The sky above Canterlot was almost perfectly clear; barely any clouds in the sky and Celestia’s noonday sun shone brightly down on the city. It was the perfect spring day, with a slight, crisp breeze carrying the sounds of birds chirping and the bustle of the city throughout the streets. The type of day that nopony could be down or depressed during. All around, ponies were going here and there, meeting for lunch, chatting with friends, enjoying the amazing weather... and being a total nervous wreck.
Okay, almost nopony.
Walking along the cobblestone streets of the Western District in Canterlot was a light lavender unicorn with three yellow shooting stars as a cutie mark. However, she was distracted enough that the perfect day was lost on her. Braided golden blond mane barely moving as she walked mechanically along in a straight line, looking as though she was marching to her own execution rather than to spend the afternoon with friends. Well friends plus one. It was worrying about that plus one that ruined her sleep last night and put her in such a state today.
Contrary to expectations, Luminescence’s nervousness came from, of all things, love. Love had found her a couple of months ago. Yet in all that time, she had never shared this with those close to her. The reason for this, you see, was that her love wasn’t exactly...traditional. It made her incredibly nervous just thinking of everypony’s possible reactions.
“It’s ok Lumi,” Luminescence told herself with forced conviction. “You’re just worrying about nothing. Everypony will meet and there won’t be any problems. Yeah...it’ll all go smoothly. Right?”
Her words rang hollow to her own ears. By Tartarus, she didn’t know why she was even trying to cheer herself up like that. She tried to maintain a confident posture, but all her head could do was droop and her eyes found the pavement more and more interesting as she walked.
This wasn’t just a simple meeting with her friends however, she was introducing them to the love of her life. What complicated it was that she had waited almost two months to tell them. She had no clue how they’d react. Would they be angry at her for hiding him? Would Curiosity freak out when she met him? Things could go so right...or so horribly wrong.
Luminescence started to walk herself through the plan, Ok. When I get to the fountain and meet Curiosity and Dew Drop I’ll apologize to them for not telling them about everything these past two months. Then I’ll tell them as much as I can before we get to the cafe, then they can just meet him. We can move right on to greetings, everyone can be friends. It’ll be perfect.
Or so she hoped...
“Oh Celestia, please, let this work out.” She prayed quietly as she rounded the corner and came face to face with the fountain in the center of town with the giant sculptures of the Princesses. Putting on a brave face, she took a deep breath and perked her head back up. Slowly releasing the breath she scanned the crowd for her friends and soon enough saw them. Dew Drop was the first of the two she caught sight of.
Dew Drop, just ‘Dew’ to her friends, was an ever-energetic sea green pegasus with a short cropped, amazingly sky blue mane that was surprisingly tame, compared to its owner. Her cutie mark matched her job pretty well, given that she was a ‘fluidics engineer’ for Canterlot, a raincloud with a cheery rainbow arching from one end to the other. Her job essentially meant she spent a lot of time making sure water, snow and rainbow allotments were doled out properly to the areas that needed them the most. Dew Drop was also the only close friend of Luminescence’s who was married, quite happily at that, to one of the palace guards. Before she found him, Luminescence would sometimes feel a twinge of jealousy deep inside when she saw Dew Drop and Nimbus together, something she was not proud of.
Luminescence’s other friend, Curiosity, formally Curiosity de Carrousel, was the sole heir to the Carrousel Duchy. The white unicorn was deeply involved in the fashion industry despite her elevated position and as such usually wore something that accented her ruby colored wavy mane and pink eyes. Her white, sparkling, single diamond cutie mark barely marred her coat, as if not daring to ruin perfection. Today was no exception as she wore a fancy bonnet with a deep blue color with accenting flowers and baubles.
Curiosity was part of the Equestrian nobility thanks to the hard work and exploits of her great-grandmother. However Curiosity was, unfortunately, not as well versed in the generosity that her ancestor was so well known for, but she had improved with the help of her friends.
Currently the two were talking, or Dew Drop was talking and Curiosity was pretending to care. She often pretended to care in that way that only the excessively wealthy can, though she was hiding her disinterest with her large bonnet. Luminescence recently surmised that Dew Drop actually knew this and carried on just to annoy the high-society unicorn.
