• Published 10th Jan 2013
  • 2,466 Views, 92 Comments

Hearts, Hooves and Hands - shira



Relationships are tough. Cultural barriers make it even harder. Hiro and Lumi have it about as tough as it gets as far as relationships go, but when you have something special it's often worth the extra effort

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New Friends, Old Friends

New Friends, Old Friends
Ch.2 of Hearts, Hands and Hooves
by
Shira

Note: Dialogue inside <> denotes speaking in the human tongue.

---

"So," Curiosity began hesitantly after the bombshell revelation that Luminescence laid at her hooves, "when you spoke of non-traditional relationships you were speaking about..."

"Yep, him." Luminescence supplied for her, laughing nervously, completely unsure of how Curiosity would react.

A troubled frown appeared on Curiosity's face before she began to speak, "Lumi, dear, you know that—"

She was cut off off by Luminescence, voice pleading, "Curi! I know how you feel...but Hiro is really important to me." Curiosity closed her open mouth but continued to look at Luminescence disapprovingly. "You are both an important part of my life...and I don't think I could give up either."

Curiosity's frown dissipated as she continued to look at Luminescence. After a few seconds of her friend's pleading expression she simply sighed and said, "Alright, alright. I'll be polite, but don't expect a lot more than that from me." Taking a breath she put on a more more civil expression. The things I do for friendship...

Having worked things out for the moment the two of them turned towards the table that Hiro was occupying and surprisingly find Dew sitting in a chair next to him, chatting away cheerily as if they were old friends. At least one of them took to him without a problem, Luminescence thought. "Well I'm glad to see the two of you getting along so well." Luminescence said as she pulled up a chair and sat down herself.

"Given how long I've known Dew Drop here, that's not exactly unexpected." Hiro said with a knowing smile.

"Wait, you two...know each other?" Luminescence asks, eyes grew wider and her attention focused on Dew Drop.

"Yeah I've known Hiro here since, well, pretty much since he first came to Canterlot. Poor little guy was totally lost when he first arrived." Dew Drop said playfully.

Snorting Hiro countered jokingly, "Who's calling who little? And I would have got along just fine if I had to." Smiling as he seemed to recall something he added, "Joking aside, you and Nimbus did help me out a lot when I first came here. I am truly appreciative of that." He inclined his head slightly to Dew Drop.

“Wait, wait wait,” Luminescence said as she and Curiosity sat down, hoof covering her face in frustration. “Can somepony explain from the beginning? I mean how long have you known each other for? How did you two meet? Why am I the last pony to know things!?” Barely sitting down and the situation was already throwing Luminescence for a loop.

Dew Drop giggled a bit at Luminescence and then gave Hiro a smile and looked at him expectantly.

Blinking in confusion a few moments before saying, “What? You girls are all friends, feel free to explain it to them.”

Shaking her head Dew Drop replied, “Oh no! Today you’re the lead actor. The stage is all yours my good man!”

“I don’t think it’s that interesting a story...” Hiro began until he noticed a young sandy brown coated unicorn with a perky, pastel magenta mane walk up to them.

“Welcome to Cafe Le Verger. Can I get anypony started with anything to drink?” The young mare asked the group, levitating menus in front of everyone.

Taking a quick look around the table Curiosity turned to the waitress and started the ordering off, “I’ll have some Earl Neigh tea thank you.”

Dew Drop contemplated the menu as if it were a complex puzzle. Luminescence smiled at her friend’s behavior and ordered next, “Some chamomile tea. Oh do you have any honey?”

“Yes Ma’am.”

“Then I’ll have some honey too.” Luminescence said cheerily.

Looking to see Dew Drop still wrestling with a drink decision Hiro added his order to the mix, “I’ll have a pot of your genmaicha.”

“We’ve been getting a lot of requests for that lately.” The Waitress noted as she scribbled down the orders on her order pad.

“Well it’s pretty healthy and I guess with all the trade human goods are easy to get a hold of. Still your cafe brews some of the best green teas in Canterlot.” Hiro informed her with a smile on his face.

“Oh! Well thank you very much Sir!” The waitress smiled at the praise, “It’s good to hear that it at least is good enough for a native to enjoy.”

“Oh absolutely. Whoever makes this has definitely spent some time in-”

The rest of the conversation was cut short by Dew Drop cutting in with a joyous declaration, “I got it! I’ll have the double espresso and white chocolate macadamia nut mocha. Light on the whipped cream please.”

