Shigiya
Joined 23rd Jan, 2013 ·
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Why does everyone not like this?
well good sir your story is pretty frickin awsome so far if you need help with the story at all you can ask my friend 12intandem for help he is a really good editor.
I would love to see this story make it far!
This is interesting.
It does suffer from a lot of grammatical errors and typos here and there, but I've read far worse stuff.
But if you can get someone to run 'em through and fix it up, you will have a very nice piece here.
Thumbed up and tracked.
2024473
Bad spelling, bad grammar, the ponies are anthro for some stupid reason, the dialogue is horrible, the plot is cliche, and many paragraphs were walls of text.
Honestly, I'm surprised it has as many likes as it does.
2025498 Ain't nothin wrong with ANTHROS! my stories are like that!
2025914
Oh I'm not trying to imply that having the characters be anthro automatically makes the story bad. I hate it, but that's just my opinion.
That doesn't change the fact that the author gave no warning about them being anthros, so finding it out while reading just made it that much more annoying. It also doesn't change all the other problems the story has.
2026784 Ooooh ok sorry for getting testy.
Well true it needs some grammar work but if he or she could find a good editor and proofreader i bet that this story could make it pretty far
2027533
No worries, I can understand how my comment could have made it seem like I unfairly judge stories with anthros or something like that. I probably should have worded it better.
And yes, having a proofreader would definitely help this story.
2028925
I take it you're going for humanized ponies, along these lines:
images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/31300000/Human-MLP-humanized-my-little-pony-31378269-1400-1213.jpg
2028986
, but no I had some pictures of them but the links didn't the show up on the chapter, the Pegasuses still have their wings, but the unicorns don't have their horns, they have something else which plan to tell in future chapters.
Close
2028399
Dude the characters are not anthro
2029018
Heh.
In one of my fics, I gave the humanized ali/unicorns a sort of gem, shaped like their cutie mark which is embedded in their forehead instead of a horn.
2029097
I thought of doing that too, i was like naaw, since it seemed wired
2029105
It might be a bit weird.
Unfortunately I can't tell you if it flew well with the readers or not, since the fic is still on the workbench.
2029114
Yeah
better put up the next chapter and see how they like the next one.
2029125
Just don't let it discourage you.
Here's a little tip though, add [Humanized Ponies] in your fics description.
That way it won't take people by surprise.
::EDIT::
Something along these lines could work.
"After his battle with Madara, the young hero of the Leaf, Naruto, is banished to another dimension by his foes final attack.
Now having lost his memories and being stuck in a world where humans with wings and mysterious powers are commonplace, just how will he fare in the land of Equestria.
[Humanized Ponies]"
...I ended up changing a bit too much, didn't I... Oh well.
2029154
, I'll put that on the description
Thanks man
2029154
That is good, can I use it?
2029238
Of course.
And shouldn't the title for chapter two be "Adjusting"?
2029254
Thanks again
2029284
No problemo.
Just finished the second chapter, and I like what I'm reading so far.
My only big gripe with it, is when you forget to finish lines.
An example from the chapter:
She decided what?
That the world is flat?
That Santa Claus is really Gabe Newell in disguise?
That she's gonna turn her friends into cupcakes?
Or maybe that she could take a break and relax with her friends.
I can easily live with typos, but stuff like that rubs me the wrong way.
2029320
Your right
, i hate it when that happens as well. I really should read the chapters more carefully
Yet another awsome chapter!
Also nice touch with the angels and stuff that really makes you think!
ba da bup ba ba! I'm lovin it!
i can't wait for chapter 3 because twilight and spike should come in on that chapter and for chapter 4 naruto vs nightmare moon in fox aura that bad ass on that one
2029027
Right, because we all know how humans have wings and are capable of flying and controlling the weather.
2038290
I don't see people complain about ponies controlling the weather, but thats not the point the point is that that they having wings doesn't make them anthro, i checked already. Beside it better then just saying that flew off like superman
Few things wrong here and there but good story can't wait for the next hap
I cant wait for update
please update soon or you make fluttershy cry 
… hehe just kidding 
The only thing I noticed was small grammatical errors and some missing words here and there. Other than that, it was great! I can't wait for the update.
generatememes.com/media/created/teijpd.jpg
I was actually surprised at how good this was, too bad it'll likely never get updated.
Great Odin's Raven! An update!
Your description is completely ungrammatical.
In what language is this supposed to make sense?
I can make it English, but I can't make it good.
yay it's not dead, good chapter
The story is pretty basic and easy to follow, ill be sure to follow it and see where it goes because nothing of real interest has happend and yet it still has alot of potential. My thoughts on the story so far?
well...
it's finally here!!!
as your reward for finally updating you get these
and this
I'm glad there's an update but you really need an editor, the story is good but there's a lot of little grammar and spelling mistakes.
2489478 Odin has a Raven! WHAT IN THE NAME OF LUNA HAVE I MISSED!
2530707
Of course Odin has a raven.
2530707
I thought that was common knowledge.
3510202 My religion is that of Shinto... I really don't know much of anything else except for my families rituals.
Please no main six romance
Another well written chapter despite a few things done wrong. The name of the town is Ponyville, not Appleville. The mayor is also called Mayor Mare. Naruto still seems a bit OOC as well and not quite out spoken as he should be.
3581930
Sorry to say but they will be in it.
3583428
. I mean wouldn't it sound weird to you if a town was named Ponyville when there are no ponys running it
? And i just added another name to the mayor like i did for fluttershy and rainbow dash.
No those weren't mistakes man, i changed those on purpose
3585439 WHERE'S THE COVER ART FROM? I NEED TO KNOW NOW!
3585421 Do I smell cliches?
2025498 THIS GUY SPEAKS THE TRUTH!
-Spiderman came here
2038290 They don't have fur or anything related to animals(except the wing) So your argument is invalid.
-Spiderman was here