Luminescence trotted towards them, putting on her bravest expression, but she faltered as she prepared to call out to her friends. Her worries returned so suddenly she found herself hesitating, wondering if putting this off a bit more might not be a better idea.
Her musings were interrupted by the excited voice of Dew Drop, “Oh, Hey! It’s Lumi! Hey Lumi! Over here!” Dew Drop left in mid-discussion with Curiosity and flew over to the faltering unicorn. Before Luminescence could even get a word in edgewise, she got pulled up in a big hug that lifted the two of them off the ground for a few seconds.
“H-Hey Dew Drop, good to see you.” Luminescence spoke, nervous smile on her face but genuinely happy to see her friend. Dew Drop’s presence did cause a sense of relief to flood through her. It was hard to be down around Dew Drop.
Dew Drop blinked, suddenly looking confused at Luminescence for a moment, “Huh? Ohhh, I see somepony’s being a nervous nelly again!” Dew Drop giggled as she put Luminescence down and poked at the purple pony.
Luminescence felt her stomach do a roll and dip to the left, Curse that pony and her perfect pegasus perception. “H-How could you tell?” She asked head and body drooping in defeat. She couldn’t fool Dew Drop for a second
“You only call me by my full name when you’re worrying about silly things.” Dew Drop said with a giggle.
“She’s right you know darling.” Curiosity confirmed as she trotted up to the duo. “We have known you long enough to tell when you are being...overwrought. I assure you that this is much ado about nothing. We are your friends. We know something’s been...distracting you for a while and this sneaking and hiding just doesn’t suit you.”
“Yeah, you’re really good at magic Lumi, buuuut your sneakiness could use some work.” Dew Drop added helpfully.
Luminescence sighed in defeat. Sneaking? Okay, I admit I haven’t exactly been forward but still...I was just afraid of how everypony would react. But...they’re right, I haven’t been fair to them. They’re my friends and they deserve to know! Though how am I going to explain it to Curi. She...might not take it so well.
“I...you’re right of course. I wanted both of you to meet me today so I could explain what...I’ve been doing these last couple of months. You see-”
“You’ve fallen madly in love and you’re finally ready to share that with us.” Curiosity interrupted with just the slightest hints of a smirk on her face.
“Right, I figured that it’s fi-” the gears in Luminescence’s head suddenly ground to a halt at the revelation that her big surprise wasn’t actually that much of a surprise. “How...How...”
“Lumi, dear, there are only a couple of things that could have caused you to act so out of character. Well that, and you might have not noticed it, but you often spaced out with the most dreamy expression on your face. Then my dear bookworm friend suddenly asking about fashion advice. ‘How would I make myself look more presentable,’ was what you asked me. Really it was the natural assumption,” Curiosity stated as one might read off the weather report. “That and you’re really not very goo-urk,” an unladylike noise escaped from Curiosity as Dew Drop thrust a hoof into her side.
“What Curry meant to say,” at the use of her other nickname, the white unicorn gave Dew Drop a withering glare, “was that we’ve been friends for years. We know when something’s up with you and we’re here when you need us. So of course we’d notice when things were off with you.” Dew Drop finished smoothly.
Curiosity opened her mouth to give Dew Drop a piece of her mind but stopped when she noticed the sappy grin and unshed tears welling up in Luminescence’s eyes and let her unspoken rebuke die on her lips. “Thanks guys, that means a lot to me.” Luminescence said softly, wiping her eyes quickly. “I’m so sorry, I should have told you both sooner. I guess I was being a bit foalish.”
“Well jus-” Dew Drop didn’t get any further then that when a spell jerked her back a meter by her tail. The spell aura was oddly the same color as the type of magic that Curiosity used.
“Yes, well, all is forgiven,” Curiosity continued for Dew Drop almost without missing a beat. This earned her a dirty glare from the perturbed pegasus. The unicorn ignored it casually, “It’s the least we could do since we’re all friends. So, out with it darling! You wanted us to go to lunch, so I imagine it’s because you’re ready to tell us all the juicy details?” Curiosity asked enthusiastically.
