Normally, this spell is painless, but I'm going to throw in a special gift just for you.”As Cluster tried to persuade her that he was willing to give up the information without any kind of magic influencing him, she touched the tip of her horn to the point where his had been severed. Green electrical sparks covered his body for a few seconds, and he grimaced in pain. The spell dissipated quickly, and Chrysalis looked down at him with shock in her eyes. “You bastard. You indomitable bastard. I'm going to kill you, do you understand me?”
Echo saw Chrysalis' eyes begin to water. “Chrysalis, what is it?”
“I'm going to kill you for what you've done. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE!”
“Chrysalis, where is Scootaloo?”
“I'LL KILL YOU, JUST LIKE YOU KILLED HER!” At this, she took Cluster from Echo's grasp and levitated him in front of her for a brief moment before she bowed her head and ran her horn through his gut.
He coughed twice, a small amount of blood escaping his lips. He inhaled once deeply before he croaked, “I win.” Chrysalis withdrew her horn from his abdomen and let his body fall limp to the stage. She stared in hatred at the corpse, which lay on the ground with a subtle grin plastered to its face.
“Chrysalis,” Echo managed to say, “where is my daughter?”
The changeling queen shifted her gaze to meet her daughter's, and Echo saw tears running down the monarch's cheeks. “She's in the Crusaders' clubhouse. I'm so sorry, Echo.”
Suddenly, there was an explosion. When Echo looked up, she saw a full-spectrum shockwave and a rainbow colored contrail leading off towards Sweet Apple acres. Echo took off, following the trail as quickly as she could. Her wings beat so quickly that they roared in her ears. The muscles in her back burned from the strain, and tears streamed from her eyes as she flew. It was only a few minutes until she reached her destination, but to her, it felt like hours. As she approached the clubhouse, she saw that the door had already been broken in. Landing inside, she saw Rainbow Dash hunched over in the corner, her back heaving as she sobbed. In her arms, she was cradling Scootaloo's limp body.
“No,” Dash cried, “No, don't die, please, don't be dead! Scootaloo, please!”
Echo stared at the scene in shock for a moment before she felt her legs give way underneath her. She sat with her belly resting on the floor of the clubhouse, watching as Dash tried desperately to revive Scootaloo.
“Please, Scoot, don't do this! You're stronger than this! Don't give up!” Rainbow Dash continued to plead. As Echo began to sob, she heard a small cough. Dash immediately began to shout, “She's alive! Oh, thank Celestia, she's alive!”
“We have to get her to the hospital, NOW,” Echo screamed through her tears. She reached out and grabbed her daughter before bolting toward the hospital as quickly as her wings would allow. She felt like her back was going to break from the strain that her wingbeats put on her, but she kept pushing. She's alive, thank Chrysalis, she's still alive!
She landed in front of the hospital and began to scream for a doctor as she walked inside. A few ponies gasped and recoiled in horror at seeing a changeling, but the hospital staff was far more concerned with the wellbeing of the young pegasus. A doctor quickly came over and called for a gurney. He placed her on it and a team of doctors began to wheel her out of the lobby. As the doors closed, Echo was able to catch a glimpse of one of Scootaloo's wings hanging limply over the edge of the gurney. Please, be strong for me, Scootaloo. She thought to herself as her strength once again faded, and she collapsed in a heap in the middle of the hospital's lobby.
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I thought for a minute you killed scoots you maginfcent bastard you
2184354 Wow, you read quickly.
Scoot lives or I will...
...probably cry and hate you for a few days.
IT CANT END LIKE THIS!!!! SEQUEL DAMMIT
2184367 I'm like Joss Whedon. Everypony's neck is on the chopping block, you never know what's gonna happen.
Okay, not true, I'm not as good a writer as he is.
2184362
I do?...... meh either way still stands about prev. comment
2184372 It isn't over yet.
Still one chapter left.
there better be an ending that will make me cry happy/manly tears!
Cluster deserves to suffer a bit more. Ok a lot more.
How can he do that to 
? Hope she will be alright.
Awesome. Just... Awesome, condensed into literary form and beamed directly into my brain. What can I say?,I do love me some vengeful changeling badassery!
2184396 I agree. Thing is that this story wasn't meant to be a grimdark, or I'd have included a bit more torture for him. The violence in this story is meant to serve a purpose, not just to exist for the sake of existing.
You'll have to wait to find out
's fate.
I want more than just one more chapter of this. I am loving it.
I want to commission scootasnack pics sometime
2184424 Echo might see a sequel, depending on how much demand there is for it.
Wait, a changing fight breaks out on stage... And nopony does anything but watch?
