The musky smell of old books filled Echo’s nostrils. Opening her eyes, she saw that bookshelves had been carved into the walls of the room. On the opposite end of the room was a desk with quills, ink, and parchment strewn around. Sitting at the desk was Twilight Sparkle, grasping a quill in the glow of her magic, scrawling something. Hurriedly, Echo glanced at her hooves. Her disguise had held through her loss of consciousness. Maybe the universe doesn’t hate me so much after all.
“Oh, you’re awake!” Twilight said.
“Uh... yeah.” Echo replied. “You scared me...”
“I can tell. I’m sorry!” Twilight didn’t even turn around from her desk. “I know that Pinkie has that effect on some ponies. She can be a little confusing at times. Take my advice and don’t try too hard to understand her; just accept it and move on. It’ll only cause problems if you try to figure her out.” Echo saw Twilight shake her head. Finally, Twilight set the quill down, got up from her seat, and turned around to face Echo. “I’m -”
“Twilight Sparkle.” Echo interrupted. “Element of Magic, personal protégé of Princess Celestia, and sister to Shining Armor of the Royal Guard.”
“Well... yes. How did you know?”
Smooth move, Echo. “I’m … kind of a fan of yours.” That almost hurt her to say. “I’ve never been to great with magic, but I always wanted to be, and you’ve been something of a household name in Equestria ever since Luna’s return.” That’s the idea. Don’t tell her that you personally received her dossier from the Changelings that had been spying on her for months prior to Canterlot.
Twilight blushed. “I... don’t really know what to say. Do you want something to drink? Eat, maybe?”
“No, thank you.” Echo returned. “I’m quite alright.” Just let me out!
“Alright. So what are you doing here in Ponyville?”
Out! “I’m just a wanderer, passing through.”
“Where did you come from?”
OUT! “Manehattan.” The conversation came to a halt for a few awkward seconds. Twilight chuckled.
“I’m sorry,” she croaked. “I’ve never been great with starting conversations.”
“I can see that,” NO, BAD ECHO. “I mean, since you’re such a brilliant unicorn, your studies must take up a great deal of time.” Nice save, Echo. Twilight gave echo an awkward stare. Okay, maybe not that nice. “Sorry. I’ve never been too great with carrying on conversations.” LET ME OUT!
“Boy, now there’s something I can relate to. Let me share some of my lessons with you!” the unicorn turned to a shelf and pulled down a box big enough to fit a pony inside, full of scrolls. Oh, Chrysalis, what have I done?
* * *
Four hours had gone by, and Twilight Sparkle was still talking. Echo was beginning to wish for death.
“... 'a good friend always has your best interests at heart. Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle.' So Pinkie Pie taught us all the value of trusting your friends, even when things seem wrong."
“That’s great Twilight.”
“Do you really think so, Candlelight?”
“Yeah, totally. Great lessons about Friendship, Twilight. Please, tell me more.” I’m going to die here.
"So you can really understand my lessons?”
Does she... no. No way. “What do you mean, Twilight? Of course I understand.” Twilight looked at Echo with concern. “Look, I’ve got to get going, Twilight, so it’s been great and all.”
“Oh?” Twilight said. Oh no. That look is never good. “Where are you staying?”
“Just out in the forest a little.”
“THE EVERFREE?” Twilight belted, knocking Echo back a pace or two. “That’s crazy, it’s dangerous out there!”
“I’ve been just fine up until now...”
“Well, then you’ve been really lucky up until now. I’ve got an idea. What did you say your special talent was?”
She expected me to listen to four hours of her lectures but can’t remember my talent? “I make clothes.”
“Right. Come with me, I’ll introduce you to my friend Rarity. You two are going to get along so great!”
“Sure! What could go wrong.” Anywhere but here is okay by me.
* * *
There are sentences from which I should stay far away. Rarity bounced around Echo, taking measurements and tightening various strips of fabric. Every inch that Rarity tightened the dress made Echo feel like she was going to faint, and she really didn't want that to happen, since she might lose control of her illusion spell if she did.
