Ex-EqD pre-reader who doesn't like shipping that much but seems to write a lot of it.
Unbanning people from groups should be fixed.
Rainbow Dash has a chance to fulfill her life's dream of joining the Wonderbolts. But without anypony to act as her support, will her nerves get the better of her?
Featured on Equestria Daily.
Rough draft available.
Rainbow Dash approves of this awesome story that you have created for her awesome self.
Uh... Damn it. Well, FiMFic, I guess you get this before EqD. Enjoy.
Don't worry. Now when it appears on EqD you'll have a solid bed of five-star ratings!
I'm very glad you decided to take your first person style of writing and apply it to Rainbow Dash. In my mind, she's second only to Twilight and Celestia, both of whom you've already done. And with Rainbow Dash, just like with the others, you totally pull it off. I think the best part of this fic is the fact that I empathized with Dash, but I still wanted her to fail so she could learn the lesson that she so desperately needs to learn. How you made me root for the protagonist to fail and succeed at the same time baffles me, but I think this fic would have a less happy ending if you had ended it any other way. Cool story, bro.
Sorry but I can't support this story. Dash is way too OOC. Most of her behavior is based on interpretations of one or two scenes in the show not taken to their logical conclusion but rather borderline caricaturization. I appreciate the tone and intent of the story but this feels like a story that would have worked if written shortly after "Sonic Rainboom" not now.
1: Dash would be nervous, but not as anxiety riddled as in SRb. That was because she did not know if she'd be able to pull off the Rainboom and she was worried about Rarity.
2: Dash laughing at sad ponies? No. She'd laugh if someone messed up hysterically, but not at anypony in real distress. Element of loyalty, remember?
3: Dash pretending she passed to her friends? Yeah right. She had a damaged wing, she was not able to fly at the top of her game. Of course she would have problems with maneuvers. Not really her fault so she doesn't have anything to be ashamed of. She'd make it sound as "good" as possible for herself of course, but not outright lying.
It was well written with no objectionable content so I'll give it a 2.0 rather than a .5; but I can't say it was a "good" story based on the characterization. It was also very short and not very engaging in general.
1. She's standing alone and is actually auditioning for the Wonderbolts, so there's plenty at stake for her. There's insecurity behind her bravado, which is what I tried to communicate here.
2. She's not loyal to every passing stranger. Rainbow Dash isn't exactly a saint; she plays pranks on those who are "distressed" regularly, such as the foals on Nightmare Night.
3. This just seems to be a difference in interpretation.
Being short does not equal bad. This is only about a thousand words shorter than "Interference", which I see you favorited.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Of course she's insecure, all the Mane 6 and Luna have had an episode or 2 to face their insecurities and overcome them. But Dash already overcame this particular issue. I don't understand the need to rehash it.
By short I was not referring to the word count. The story is not long enough or does not take enough time to express itself properly. Learn to Fly and Interference both communicated their mindset and message succinctly. This one just goes over my head. I don't actually get what the point of the story even was.
Honestly the part where Dash draws on her friends, though absent, as pillars of strength was by far the best part of the story. I was in fact expecting THIS to be the story focus and epiphany but then it was disappointing when this concept was dropped rather than expanded. I mean it's been shown how their friendship has affected them and helped all of them grow but that is completely ignored here when there is so much potential for it to be touched on.
Dash's new trick's finish was more stylish than usual; Rarity's influence/inspiration?
The whole trick was better planned out with quick thinking and recovery when the first boom failed; a bit of Twilight's planning rubbing off?
Rainbow's stubborn perseverence despite her handicap; Applejack's no-lose attitude?
But then there are contradictions too.
Dash may not be loyal to everyone she meets and shure she wants to win IN SPORTSMANLIKE COMPETITION. But being a prankster and having a callous attitude does not mean she is cruel to the point of laughing at another's emotional breakdown. Has Fluttershy's kindness not rubbed of at all considering her friends are at the forefront of her mind? She had a glorious opportunity to say 1 or 2 words of encouragement and maybe earn herself some fan support, or even affect somepony getting into the finals but noooo. She's got to act like a douche to everyone.
Then there's her perrsonal fears. Hasn't her time with Pinkie taught her anything about the power of positive thinking and making light of your worries?
And finally, after her reactions to AJ's actions and the lessons learned in the latest Ep, would she really feel the need to need to reenact AJ's mistakes and lie to avoid shame rather than take pride in the fact that she made it into the top 20 contenders for becomming a Wonderbolt?
All I can see are beautiful opportunities for the power of friendship and growth of character completely ignored.
Hmm... I seem to have mislead you somewhat, then. That wasn't really the main focus of the story. Sorry it wasn't to your liking.
Ah well, cant win em all. Look forward to your next.
