My life was never good. In fact, the only good thing in my life is my curse. But I'll explain that in the story. I was walking down an ally when I stumbled over a box. I look at the box, and decide that my curiosity got the best of me. So I opened the box, And my heart nearly stopped at what was inside.
Disclaimer: This story is somewhat based off of Rob's My little dashie, but I added many different things, so no this is NOT copyright. I own the human in this story and that is it. MLP:FiM is own by Hasbro. My little Dashie is owned by ROBCakeran53.
Chapters (9)
Yeah, I know. I mean, you replaced Dash with Chrysalis and Rob's character with yourself.
You added so many different things.
Well, shit, I actually had this same exact idea earlier today.
Ok 2 things...
1:You introduced the backstory, characters and other elements way too fast. I'm a fan of getting to the point as much as anyone, but that was just plain skipping. Also explain envrioments Little more, or else no one can picture the scene.
2. 1927971 Shutup baby garrus, no one likes you. (making fun of your avatar not you)
Anyway I'd try again on this. I see great potenial with this. But I dont know how long you spent on this, no disrespect but it seems like you wrote it in an hour.
Gherkin8088
This is just the first chapter. I have over 12,000 words that i haven't posted yet.
Pyromaniac
Sorry
Hmmmm.... well I guess this is interesting though I was expecting something a bit different but I guess I may track for a while at least.
Personally I would have maybe done something like a farm guy out in the country on the family farm (or maybe if he needs to be urban he could momentarily be on a camping trip) in some small area laying back looking up at the night sky admiring some shooting stars when he notices one seems to be getting bigger and bigger until it crashes down a good but manageable distance away.
Once he reaches the site excited at the chance to have a meteorite to either sell or keep he goes down the crater confused why it isn't lit up by the glow of a red hot rock when a black thing reaches out and grabs a hold of his ankle causing him to freak out thinking its the 90's spiderman symbiont, course another short while he goes back as he hears crying, something the black body snatching ooze would not do. There he finds a foal chrysalis with a scroll from Celestia attached to her horn saying she hopes "Chrisy" can have a new life on your planet or something.
Thats what I would do anyways.
A mess
I'll keep that in mind!
1928199 You dare to question... Garrus Vakarian? Almighty calibrator of the universe?!
1928312 Get back to me when you beat Maudersheields Lil'garry
Don't just don't man this is too painful to read ugh horrible just horrible.
1928336 Child's play. I mean, this is the turian who out-awesomed Craig Boone. That's no small feat.
Gherkin8088 and BIGBLACKINTOSH
Stop arguing in the comments, or I'll call Pinkie Pie and tell her you don't like her cupcakes.
may i add this to my group Villains of Equestria and feel free to join if you want too
I really don't think you need to add such *diclaimatory information in fimfiction stories
New word: Diclaimatory meaning - Disclaimer
Oh shit guys we got a badass over here and it's real business he be speaking
This is an amazing story
LOVE IT
.
I am sorry, but it seems your story has caught the stupid. It is very rare for me to down vote a story, but the fact that he suddenly has magic powers and is pretty much a god ruins it for me.
1929562
Sure, I don't see why not.
Aw yea Johnothan is kickass.
I agree with you LunarPrince 369. When you get pinkie Pie you get me and my Party Canon!
good I do not like clop-fics
to bad Rainbow dash wasn't there when Jonathon turned into a dragon.
yes Rainbow Dash Jonathon is a dragon.
My last name is Vega! What a coincidence! Lol.
lol so many lolz Blazing comet
i don't know any more what is Jonathon . i love the story but it dose not make any sense you need a chapter to explain his past and what he and his family are they can use magic what with that
We can break this wall!
Love how you talked about FIMfiction story my little dashie.
You know everypony looks at Luna's night sky
dose anyone know the E.T.A on the next chapter
1944275
It should be out by either by next week.
1944466 awesome
great so far. cant wait for the next chapter.
I can't believe I brought you soup.
1956585 you brought him soup too?
how do you add link to some one else's comment?
This story is extremely unrealistic. The main character has so many problems with his person. First, he has tendencies to pull severe mood swings akin to someone with acute bipolar, and that is never good for a story along these lines where the focus is the care of 'My Little (name goes here). Second, the powers. It really throws the story off when the protagonist(?) (I don't even know at this point) has powers like this before he encounters creatures from Equestria. Third, this is progressing way too fast to develop any kind of depth or character development. It reminds me of a character from Borderlands 2 who writes a book with the following text: "Chapter One: Today, I punched a stalker so hard it turned inside out. End of Chapter One."
I read stories keeping plot development as a high priority. I'm sorry, I really am, but this is my criticism, and I say you could have done much better.
LOL 5 Pinkie Pie comments in a row.
1958551
Not any more.
MOAR PLESE
I would love a sequel to this.
~~Flutter-Shy~~
1979037
Alright. I'll see what I can do. But it may take a while.
1979048
I'm cool with that
~~Flutter-Shy~~
1979054
Curse you LunarPrinc curse you.
GIVE US A SEQUEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1979917
OKAY OKAT!!!! I'll give yu a sequel. But it will take a while. Just don't make me a Fucking cupcake.
DO IT OR I WILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1979947
Okay. Fine. But it might take a month or so. Just, hold you ponies.
Fine but if you don't do it within a month I will blast you into the heavens like I did to the changelings!
1979983
So you're cadence now?