Ah, so now the real party begins... well, post-edit.
… “in. Speaking” – Three spaces between the period and ‘Speaking’. … “shut the lights of” – ‘of’ should be ‘off’. … “your face.” – You need to add a quotation mark at the end of the statement. As for why I only quoted two words… ‘your face’ is just… a comeback that never gets old. … “What the hell was that for!" – There should be a question mark at the end. … “Well, quite slapping” – ‘quite’ should be ‘quit’. Hmm, yes. Quite.
This was mostly just... pure gold with regards to the delivery. The only complaint is that the "untanned ass" section got a little bit 'long in the tooth', so to speak. Honestly, it started feeling like one of those "Burn-Offs" on television, where two guys just try one-upping each other with various insults. It could have really been lessened, but then again, I guess Pinkie was biding her time and not really talking until much later... it just went from "ass jokes" to "ass admiration".
The problem with it was how it went from a well-described scene of what Applejack was looking at from her viewpoint, which is always a plus, into... that. It really broke the degree of immersion, given how practically 'misplaced' it was. At least you recovered with the actual clop, which got descriptive enough to pull my interests back in. I honestly thought I wouldn't be able to bounce back, but hey, that's why you're a great author.
This. Was. FANTASTIC!!
Quite a good read I must say
The things Twilight manages to cause continues to not surprise me in the slightest...
Firefly, eh? That wouldn't be a reference, would it?
Anyway, uh, Haha. Very hot.
Wut.
2081396 pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw5782_small.jpg
Jesus Pinkie, you sure can hold out for never having had a wang before. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png
Ah, so now the real party begins... well, post-edit.
… “in. Speaking” – Three spaces between the period and ‘Speaking’.
… “shut the lights of” – ‘of’ should be ‘off’.
… “your face.” – You need to add a quotation mark at the end of the statement. As for why I only quoted two words… ‘your face’ is just… a comeback that never gets old.
… “What the hell was that for!" – There should be a question mark at the end.
… “Well, quite slapping” – ‘quite’ should be ‘quit’. Hmm, yes. Quite.
This was mostly just... pure gold with regards to the delivery. The only complaint is that the "untanned ass" section got a little bit 'long in the tooth', so to speak. Honestly, it started feeling like one of those "Burn-Offs" on television, where two guys just try one-upping each other with various insults. It could have really been lessened, but then again, I guess Pinkie was biding her time and not really talking until much later... it just went from "ass jokes" to "ass admiration".
The problem with it was how it went from a well-described scene of what Applejack was looking at from her viewpoint, which is always a plus, into... that. It really broke the degree of immersion, given how practically 'misplaced' it was. At least you recovered with the actual clop, which got descriptive enough to pull my interests back in. I honestly thought I wouldn't be able to bounce back, but hey, that's why you're a great author.
Dame son.