On a field trip to Clop Cliff, Diamond Tiara finally goes too far with her bullying. After a dramatic rescue by Silver Spoon, the gray filly is hailed as a hero and decides to abandon Diamond. Three weeks later, Silver Spoon confesses her secret dream to the Cutie Mark Crusaders- and then attempts to make it real!
Okay, I realize I made some mistakes in the first chapter, but I made some changes (thanks, Fox-Sama) and hope to make it better as it goes along.
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This was ok in the beginning, but once you got to the cliff it just went downhill rapidly. You were constantly talking to the reader, you have a 'this happens, then this, then this' style of writing going on, with no more than the bare bones of the events, and your 'fitting music' inserts got really annoying.
This is badly written.
Okay.. Silver Spoon.. the rich, spoiled little filly who does practically nothing (lets be honest though I still love you Spoony) suddenly has the athletic skill and agility to tie a rope around her waist and bungee off a cliff?
Let alone actually making the catch? and then that in itself was futile as she only added weight to a Pegasus who never flew before sense whats his face let go of the damn rope.
so A for effort Spoony but your efforts were quite inconsequential
and WTF Diamond Tiara?! did you WANT her to die?!
Okay instead of Silver Spoon pulling some move out of "Die Hard" I see it more like this.
Diamond pushes Scoots off. (I mean WTF but okay.)
Silver (standing close by) dives for her and ends up on her belly holding Scoots over the cliff by her hoof with her earth pony strength. But try as she might she cant pull her up and then the cliff gives way under her!
Diamond (either petrified or apathetic) watches as Silver is pulled over the cliff with Scoots.
Scootaloo saves Spoony as it was written.
But either way Silver isn't the hero here. Her attempt was admorable (even she never would have had the time to do it as written) but either way she failed and Scoots eneded up saving her ass
PLEASE WRITE MORE!!!!!!!!!
I love it!
Oh,and can you explain to me why her Cutie Mark is Angel wings with barbells? It makes no sense. 