“Rarity?” she croaked. “I can’t breathe!”
“I know, darling, isn’t it FABULOUS? I can scarcely breathe myself.”
“No, Rarity, I think she actually can’t breathe.” Twilight interjected.
“What? Oh my!” Rarity relinquished her hold on Echo’s midsection, and Echo gasped. “Well... I suppose that’s enough dressmaking for tonight, isn’t it darling?” Echo nodded in agreement.
“Candlelight needs a place to stay, Rarity. She’s been staying in the Everfree.” she said the last word like it was dirty.
“Oh, gracious!” the white unicorn said. “We can’t have that, now can we? I have a spare bedroom at the top of the Boutique. It’s yours for now, Candlelight. We’ll work out a rent arrangement tomorrow sometime.”
“No, really, I just want to go back to my tree and -”
“Nonsense. I will not have a fine mare such as yourself sleeping in the Everfree. The room is yours. Don’t worry, you have complete privacy. I won’t come in without your permission.”
“I appreciate it, but I -”
“No. I won’t hear another word. Now off you go, darling.”
Defeated, Echo slinked off up the stairs to her new room as Twilight said something to Rarity. When she reached her door, she took another deep breath. This is insane, Echo. Ignoring herself, she pushed the door open to reveal a small space with an ornate bed, simple kitchen space, and a restroom. Echo had to admit that for such limited space, Rarity’s decorating skills were remarkable, although there wasn’t enough green for her tastes. Climbing onto the bed, she considered her surroundings. I suppose this is better than a hollowed out tree. She concluded as she slowly drifted off to sleep.
* * *
Backed by the night’s sky, the thunder clouds boiled in a purple froth. The moon bathed everything in a soft ivory glow, sending down pillars of light through the holes in the cloud formations. On the ground below, Echo was walking through the streets of Ponyville. Everyone was bustling around and going about their business, completely defiant of the night’s cold embrace. Everypony gasped and recoiled when they made eye contact with her, but she just kept walking. Glancing down, she realized that her disguise was not in place. This is suicide, what am I doing?
“Run it through with a spear!” somepony shouted from the crowd. She turned to him and gave an evil hiss. By this point, the ponies had congealed along the sides of the street like plaque in an artery, some bearing fury in their eyes, others bearing fear. Echo kept walking, holding her head high despite the fluttering terror in her heart. At the end of the road, she could just make out the silhouette of a unicorn. Coming closer, she realized it was Twilight Sparkle.
The studious unicorn’s eyes were firmly closed. Twilight’s eyes shot open, glowing white as Echo stopped just a few hooves’ distance from her.
“I knew it.” Twilight shouted matter-of-factly. Her gaze distorted into an accusing glare. “You’re a changeling! Explain yourself!”
Echo stared forward, her eyes narrowing. She lowered her front end to present the point of her horn to Twilight. Her temper flared, and she lost control.
“You all think that we changelings are monsters.” she began. “You think that we are insincere, incapable of appreciating love, but you don't know how wrong you are.” although her eyes still burned brightly, Twilight’s gaze became quizzical. “What is more genuine than a creature that literally cannot survive without love? Who would better know the joys it brings, and who would possess more respect for its bounty? Changelings are deeply sincere. We love that we may live, and we live in the hope that we may be loved. Ponies do not need love to survive. You can subsist on nothing but bread and water.” Echo turned to address the crowd gathering behind her.
“I am Echo. I am a changeling. I am proud of myself, of my race, and of my Queen. I have loved many, and been loved by none,” Full of fury, she drew herself higher, and her horn glowed bright with magic. “and I will not suffer this inquisition any longer!” A bright orb of green emanated from the spot where she stood, blinding her. As it began to clear, her world dissolved once more.
* * *
Echo’s eyes opened. Raising her head to look down at herself, she saw the form of Candlelight. A dream. Another awful dream. Rousing herself, she trotted downstairs to the parlor of the Boutique. As she was about to turn the corner, she heard two voices. One was Rarity, and the other was... Oh, no.