Seems about right, actually.
Anyway, on a more important note you HURT SCOOTALOO I WILL MURDER YOU! YOU FILTHY...
*We are experiencing a mental breakdown, please hold...*
(Update soon please)
Waiting for the next chapter is going to kill me.
He deserved worse.
No, Please. No Final chapter. This story is too good to stop.
2184362 You know nothing of the Word Eaters around here
I like what I'm seeing, so far. It feels a bit rushed, and as mentioned before, the timeline (
) is all over the place - you really shouldn't skip months ahead in any kind of growing relationship, like between an adopted child and a parent. Beginning of Chapter 7, if you're curious.
I think that you might have shortened the time to a week or two at most, and have the timeskip be in a middle of the chapter, with the first half showing how they are adjusting to the whole situation. The way it happened is like telling the reader "Remember the last chapter? Well, stuff happened since then." It kinda breaks the flow of the story for me. Just my three cents of possibly bad advice
Still, I enjoy reading this fic. Good job. Awaiting the last chapter
At first I was:
media.tumblr.com/d7698cc9619fd9f371537917b322a00d/tumblr_inline_mgdt3aYMM61qaob1m.png
But then I:
static1.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/that+was+the+feeliest+thing+ever.+i+cried+very+unmanly+_87cda0cf23947151a45f8cafbfdb396f.jpg
2184504 Would you believe that I wrote this whole thing without any plan. It's true. That probably explains the scatterbrained timeline.
Future stories will be more well-planned. I never expected this one to get any attention, and it was just kind of a test of the waters, so to speak.
Thank you for your readership, and I hope you enjoy my future stories even more.
2184467 Honestly, if I were a pony living in Equestria and this started happening, I'd probably stay right the hell away from that fight.
2184493 Well, thank you for the compliment, but all good things must come to an end.
Echo may see a sequel, though. We'll find out.
what... the helll... Oh... My... Celestia.... That chapter... why is... Okay there are a couple of a questions... but they can wait... this one is bugging me though...why is Twilight completely fine with Chrysalis?
And no I don't hate you, I pull cliffhangers on my X turns into a CHangeling story regularly so I can deal with this... I can deal with this...
2184572 I'll be answering that question about Twilight, I promise.
2184597 Good
Just checking. That was a lot of development/bombshells in this chapter...
cheeky lil' bastard. IF YOU KILLED THE CHICK- erm.... I mean... scootaloo (I like the nickname scoot-scootaloo) oh, I doubt you did. BUT YOU NEED MORE THAN ONE MORE CHAPTER!
Everything was good, except for the pacing.
Set the pacing to a slower speed, and everything would look ship-shape (especially the "trap" scene).
And be sure to separate the thoughts of Echo into separate paragraphs. It makes it much easier and distinguishable to notice.
If you had killed scootaloo, I would have had much the same reaction as chrysalis.
2184743 I know the pacing is a bit fast with this one, but I've been trying to write while accomplishing other life stuff.
I'll try to make future stories flow a bit better, so thanks.
... yap... my feelings are dead... the prior story have killed all of my ability to feeling sad, or disturbed...
Anyways... FREAKING good work dude ^^ of cause there still some things with can become better, but you have make a HUGE quality (from an authorial angle) jump from Chapter 6 to this one, and this one has even a abundant better quality as the prior one ^^
One special point: Crysie is a bit to easy taken by the Ponies in general and Echo is fare to less confused about being Crysalis daughter.
If you construct such a kind of culture, where the children are taken from there parents before there early embossing phase, even to know who there parents is will be really shocking and if they even tell it there children them selfs, they will be shaken in there beliefs.
P.S.
2184688 yes... yes absolutely, at least two Chapters are needed and than it would even feel like the end was forced..
Well, this certainly is a cliffhanger.
And on the note of Echo getting a sequel. Might I ask, why Echo? This story that's about to finish would provide an excellent springboard for other changelings to "join the herd" as it were in Ponyville. I for one would be most interested in finding out how Chrysalis is doing back at the hive, trying to not loose her crown. And if she did, where would she go? It would be most ironic that she would end up 'banished' from the Hive and living in Ponyville (sending her to live in Canterlot would be suicidal, not ironic). Living almost out in the open, that is, everyone in town knows who it really is but keeping a pony disguise if only to keep tourists and travelers from doing something foalish.