The waitress, to her credit, was on the ball and pencil flying, managed to get her entire order in one go. “Ok so that’s a earl neigh, chamomile with some honey, genmaicha and a double espresso and white chocolate macadamia nut mocha.” Just as Dew Drop was about to correct her, the waitress then added smoothly, putting the pad away and setting the pencil behind her right ear, “Light on the whipped cream. I’ll be back with your drinks in a few minutes.”

As the waitress trotted off back inside the cafe, Luminescence was the first to turn back to the issue at hand, “Anyway, how the heck do you two know each other.”

“Like I was saying, it’s pretty straightforward. Most major towns and cities have various groups of volunteers who help non-natives settle in. The Magister College has a special program with Canterlot for designed to help magi who come here. Particularly since most magi spend so much time studying early on in life they rarely get to travel much, so coming to Canterlot can be a huge culture shock. Usually magi coming here for study or work get assigned a couple of ponies to help them settle in. While Magister Yamada was there to meet me, my ‘cultural guides’ were none other than Dew Drop and Nimbus. They spent the next couple of weeks making sure I was settled in, knew where things were and wasn’t going to freak out and go on a bloody chaos fueled rampage across the city.”

Dew Drop snorted in laughter at Hiro’s joke and Luminescence just rolled her eyes and playfully pushed his shoulder with a free hoof. Curiosity, however, looked between her friends quickly and then looked back at Hiro with a nervous laugh. Tearing his attention away from his marefriend his eyes briefly met Curiosity’s and he paused looking at her with a smile but his eyes conveyed a more serious emotion.

Just as quickly as it happened though he turned to look at Dew Drop and continued with a slight smirk on his face, “Honestly I think it was more difficult adjusting to Dew Drop and Nimbus than it was Canterlot.”

“Hey, Nimbus isn’t that difficult to deal with!” Dew Drop protested in jest.

“Wait a moment. So, when you said you were helping with a cultural program...” Curiosity asked even though she already knew the answer at this point.

“Yeppers! Nimby and I have been helping non-ponies adjust to life in Canterlot. It can be tough at times but it’s a great feeling to know that you’re helping others. Hiro was pretty easy to get ‘integrated’ all things considered. Given that he was already fluent in Equestrian and had spent a lot of time around ponies.” Dew Drop put on a frustrated expression and added with an accusing glare at Hiro, “I even practiced my Human really hard before you came!”

“Well you’re always welcome to speak with me Mrs. Cumulo, I don’t get to use my native language as much as I probably should.” Hiro replied honestly.

“Ugh, quit calling me Mrs. Cumulo! Just Dew is fine! You make it sound like I’ve already had foals and my mane is starting to grey.” Wrinkling her muzzle up and narrowing her eyes she pointed a hoof threateningly at Hiro.

Hiro Suddenly raised his hands up in surrender and said, “Sorry! You’ve done a lot for me though so I still find it...difficult to be so informal all the time.”

“You’re dating one of my best marefriends so you’re going to have to get used to it <little Hiro>,” Dew Drop said switching into the human tongue suddenly.

With only the smallest hints of a smile on his face Hiro bowed deeply at the table and responded, “<Lady Dew Drop and her honored husband have done much for me and I am eternally grateful. I shall abide by your wishes most honorable of Pegasi ladies!>”

Laughing Dew Drop immediately replied, “<Only got half. You very funny Hiro. Good flattery. Please take care of Luminescence for me.>” She bowed her head deeply back at Hiro in return.

“<I will give it my all. At the very least she will finally eat well.>” Dew got enough of Hiro’s response to get the jab at his marefriend and she started cracking up on the spot.

Leaning over to her friend Curiosity asked Luminescence, “Did you understand any of that Luminescence dear? I don’t speak a lick of Human.” Before she got a response though she saw confusion on her friend’s face as she watched her good friend and boyfriend chat in his native tongue. As the two of them finished up Luminescence pulled her eyes away and looked down at the table Curiosity thought she could see her cheeks pink a bit in embarrassment though she didn’t understand why Luminescence would be embarrassed.

Moments later Luminescence looked up to notice Curiosity staring at her, “Sorry, spaced out there for a minute while they were talking. Did you say something Curi?”