As she glanced hesitantly around the corner, her suspicions were confirmed. Twilight Sparkle was sitting at the table, laughing with Rarity. Echo composed herself, and trotted into the room. “Good morning, everypony.” She said groggily.
“Oh, good morning, darling!” Rarity chimed.
“Good morning, Candlelight.” Twilight spoke without blinking. You're a creepy unicorn, aren't you? Echo took a seat at the table, and Rarity poured her a cup of tea.
“Oh, darn it.” Rarity hushed herself. “I’m sorry dear, I’ll be back in a moment, I have to start another kettle.” The fashionista gracefully pranced off to the kitchen. As the door closed, Twilight spoke again.
“Or, should I say ‘good morning, Echo?’”
Oh, Chrysalis, I’m going to die. “I - I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She stated rather unconvincingly.
“I’m sorry, that must be a little confusing for you." Twilight glanced around the room for a moment. "We heard you shouting in your sleep this morning. You were saying that your name was Echo, but that’s all we were able to make out. If you prefer Candlelight, I can use that name.”
“Yes, please.” Echo was not convinced. This was the Element of Magic and Celestia’s personal student, there was no way she was this thick.
“Okay, Candlelight. Sorry. What were you dreaming about?” Twilight still hadn't blinked. Together with her unerring grin, this was beginning to be more than a little disturbing.
“I’d rather not talk about it.”
“I understand. Just know that if you need a friend, you can talk to me about anything. I mean anything.”
As Echo prepared a vitriol retort, she was interrupted by the sounds of a great commotion outside. In a moment, Rarity came running back into the parlor.
“Twilight, come quickly! There's a changeling in Ponyville!”
“What?” Echo’s blood ran cold.
“Where?” Twilight asked, glancing quickly in Echo's direction.
“Outside. They’ve just found out that Time Turner was being impersonated. They’ve got the changeling locked up in a jail cart, but they want you to put a spell on it so that the changeling can’t break through.”
“Alright. Tell them I’m on my way.” Rarity ran outside. “Looks like our talk will have to wait, Ec - I’m sorry. Candlelight.”
This is bad. Echo thought as she followed Twilight outside. Just a short trot from the Boutique was a wooden wagon with bars made of iron. Inside was a buzzing changeling, frantically trying to break his way out. He looked like a housefly bumping into a window.
“You’re killing me!” he was shouting. “There is no more Empire! We aren’t a threat anymore! You’ve got to listen to me!”
Echo gasped. The Empire is gone? Looking around nervously, she decided that she had to form a link with this changeling. It was a little risky in public, but this was not an ordinary situation.
“Soldier!” she spoke directly to his mind. “State your designation.” the changeling immediately snapped to attention, ceasing his struggles.
“Why did it stop fighting?” one of the guards muttered.
The changeling looked around the crowd quizzically for a moment, his eyes scanning for irregularity. “Nexus, Ma’am. 8th battalion, changeling strike brigade, squad 56, unit 8 of 10. Request officer designation.”
“I’m your commanding officer, Nexus, that’s all you need to know. You’re saying the Empire is gone. What do you mean?”
“Just that, ma’am. Gone. After the invasion failed, the hive mind was split in two directions, the loyalists and the insurrectionists.” The guards were pointing at the stoic changeling and murmuring between themselves, and Twilight was casting a spell around the changeling and his cell. The prisoner stood completely motionless - save for his eyes, which darted around the crowd, trying to pinpoint the other changeling. “It didn’t end well. Those of us who split from the queen have been forsaken. Without the swarm, without our queen, we have no hope. The Empire is weak, and should no longer be recognized. I don’t even have to answer to you, come to think of it. Shut up and help me!”
“I can’t do that, Nexus.”
“DAMN YOU, HELP ME!” The changeling shouted out loud, his eyes darting around the crowd. “DON’T JUST STAND THERE AND GAWK, HELP ME! TRAITOR!”
“Well, it’s back to shouting.” one guard said. “Shut up, thing.” the guards moved back to the front of the carriage and hooked themselves in.