“Well,” Luminescence started again, showing a slightly strained smile again, “I was going to tell you all about it...and then I figured all four of us could have lunch together. Would save us som-”
“Ohhh we get to actually meet the stallion who stole your heart then!?” Curiosity asked, hooves tapping together with barely restrained enthusiasm.
“Er, well, that is to say,” stalling, doing everything in her power to dodge the question Luminescence wracked her brain trying to come up with either an excuse or an explanation. She didn’t want to explain before they could meet him. Especially not to Curiosity. “Oh right!” Luminescence exclaimed suddenly as she turned to the large tower overlooking the square. “We’ve got to hurry up, we don’t want to-”
“Make him wait? Of course not! Come along Dew, we’ve got places to be.” Ignoring the barely hidden anxious expression on Luminescence’s face as Curiosity gestured for her to lead the way.
The three of them soon joined the other ponies on the bustling streets of Canterlot. Being nearly noon the streets were packed and the girls had to thread their way through the crowds on their way to the center of the district. Well known for its exoitc food and plethora of restaurants servicing all the travelers that pass through the main city gates.
While the main road from the fountain was bordered by shops and quaint multi-story, whitewashed houses. Turning off the main road caused the constant stream of ponies to thin out a bit and soon simple houses were replaced with more extravagant and colorful designs, each more ludicrous than the next as if in some sort of mysterious competition to outdo the other.
Luminescence noticed all of this. She was trying to focus on anything that would potentially alleviate the sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach. It was working until Dew Drop rekindled the conversation, “So, Lumi, why did you wait so long to tell us about this? You’ve been awfully nervous this whole time. I mean we’re your best friends and all. You can always be honest with us.”
Dew’s innocent question put Luminescence on the spot again, “Well...you see...” She purposely drew out her response, wracking her brain, trying to figure out what to say. “Our relationship...isn’t strictly...traditional.”
“Not traditional?” Dew asked back. “You mean...like...your coltfriend is actually your marefriend?” The pegasus pondered promptly. Taking only an instant for the words to sink in Luminescence stumbled and started sputtering, trying to find words for a denial. “Because you know that we don’t care about things like that. As long as you’re happy.”
“Oh my,” Curiosity added, eyes shining as her imagination began to run wild, “It’s like something right out of a romance novel. Such a powerful love that transcends everything!”
“Wh-What?! No, he’s not a mare! Why would you think that? Oh no. What if he thinks that of me now?!” Luminescence asked without taking a breath between the rattled off questions, her eyes widening as she frantically looked back and forth at her friends.
“Well, from your reaction I take it that was a miss.” Curiosity said, faux disappointment heavy in her voice.
Picking up on Curiosity’s cue Dew Drop joined in with a mischievous grin, “Well, we know that it’s a ‘he’ but, not traditional. So what about...” hovering over to Lumi with a sly smile and rubbing her forehooves, “seeing a married stallion!”
“Oh the scandal! How will I ever explain this?” Throwing a forearm to her head she mock fainted into the waiting arms of Dew Drop. The two of them proceeded to turn the drama up to 11, “What will I ever do Lady Dew Drop?”
The commotion was starting to attract the attention of bystanders. Many stopped what they were doing and began to whisper amongst themselves. This did absolutely nothing to discourage Luminescence’s friends, much to the light lavender pony’s mounting embarrassment. To top it off, Dew Drop switched over to her ‘bad’ Trottingham accent, declaring, “We must remain steadfast Lady Curiosity! It matters not that the fair Luminescence has fallen into ill repute, we must stand behind her. Though our position in high society may falter!”
Luminescence’s eyes bulged and her jaw dropped to the pavement. She could do nothing but stare at her friends in dumbfounded shock as she tried her damndest to make her mouth work again. “No...wait, what!? What are you two talking about? He’s not mar...” Luminescence trails off as her friends begin to snicker and her shocked expression fades into one of annoyance. “Oh very funny. Ha ha ha.”
While they hadn’t drawn a large crowd, the nearby onlookers were giving a variety of looks at the three mares ranging from highly amused to almost scandalized. “You have to admit Lumi,” Dew Drop said with a massive grin plastered on her face, “you walked right into that.”
“You two...are, ugh!” Luminescence said, beseeching the heavens for some sort of aid.