Luminescence’s tone was even but Curiosity knew her friend well enough to know that something was bothering her, “Nothing important Dearie.” Seeing that Hiro and Dew Drop had finished their little chat Curiosity had a question she was interested in having answered. “Hiro, I must admit I’m interested in how you managed to learn such flawless Equestrian. Most humans have quite a noticeable accent if they haven’t grown up in Equestria.”

Right before Hiro could answer the waitress returned with everyone’s drinks and began placing them on the table with the red sparkling magic of her’s encapsulating the cups and pots. Dew Drop looked intensely at her drink and then nodded, satisfied.

“Is everyone ready to order lunch?” The waitress asked. Despite all the talking everyone had worked out what they wanted to eat and the orders came quickly. Hiro ordered a simple tomato soup and grilled veggie sandwich, Luminescence went spinach salad with the tomato soup, Curiosity chose a cucumber sandwich with a piece of tiramisu for dessert, and lastly Dew Drop ordered the fresh vegetable pasta with extra, extra, extra cheese. Having taken their orders for lunch the waitress trotted back inside.

“Well where were we?” Hiro started after taking a sip of his tea, “Oh right. My father is in the diplomatic corps and is fluent in some ridiculous amount of languages. I asked him a number of years back and if I remember right it was something like seven or eight languages and then an absurd amount of accents and dialects. Anyway, he insisted my siblings and myself grow up speaking at least two languages. What got me into Equestrian though was my childhood friend. He was an earth pony, who’s family was helping with farming and logistics.”

Hiro paused in his recollection as he took a long, slow sip of his tea before continuing, “Jolly and I were inseparable until I had to go to the Griffon capital with my father’s job change but when I came back to become a magi we were just as close. He grew up speaking both Human and Equestrian and so I resolved to do the same. I suppose it’s a boring reason but when I’d go over to his place for play or a meal I’d always want to be able to speak with his parents in their own language. So we took Equestrian classes together. Equestrian is pretty different from any Human dialect so while it was a lot of work, by the time we were teens it was pretty convenient to be able to switch languages whenever we needed.”

“Pardon me, but you mentioned that you spent some time in the Griffon Kingdom. Does this mean that you speak some Griffon as well?” Curiosity couldn’t help but inquire.

“I’m probably pretty rusty at this point. Hardly fluent but I remember all the honorifics, greetings and such. Discord save me if I get a research position there after I finish my stint here in Canterlot.”

Curiosity, despite herself, couldn’t help but feel a bit impressed at the effort Hiro had gone through to learn about other cultures and languages. Taking a sip of her own tea she found herself getting curious and figured now would be the time to get some information if this...ape was going to be with her best friend for the foreseeable future. “Well Luminescence and Dew Drop are familiar with you but I have to admit I’m a bit curious about your background. Would you mind sharing with those of us who haven’t known you for months?”

Curiosity’s dig at her friend’s got an embarrassed blush as well as a pair of averted eyes along with an innocent sounding whistle. “Certainly Lady Carrousel. My name is Hiro Aomori.”

“Hero?”

“Eh, close enough. I’m 27 and am currently an assistant professor doing research and teaching at Luna’s College for Advanced Thaumaturgical Studies under Professor Arcana.”

Nodding slightly and making a, “Hhhhmmmm,” noise Curiosity seemed to digest this for a few moments before she asked him another question, “What about your family?”

“Well like I said before, my father is a diplomat, spent almost a decade being the Human diplomat to the Griffon Kingdom. He works on things back in the homeland now. My Mother is a chef. Runs a couple of restaurants and travels to do cooking, er, I’m not entirely sure what to call them in Equestrian...exhibitions?” Hiro turned to Luminescence and raised his eyebrows in a pleading look.

“Seems right to me.” Luminescence said unhelpfully.

“Right. Besides that I have a younger sister and a younger brother,”

“Finally! Someone else who understands the pain and trials of being the oldest sibling.” Dew Drop added, sniffing and wiping away an invisible tear. Curiosity rolled her eyes hard enough that her entire head went in a circular motion. Even Hiro couldn’t help but chuckle at Dew Drop’s antics.

“And my marefriend is Luminescence.” Hiro finished, looking over to Luminescence with a soft smile.

Luminescence looked back up at him and smiled back until Dew Drop went, “D’awwww you two are just adorable,” causing the couple to blush and look away momentarily.

Curiosity cleared her throat loud enough to get everyone’s attention and waited a few moments before getting back to the topic at hand, “You mentioned your father was a diplomat assigned to the Griffon Kingdoms, does that mean you spent some time living among Griffons?”

