Demon Within

by BlackBolt

Epilogue

A stallion woke from his hospital bed a dark red unicorn sleeping in the chair next to the bed. An IV bag was carefully placed next to his bed stand and the tube going down his side and into his right foreleg. A nurse walked in and she checked her clipboard. "According to the stats of your previous surgery you should be out of here in no time." Her name tag read 'RedHeart'. "Thank you, RedHeart." She walked out of the room and shut he door quietly. He reached over and woke the unicorn beside him. "Hey, Red wake up." She stirred for a few seconds then woke up. "Ya?" She looked at the stallion with loving eyes. "The nurse just visited me. She said we could leave in a few weeks." She got up and hugged him careful not to injure him any more than he already was.

ᏯᏜᎦᎦᏜᏯ

When they got home 3 weeks later it was like nothing had ever happened. RedSky went to the bedroom, she had stayed up almost 24/7 just to make sure that he was ok for over a month, thats how long he was in a coma. The doctor had told him that he was lucky to survive. He had hidden his secret once again. His secret, just like his many others. We're left behind soon to be re discovered, in a much later time.

Author's Note:

A short, satisfying epilogue. Hint: what I mean is there will be plenty more stories to come! I already know what the next one will be about! Title: A strange life for such a small colt.

Comments

[BlackBolt]

2864921

I know what you mean. Nox Silvia was a great story that I really enjoined. I plan on including it in on later stories of myself/BlackBolt.

[TEK101]

This story had some problems, like multiple ponies conversing in the same paragraph. The ending wasn't very satisfying to me. If I have the story correct, a pony died, then woke up in the hospital. It was an interesting enough concept to start with, but now that I have gotten to the end, it lost me. It was ok but it felt rushed and had problems. The ending threw me, personally. not much else to say. I wish you luck on the rest of your writing.

[BlackBolt]

2867745
It is my very first fanfic so I'm not surprised it had faults. Ill keep those all in mind for my next fanfics. Pacing, no conversion, and better ending.

P.S. if you didn't see it said:

"He had hidden his secret once again. His secret, just like his many others. We're left behind soon to be re discovered, in a much later time."

after he had returned home and told he was lucky to be alive.

[TEK101]

2872617 It might have been a combination of pacing and how the ending was done that made it less than great. more details into it might have helped, and it kinda ended abruptly. As far as I know, If the characters are speaking, it is one voice per paragraph with some description if necessary, like how the character feels or looks, or whatever might fit in that character at the time. Don't know much though. There are things to work on, but not a bad concept.

[BlackBolt]

2872905
Looked over it again. I looked over the ending especially. I see now what you mean by ended abruptly and too quickly. I know that I could have made Chapter 6 much longer, it only has 805 words compared to the rest of the chapters.(Excluding Epilogue which again, I could have made longer.) And the conversion of talking I will work on that next fanfic I do.

Thanks for the tips for later fanfics I write!

[TEK101]

2874157 Your welcome. I think I will give the next fic a try. good luck on it.

[Cruzy Greentail]

Awesome OC dude