“Spike?” Spike felt a light nudge on his arm. He awoke to see Twilight over him. He looked at the clock.
“3 AM? Come on, Twilight….” Spike said to himself as he crawled out of bed. He looked over at Arjay. He was still asleep, though he has been for about several hours. Spike looked at Twilight, who’s horn was glowing slightly, indicating she was using some kind of spell. Twilight looked very tired; she must have been up this entire time tending to Arjay.
“Spike, could you get me a glass of water? I would really appreciate it.” She said softly. Spike immediately felt bad, considering he was upset for being woke up, so without a second thought, he went downstairs to meet her. Rainbow Dash was pacing in the sky, an extremely worried look on her face. Next thing he knew, Rainbow Dash was in his face, hammering him with questions, and then answering them herself.
“Is Arjay ok? Of course he’s not ok. He isn’t dead, is he? No, cause then Spike would have said something already. Has he woke up yet? No, he would have said something about that too. AGH!”
Applejack pulled Rainbow out of Spike’s face by her tail. Rainbow groaned and glared at Applejack. Spike snickered slightly. Everyone knew how much Rainbow hated that. Applejack knew, too. Now everyone thinks she either isn’t paying any attention to what she is doing, or she is screwing with her.
“Look, Rainbow,” She said, spitting out Dash’s tail, “If Spike knew the answers to these questions, he would have told you already.”
“I know, I know. I just can’t stand the fact that I may have killed somepony. How could I live with myself?” Rainbow said on the verge of tears.
“How did you run into him, anyways?” Applejack asked.
Rainbow begins to blush. “Um, I’ll tell you later.” Rainbow doesn’t blush very often, so when she does, it’s usually because of something very embarrassing. By the look on Applejack’s face, Spike knew she would find out, whatever it takes.
“I just came down to get Twilight a glass of water,” Spike said, looking at Rainbow. Rainbow just sat there in the sky, looking around the room. Then, within a split second, she was up the stairs in Twilight’s room. Spike immediately ran up the stairs to stop her, but it was too late.
“Is he ok?” She asked Twilight She looks over to Rainbow, yawns, then picks up a clipboard that was sitting next to her.
“Your impact with him broke three of his ribs,” Twilight began slowly, “And punctured his lung. I don’t think he’s okay.”
“Well, can’t you fix him?! You’re an egghead, remember? You have the magic!” Rainbow was on the verge of tears.
“I’m not a doctor, Rainbow; I may have the magic, but I don’t know the first thing about being a doctor.” Twilight then put the clipboard down and saw a teardrop hit the ground. She looked up to see the now-crying Rainbow, who was sniveling.
“Hey, now,” Twilight said, “Be happy you got me when you did. As it stands, he is stabilized. If he would’ve been out there another second, he would have died out there. I’m using my magic to seal his lung, though I called Nurse Redheart. She will be able to help him. She should be here very soon.”
“Are you sure?” Rainbow said through her tears.
“I’m positive.” Twilight said, yawning again. She then looked over at Spike. “I can really use some water now, Spike.”
“Hey, I’ll get it Spike.” Rainbow said. She then dashed down the stairs as Applejack came up.
“Is everything okay up here?” Applejack asked.
“Yes. Everything’s fine. Thank you.” Twilight said. She then looked up at Arjay, studying him.
“Are you okay, sugarcube?” Applejack asked. Twilight looked at the ground, then at Applejack. Applejack knew something was wrong, but she couldn’t put her hoof on it. Rainbow then comes up the stairs with a glass of water, and Twilight grabs it, and drinks it slowly. After drinking it, She looks at Applejack again.
“There is something… off about him.” Twilight started, “I have never seen him before. I don’t think anyone has seen him before today. Where is he from? What does he want from us? Rainbow said he was heading right for the tree house. I’m just very confused...”
“It might have just been a coincidence, Twilight.” Applejack said.
“I don’t think so, Applejack. Not this time…” Twilight said. Twilight started to fall over, but luckily, Rainbow was right there, and caught her. That’s not what scared her, though; she had stopped using her magic. Arjay started gasping for breath. After hearing that horrible sound, Twilight quickly used that spell again. Eventually, Arjay calmed down, and everyone sighed in relief. The other three soon joined them, after being awoken by that sound.
“Wha- What happened?” Fluttershy asked.
“Pinkie, please take Fluttershy back downstairs” Twilight said. Pinkie nodded, then took Fluttershy back downstairs.