“In short, yes. We all moved with my father when he got the post.” Hiro began to say more but at that moment the food arrived. With the same deftness that she had shown with their drinks,the waitress set out place settings, salads, sandwiches and soup. He continued the story as the girls began to eat, “I was about eight years old at the time and it was my father’s first post where it was his post. So we were kind of obliged to go. I lived in the capital for four years before my ‘talent’ was discovered and I was shipped back to Taraja for the beginning of my Magi training.”

“Must have been a neat experience to live in so many different places!” Luminescence’s excitement got the best of her and she started to speak before she finished chewing. While not spraying her listeners with food both Hiro and Curiosity’s couldn’t help but stare at Luminescence’s lack of manners . Likewise as she spoke a single rose petal fell out of her mouth became the center of both Hiro and Curiosity’s attention. In tandem they both stared at it as it fluttered down to the table, then in eerie unison looked back up at Luminescence who had the decency to blush, cover her mouth and say, “Sorry.”

Dew Drop laughed maniacally, rocking back in her chair and almost spilling her soup causing Hiro and Curiosity to turn to look at each other, realizing what they had done and look away. Luminescence’s embarrassment didn’t last long though as Hiro coughed and continued his story, “Yes Lumi. Since the programs for teaching young magi are so intense there wasn't a lot of opportunity to get out and study abroad or visit places long term. We of course had representatives from almost every race working at the academy but it's just not the same.”

“I bet it was pretty difficult being away from your family when you were so young.” Dew Drop stated.

“At first it was a real struggle. Twelve isn’t unusually young or anything but most other children had family close by, or at worst in a town a few hours outside Taraja. Since my direct family was in the Griffon capital that meant they were far enough away that gate travel was the only practical method of seeing them. Having said that, the training and apprenticeship programs are incredibly intense. I only had about a week to feel lonely before I was lucky to have time to even think to myself. And it’s not that my family didn’t visit me or I never got a vacation. Really though, my studies soon engulfed me entirely and as much as I hate to admit it, family kind of became an afterthought.”

Curiosity looked like she wanted to say something, probably something negative from the slight frown on her features but she kept it to herself. Instead Dew Drop piped up, “Wait a second Hiro. Since your mom’s a chef does that mean you can cook?”

Finishing his mouthful before responding, Hiro admitted, “While I’m nothing like my mother or brother, I did manage to pick up enough from them that I’m pretty confident in my cooking skills. Haven’t had many complaints over the years.”

Dew Drop couldn’t help but snicker at that, drawing confused stares from everyone before she explained, “Well I suppose that means that Lumi will actually be eating decently for a change.”

“Hey!”

Even Curiosity laughed a bit, “I suppose this means that we won’t hear about any more kitchens on fire. Or see you go hungry because what you made was a little...inedible.”

“Come on guys I’m not that bad!!” Luminescence protested.

“You’ve burned down the kitchen on no less than three occasions.” Curiosity pointed out before taking another bite of her sandwich.

Luminescence turned to Dew Drop for support. Instead all she got was a sheepish smile and a, “Sorry Lumi, after that thing with the cookies Nimbus won’t even go near your cooking.”

Luminescence gave an exasperated sigh but was interrupted when a hand rested on her poll and began stroking her reassuringly. “Don’t worry Lumi, everyone has something they’re bad at. I’d give you my singing as an example but I probably should spare everypony from that horror.”

Luminescence actually was able to think of an example and grimaced leading Dew Drop to begin laughing maniacally .

Curiosity did not see the exchange between Luminescence and Hiro as Dew Drop did though.... He pets her like one would a...a...a dog! Even with all we’ve done for his kind they still treat us with disrespect! Nothing good can come from humans. Nothing! The disapproving look on her face was there for only the barest of moments, vanishing before anyone else noticed.

“Speaking of which Hiro,” Dew Drop started up again, getting her laughing under control, “You never did mention your mother’s name. What’s wrong? Embarrassed? I mean we might know who she is.”

“Everyone starts making assumptions the minute they make the connection so I try to not mention it at first...” Hiro trailed off looking at what remained of his tea with a great interest. Then with a sigh he finished, “Her name is Marie.”

“Wait,” Luminescence almost shouted, brow furrowed, “Marie...and she goes by your father’s name so...Marie Aomori!?.”

“‘Hot Pot’ Marie!?” Dew Drop adds, voice jumping at least two octaves.

