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Tootsie Flute leaves for school on Hearts and Hooves day. In her hoof is a hoof-made card addressed to the filly of Tootsie's dreams. She hopes that everything will go right, that Twist will accept her and all her dreams will come true... But what if she's wrong?
(My first fanfic... Heck, my first story period, so tell me what you think. Inspired in part by this clip and this song.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like the premise so far, but your sentence fluency needs a bit more work. A good thing to note is that authors usually put a character's thoughts in italics- not that you have to, though. I can't wait for the next chapter.
There is no sound -- in the school, in the street, in the sky -- so horrible as the sound of the breaking of a heart.
I'd change the first period (After alright) to a question mark. It flows a little better.
I agree with Dusty Sage, too.
I hope something good happens to poor Tootsie!
2069202 Thanks for the feedback, and don't worry about Tootsie. She'll get the comfort she deserves.
Aww
That's cute.
Sadly, that's all i can say. it was cute and fairly well written. Good story