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Princess Celestia finds twilight passed out from lack of sleep at Shining Armour and Princess Cadence's wedding reception. She tries to find a way to apologise to her student for ignoring her warnings about the changeling queen, and faces self doubt over relying on the elements of harmony, and the mane 6, putting themselves at risk to save her kingdom.
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I like it... It's simple and sweet.
Sure, there are other stories who play with the matter more seriously but this stays more true to the source material I feel
Capitalize the first letter in every name.
2077991 THIS.
Also, be consistent about spacing paragraphs - tab 'em or don't, blank line or don't, but do not switch what you're doing. [I think that's just one spot]
A few minor edits made. Mostly just sorting out the missed capitalisations. No longer is Smarty Pants denied the dignity of the proper noun.
That was so sweet!
A few gramatical errors, but otherwise very good. Well done!
OK. First, I want to say I really enjoyed the idea of this story. I love seeing the issue of the dismissal of Twilight's warning at the wedding being addressed. The characters were mostly solid in character, and it was nicely put together.
Second, you need some major editing help. I was able to enjoy the VERY good premise despite the many glaring grammatical errors, but they really did ruin my immersion. This is a great story but it badly needs the grammar corrected.
So love this really good story cute
2077991
Agree with that part as well, possibly just have someone like go through and edit it for ya a bit.
The story itself is nice though
Well this was cute as a fluffy bunny a the end there. Very enjoyable.
I like the concept of Twilight being forgiving, since she is supposed to be the friendship expert after all. Proofreading still needs to be done more though. Saw plenty of instances of missed capitalization.
I like this a lot better than the ones where Twilight lashes out at Celestia and everyone, or has post traumatic stress disorder or something. This is a lot more realistic. In fact, I could have seen this being part of the episode.
5477852 for all we know it could have been though i doubt a little kids show would have such a perceivably intimate scene though i can see twilight giving that speech easily
Contrary to what my story is like, I wouldn't mind Twilight forgiving everyone so easily if it happened like how Iroh forgive Zuko.
If they're going to to a remake, I hope it would be like that.
5836884 At least Iroh understood that Zuko was truly remorseful and that he had a heart to feel the burdens of his actions.
First of all, very good story. I love the reconciliation between them. However, proper nouns should always be capitalized.
5477852
Well yea, you think Hasbro would put an argument like that in their episode?
Me personally, i enjoy her rants at them. Maybe their OOC for Twilight, but remember everypony eventually breaks.
5477852
Yeah plus although she wasn't exactly forced we all know she would do anything to make Celestia happy. Celestia says go deal with a dragon well she goes to the dragon without a thought in her head other than fulfill the mission.
I agree that a forgiving Twilight feels more in-character and fits better with the overall tone of the show ... but forgiveness to such a degree can come off as naive. Well, let's be real; it IS naive. Unfortunately many stories in which Twi vents her frustrations are just badly disguised rants and most that add more interesting elements like PTSD and therapy into the mix are just really badly written for some reason. I'd really like to read more stories in which Twilight tells Big White: "Look Princess, I love you and I forgive you ... but don't think that I'm going to ignore your bs forever."
I mean, she's supposed to be highly intelligent, not just a little book smart and dumb as a brick otherwise. Most people half as smart as Twi is supposed to be would've felt the urge to drop-kicked Celestia into next tuesday at the end of the second episode.
Or during the wedding. Or after Sombra. And there should've been three alicorns with very swollen faces at the end of 'Twilight's Kingdom'. Letting people use you repeatedly isn't smart, or 'nice', and forgiving them over and over even less so. Why do so few people write a Twilight that isn't one of two silly extremes?
Despite my little rant I don't dislike this fic. There aren't many fics about canon events written from Celestia's point of view, and if it's supposed to be canon-compatible there's obviously only so much that can be tweaked about the tone of the story.
Not gonna vote, tho. Again, it's not bad, but in the end it's just a few lines of Celestia having regrets-tourettes and Twilight rationalizing her naive forgiveness routine. No actual story to vote on present.