Applebloom and Spike

by Purpleperson125

Young Love

- Hello readers! This is my first story on FIM FICTION so please , be kind with your constructive criticism! I will take every word to heart! Enjoy the story! -

Young Love

It was an early morning at Sweet Apple Acres. The sun had just been raised by Princess Celestia and Apple Bloom could hear a rooster from Fluttershy's cottage.She opened her giant gala apple colored eyes and looked around her room. Sunshine was flooding through her open window, lighting her room.

CLANG CLANG CLANG! "Oh boy..." mumbled Apple Bloom right as Granny Smith said, " RISE AND SHINE LAZY FLANKS!! BREAKFAST!!" Apple Bloom reluctantly dragged herself out of bed and down the stairs. By the time she got to the dining room , Big Mac and Apple Jack were already at the burly wooden table, munching on honey oats.

" There's the little filly!" shouted Granny Smith. " It's about time! Your oats are drying up!" Apple Bloom took her bowl of oats to her regular seat at the table , right next to Big Mac.

" What took ya so long to get your flank outta bed Apple Bloom?" said a still groggy Big Mac. "Yeah," added A.J. , " you're always the first one to the table!"

" Ah don't know..." said Apple Bloom , though everypony already knew her mind was elsewhere. " Were ya thinking about.. a certain dragon , maybe? " asked A.J. " NO!" shouted Apple Bloom , darting her eyes left and right. "E-yup, she was thinking about ' you-know-who ' ." said Big Mac.

All the while Granny Smith was trying to figure out who in all of Equestria they were talking about. " OH! You all are talkin' 'bout that nice dragon named..... oh ... what was his name..?"

" Spike." Big Mac filled in , while Apple Bloom gave him a look that could wilt a fully grown apple tree. " Yes... that nice dragon named Spike! He is quite a nice fellow , ain't he Apple Bloom?" Apple Bloom gave up. " Yea , Granny Smith, he's quite a nice dragon. " There was a silence in the room for a while until A.J. spoke ," Well , we better get to buckin' those trees! Come on Big Mac! ". On that note , they both trotted out the door.

(^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^)

Apple Bloom slipped out the front door when Granny Smith started washing the dishes while singing " My Little Pony " at the top of her lungs.

It was a nice summer day. Not too hot, just nice enough to make you want to stay out all day. Apple Bloom trotted all the way to the library in Ponyville. She got butterflies in her stomach as she tip-toed up to the window nearest to the front door.

She took off her bow and set it next to her as she rose up on her hind legs and peered over the window sill.

Inside , she saw Twilight furiously tossing books back and forth with her magic. She finally found the book she was looking for and plopped down right where she was and started reading.

Then , Apple Bloom's heart started to melt as she saw Spike picking up the trail of books Twilight left behind her. He started sorting the books . " Spells for Dummies , goes in S ," he mumbled as he walked toward the window where Apple Bloom was. She looked in the window and, to her dismay , S was the shelf right next to the window! She let out a squeal , grabbed her bow and ducked into the bushes. She watched Spike in the window , and the situation she was in seemed to dissolve as she focused on her handsome, scaly crush.

It only took him a few seconds to find the book's rightful place on the shelf, but that was all Apple Bloom needed. After she was sure he was back into the center of the library she ducked out of the bushes and took off in to a full on gallop to the Cutie Mark Crusader's Clubhouse.

(^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^)

" I don't know Apple Bloom ....." said an apprehensive Scootaloo ," why do you like that scaly little dragon anyways? "

Sweetie Belle gave Scootaloo a shove and said , " I think that Apple Bloom can like any filly OR dragon that she desires." Sweetie sighed , " Like true love! " Scootaloo rolled her eyes.

" Great," she thought ," now I have two mushy gushy fillies on my hands! I need to see some more awesomeness!" She looked around the clubhouse and decided to head to Rainbow Dash's house.

" Gotta fly!" said Scootaloo , and with a ZIP she was out the door and on her scooter.

"Bye..." said a still dreamy Apple Bloom. The rest of the day was spent talking about Spike and Sweetie Belle's crush , Pipsqueak, and drawing pictures of their dream weddings.

On her way home , Apple Bloom had nothing on her mind but Spike.

(^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^)

Earlier that day , on the other side of Ponyville......

The sun was just rising when Spike woke. He woke to the sound of Twilight scribbling away on a piece of paper.
" Gee Twilight , " said the still drowsy dragon , " what is it now?"

