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blayzekohime

Joined July 2011
113 followers

Me am chibi dwagon. Me am here to clean up after messy ponies.

Also: To defeated the badponies.

(Luckily my writing skill exceeds my character's speaking skills)

Stories (2)

  • CUTIE MARK
    We have your cutie mark. Give us 2 million bits or you'll never see it again.

    6,537 words · 2,402 views · 89 likes · 1 dislikes
  • Substitute Harmony
    Pinkie's friends disappear and Pinkie must find others to try to help her defeat their ponynappers.
    95,701 words · 16,967 views · 485 likes · 26 dislikes

Blog Posts (23)


When strange ponies from another world suddenly pony-nap all her friends, Pinkie Pie must find a way to defeat their master all on her own. Blamed for the crime herself, she has no help from Celestia and just about every pony in Ponyville is convinced that she's finally cracked. Who can she possibly find to fill in for the other Elements of Harmony, and help her defeat the ancient evil behind it all?

This story occurs after Discord is defeated but prior to the rest of season 2. Story is featured on Equestria Daily and is now officiall a 'six star' rated story!  Full size image can also be found there.

Special thanks to my editor Florentine

TV Tropes entry is here.

Other images:

reference of what Blinkie and Inkie's cutie marks look like

The G1 team

This story was written for National Pony Writing Month 2011. I completed the required amount for PonyWriMo on 20th of September.

Also features: Inkie Pie, Blinkie Pie, Twilight (G1), Applejack (G1), Sparkler, Posey, Surprise, Firefly

First Published
6th Sep 2011
Last Modified
13th Mar 2012

Comments ( 511 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 160w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

Neat start but if the mane 6 don't end up annihilating their G1 equivalents I'll be a very upset pony.

#2 · Chapter 1 · 160w, 6d ago · · ·

at first i was like:fluttercry:

but then i was lke:flutterrage::rainbowdetermined2::twilightangry2:..._-_\your gonna die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#3 · Chapter 3 · 160w, 4d ago · · ·

... Wow.

A tiny bit clumsy once or twice, but still, snappy, and interesting, and I was really impressed at how you seem to be managing to steer the growing chaotic vortex o.O  Not to mention I really want to see where this goes.

#4 · Chapter 3 · 160w, 4d ago · · ·

>>3327

I poked about at the part that you are talking about, as well as went through and corrected a bunch of stuff based on your advice during IM. Thanks a lot for the feedback :pinkiehappy:

>>3224

I'll be detailing things that happened after their arrival at the enemy base in chapter four. It'll be a great way to drag out the chapter three cliffhanger.

>>3212

Well the G1 ponies could not likely beat their G4 counterparts under fair terms; they only did so well in the first chapter due to having the advantage of surprise. It was sort of ironic which of them didn't get the advantage of surprise...

#5 · Chapter 2 · 160w, 3d ago · · ·

OH OW!:rainbowderp:

#6 · Chapter 3 · 160w, 3d ago · · ·

javascript:smilie(':raritystarry:');

#7 · Chapter 3 · 160w, 3d ago · · ·

Lol at Oblivion references.

#8 · Chapter 3 · 160w, 3d ago · · ·

I do hope you don't intend to have killed off Celestia. That would make some of us over here at the Solar Empire very upset. :applecry: :flutterrage:

#9 · Chapter 1 · 160w, 3d ago · · ·

And I RAAAAAN! I ran so far awaaaaay! And I raaaan! I ran so far awaaay!

But I couldn't get away.

Alternate name for the fic should be: "MLP:Revenge of the 80's"

#10 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 3d ago · · ·

:pinkiegasp:

#11 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 3d ago · · ·

:yay::heart:

#12 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 3d ago · · ·

OMG I love this fancomic I just love how much Blinky and Inkiy LOVE Pinkie Pie and are ready to protect her with their own lives

#13 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3399 Ow.

>>3400 You look fabulous darling.

>>3402 The royal guard seems to be every bit as effective as the guards in Oblivion.

>>3404 I'm going to drag that cliff-hanger out for a while, I fear :trollestia:

>>3415 I have to admit, that is rather genius.

>>3419 :rainbowwild:

>>3421 Everyone loves Fluttershy.

>>3422 Blinkie may have just been doing it for fun, but yeah the Pie family does stand together.

#14 · Chapter 1 · 160w, 3d ago · · ·

:rainbowderp:

#15 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 3d ago · · ·

This story is made of awesome!

The G1 ponies (except Posey) are utter bastards, with Surprise being ax crazy to the extreme.

Pinkie knowing exactly who Surprise is and screaming at her to go back to the 80s!

Blinkie as a mad bomber, Inkie with Ryoga's breaking point touch.

Trixie powering her teleport spell with the energy of an exploding goddess.

It's the Pie sisters plus Gilda, Derpy, and Trixie vs. the world.

Words fail..

:pinkiehappy:

#16 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 3d ago · · ·

Very nice story. I love the way that you charicterized Pinkie's sisters. Can't wait for more! p.s. is it just me, or is the story going to turn out with all the non mane six characters discovering their own element?

#17 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 3d ago · · ·

Grats on the EQD feature

#18 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 3d ago · · ·

Pinkie Pie has a cupcake cannon

Blinky has bombs

Combine them together

What do you get?

#19 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 3d ago · · ·

"Excuse me.....I just released an unspeakable eldritch abomination on the world.......again.":derpytongue2:

#20 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 3d ago · · ·

>>3436 exploding cupcakes?

#21 · Chapter 3 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

this story kindda scares me but kindda funny :fluttershyouch: :pinkiecrazy:

#22 · Chapter 3 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

Um:applejackconfused:........uh:rainbowderp:.......wow:twilightoops:......that was something

#23 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

super sad and i am glad you put derpy in the story :derpyderp1: :rainbowderp: :raritycry: :fluttershbad: :fluttercry:

#24 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

Derpys last line is awesome :pinkiehappy:

#25 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

Exploding Goddess?