The changeling continued to shout as they began to walk toward Canterlot. “I KNOW YOU’RE IN THE CROWD! I KNOW IT! HELP ME DAMN YOU!” His voice faded into the distance, and Echo felt herself break as she realized was no longer able to hear it at all. She lost her composure and sobbed. I'm alone.
This is Fantastic!!!!!
Please continue!!!
All The Best to You,
Brony and Dashing Proud ,
Lightning Flash
2097556 Thank you kindly, good sir / ma'am. I'm very glad you enjoy it.
I just read the most amazing piece of MLP Fanfiction I've ever read, though, and holy bejeebus, I feel inferior.
Thank you for your praise though, it's encouraging.
Actually that nexus is a bold face liar. the changelings are doing well. THRIVING in fact, cause of where they landed (See the official idw comic)
Heres the comic in question (IT show where chrysalis and most of the hive landed
http://issuu.com/idwpublishing/docs/mlp_003-pr?mode=window&viewMode=doublePage
this story is amazing so far keep it up
2097723 I emphasize, Fan Fiction.
However, that's an interesting point to make. Kind of a pivotal point of the story, or I might be inclined to change that around a little.
Thanks for keeping me honest, and thanks for reading.
2097774 Thank you very much, I promise that there is more Echo coming your way.
How the fuck am I suppose to resist reading a story with a cover that is this heartwarming?
2097838 My money to commission that piece was well spent. Check out the artist, he's got talent!
The image depicted does have bearing on the story, too. Pinkie Swear.
This looks an awful lot like lightning strikes.
2097983 What does that mean?
2097992 It means that I haven't read this yet (although I plan to, it looks good) but it looks very similar to the plot of another fic, one called Lightning Strikes.
Not too bad, but your timeline seems really, really off. You have Echo crashing into the Everfree right after being catapulted from Canterlot, all well and good... But she's only there a day or so, and then all of a sudden the CMC are there? When, in fact, they were in Canterlot for the wedding to be flower fillies. Even accepting a fast, overnight train (which doesn't make too much sense as most of the characters were there late into the night celebrating), that's awfully quick. But, acceptable... However, it really falls apart when you have that changeling tell her about the Empire being destroyed. She's only been there two days, and that's really not long enough for an entire civilization to collapse and devour itself utterly. Wars, especially brutal, fratricidal civil wars, take a good, long time to complete. The only ones that last less than 2 days would be border skirmishes, or one fought with modern WMDs like nukes. (20-minutes to turn the Northern Hemisphere into radioactive ash.) Even if you supposed some sort of magic WMDs that somehow don't get noticed (you'd think that kind of energy rippling out would be noticed by someone) you've got the fact that this guy in the cage is a seeming survivor, and he's there in Ponyville the next day. Either the Changelings' "empire" was next door, or he traveled at a mach number to get there. Basically it all feels like you're over-eager to get things on, and you're not laying a solid timeline out and instead are rushing things really quickly.
Echo is also acting out of the character you've established for her. She's supposed to be intelligent, have a strong tactical mind, and is some highly ranked officer—she orders a colonel at one point, and generally the only ones above them are usually generals—who has a full dossier on Twilight given to her... yet she doesn't remember where Twilight's from and has no idea who Pinkie Pie is (you'd think ALL the element bearers would be important enough to at least be given a mention in the documents and intel leading up to the invasion, not to mention she had a perfectly good look at watching the Mane 6 barrel through a large mass of her brethren).
I don't write to tear down; I can see potential in this story. It has good, even unique elements, given the whole "changeling into Ponyville" thing has been done quite a bit before. But it needs work, especially in the timing department.
2098027 Wow. That's pretty much the best bit of critique I've ever gotten. Thanks!
I might have to retool this story at some point in the future. For now, though, it's really just something I'm writing for giggles. I have another 17,000 words lined up now, and all of this was written in about the last 5 days or so. Forgive my glaring errors.
2098018 Well, unfortunately, it's hard to have a genuinely original idea. I didn't plagiarize, and I've never read that fic, but it's inevitable that some of the ideas I have will be reused without my intending them to be.