And to take this insane wandering idea a step further... Twilight become an alicorn princess and moved to Canterlot, right? Who's going to take care of the library now? No one else volenteered so Chrysalis can do it! And if Twilicorn is no longer the Element of Magic, why not give that to Chrysalis too?
Mmm... this is really good Mt.Dew that's only a few months past it's expiration date. It helps me think like Pink.
Wow things escalated fast
Can't wait to see what happens next
2184848 that is actually a great idea for further "expansions" of this special alternative universe of MLP ^^ maybe a couple of weeks after this storyline happens the Twilicorn thing and right after that the Next Story can continue ^^.
2184781 I hope to answer that little detail in my end chapter. I assure you, I have taken it into consideration.
As far as ending it one chapter being a forced ending, I just don't see how I could expand into the story much farther.
Not a bad story but...Why is Twilight taking Chrysalis' presence in stride? Shouldn't Twilight be furious at her for what she did at the wedding?
2184883 You can expand the "bad feeling about scoots" section, let her suffer and stay on the brink of death for a week or so, and describe the whole situation, with how Crysie, Echo, the CMC, the townsponies, etc. feel about the situation and because Chrysalis showed her self and ... well changelings... the Royal Guard or even the princesses will do something about it and trouble, trouble, trouble and trouble again... you can synthesize nearly an endless storyline out of your Story... really...
if you have no further ideas, you can always ask your readers for suggestions ^^
2184934 Ho-ly crap.
That's brilliant! I'm ashamed that I didn't think of that.
Hell, it even sounds like fun to write.
You know what?
You got it.
If Scoots dies...then we will be ANGRY
And I'm not talking in old-Luna-ish, I'm talking about
Me,
Me,
And me.
Me, too!
GAH! REVERB! Get outta my comments, you're not one-a my OC's!
2185001 ... let me tell you a secret... *comes close to you and whispers in your ear* "The readers of my stories always complain about two things: my Stories are always to captivating, and are going just on like... forever... "... I can always pull something new out of my non-existing hat...
*looks towards a sweet and now curious looking blue unicorn with hat and cape...* *wink...*
^^ I love it to help ^^
2185021 You must all wait. So hurry up and wait, dammit.
Ok, I am out of here. That just jumped around like mad, things happened suddenly with no real build up. I am always bluntly honest about my criticisms, and this felt like less than a first draft. It was a barely fleshed outline.
And then there is all the praise... the gushing praise... for this... *cries in anguish* ELOI ELOI LAMA SABACHTHANI!!!!
Has anyone here had an actual literature class? Or read any books that aren't vapid teen fantasy romance novels?
2185183 We've established on several counts that you dislike my writing. Yet, you continue to come back to comment again. Please stop.
Went from relief to finally know what was going on, to awesome with revelations and battle, then finally great sadness at Scootaloo being on the brink of death T_T
Definitely a very good chapter, but such a sad ending @.@
Despite the fast pacing and the whole slew of unanswered questions that I hope are going to be answered later, that could have gone a whole lot worse. Good job making the most of your day, though I encourage you to slow down and perhaps foreshadow a bit so that some things don't appear like complete ass-pulls. The whole Chrysalis thing did have some tie-in earlier, but I feel like more hints could have been dropped, especially with the whole, "Oh yeah, she's been a' livin' with Rainbow Dash dis whole time. Just sumthin' I ferrgot t' mention."
But that's probably just me, and I'm no literary master. Good job with what you have!
By the way, I'm not sure that "indomitable" is the best word to describe Cluster, since it looks quite obviously like Cluster has had a can of whup-ass opened on him. Perhaps you were going for "abominable" or "magnificent bastard?"
Okay I decided to read this instead of doing homework because my brain is just dead now. So pardon me if I mess up somewhere in my comment. I loved this chapter so much. I love Echo as a character and really like how Chrysalis is now being helpful, but I would have though that it would have been a longer time for Chrysalis to change. Or you could put in that she had to act the way she did because of the hive and she was actually not that mean of a person. (Sorry if you already said that, as I said, I'm brain dead tonight
) All in all it is a great fic, and I will miss reading it when its done. 
markreads.net/reviews/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/clapping.gif
Great fic, I applaud you for your work on it.
WHEN WILL THEY LEARN?!? Never get between a parent and a child.
2185183 Okay, dude. What you're doing right there, you mind stopping that because it is not really helping anyone. Possibly you could have just disliked the story and left, or disliked the story, explain why you disliked it, and then give suggestions on how to make it a better story that you could then like. It's not that hard.
2185326 I think it works, since even though he's having his ass handed to him, he manages to land one final (and seemingly quite severe) blow.