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This seems.... Interesting. Can't wait for next chapter!
The chapter was pretty good, but that synopsis is way too long and too specific--a lot of that information would better serve if moved into the story itself.
very philosophical I like, this changling seems to be a deep thinker
2023250
Eh... well, it's just the outline, and there are many things to come... This one is different from my other stories, so I'm testing things out a little. What do you think would work better?
well it seems a large amount of fecal matter is about to come into contact with a rotating fan
Ah ha! Wonderful! Love it!
It not often you see Celestia portrayed as lying about her past in order to make herself look more important and powerful than she really was... which makes me love this all the more! Then there's the keeping the origin of the Elements a secret! -and!... -if Celestia knows anything about Queen Harmony... well, then! I see much embarrassment for her ahead.
Oh, and Iridescence...
Nice dodge!
Cant wait to see more of this!
so basically all that has happened was a result of a major misunderstanding on celestia's part and that misunderstanding is why the changlings are on the brink of extinction
Woah... I wonder if Celestia has ever been called that before!
A lot of nice background here, and the method used to present it... I wonder if this might be the thing to start cracking Shining Armor's hatred? I also eagerly await to see how you have Cadance react to Changelings!
hmm if there were changlings actually living in canterlot already wouldn't they already have known about the elements of harmony being there?
2080815 If Nightmare Moon's stamped on the friggin' lunar surface, and Celestia was not only there, but responsible for that, why is she just an old mare's tale?
Why where the ponies unaware that the statue of Discord was Discord himself?
It's been too long. No-one bothers to learn save for scribes, and besides, the changelings that actually live outside the hives are... well, it's a society question, will pop up later. Short of it is: They tend to be educated differently, usually by the birth parents, who themselves have been living outside the hives, and so forth. They might send excess love, but news travel slowly when the success of the entire operation hinges on being undetected for as long as possible.
The authority part is... well, while there is no written law about it, changeling society is based on merit, so I guess you'll understand where I'm going with it.
Curse you! I was planning on using this exact title for a future fic... that I will not be revealing any information about.
Oh well, stuff happens. I haven't actually read your story, just had to stop by and let you know that you jacked my title. It's okay though, I forgive you.
Oh, Celestia... Why didn't you realize that betraying the Changelings and messing around with their magic would come back to bite you? You're immortal. It was all but inevitable that something like this would happen sometime by trying to hide them away... but most of all, when you thought the Elements of Harmony were the only chance against Nightmare Moon, why didn't you go to the ones who understood them best: ... Changelings? Why was it more important to keep the secret over having a better chance to save your sister, given what you knew they had done to Discord? ... Iridescence was right--you are an imbecile.
... I like the tragically ignorant Celestia you portray here!
2160895 Hehe, sorry
But I think there are like... other three stories with a similar name out there... it's not like I'm that original when it comes to names.
2161152 (I don't know how to work this into the story right now, not without dancing around the subject for pages, so I'll put it here for the time being.)
That's the thing with the secret - first because she didn't understand them fully and feared they could turn them against the ponies in the future, then, after fiddling around with them some more, because she was afraid the changelings would react violently when they found out they were bonded to the princesses (sorry if I didn't make that clear in the second chapter). The immortality just played a different part, letting her plan for them to fade from memory before doing something that would bring the Elements back on public sight... and still in control of the ponies.
As for the resurfacing of the Elements with the advent of Nightmare Moon, besides the previous reason, she found about Twilight first. They have to be used from the goodness of one's heart anyways, and Twilight would go alone to the middle of the Everfree forest just to spare a bunch of ponies she barely even tolerated. Celestia knew she would be hard-pressed to find a better Element of Magic (and it's not like all changelings are potential bearers or even understand the driving forces more than any given pony).