That rejection, it hurts
At least it's a good read
Well, if nothing else, this certainly is a good lesson in... ugh, what's the term... "unreliable narrator?" I could definitely make notes from this, considering a certain fic of mine will be going full-mane into the RD Zone. I snickered a few times out loud whenever Rainbow Dash would describe what her body language was in the form of denial. It was a bit blatant, but adorably cute, and very fitting for everyone's favorite tomcolt.
I rather like how the fic just skips what everyone likely expects the final scene to be, and instead suspends the conclusion to the Wonderbolts Entry Program with the use of a divinely delivered twist. The final line with the cake was a nifty bit too, because it isn't like RD to dwell on failure in the end, now is it? She just toughens it up and deals with that which is given to her, because she secretly knows she's better than the sum of all that which competes against her in life. It's nice to see a Mane 6 character refusing tears and instead channeling her frustration into another realm. Kudos to Candle-Stick Head.
I must ask, though: How quickly did you write this? As you very well know, I am not the expert in this area, but there were... oh, I dunno... maybe two errors per page. Nothing really huge, just words missing or a letter missing or whatnot. I'm not saying that you have to be perfect or whatnot, especially considering the textual sins of a certain marsupial, but I suppose in the spirit of... well... YOU, I gotta admit that some imperfections exist, but they don't ruin the experience. Gawd, what was the whole point of this whole paragraph? Moving right along.
Possible Big Lip Alligator moment: Rainbow Dash would never think of undressing Spitfire with her eyes, huh? That's cutely absurd on two fronts, both dealing with ponies being active participants in a TVY7 show and in a culture mostly devoid of a mandatory dress scheme. I suppose Spitfire has her BODYSUIT and goggles, but still. Tee hee. I've often wondered about your perspective on MLP fics and their place on the Rainbow Degeneres wagon, and perhaps I'm reading too much here. But I suppose that's a conversation for another time. At least RD doesn't menstruate, right? Do ho ho.
I wonder, does this attention to RD means she's close to being your favorite pony? Out of the rest of the Mane 6, Pinkie had the most lines, so there's that. F'naaaa. I dare you to write a fic like this, only from Pinkie's narrative perspective. In fact, I wonder how many authors have attempted that. That'd be snazzy.
Anyways, keep writing while your liver can allow you.
Hmm, I'm not too sure what the message was... teamwork? I don't think Rainbow Dash needs to learn that though, she fits fine with her friends as a team and she wants to join the Wonderblots as a team member; yeah but if that wasn't the moral then I completely missed it.
Overall two and a half stars, slightly below average for good writing but an unclear message.
Oh and I didn’t like her lying to all her friends either.
About 2: Dash kinda has a problem with not thinking things through before she acts. If you told her 'Hey, those ponies are already having a rough day, they don't need you rubbing it in', she'd say 'oh man, you're right' and apologize.
I have something of an obsession with setting things up and then delivering the exact opposite of what the audience has been led to believe. It's probably just me reading too much Sam Shepard and the like, I dunno.
The RD undressing her thing... does come off a little clunky, I suppose. I don't really think about Dash's sexuality, but I guess I wanted to mess with Dashie shippers. Could've been done better, I suppose.
I'm not surprised there were errors. This thing was actually a draft that had been floating around my hard drive since September or so, and in my rush to finally get it released, I may have neglected editing somewhat. Damn it.
Rainbow Dash has stayed pretty consistent as a close third in my favorites out of the mane six; she definitely has her moments, and she's such a bombastic character that it's hard not to like her, I think.
I've been giving more and more thought to writing something in this style for Pinkie Pie. I don't have any plot ideas though, so it'll have to be on the back burner for now.
Amazing characterization in this one--you have Dash's thought process down to a T.
The question is, did she learn her lesson, or is she going to blame the faults in her routine rather than the faults in her attitude?
That's left up to reader interpretation.
I've been meaning to read this for a while. Quite liked it. I've always been interested in this "I'm so awesome everypony! (but actually I'm insecure)" aspect of Dash's personality.
I think you conveyed Dash's nervousness quite well here. My stomach was tying itself up in knots as I read through it.
Just two language things I noticed:
My eyes narrowed as I gazed out at the now nearly empty arena, devoid of ponies except for Spitfire, Soarin', and I.
*me. The trick with "I or me" is to look at how you would write the sentence with just one character.
>The arena was devoid of ponies except for I.
>Me was the only pony in the arena.
>The arena was devoid of ponies except for me.
>I was the only pony in the arena.
There was never only option but victory for me.
Very well done, this story was quite a twist on the usual approach to RD joining the Wonderbolts.
4.5/5 for you
Meh. I cannot claim enjoyment from this story.