“The human who beat Iron Skillet two years in a row!?” Even Curiosity couldn’t help but share her exclamation with the others.

By this point Hiro was resting his head on the table arms covering it as if he was expecting some sort of disaster, “See? This is why I try not to mention her.”

“What are you talking about? That’s so amazing! I own two of her cookbooks!” Dew Drop said clopping her hooves together in joy. “Who would have guessed that Hiro’s mom was so famous!”

“Yes,” Curiosity admitted with a thoughtful expression, “I suppose Lumi will actually get a decent meal from time to time...”

Sighing again at the pony’s responses Hiro felt he had to add, “Keep in mind I’m not like my mother or little brother! I can cook, sure, but don’t expect fancy meals with obscure ingredients. Remember? Magi? I snap my fingers and bend reality. Maybe to some of us, that’s pretty impressive.” The three girls looked at each other, all sharing the same mischievous grin as Hiro rolled his eyes, threw his hands up in the air and parted with, “By the Sea, I give up.”

Moments of shared laughter later Curiosity took another bite of her salad and turned with what might be an honestly interested smile towards Lumi and asked, “Alright, alright. We’ve shared enough pleasantries, but completely danced around the only question that really matters.”

“Yeah,” Dew Drop cut in with. “You’ve got to tell us how you two met! I mean it’s great that you two are together but...”

“Perhaps a bit...unexpected.” Curiosity finished for her friend.

“Well,” Hiro said sharing a look with Lumi. She met his eyes, smiled a bit and nodded her head before he continued. “That’s a bit of a story...”

-END-

Author's Note:

Sorry for the massive delay. Had to deal with some incredible garbage relating to my family and someone trying to steal legal documents and ugh. Also starting my own business! So I haven't just been sitting around doing nothing for this time! Anyway as usual I'd like to thank BrilliantPoint and Demon Eyes Laharl for all their help as usual. Also a special thanks to Vexus Nightwish for getting me over that last hump and making me publish it.

As always be harsh but fair with your criticism. It's the only way I'll get better.

Finally:
{Editors note for publication: From the beginning Shira said he would be using the Hiro pronounced as Hero joke. After editing this chapter I’m convinced he did that because he keeps writing it as Hero himself!} [Author’s note: I hate you all]

P.S Ch 3 is already half done

Comments ( 38 )

Buh... I didn't help much.

*reads*

Interesting, I look forward to seeing where you go with the worldbuilding and setting assumptions hinted at in this chapter.
P.S.: Thanks for the heads up on this chapter coming out btw :twilightsmile:

2397271

Can't play all my cards on the first pass now can I? :rainbowlaugh:

I'm really trying to bring out the world and back story and everything as the story goes along rather than just doing a horrible info dump that makes people want to stab their eyes out.

No problem about the heads up. Sorry it took me so long to get it out :twilightblush:

2397972
No problem at all. Take your time, write at your own pace and post when your satisfied by it. The story will be all the better for that. As for 'info dumping' authors have been worrying about that since well before 'golden age' Sci-Fi. I think you handled it fairly well (no characters explaining 'everyday' thing to each other for a cliche example).

2398046

Thanks for the feedback. Feel free to comment as the chapters go on.

2398128

I understand where you're coming from. I love magic as a thing so it'll play a significant element in this story however that said it still has to be treated appropriately within the story. Hiro does not have some sort of unique skill set, or super powers or other Deus Ex Machine bullshit. His job is magic user, just like a lot of unicorns. Human magic and Pony magic is quite different but they, in many respects, are equal, just different.

That said, if you're going to follow and I end up doing something you disagree with then please hit me up and let me know. Again, criticism is how you improve.

About goddamn time.

Speaking of, can you resend the GDoc link? We need more bullshit tangentially-pone-related conversations fueled by alcohol.

2398398

For ch2 or ch3? I'm holding off on ch3 until I get a bit further but you'll have it once it's ready.

2398452
Beats me lol, whichever one you're active on so we can continue talking drunken MLP story writing haha

2398462

Sure thing I'll hook you up tomorrow when I'm actually at home

2397972 I would have stabbed your eyes out if you had done an information dump. :twilightangry2:

So... When do I get chapter 3 to sink my teeth in?:rainbowwild:

Was pretty enjoyable to read. So far the characters seem to be more distinctive, and I did not notice too many grammatical errors. However in the story Hiro mentions that he knows, and is rusty at the griffin language two times. Curiosity asks if he knows griffin the first time, while luminescence asks again later on, even though it was already established that he knew the language somewhat. It is kind of redundant mentioning it two times I think, unless I missed some detail in the story, and if that is the case I am sorry.

