So ends the official story, aside from the Epilogue.
… “blissfully an let herself” – ‘an’ should be ‘and’. … “What you, thought you” – This one’s debatable: I think the comma should be placed before the first ‘you’, rather than after it. … “great. She” – There should be a quotation mark after the period. … “on the best” – ‘best’ should be ‘bed’. Unless it’s the best bed. Then it should be ‘best bed’, most likely. How would she know that unless she’s been in several othe-PINKIE, STOP TYPING!!! … “Applejack rolled her eyes?” Erm… why the question mark?
The idea of Pinkie Pie snoring in the post-coitus cuddling is... incredibly believable. And adorable. Honestly, I did NOT think this would win me over after the scene of Pinkie thinking things over, specifically the paragraph involving pissing Lemon Jelly. That was... erm... strange.
Rainbow and Applejack ended up really making this chapter for me. Their interaction was very well-made and believable, so I liked it a lot. Pinkie didn't have many roles as more characters got in, but I guess this was more of a means of following her mind, than her experiences. If THAT is how I look at it, the story doesn't seem that bad. Otherwise, it seems more like you monopolized the dialogue and immersive traits with Rainbow Dash and Applejack.
Take it as you will, but I enjoyed it. Plenty of comedy, well-written clop, the characters were in-character (though you should have mentioned the hat a bit more in the past), though I guess what I disliked was just HOW in-character Pinkie Pie was. It was literally a case of being "faulted by means which the writer cannot be blamed with a lack of skill, for". You did incredibly well, I just... don't like that side of Pinkie Pie much.
And we can't miss out on Rarity and Fluttershy with doodles.
Or Cheerilee. Or Mayor Mare. Or the Flower Girls!
Commence read.
Well they finished. Pinkie with her mental ramblings.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/495/587/e33.png
I keep getting a 404 on the flaccid dick pic
2099117 Ah crap, I'll have to reupload it later. Must have glitched for some reason.
"Currently, one hand fumbled with her nutsuck"
Should that be Nutsack, perchance? :3
haha woww
2099562 Ugh, how did I miss that?
2099117 Okay, reuploaded the non-boner pic. Should be working now.
Quit being so awesome.
Not gonna lie. It's incredibly hard not to laugh out loud at 2:30 AM when Pinkie yells "CHOCOLATE CARAMEL SWIRL!" when she cums.
... and now my genitals are confused.
2102089 It's working for me.
gonna skip over the poop frosting
I wonder what the Dashie story'll be called?
The Ravenous Rainbowner?
Rainbow Dash's Rock-Hard Cock?
Penile Prisms?
Pinkies mind is a strange place...
Does that mean it's not Rarity and/or Fluttershy's turn yet?
So ends the official story, aside from the Epilogue.
… “blissfully an let herself” – ‘an’ should be ‘and’.
… “What you, thought you” – This one’s debatable: I think the comma should be placed before the first ‘you’, rather than after it.
… “great. She” – There should be a quotation mark after the period.
… “on the best” – ‘best’ should be ‘bed’. Unless it’s the best bed. Then it should be ‘best bed’, most likely. How would she know that unless she’s been in several othe-PINKIE, STOP TYPING!!!
… “Applejack rolled her eyes?” Erm… why the question mark?
The idea of Pinkie Pie snoring in the post-coitus cuddling is... incredibly believable. And adorable. Honestly, I did NOT think this would win me over after the scene of Pinkie thinking things over, specifically the paragraph involving pissing Lemon Jelly. That was... erm... strange.
Rainbow and Applejack ended up really making this chapter for me. Their interaction was very well-made and believable, so I liked it a lot. Pinkie didn't have many roles as more characters got in, but I guess this was more of a means of following her mind, than her experiences. If THAT is how I look at it, the story doesn't seem that bad. Otherwise, it seems more like you monopolized the dialogue and immersive traits with Rainbow Dash and Applejack.
Take it as you will, but I enjoyed it. Plenty of comedy, well-written clop, the characters were in-character (though you should have mentioned the hat a bit more in the past), though I guess what I disliked was just HOW in-character Pinkie Pie was. It was literally a case of being "faulted by means which the writer cannot be blamed with a lack of skill, for". You did incredibly well, I just... don't like that side of Pinkie Pie much.
Great story, though.
CHOCOLATE CARAMEL SWIRL!
New sex warcry.
Can I get a sequel with the last two of the mane Six?
erickaaaa!!