The purple unicorn replied , " Princess Celestia is requesting me to go to Canterlot with her for assembly on running a city on magic, and she wants ME to be the magical demonstration! I need to look up specific spells..." she trailed off as she used her magic to unscroll a ten foot long list of spells.

Spikes lime green eyes widened at the sight of it. He began to feel woozy, but before he could collapse, Twilight picked him up and set him on her back. She trotted around, flipping through books and occasionally moving to her desk and sitting to read.

Spike slipped off around the third trip back to the desk and started picking up books that Twilight had left behind.

"Spells for Dummies , that goes in S, " he mumbled. He headed toward the shelf and could have sworn he heard a squeal. When he got to the shelf , he looked out the window just in time to see a little red tail dart into the bushes.

"Apple Bloom..." he sighed. Little pink hearts replaced the green eyes on the little dragon. He slumped and caught himself. " She's probably watching! I can't let her see me like this!" he quickly darted in front of the shelf and put the book back. he made his way back to the center of the library and picked up another book.

Though he wasn't thinking about the books, he was thinking about Apple Bloom. He loved her simple red mane and her mellow yellow coat. Though she didn't have a cutie mark yet, he could still imagine what it might be. An apple pie, apple fritters , apple.... something! Well, maybe he shouldn't be so close - minded. It could be a....what was she good at? Ah , well , he could think about that later.

Right now, he wanted to focus on those big orange eyes. " Ahhh..." the hearts in his eyes were back. Twilight didn't even notice as she went on another rampage through the library. " Those eyes ....." he mumbled. This time Twilight caught on. " Are you thinking about Rarity again?" "Uh .... yeah... heh heh ... Rarity.."

(^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^)

The next day.....

" Apple Jack!" Apple Bloom yelled up the stairs. " Apple Ja - ack!" No response. " Granny Smith , where's Apple Jack?" Granny Smith eyed the little filly and said , " Why ...... I believe she's out buckin' apple trees with Big Mac." " Of course!" said Apple Bloom "Thanks Granny! " "No problem Apple Bloom!" said Granny , but Apple Bloom was already out the door.

"APPLE JACK!!" screamed Apple Bloom. " Whoa , whoa Apple Bloom! What in tar-nations is makin' ya yell from half way across the apple orchards?"

" Can we go to the carnival in central Ponyville?" Apple Jack gave her a funny look. " You've never shown interest in that lil' carnival before....OHHHH ah see, Spike's there , ain't he?" Apple Bloom put a funny look on her face. " Noooo...." she sighed. "Yes."

"Alright , I'll take ya!" " Thanks so much A.J.!" Apple Bloom started bouncing around and A.J. had to drag her to Ponyville.

(^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^)

" Thanks for taking me to the fair Twilight! I really appreciate the gesture!" " Well I figured it would only be fair since I'm leaving you at Fluttershy's cottage for a week." Twilight smiled. " Hey , I'm going to go to the Ferris Wheel , would you like to go with me?" " Oh that's okay , I'm going to go play for that stuffed librarian toy! You go on! I'll meet you at the Alien Shooter booth , okay?" " Okay Twi!" Spike said over his shoulder; he was already on his way to the wheel.

He walked up to the young colt running the Ferris Wheel and handed him his ticket. Then he walked up to the next carriage going up. He didn't pay attention to the person next to him. The colt but up the bar to hold them in and made his way back to the lever to move the wheel. "Well hiyah Spike!" chills went up Spike's back and butterflies rushed to his stomach. " H-hi Apple Bloom!" He turned to her and couldn't take his eyes off of hers." Well uh Spike, .....what's new."

" Twilight is going to go with Princess Celestia to Canterlot." " Wow , that's great!" Spike looked down. " Hey ....... Apple Bloom.." " Yeah Spike?" He looked up in to her giant eyes and said, " Would you maybe......Uh............Like to.........Go out with me?" Her eyes lit up " Yes yes yes yes!! " She leaned over and kissed him on the nose. He flushed and wrapped his hand around her hoof. She looked over Ponyville from her carriage and then at Spike. He was looking across Ponyville too. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. He flushed and kissed her back. Hoof in hand , they enjoyed the beautiful sights of Ponyville....together.

<3THE END<3

Comments

[BrassHeart]

Applejack is one word, not two. Also, I'd suggest making a new paragraph whenever a different character starts talking. It makes the story easier to follow.

[Sundancer]

Seems a bit rushed in the end.

So sweet!

