Dammit! I want more of the Fluttershy! Not for sex, but... I mean.... i don't know, Orchid looks like she could use more friends. And who better to have as a friend than best pony.
Anyways, just out of curiousness, do you plan on finishing this story, or is this gonna be one of those never-ending fics?
Also, you missed the perfect opportunity to bring in Tom with this chapter. And for that, I am sad.
Damn, why did you bring up her mother Rarity... Parents are usually a sore spot for people. And thank you Soul Hook for portraying Fluttershy like that.
Well shit. ''Look everypony! I am so fabulous and beautiful so I can judge anypony if I want to. And they won't mind it if I just shed a few tears of regret in the end.'' ... Rarity, go put a burner in your mouth. Aside of that macabre BDSM scene, it was an enjoyable chapter. The ending with Fluttershy was a pleasant surprise. I'm voting for Derpy. Orchid needs to ponder her condition with her eyes. It has so much potential for a sad and sexy chapter.
Thank you all for your comments. They truly saved my day in the last minute. I'll keep writing... for your sake. For all of your sake. Love ya all, guys.
Even after last night's abuse, Orchid still had a job to do, and time was short. She had to find more customers, but didn't know how to contact them because her old alley had become more and more dangerous. However, like a glimpse of hope, or maybe it was demise, Orchid could never really know before, a pony who wore a black cloak waved her into a dark corner, looking nervously around. She approached him carefully, ready to dish out a kick where it counted in case he moved too quickly, but instead of attacking her he just gave her a heavy pouch and a letter. Still caught off guard from being given the unexpected items, Orchid didn't even notice the cloaked pony disappearing. She only took a glimpse into the pouch, seeing a respectable amount of bits waiting for her, before unfolding the letter and reading the few lines. The message was written in beautiful calligraphy and said, "Tonight - Golden Oaks Library - Make my faithful librarian feel special." Orchid read the message once more, trying to figure out what exactly was happening just now. Was this some strange way of denying you just bought a tramp, or did someone really turn her into a present for their special somepony?
In short, Celestia just wants to do something nice for her faithful student. How is that for a chapter idea?
2510859 That was... incredibly well-written! Dayum, if I knew how to write like that...
You manages to interpret "Whorse!" and Orchid's personality very well in that paragraph, and I must say that I now HEAVILY consider putting Twilight in the next chapter
But I must say I might not use this description... spoiling too much, ya know?
Liking this fic a lot. Good take on the idea of prostitution in a land as 'clean' as Equestria.
If you are still taking votes and/or ideas, then here is my two bits.
Octavia hires Orchid to perform at Vinyl's birthday party as the entertainment - stripper and lap dances until vinyl decides to kick it up a notch.
I looked around my little dark alley, searching for any sign of the guards. To my relief, none of them were present and my bed appeared undisturbed. I was just about to crash onto it when I heard a cough from the alley's entryway. I turned to see a pony wraped up in a cloak standing at the entry. I couldn't quite make out the face, but the shape was that of a mare and she appeared to have a grey coat. "Uh, are you Orchid?" she asked. She had a Canterlot accent; not a local, I noticed. "I am," I replied. Had ponies from all over Equestria really heard of me? "I would like to uh... hire your services as... entertainment for my friends birthday party." She tossed a bag down at my hooves. It clinked with a healthy amount of bits. She also produced a second pouch from her cloak. "Payment in advance and additional expenses for any props you may need as well as train fare to and from Canterlot." I opened the bit pouch and saw what had to be at least 200 bits contained within. "When are we talking?" I asked. "This weekend. When you arrive in Canterlot, ask for Octavia."
2543019 yeah, my proofreading isn't very good since I'm not a native American/English, but I do my best to find all these typos and sh!t. Thanks for pointing out the thing with ellipses, I'll try keep that in mind.
2543611 Weird thing about me is that people say that I am a rather good pre-reader because I ain´t native to English, so therefore question more things and see some mistakes easier than they do.
I would not at all had guessed on that you wasn´t native, so it is good going. And for a self edit is this not the worst I have seen, so pat yourself on the shoulder.
And us and Tom... He was meant to be a joke in the show, grew into a bigger one in the hands of us fans, and have grown and grown ever since... Don´t think that there is a real explanation on that phenomena, just like that there is no explanation on why I don´t get notifications when people reply to me on this story
Shame on you. Abuse like that is way to hard for me, and in all other stories would I have walked away, given it a red thumb, even if I got warned I got in the start and try to get my hands on some mind bleach as fast as possible. But... you managed to take such a scene and turn it into character exploration, and even a rather deep trip.
Many fanfictions that I read, mostly Fallout Equestria stories, that tries to be so "dark", to really find the bad thing that lies in many of us and, fail because they overdo it. Just making it dark because "OMG darkness is cool!". Yet here did you make it turn in me, made me even disgusted, but still so damn intrigued because it was clear that it wasn´t darkness for darkness sake...
I do really feel constrained by my English skills right now, because I know that what I have written don´t get the point over that I was going after. None the less do I all in all say bravo.
Bravo with making a thing so delicate as it is work...
Yea I think that I will stop writing now before I make a fool out of myself.
Oh and you had a double space in "if it weren't for the next step in Rarity's cruel mind working in every other way than I had hopped for."