“Rainbow Dash, could you go and let me know when Nurse Redheart shows up?” Twilight said looking up to Rainbow. She was still a little teary, but she nodded. And flew out of the room. The only ones left were Spike, Rarity, Applejack, and Twilight. Rarity looks over at Spike.
“Spike, could you be a dear and help me get ready to make some food?” Rarity asked.
“Would I?!” Spike said, following Rarity down the stairs. Applejack looks to Twilight, then walks over to her and puts a hoof around her. Twilight looks up to her and smiles.
“Thanks, Applejack. You’re a great friend.” Twilight said.
“Twilight, she’s here.” Rainbow said. Both Applejack and Twilight look over to see Nurse Redheart walking toward them. They both sigh.
“I’ll take over from here, everypony,” She said.
“Not quite, Nurse. His lung is punctured,” Twilight said, yawning once more, “I’m using my magic to keep it sealed.”
“I see. Well, let’s get to work then.” She said, putting down her tools.
>Sees story about OC
>Doesn't see an OC character tag
Wow.
Respect.
I probably would've taken the fic down if I received that much crap about it.
You'll get better, don't worry. Your resilience is commendable. I haven't read the fic and probably will not, but I shall not touch the ratings.
You gotta go through a few bad ones to get to a good one. Until then, keep calm and pony one.
-IrOnPUdDiNg
1997436 FIXING RIGHT NOW!!!
1997493 Thank you, sir. I appreciate the props. Carry on, good sir. Carry on.
2001626 You, sir, have stuck with me since the very beginning, and for that, I salute you. Thanks for enduring through the crap with me. I appreciate it. Really, I do. I have been seriously been considering scrapping this story.... Let's go one more chapter, huh? Let's see how it turns out.
Chapter 4:
Wait, who's point of view is this? It's definitely not Arjay-
Wait...
Arjay? Are you kidding me? That's the kind of crap Gary-Stu writers pull when their simple, "boring" name isn't cool enough for their fic so they change it. Screw it; I'm still calling him RJ.
Anyways, who's point of view is this? It's definitely not RJ's. The chapter title suggests that it's from the point of view of the ponies. The only ponies I could justify narrating the story from here now is Pinkie Pie or Applejack, seeing as they're the only ones who know this guy's name. I guess I have to keep reading.
What the hell did any of that mean? Spike feels bad for being upset for being woken up, so he goes to meet "her" (either Rainbow Dash or Twilight, it wasn't specified). Either way, how's that glass of water coming along, Spike?
Also, how the hell does Rainbow Dash know RJ's name? The only ponies who got his name were, as I've stated, are Pinkie Pie and Applejack. Rainbow Dash has only flew into him, causing him to be in immense pain. Why does she know his name? Inconsistency FTW!
I'm going to go on a limb and say that you switched from 1st to 3rd person. That makes your chapter title nonsensical, now does it? Anyways, so Rainbow Dash was talking to Spike? I thought she was talking to RJ, seeing as how he's also a "he" or "him." As an author, you need to specify who talks to whom, otherwise, you're going to have a bad time.
So first, Rainbow Dash is crying over hurting him, and now she feels bashfully embarrassed? DOES EVERYONE IN THIS GOD-DAMNED STORY HAVE MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER?
You done, goofed, Rainbow Dash. However, considering that RJ is knocking on Death's door now, I can think that Rainbow Dash is doing this story a favor.
So, she knows nothing about being a doctor, yet she knows something about being a doctor. Great consistency there, guy!
Careful now, I said sparingly.
And now we're in present tense everyone. Hold onto your grandmas, it's going to be a bumpy ride!
Ah yes, and do forget to mention, Applejack, how he knew your name without even meeting you first. I don't think something as ominous as that can be THAT important.
What spell? There's a bunch of spells she could be using. Please name one. And why is Twilight fainting over what I assume to be such a simple spell? So she can alter gravity, teleport, turn apples into oranges, but she can't seal punctured tissue instantaneously. How wonderful.
And where do all these ponies keep coming from? Have they all been inside the house? Explain that. Are they coming in one by one? Explain that. Right now, I can only assume that Earth ponies and pegasi have gained the ability to appear right out of nowhere.
What would I do without somepony to give me hugs?
So despite this chapter being titled "Through the eyes of the ponies," you have switched the narrative to 3rd person.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Another boring chapter. *Sigh*