I hope to see more chapters here soon, as I quite like the set up you have going here. It is also nice to see that things are better on your end :fluttershyouch:

2399339

Fine fine I'll start cleaning up the first half tomorrow and fully finish the outline for the rest of it (which will probably also include parts of ch 4). So whiny :rainbowlaugh:

2399373

The flash back will give me plenty of time to REALLY develop our two protagonists so hopefully that'll give me enough time to really get some depth on them. Trying to build up everything without being "BEEP BOOP INFO DUMP BECAUSE I AM A ROBOT BEEP BOOP."

I actually had a note about that part and completely forgot to fix it. Oh god I have everything crossed out but that one. Normally I'd have my entire editing team go over it again before putting it out but everyone here had been waiting too long so I figured I'd put it out even if there were a few problems.

Ch 3 (and by extension 4 because I think I'm going to need two to finish the flash back) shouldn't take even remotely as long as two did because A) I'm ignoring my family now [should have done that years ago] and B) I have most of the outline and half of it done!

I always greatly appreciate your feedback and might have to send you a chapter before it's done since you're pretty good with the criticisms and I love it :heart::heart::heart:

That's a mighty fine story I've added to my "read later" list in early January, where it quickly got buried (1196 stories marked to "read later"). I'm glad I found it today on the first page of my faves so I can finally give it a read.

Taking a sip of her own tea she found herself getting curious and figured now would be the time to get some information if this...ape

Yep, the Rarity is strong within this one. I'm afraid I don't have enough boots to the head for her. I kinda dislike RD and Rarity, but that's personal.

He pets her like one would a...a...a dog! Even with all we’ve done for his kind they still treat us with disrespect! Nothing good can come from humans. Nothing!

Yeah, show me a way to pet a quadruped it a presentable way in a public without getting it sexually? I have a cat, I pet her, scratch her, rub her bald-y tummy and she purrs, so i take it she what i do. I have no idea how can I pet someone differently. Humans are not really petting each other unless they're getting it sexually. Sure, we can hug and embrace, some pats, but I have no idea about other non-sexual "touchings"

2399641

I enjoy (so far) all the characters I'm writing about. Obviously Curiosity's bigotry is going to be a sub-plot of the whole story and I've got some ideas as where I want to go with it. I'm glad that you feel passionate about it. Also 1196 holy crap, I'm glad you took the time to read and comment on it :twilightblush:.

The second quote is a willful misunderstanding by Curiosity. Hiro's action was meant to convey reassurance, like how one might rub someone's shoulder or pat them on the back. Curiosity, trying to find fault wherever she can to justify her beliefs, took his action rather than comfort to be degrading (rather than sexual).

2399649
Yeah, and Curiosity's actions make me want to give her

2399655

Hahahahah oh my god, how have I never seen this before!? Thank you so much for that.

Curiosity is going to be a source of early conflict because of this. I'd love to discuss it in depth but...plot, spoilers and all that. We'll get there but honestly, it's tough even writing it.

Edit: God I need to go to bed. It's just so much fun talking with everyone :3

2399559 That's what we editors do, it's our job. :ajsmug:

2399623 Well that teaches you to publish something without a second glance from your editors. :rainbowwild:

2399794
dunno, so far everything looks fine 'n dandy.

Well, gave it a read. I noticed you didn't fix the repetitive...

*sees someone pointing it out*

... well, frak. I'm useless here.

*goes away, getting drunk off milk tea and choking on tapioca*

Really good chapter, looking foward to the next chapter.

2399623

Heh well I suppose if I ever get the time I could give a chapter a look over, although I think your editors are doing a fantastic job currently. Is your family life always chaotic heh? Well regardless, I am glad you found some sort of solution to your family problems.

I do love to see how a relationship evolves in a story, I am unsure why. I enjoy all the little(and big) things in romance stories; the first meeting, a friendship formed, and everything leading up to the first tender moment :twilightblush: Sometimes I feel like a hopeless romantic heh.

Well if I can help you in some way in the future, just let me know. Oh and one last thing; it appears that the last name of Hiro is "Blueforest" in the story description, but it is "Aomori" in the actual story. I am guessing Blueforest was a temporary name of sorts? Anyways, you might want to fix that whenever you get the chance.