I got the idea for this Celestia from a variety of fics that... sometimes went too far, making her -while still a kind ruler- blindly idiotic in some of her decisions and way too uncaring of the possible consequences, while making her too smart and knowledgeable to make the mistakes she does. I lost the link, but one is called "Upheaval"... I think it might be here on fimfiction, but I dunno. That Celestia comes across as the 'really should have known better and is way too smart to do something like that without some consequtive mayor lapses in judgement and even then really should have grown out of/realized her mistakes by the time the story comes around' type. (Still a good story, though, even if I want to throttle Celly)
2161898
I wasn't actually directing those questions at you, more than I was just voicing my thoughts in question form (I already knew or figured most of what you said)--nor did I expect such a lengthy-ish response!
Beyond that... when I mentioned NMM, I was referring to the first time Cele used the EoH against her as depicted in this chapter. I mean, how dense does one have to be to try to use magic that represents harmony between creatures by oneself, alone! Forcing the EoH was just a really dumb move.
Oh, and while I'm at this, the "binding" of the EoH seems very... weak. The princesses are still alive, after all, yet the EoH are no longer bound to them, so death is not necessary for the EoH to change bearers. In fact, it wouldn't be beyond belief that the Changelings have--or at least had, way back when--some spell or ritual to "unbind" the EoH. Even without that, though, Cele and Luna had been given the EoH by a Changeling and used them to defeat an otherwise unbeatable enemy who was attacking the Changelings as much as ponies. Surely if they explained this, the Changelings would not have reacted violently, or at least been much, much less inclined to do so? Most of all, why would Celestia think such horrible things of the species that gave her the weapon to defeat Discord? -a weapon that the Changelings had (apparently?) never used against ponies! (You don't have to answer this--like I said: tragically ignorant... To think of what might have been if Cele had only approached the Changelings with the truth from the beginning...)
Well. . . shit
Haven't read the rest of this yet...but using the Stare on Shining has earned this a thumbs up in my books!
I think you've tried to do a little too much world-building in this fic. I'm starting to get a little lost.
2622394
Well, as I said, a lot of stories just use 'suddenly, anti-changeling magic EVERYWHERE' and use it as a source of... well, drama, comedy, anything, really.
The council of changelings was my attempt to pass a bit of WB as the characters making deductions about how they think things work and plan around it...
I'll try to stick to the characters a bit more, though.
Eh, world building is fine, since you're kind of challenging the norm.
I personally love the world building. Yay, plot points!
This fic...
i.imgur.com/FOwf1f8.jpg
Nice chapter though
Good job bro!
Too much world-building and backstory, not enough of the actual story. There are far, far too many details to keep track of. You really need to learn which details are important and which are not. For these reasons, I'm afraid it's time for me to un-favorite this story. Goodbye.
I was confused during this chapter, who is who and when does this take place?
While I am not going to unfav this I do think 3046638 is right
3046638 3047433
So very sorry! I've been... well, there have been things piling up over here on my end, and I'm guessing it shows...
Doesn't help that this is highly experimental, like Aether, but a little further from my usual zone than that; that, and Aether's flaws are more passable (or so I'm told) due to its highly personal narrative, the fact that the whole story is in first person past tense (I find it easier to manage if everything has 'happened already'), and the fact that I'm not making up a whole society from the ground up.
I'm guessing I'll have to give this a rewrite - the whole thing, not just this chapter- but I don't know when. Well, I can correct this chapter quickly, it was just a problem coming from working from two very different, distant places and messing up the files and order.
Once I correct my sleep schedule, I hope I can bump up the overall quality of... everything, I'd say.
I like the idea of this, but the constantly changing POV plus whether something is happening past or present is making it a bit hard to follow.
It leaves me feeling like I am reading an anthology of stories in the same universe rather then a single story.
4085873
Well, I'm the kind of person that likes doing experiments, and whose train of thought tends to run away...
Frankly, I know where and what, but I'm stumped as to how... it doesn't help that I'm used to not being understood, so I explain a lot, and that seems to filter into my writing.
Frankly, I want to rewrite the last chapter, but I don't have a clear idea, nor know how to go from there.
2035235
World wide grade mountain of ####.
Forgive her for not being able to change her biology.
Karma.
The fuck is this?