“Oh Luminescence darling,” Curiosity said as she trotted over to Luminescence and put a foreleg over her withers, “you’ve got to learn to relax a little. Also that’s just a little bit of payback for not telling your friends something so important for so long.”
The three continued onward, leaving behind the whispering crowd as they turned the corner and Luminescence sulked a little bit, head lowered.
“Well if all you’re going to say is that it’s ‘not traditional’ you have to forgive our imaginations for running a bit wild. All teasing aside, why don’t you tell us about him?” Curiosity prompted.
“Yeah!” Dew Drop added gaining a few meters in altitude, “Why don’t you tell us how you two met!”
“Well, we actually met in one of my classes. My last semester there,”
“Aaaah, go figure, our Luminescence falls for a fellow student.” Curiosity sighs at the lack of anything juicy to latch on to.
“Well...not...exactly...” Luminescence said haltingly.
“What’cha mean?” Dew Drop asks, coming in close and landing on the ground.
“He was...kind of...my teacher,” she admits head drooping down more, just waiting for Curiosity’s reaction.
“Ooooooh, your teacher? How romantic!” Curiosity’s voice rose at least 2 octaves and her eyes lit up like stars as her mind went into overdrive. “No wonder you were afraid to share it. You couldn’t let your forbidden love come out and hurt his career. Ooh ooh ooh! This is like a novel I read last year. Luminescence, dear you have to tell me al-” Curiosity cut herself off as she took a withering glare from Luminescence. “Sorry.”
With a huge sigh and lifting her head up Luminescence looked like she was about to lecture Curiosity when Dew Drop cut in with a puzzled look on her face, “But Lumi! All of your...oh!” The look of confusion dissolved from her face and was replaced by a grin so wide it made her eyes squint in adorable little half moons.
Curiosity and Luminescence both turned their heads to look at their friend and in perfect unison asked, “Oh?”
“Oh!” Dew Drop answered and pranced a bit ahead of them.
“...You’ve known her longer than I have Lumi, has she always been like this?” Curiosity inquired.
“As long as I’ve known her, that’s for sure. I think it’s a family thing.” Luminescence explained, still looking perplexed.
As the three girls turned the last corner the street opened up a bit. On one side was a beautiful park, with plenty of open space for ponies to play in, enjoy a picnic or even a nap in the sun. The other was a solid, wall to wall shops, restaurants and cafes. Thank Celestia we’re almost there. I don’t know how much longer I could hold off their questions without losing Curi to some delusions that I’m having some sort of illicit affair with one of my teachers. Then again, I kind of am.
Before letting herself get caught up in a long, internal debate about the nature of their relationship Luminescence chose to distract herself, “We’re almost there, it’s the cafe at the far right end of Misty Drive.”
Dew Drop trotted along with them, showing no significant reaction to Luminescence’s announcement. Her grin, if possible, grew even wider.
“Well, I suppose I won’t have to speculate much longer,” Curiosity said. “As much as I’m still a little annoyed that you felt you couldn’t tell us about something like this, I do appreciate the situation.”
Not as much as you think Curi. Please don’t hate me for this! Luminescence fretted to herself.
“Oooh I think we’re here girls” Dew Drop said as they approached the cafe.
“Wait a minute, this is Cafe Le Verger. I remember reading about this place...” Curiosity let her words die off as she raised a hoof and tapped her chin in deep thought. Suddenly her eyes shot open and she stopped just a couple pony-lengths before the entrance. “We’re in the western district...near the gate station and the old foreign quarter...this is where all of the hu-”
Curiosity’s eyes shot up and her head jerked to stare at Luminescence, mouth still forming the sound as it died on her lips. Nervousness assaulting her, Luminescence gave her best grin as she started to sweat.
Curiosity jerked her head to look at the tables outside the restaurant and took in the situation. About a dozen fancy iron tables were placed partially underneath a blue and white striped awning, but separated enough that nothing was crowded. About half the tables were full of ponies, chatting, enjoying some drinks or lunch. A couple of tables had mixed groups of ponies and humans.