Well I am off to college, so I will talk to you later perhaps. :pinkiehappy:

I'm glad to see that you're continuing this story. I'm enjoying the interaction between the characters and really look forward to where you take the overall story.

I just think I need to point something out though. You tend to switch between 'past' and 'present' tense, sometimes in the same sentence, which made reading a little bit jarring at times.

Curiosity's frown lets up as she continued to look at Luminescence. Seeing her friend's pleading expression she simply sighed and said

Sorry to be the one to point it out, but you might want to go back and fix that.

You've got the beginnings of a really good story, one that I look forward to reading further.

So keep up the good work!

2399794>>2400038

I knew it was going to bite me but between the new business, a move coming up and other stuff I wanted to at least get it out there! Besides I know you're busy as well. Next chapter I'll have all of you guys go through it properly like ch 1.

2400268

Thank you very much. Feel free to comment as the future chapters come out :twilightsmile:

2400399

I'm the exact same as you with romance stories, which is another reason why I came up with the story of Hiro and Lumi. As for my family...there's a very good reason I try to keep seeing any of them to no more than twice a decade. Once the elder relative in question finally passes away and these shenanigans are finished, I'll probably wash my hands entirely of them.

Gah! Yeah I missed that one, Aomori's translation was Blueforest and despite the fact that in English we don't translate people's names my job as translator got to me and I was just replacing all instances of Aomori with Blueforest. I finally realized that was insane and corrected them...well I missed one obviously :twilightblush:

2400571

That's always been a problem for me, but usually one I catch or that my editors do. I rushed this one out, as I pointed out before, because I was just sitting around and not actually getting anywhere with progressing on my story. At least getting it out as got me active even if I have to make some corrections once I get back home.

I'm hoping all my readers can agree that it'd be better to get out a chapter that still needs some work than losing the spark for the story entirely. This has really re-energized me and between Panic and D.E.L I should be back pounding away at ch 3 now in no time flat.

All of that said, thank you very much for pointing out those errors. Once I'm back I'm going to get them all fixed and then hopefully the criticisms can then focus on the crappy parts of my story rather than the crappy parts of my grammar :rainbowlaugh:

2401709 Well there's no rush. Got McGee in the queue for today and if you send me something the earliest date I would be able to do some work on it would be this sunday. :twilightsheepish:

Loved it! I am very anxious for the next chapter,and i can't help but wander if we will meet any other descendants of the Elements of Harmony. I still can't thank you enough for getting a chance to pre-read this chapter! :rainbowkiss: And you also game a special thanks! You are to kind :yay: Have a little comedy as a thank you with all my heart :heart:

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YES this finally gets an update! A great chapter after I read the first I was curious to know what would happen next dD. hope the next one is soon a new business huh? cool hope it goes well!

2424082

Glad you liked it :twilightsmile:. Next chapter (actually probably two since I like splitting them up a bit) is on its(their) way. I've got the framework for both set up so far and I was half way through ch 3 but went back and deleted about a thousand words worth since it wasn't working. Today I'm doing the rework on that and hope to get further as well. I'm hoping to have the first draft ready for editing some time by next week and I'd like to get them both done before the month is out (no promises) so that there's a good chunk out there before the new business steals my life for a month or two.

Thanks for the well wishes :heart:

2414749

Next chapter (or two) is the flash back! Thank you for helping me finally sit down and put the story up. I'd been sitting on it forever and just couldn't get back into the swing of things. If it wasn't for you everyone would probably still be without their daily dose of Lumi :raritycry:

2425518 alright sounds good can't wai:twilightsheepish:t!

2547502

Just had a funeral today for my last grandparent. You can wait a bit longer :fluttercry:

2548851 Now I feel a total dick, as that is a good reason. :twilightoops:

My condolences. Take the time you need. *hugs* :fluttershysad:

2550630

Thanks, hugs are needed. Still it was a beautiful ceremony and everything went just the way he would have wanted. I should be back home (this is all out of country) in about a week. I'll try to start before then.

2552180 No worries, take your time, I'll be still here when you return. Take your time to sort all this out and deal with it emotionally. *hugs* :fluttershysad:

Thank you everyone for your patience, Ch 2 has been edited. Starting on Ch 3

Woah, how'd this story die? Looks as if the author was about to write more... Hmmm I need answers. Time to look around.

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