[Azarune]

Hmm, a little on the short side, I like the story and I think you have the characters pretty well off. I felt that the story was a little rushed, while we are missing key aspects of the show, for example: We know that Spike has a crush on Rarity, what made him change his mind so quickly? Was his crush on AppleBloom recently developed or he has been harboring for quite some time? When did this feeling begin to appear? The same goes for AppleBlooms point of view, except maybe not the crush on Rarity part .

I noticed at certain sections when you had dialogue you didn't make a new paragraph when another character spoke. It made it difficult for me to read who said what.

For example:
" Ah don't know..." said Apple Bloom , though everypony already knew her mind was elsewhere. " Were ya thinking about.. a certain dragon , maybe? " asked A.J. " NO!" shouted Apple Bloom , darting her eyes left and right. "E-yup, she was thinking about ' you-know-who ' ." said Big Mac.

I think would be easier to read if it went like this:
" Ah don't know..." said Apple Bloom , though everypony already knew her mind was elsewhere.
" Were ya thinking about.. a certain dragon , maybe? " asked A.J.
" NO!" shouted Apple Bloom , darting her eyes left and right.
"E-yup, she was thinking about ' you-know-who ' ." said Big Mac.

Something along there, however this is just my view on the subject. Best wishes to you!

[stupid]

161951

Apple Jack. Not Applejack.

@Purpleperson125

Pretty good story. A few problems. Again, you should explain what happened with Rarity? I agree the dialouge was a bit hard to follow, but overall, the characters were captured pretty well. Could anyone tell me how long it takes before fim fiction will publish your fanfic?

[Griffin2x]

Nice story but it felt a bit rushed.

[chief maximus]

This wasn't bad for your first try! You've good a pretty good idea here, but it needs development. There were lots of errors in form and some odd spacing and punctuation. To echo what others have said, in the future, if you write a fic that has the cast members acting differently than presented in the show, you need to explain why they're acting that way. The show presents no evidence of Applebloom liking Spike, so to just jump into the story with the two of them already reciprocating love for each other seems rushed. Everything else has been covered by others, so I'll leave my criticism at that. Probably the best way to improve this would be to get a pre-reader, and let another set of eyes look over your future stories to catch stuff like what's mentioned above. A pre-reader can seriously be the difference between a 3 star story and a 4.5-5. Also, seek out some 4.5-5 rated stories and see how those authors write. You don't have to copy their style or anything, but seeing other styles of writing can really help you shape your own. Or read some actually published authors to give you a few ideas on how a scene and dialogue should flow. Overall; good for a first attempt!

[Evil Paladin]

I was expecting more effort on Apple Bloom's part to get some dragon heart away from Rarity.
Feel a bit let down by it. The teaser promised a big herculean effort by Bloom, AB maybe getting in the way of the mane 6 during a mission where they bring along Spike, Rarity maybe shutting down Spike, Bloom winning Spike's affections, and hijinks along the way. All we got was some dialog, minor stalking, and a shared ferris wheel ride.

Sorry if Im a bit mean, but I cant help but feel I got less than what was advertised.

[thewaffler]

The formatting was a little off and it was a little too short, but other than that it was really good. Apple Bloom x Spike is my favorite fan shipping pair. Even with this story's issues I still give it a 4.5/5.

Peace Out.

[Snapple Jack]

That was pretty good for you first try. Short yet sweet. I never thought about Pipsqueak X Sweetie Belle It's genius! Mistakes here and there but easily forgiven. AB X Spike is not my favourite ship but it's easily an interessting one. That ending was a little fast ("Hey Spike what's up?" "Not much wanna go out?" "Ok! Let's get married and have lots of babies!" That's the vibe I got from the ending) So all in all, I give this story a 3.5

[XxXxXxStarfirexXxXxX]

nice story its just tht the ending was rushed at the end all of it came way to soon but other than tht i liked the story

Not bad but not great.Like most of the comments I agree that the ending was rushed. You did a good job for the most part about getting the characters feeling across but it felt like once you got to the fair you said 'fuck it I want to be done with this' and wraped it up.

[Procyon]

It was actually quite a nice read. The ending felt kind of rushed though, like everypony else said, and there are a couple grammatical errors here and there, but readable.

Also,
"now I have two mushy gushy fillies on my hands"
should be hooves, not hands. Just saying.

[Purpleperson125]

161973
Thanks so much for all that helpful information! I will be sure to use it in my next stories! Also, I might be adding another chapter , which will basically be a better version of this story. Opinions?

[Purpleperson125]

162288
Thanks for catching that! I didn't even notice! I need to think like a pony, not a human!

[Purpleperson125]

:162166
LOL sorry for the short ending , i was really tired and excited to get the story out there! I promise it won't happen again!