It was the one table that had a lone human and three empty chairs that caught Curiosity’s attention. Taking a good, long look at the human Curiosity noted that he seemed about average height for a member of his species with short black hair, almond eyes and slightly tanned skin. He was wearing what she recognized to be semi-formal shirt and pants, but it was the jacket that caught her attention. It was the uniform jacket of a professor at the magical university that Luna ran.
He had not noticed the trio yet and was scanning the crowd for someone. Curiosity felt a horrible sinking sensation in her stomach as his head turned towards them. When he laid eyes on Lumi his face brightened up and a smile graced his features as he raised an arm and waved at the trio, “Hey, Lumi! I have a table for us already.”
Dew Drop said something but it was lost on Curiosity due to her shock and Luminescence due to her focusing so much on Curiosity.
Curiosity’s head jerked back to look at Luminescence, her mouth agape and eyes shone with complete disbelief. “Your...coltfriend...” She found it hard to form the words that her mind was giving to her.
Luminescence just grinned nervously at Curiosity and said, “He’s more like...my boyfriend...”
First LOLOLOLOL
Just messin' with ya.
Best of luck with the story Shira, hope you get the attention you deserve.
1937781
Awww you're such a sweetie . Thanks for looking it over when it was still in the draft phase.
Also when's my next chapter of Canvas huh!?
1937817
I have to get going on the next chapter of Befriend first.
Wait, I now have permission to criticise and pick apart your work publicly?
Sweet.
1937821
1937825
...CRAP, I did not foresee this outcome.
Definitely an interesting setup. It caught my attention, and the humor was well placed and used well. Characters are interesting so far, along with the entire oremise.
In other words, I like where this is going.
1938240
Thanks for the comment. I will try to not let you down!
Taking this from one-shot to series is taking a lot of planning and work but I'm going to give it my best not to turn this into a train wreck.
This sucks. Worst thing I ever read.
Until next update then.
1938919
Thank you so much for the vote of confidence XD.
This... is brilliant. You have all my everything, good friend.
1938987
I'm going to be my own critic right now and say, we're still a few steps away from 'brilliant' XD. I've got the first chapter and am working on more, but this doesn't do a ton to set the scene and only barely introduces both protagonists and a small segment of the supporting cast. After I get another couple/few chapters out then I'd love to hear if you could still call it brilliant...or a train wreck .
Thank you very much for the comment though. I need as much feedback as possible to try and improve.
1938923
Confidence? I just want how far before you fall flat on your face!
BTW, I added your story to the groups I joined. Should give it a wider audience.
1939050
Oh god more people are going to see this, I'm not sure my body is ready for that
Oh wow, so this is in the future with descendants of, so far as I can tell: Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Twilight?
Will we see a grown up Spike?
This started off really well & I'll be watching for more.
1939056
.... yeah, I think its ready. You trained long and hard for this. Time to test your mettle.
1939071
It hasn't been made explicit yet but it takes roughly 100 years after the series. Dew Drop, while borrowing a little of Pinkie's silly side is not a direct descendent. Lumi is a direct one of Twilight and Curiosity is a direct descendent of Rarity.
Spike WILL play a role later. Because Spike is all sorts of awesome.
I hope I can live up to your expectations. And if not, please let me know about it, even if you need to do it with a shovel
yess this is briliant
1939130
Glad you're liking it so far. I'll try to keep up the quality. Feel free to comment as you see fit, especially if the quality starts dropping, just give me hell about it.
1939105
Huzzah! I love Spike if he was real, I'd want to be best buds.
I'm sure it'll be great, you've got DEL helping you, and you seem like a good author in your own right.
Savage your work? Like a dozen rabid flesh-eating weasels? Well, I'd not go that far... but I found a double quote.
Huzzah! The typos have been doubled!
I like it. I'm doing something really similar... sort of... and I'm very interested to see where you go with your story. Yours is more 'cute' though.
I find it funny that your story is taking the exact opposite character viewpoint from mine.
Well this story certainly started out well. Call me interested. If I had to nitpick, it just seems like right now you have 3 of the main 6 in a different "suit" so to speak. I am assuming that it kind of what you are going for, as it is suggested that they are of the main 6's family line; as of now I would like to see a bit more difference in character when comparing dew, lumi and curi' to their ancestors. I however believe that they will be fleshed out in later chapters, so as I said, just a small tiny nitpick.
