this is the story of what happened in between wonder bolt academy and the next episode. it is in rainbow dash's eyes (first person)
Chapters (4)
goldchappy
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This story is so awesome
Uh ok kinda short chapters
I will start to post longer chapters k?
oh scoots
what trouble is coming I wonder..............
Scootaloo+Rainbow Dash+Sonic Rainbooms=
which means crazy stuff is gonna happen
ponies' *
Her name is Lightning Dust.
Applejack *
Fluttershy *
Yooouuu'rre welcome *
Wonderbolt *
The tone is off, it really needs editing. They just arrived, and then they leave? "I hope you become a Wonderbolt?" It sounds pretty forced. A "Good luck" or something would be more fitting.
Further, there is pretty visible repeated dialogue at the beginning with the "l-leaving" bits, and throwing in a single reference to Pinkie Pie partying is pretty thin character filling. This definitely needs polish, editing, and probably a prereader.
ma'am? *
is that true? *
Spitfire was present one of those three times.
mane. This filly*
She was sneaking into* (You already mention she is little/young)
The reveal that it is Spitfire is pretty unnecessary, especially since Rainbow Dash has seen Spitfire without the Wonderbolts outfit on.
I'm pretty sure Sonic Rainboom, as a title move, is capitalized. I am unsure of this.
Wonderbolt Academy*
whole time. I mean, I'm*
Equestria, besides*
Still named Lightning Dust, not Thunder Dust. This really disappoints me, since you link the video in the very first chapter.
I don't know that the description of the Rainboom is done well, nor do I think it's in-character, how it's described.
Wonderbolt, yet?*
You're*
definitely*
here!*
Wait, Scootaloo,*
get here?*
So, Rainbow Dash,*
show me?*
She already knows a rainbow tornado.
tricks, but,*
I'll come. Who*
performing*
tricks?* You already introduce it as the Sonic Rainboom, just before that.
Okay, I got it,*
list of ways*
lastly,*
Really? Because*
Well, good night*
This*
Sonic Rainboom* (Third person is already clearly stated, no reason to announce it parenthetically. If you wish to emphasize that it's intentional, put something like 'I point to myself.')
Scootaloo sneaking onto a balloon with 6 ponies, while also carrying a cot, and a book seems REALLY farfetched. How would no one have noticed?
Time blasts by in this story with a minimum of events. It really feels pretty rushed.
I like it. It isn't the best story yet, but still enjoyable. Can't wait to read more.