[rexpup]

162003
Applejack

[Purpleperson125]

162072
I'm really sorry about that! I made the description before i typed the actual story! I will most likely be making a better version of this story in the form of a chapter. I'd like for everyone who commented to vote whether i should or not!

[Purpleperson125]

161973
Thanks for the advice, i agree that the form was off! It will improve through the stories i write!

[Purpleperson125]

162063
thanks for all the great ideas! Can't wait to get writing again!

[GodsJesusHolyBilly]

Apple Bloom singing My Little Pony? (Slaps her in the face) What a be tellin' you 'bout breakin' da forth wall, Beeatch?!
I'm surprized this is your first Fan Fiction. I love stories like this involving the Crusaders or Spike. (I think they're underrated characters who need more screen-time.)
Well done, Mah Boi!

[WetWilly]

Minor formatting errors present, but they've already been mentioned so I'll spare you the list.

I found this as a cute, harmless little read. It did seem very rushed, and while reading through I think you tip-toed around an interesting dynamic that I would have liked to see expanded upon. I of course am talking about that where Spike claims to be dazed in thoughts of Rarity. This presents an inner conflict for Spike as he maybe still believes himself to be infatuated with Rarity, and takes more time to come to terms with his crush on Apple Bloom. But hey, that's just a possibly over-analytical thought from a blowhard critic like myself.

You should definitely come back to this one at some point in the future and expand it a little bit. A little extra forethought will go a long way with your readers.

[Unlimited Harmony Xtreme]

Not bad for your first fic. Like most everyone else i felt that the ending was pretty rushed, if i were you i would have used more build up. A story like this takes more words then this to tell right. But like i said before; solid first try

[ElijahBleu]

In stead of THE END
perhaps you could write to be contuined

[TLC]

Nice plot, but I had a little trouble with the rushed ending.
And starting a new paragraph when somepony else is talking would help a lot.
All in all, 4 Pinkie Grins , a track, and a waffle! (o_o)>#

-TLC

[Guesswork]

What a cute story! Thumbs up! I like to see you doing some writing of your own, it's such a wonderful art form, and one that is often overlooked in the digital age. Keep up the good work.

[Purpleperson125]

265078 Thanks Guesswork! I'm flattered that you read my story! I'm thinking of doing another story, in the form of a chapter. It's going to be like a better version of this story; more conflict, more drama, and a little slower on the asking out !

[Guesswork]

272676 AB x Spike is one of my favorite ships, so by all means, write away!

[Purpleperson125]

Okay then readers!!! I will write another version!! BUT, unfortunately, i will have to wait for spring break to write! I have been extremely busy lately with my schoolwork,so I will have to wait until I have some feetime! Just keep in mind that i shall work on the story!!

[OnionPony]

Nice fic though the ending was really rushed i felt to be quite frank. I mean really, "You want go out" said Spike. "Yes yes yes, and then lets fuck our brains out and make millions of dragon/pony hybrid freaks of nature" said Applebloom jumping up and down like a school girl. And the whole Spike having a thing for Applebloom felt really forced and random, it felt like it came out of on a left field. Remember he has a thing for Rarity aswell, and i hope that will be a part of your story later. Also i hope we get some sort of origin plot of why Spike has a thing for Applebloom. Also you might want to try and organise your paragraphs and sentences better, because it felt really weird trying to read the whole thing when this sentence doesn't seem to be next to this one. It felt out of place, otherwise it was a very enjoyable read and you're a great writer. Hope to see more soon.

[Discontinued]

you no trick me it say incomplete it is not the end

[2091riveraisrael]

One awesome Story man... ;)

[Thunderbird Resurrection]

not bad but i agree with what that other guy said the story was a bit rushed at the end but it was a good read.

[IvanTheRifleman]

"Apple Bloom slipped out the front door when Granny Smith started washing the dishes while singing " My Little Pony " at the top of her lungs."
myfacewhen.net/uploads/3326-yao-ming-scared.jpg

[MidnightBloom]

KAWII KAWII KAWII !!!!!!
SO CUTE I CAN'T TAKE IT
*explodes then regenerates than explodes and you catch m drift*

[Author of MADness]

You know what?
I'm staring to like this!

[Fawkes]

totallostcause this deserves 4 pinkie grins and 1 crying rarity for a rushed ending has the makings for a great story

[MelodyStar]

this deserves 6 out of 5 pinkie grins: and for good measure

[Aura Zero]

...... dear Celestia that picture......

Whoa she's hot....

[darkwolffe]

it is so amazing they are the cutest couple ever