Dammit! I want more of the Fluttershy! Not for sex, but... I mean.... i don't know, Orchid looks like she could use more friends. And who better to have as a friend than best pony.
Anyways, just out of curiousness, do you plan on finishing this story, or is this gonna be one of those never-ending fics?
Also, you missed the perfect opportunity to bring in Tom with this chapter. And for that, I am sad.
Lol fluttershy
Jeez... Ouch... All of my feels.
Ok, I cant be the only one that wants to hug Orchid.
about Rarity's part: Damn... Just... Damn...
about Fluttershy's part: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! So cute!!!
Another great chapter, SoulHook. :D
the feels,man. Those damn feels...
Thank you for Fluttershy. She was perfect.
Damn, why did you bring up her mother Rarity... Parents are usually a sore spot for people.
And thank you Soul Hook for portraying Fluttershy like that.
Well shit.
''Look everypony! I am so fabulous and beautiful so I can judge anypony if I want to. And they won't mind it if I just shed a few tears of regret in the end.''
...
Rarity, go put a burner in your mouth.
Aside of that macabre BDSM scene, it was an enjoyable chapter. The ending with Fluttershy was a pleasant surprise.
I'm voting for Derpy. Orchid needs to ponder her condition with her eyes. It has so much potential for a sad and sexy chapter.
ummm wow rare just wow....loved flutters and vote derpy and carrot top
2466066>>2465921>>2464965>>2464510>>2463463>>2462792
Thank you all for your comments. They truly saved my day in the last minute. I'll keep writing... for your sake. For all of your sake. Love ya all, guys.
And your votes are noted
2467721
you have my thumbs up and fave
I VOTE DERPY NEXT
I think that they're needs to be a Pinkie orgy. Yes, definitely
Even after last night's abuse, Orchid still had a job to do, and time was short. She had to find more customers, but didn't know how to contact them because her old alley had become more and more dangerous. However, like a glimpse of hope, or maybe it was demise, Orchid could never really know before, a pony who wore a black cloak waved her into a dark corner, looking nervously around.
She approached him carefully, ready to dish out a kick where it counted in case he moved too quickly, but instead of attacking her he just gave her a heavy pouch and a letter. Still caught off guard from being given the unexpected items, Orchid didn't even notice the cloaked pony disappearing. She only took a glimpse into the pouch, seeing a respectable amount of bits waiting for her, before unfolding the letter and reading the few lines. The message was written in beautiful calligraphy and said, "Tonight - Golden Oaks Library - Make my faithful librarian feel special."
Orchid read the message once more, trying to figure out what exactly was happening just now. Was this some strange way of denying you just bought a tramp, or did someone really turn her into a present for their special somepony?
In short, Celestia just wants to do something nice for her faithful student. How is that for a chapter idea?
2510859 That was... incredibly well-written! Dayum, if I knew how to write like that...
You manages to interpret "Whorse!" and Orchid's personality very well in that paragraph, and I must say that I now HEAVILY consider putting Twilight in the next chapter
But I must say I might not use this description... spoiling too much, ya know?
2517581
*licks the sugar from your hand*
Oh, thank you, I'm glad you like the idea.
Liking this fic a lot. Good take on the idea of prostitution in a land as 'clean' as Equestria.
If you are still taking votes and/or ideas, then here is my two bits.
Octavia hires Orchid to perform at Vinyl's birthday party as the entertainment - stripper and lap dances until vinyl decides to kick it up a notch.
2533162 Everything noted, mate
2535818 man, these suggestions are just popping up and they are GOOD! Min you guys I AM the one writing this story (but I sure do love them)
2543019 yeah, my proofreading isn't very good since I'm not a native American/English, but I do my best to find all these typos and sh!t. Thanks for pointing out the thing with ellipses, I'll try keep that in mind.
And what is up with people and Tom?!!
2543611
Weird thing about me is that people say that I am a rather good pre-reader because I ain´t native to English, so therefore question more things and see some mistakes easier than they do.
I would not at all had guessed on that you wasn´t native, so it is good going. And for a self edit is this not the worst I have seen, so pat yourself on the shoulder.
And us and Tom... He was meant to be a joke in the show, grew into a bigger one in the hands of us fans, and have grown and grown ever since... Don´t think that there is a real explanation on that phenomena, just like that there is no explanation on why I don´t get notifications when people reply to me on this story
2544605 I suppose I have more to do to improve, then. Thanks for your synopsis, man
Shame on you. Abuse like that is way to hard for me, and in all other stories would I have walked away, given it a red thumb, even if I got warned I got in the start and try to get my hands on some mind bleach as fast as possible. But... you managed to take such a scene and turn it into character exploration, and even a rather deep trip.
Many fanfictions that I read, mostly Fallout Equestria stories, that tries to be so "dark", to really find the bad thing that lies in many of us and, fail because they overdo it. Just making it dark because "OMG darkness is cool!". Yet here did you make it turn in me, made me even disgusted, but still so damn intrigued because it was clear that it wasn´t darkness for darkness sake...
I do really feel constrained by my English skills right now, because I know that what I have written don´t get the point over that I was going after. None the less do I all in all say bravo.
Bravo with making a thing so delicate as it is work...
Yea I think that I will stop writing now before I make a fool out of myself.
Oh and you had a double space in "if it weren't for the next step in Rarity's cruel mind working in every other way than I had hopped for."
I vote luna/celestia