I hope you enjoy it, when you read it.
2098076 Never said it was a bad thing
2098133 Sorry. I come from Reddit, where the cardinal sin is the dreaded repost.
2098154 Funnyjunk. I know the feeling.
DAMN YOU AND YOUR FEELS FOR COVEART! Anyway nice work I WANT MOAR!
2098863 Thanks for the in-depth critique!
I had the first chapter pre-read, but the second one is going in pretty much blind.
I know there are some problems with the story, too, and I commend you for your eye. I also appreciate your criticisms, and frankly? I agree with most of them. I wrote this whole thing (and several additional chapters totaling more than 17,000 words that have not yet been published) in the span of just a couple of days.
Aside from edits to glaring errors, I mostly just spat this out on the page. It's more of my way of testing the fanfic writing waters than a serious shake at writing.
I'm encouraged by the response, and I think when I start to write a fanfic with a serious approach your critique points will be very helpful.
Thanks for taking the time to make such detailed points! You definitely understand what it means to help an author out.
I feel ... a little undeserving of my front page showcase, to be honest. I didn't expect this story to be popular at all. I was expecting a few upvotes, maybe a favorite or two, and then to have it fade into the background.
2098851 You'll get MOAR, I Pinkie promise.
Congratulations, another changeling fiction. Don't screw it up.
Awesome...
WANT. MOAR. NOW.
Was Time Turner ( Dr. Who ) replaced by changeling, or in this story Time Turner was always changeling ?
Also I am surprised that Twilight did not wanted to talk to Changeling after he kept saying that Empire is gone and that they are not a threat, Twilight would do it from pity or at best from curiosity.
not bad, more?
Hm. You say this isn't quite a serious attempt, sir author, buuuut... *clicks Read Later*
Ima just leave this here.
For some reason when I read the description I thought of this song:
cdn.chud.com/a/aa/aa669c35_reverse-1233928590_citizen20kane20clapping.gif
Just amazing. However, I got a little bit confused at the end part in chapter 2, could you make it clearer if possible. Still, great fic.
I'll read it later when there are more chapters. It just makes it more worthwhile to put it on my kindle and read it when there are more. (For some reason, I don't really like reading fanfics off of the site anymore.) I have no doubt it will be a good story though, and I look forward to reading it.
619 views lol Rey Mysterio
And then...? Then what?! Why did you stop there?
You-
Nnnnng!
Adamantium RAAAGE!
... Sure, it's well-written. Why not?
Love it, love everything about it, can't wait for "MOAR".
this good sir, is a truley epic sounding story. how will twilight and the gang react when they find her true nature.
Jesus, though luck
What is going to become of the changeling that imponyated Dr. Hooves?
2101434 Yeah, I might put something in there to patch up the timeline inconsistency today. <.<
Thanks for reading!
Edit: I patched some of it up. Hope that helped at least a little. It's definitely patchwork, though.
Hmm.. I may have to read this later. Always like the solitary changeling stories.
Why does she have heterochromia?
This story...
I like it.
Another!
2102268 Ask and you shall receive.
I decided that, as penance for my earlier transgressions against continuity, I'll be publishing another chapter today.
Expect it shortly.
First changling story ive read, and im loving it! Do you plan on keeping up with the fast uploads?
Damn, these changeling stories get me every time
same here first changeling story i've read so glad cus i liked the changeling idea in the show and want moar! i wanna see the hive!. otherwise, i'm loving this so far. so many directions this could go
2102268 Another! *slams Flagon of Cider down on the bar
Daaaaammmmmmnnnnnn boooooooooyyyyyyyy
wait... what? did a changeling try to disguise himself, as the Doctor? Now I feel kind of sad and at the same time sorry for the poor changeling.
wish I could make myself look like the Doctor.
Ah, a Changeling civil way? Interesting.
so they studied Twilight for months and had a full dossier and Chrysalis still screwed up with her relations.
5568082 they weren't watching her when she was a filly.