Good job though, keep up the good writing .
1939241
Thank you for that correction! It got past me . I'll always take help!
1939246
Well so far it's only from Lumi's perspective but that comes down to the fact that it originally was going to be a one-shot. So the next chapter will include the human, Hiro. I'm making things a bit more cute because a real look at a relationship can be stressful and depressing at times and I don't want to have too depressing a feel to the story.
1939480
This is actually one of the things that has come up. Given that I only have slightly more than 3k words I haven't been able to show a significant difference between them and the original just because there's only one chapter so far. Lumi is bookish and a nervous wreck like Twilight but there's a lot of other things about her that I do have planned out that separate her from Twilight. Curi is a bit closer but I'm not sure how much I will deviate overall. Though being a noble does change a person.
I actually don't intend Dew Drop to be too much like Pinkie at all. I'm aiming for silly rather than 31 flavors of crazy. Honestly Dew takes a lot from a person I knew years ago and silly moments aside I just don't see myself wanted to use Pinkie's 'schtick' for Dew. All in all, I just need more time to develop them. Honestly I'm most worried about Hiro but I think I've got a pretty solid non-cliched base.
Also please do nitpick, you will get me to think of things and hopefully make the story better.
1939605
Well okidoke, will do! I am certainly looking forward to what comes up next, so you have the hook to the story done quite nicely. As said before though, you just need more time to develop your characters, which is why I called mine a nit pick for the moment. If it continued for quite a long time without differentiating the main 6 from them however...it would become a problem. I am sure from your comment though that it will not happen. Anyways, thanks for the nice reply, and I hope to read more of the story soon!
1939241 I hate it when I miss something during the editing process.
1939480 To quote myself when I read his little note explaining who was based on who: "No shit."
But this will be resolved with later chapters, at the moment it's just too short to let their differences show. There are considerable differences between the originals and the characters in this story. It's just that because of the length of the chapter a lot of the displayed behavior/mannerisms come from the "family quirks" they have. It just wasn't doable to really show their differences without a very big information dump (which would have killed the flow of the story).
Some hints at differences were even removed after feedback from me as they raised so many questions it would derail anyone reading it. So.. uh.. heh..
1940468
I'll certainly give it my best! Feel free to point out if you think I'm not doing a good enough job at it!
1940922
We'll get a bit more into it in Chapter 2, though that'll be our time to get Hiro's character well defined. It's probably from that point on when it'll become really clear at least that's how I'm more or less expecting it to happen. I'll still squeeze out some little bits here and there but there's a lot of generalities that make them seem similar, like everyone's expecting Dew Drop to be like Pinkie despite the fact that I never really envisioned her that way. Make sure to keep me on task with that, don't want to screw it up.
1940922
Indeed, I already talked with Shira about it mmhm. I realize it takes more than just one chapter to flesh out characters and whatnot, so it was just something I figured I would mention is all. Great job with the editing by the way. I did not notice too many errors. So far the story is good, but now the waiting game begins....
1940973
God you have no clue how long it took me to go through the revisions. This is my first piece of written fiction in....almost a decade now. So saying, "I'm rusty," is just a biiiiiiiit of an understatement.
I'm going to put a little bit more into the grand outline and then I'll get started on the next chapter. I have a pretty good picture of where the story is going and the document on the world/outline/etc is well in excess of 10k words at this point. So it's just a matter of sitting down and cranking out the scenes and dialogue and then having my editors look over it and scream, "No it's wrong...it's ALL WRONG! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!"
If there's some form of consolation I can say for you it is that this pleases me. So get on with it already!
1941020
Hahahahah! I love it. Ok I'm going to work on the outline more tonight but I promise I'll throw up a skeleton framework by Saturday and then have my editors savage me over a day or two. Sometime next week? Baring any of the million things that can go wrong in life at least.
1941028 I can live with that. I should be writing...
I was never here
1940995
Lol. Well don't work yourself too hard with it. Take your time to make sure things are exactly how you want it, . I am sure things will go well for you in the long run. Don't worry about making us wait too much, while timeliness is nice, just make sure it does not effect your ability to write mmmmhm. Once again, great start, and great attitude for criticism as well (even though there really isn't much to criticize ).
1941044
Right. I guess I just didn't expect even as much response as I got here so it's kind of energized me. I was hoping for about a 10 upvotes, 1 downvote and a handful of comments. 30 upvotes is way more than I expected and I've gotten honest, good criticisms...it just makes me want to
singwrite!Don't worry about rushing it. Between Laharl, the_panic and BrilliantPoint I imagine they will beat me with cricket bats until I am broken and bleeding if I let the quality drop.
I'll give you a , waitining for more to come.
1941076
Damn right I will. Except not with a cricket bat because I don't have one of those. Instead, I've got my fraternity paddle as well as my "little brother's" paddle.
Luckily for you I'm too broke to afford travel to wherever you are, so you're safe.
For now.
But seriously, I'll do my best to help you out when I can, like you did for me.
1941044
Heh, this dude is a glutton for giving and receiving criticism. When he went over my first write-up, he actually wrote more words in critique/commentary than were in the actual write-up lol; that abundance of advice is why my last story turned out as well as it did.
1940945 I've got a brand new whip that will help me keep you on track.
1940973 For you the waiting game begins. I have to go through notes that are 10k+ long and the next chapter. What have I gotten myself into.
1941044 1941076 Well you saw the amount of text and notes that were produced for chapter one. You know I've got the habit of asking questions which cause changes in your story.
1941508 He has already said "getting a taste of my own medicine" when I left a few comments.
1941508
I'm never going to live that down am I?
Oi, about time.
1942696
I know right?
Huh... Character names might as well be Twilight #2, Rarity #2, and so forth, but it's been less than four thousand words, so I guess I'll be hawking the next few chapters.
1943705
Well if you're only complaining about character names then I did something right. For Curiosity that's kind of the point. She's a high noble, descended from a very famous public figure. If I hadn't named her similar to Rarity I believe it would have been much less believeable. Noble Europe's naming schemes tend to reuse names over and over, generation after generation. That one is well justified I believe.
Luminescence is also descended from a famous public figure. While her family doesn't have a noble title like Curiosity's given that we have the Apple's family, I see plenty of justification for naming trends within a family.
1943777
The point on the tack was that the characters don't seem to differ at all from their ancestors, talking of it through the naming scheme was only a sarcastic afterthought. Overall, it made me wonder why it was necessary to move the scheme 'X' hundred years forward since there doesn't seem to be any immediate reason, plot or otherwise, to justify it and all the new characters also seem to be just about identical prima facie...
Still, it was just a minor quibble, and I'll still be waiting on future installments.
Not a bad start. I had a feeling we had a bit of a time skip with the fairly obvious hints that Curi was Rarity's great-granddaughter. Can't wait to see Spike.
1943826
Because I don't want to work with the mane 6 in this setting? Also look further up the thread in my discussion with Broderick about a similar issue. Going to need more than 3k words to show the differences.
However do keep up the criticism as the story unfolds. It often helps me focus on issues before they become problems and does shore up both the story and my own ability as a writer.
...i know i will regret this sooner or later... even now i can't keep track of all the Writers i already following... but...
*Fave+Follow+Thump Up* i would LOVE to read more in the near future ^^
its always lovely to hear about a non-main-6 nor support Character but about this one... well i did never heard of it and in my opinion this is great !!!
This is 'Setting expansion' in its process!
good work ^^
1948104
I have no clue why but when I woke up and saw "Leux is watching you" I read it as "Lexus"
Probably more setting alternation than expansion. In this story humans are just as much part of the world of Equestria as griffons are but I do want to do a lot of world building. Still planning everything out though so we'll see! If you see anything you think I'm doing wrong though let me know!
1948344 and now it starts to be odd... behind my Nick Leux is the Story, that i was ... well now 7 Years ago on a LAN-Party... yeah... back then in the old days they where quite popular ... and a Orga(one of the guys with have organized it) had called me Leux, instead of my until then normal Nick Lexus... so... *cough*strange*cough*
but yeah ^^ i will try at least ^^ to help where i can
P.S. on this side... there are many... strange coincidences ... this as an example is one of them... ^^
1948509
Hahah was that is an odd one. What are the odds? I still blame it on late night drinking.
MORE GOD DAMMIT