I had assumed that Celestia survived that part, being you know, a Goddess and all.

If she actually ended up dying I'm going to be a sad brony. :fluttercry: Also a slightly ticked off one. It should take WAY more than a couple lucky smacks and a stick of dynamite to kill off Celestia. :twilightangry2:

#26 · Chapter 3 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

:trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright::facehoof:

#27 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

Exploding Celestia made me go WTF! :applejackunsure:

#28 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

>>3448

I would have gone with bombs being fired out of the cannon but yeah that works too

#29 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

>>3428 Yay? I don't understand these posts. :rainbowhuh:

>>3429 Thankyou. Though somehow I feel it could be better, so I hope I get some detailed comments like this from people who don't think it's super.  

>>3433 The title is sorta a giveaway on that one.

>>3434 I'm happy to have something featured; still trying to figure out what could make this story a five though.

>>3436 The combination did occur to me, and Blinkie actually has another something up her sleeve. Or uh, in her saddlebag. She was looking for it during the Celestia fight, but couldn't find it.

>>3445 (offscreen Doctor Hoof) "That's the third one this week! Blimey Derpy, it's like you can't even leave the TARDIS without tripping over one!"

>>3448 Okay I didn't think of that exact variation.

>>3449 I'm glad I pulled off both, that's what I was going for :p Though is that scare in a good way or bad way?

>>3450 Tell me more.  :raritywink:

>>3451 Derpy was a last minute addition that isn't in the original outline I made; I can't believe I didn't think of using her straight away.

>>3453 Derpy is awesome and everything she says is by proxy. :derpytongue2:

>>3457 Well this story is dark, not grimdark, so I'm not going to kill off canon characters without damn good reason. Suffice to say this will not have a downer ending. :trollestia:

>>3458 The Great and Powerful Trixie wonders if you have anything else to add to that. :trixieshiftright:

>>3459 Though I don't intend to completely answer that cliffhanger next chapter, it will become obvious whether she lived to those attentive to the conversation.

#30 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

>>3464

Hey, thanks for replying to all our comments, it's great to see that you care what your readers think

#31 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

Hmm... constructive criticisms?  I noticed a few spelling mistakes, nothing that couldn't be solved from another once over.   A little bit more details about the settings and details would be helpful. Does the ancient castle smell musty or like pine trees?  Do their hoofs echo through the empty hallways?  That kind of thing.  That's the only things I can think of at the moment.

I envisioned Celestia to be like Dr. Manhattan - able to reform herself from anything.  Other alicorns, too - thus the whole banishment thing. :trollestia:

#32 · Chapter 4 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

Great story looking forward chapter 5!

#33 · Chapter 5 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

>>3467 I really do, and I'm sad that it hasn't been as good as it could be. Since I'm way ahead for PonyWriMo, I may take a few days to edit what I have before pushing forward. I just wanted to get this most recent chapter up first.

>>3478 Some of that is a result of just doing it so fast, I think. I was going fast to finish 50,000 words in a month for the PonyWriMo thing, but I think I went too fast. If anypony would like to offer their editing skills, I would be grateful. Otherwise, I'll be going over it within the next few days.

And that's an amusing comparison. In my own head-canon, Celestia and Luna are members of another older race who arrived to create life in their own image on a new planet. Either way, you'll like the end of chapter five.

>>3479 Gad people are enjoying it.:pinkiesmile:

#34 · Chapter 5 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

Oblivion references get really old when you use them at every opportunity....

Other than that:yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay:

#35 · Chapter 3 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

When read this chapter i was like :pinkiegasp:. Then :pinkiehappy: and i lost it like :pinkiecrazy:.

#36 · Chapter 1 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

First of all, my first comment on this site!

Second of all, good story! And I liked the cliff hanger at the end! I bet you spent a lot of time in this, and I really like it! Good job! :ajsmug:

#37 · Chapter 5 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

This is funny. It certainly is not a masterpiece of writing, but it is hilarious and random, and I love it.

I'm looking forward to the rest of it :D

#38 · Chapter 5 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

:rainbowlaugh:

#39 · Chapter 5 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

>>3488 May slip that one out of there. Just need to think of how else to word it.

>>3491 Well that's a lot of Pinkie heads?

>>3492 I try to keep a few things up in the air until the end.

>>3493 Mind being more specific on what could make it better?

#40 · Chapter 5 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

Celestia exploded, then exploded again, then regenerated and made a MiB quote.  Nice!   :trollestia:

And stable time loops... :derpytongue2:

And two of the more evil G1 ponies vs. the royal guard

Looking forward to the next installment.  

#41 · Chapter 5 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

Oh, I so wouldn't want to be Surprise or Firefly right about now; they'd be better off chilling with Pinkie Pie and whatever monster Derpy accidentally unleashed than getting a "talking to" from a pissed-off deity.

#42 · Chapter 5 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

Well, you've asked for some constructive criticism, so here goes:

*Deep inhale* Well, obviously there are a few grammatical issues here and there, but pretty much every story on this site has a few.

The characters that you've introduced/expanded on (Gilda, Trixie, Ditzy, Inkie, Blinkie) seem to be a bit underdeveloped. I mean, we understand what their abilities and motives are, but that seems to be all we've heard about them. Their personalities seem to be incredibly one-dimensional; they feel like they've got one defining trait, and that's about it.

My other suggestion for improvement is your writing style in general. For a lack of a better word, it feels rather choppy, as though you're just jumping from paragraph to paragraph. It's quite clear what's going on, but reading it (at least to me) just feels awkward, like you're moving through the plot way too fast. It might be a good idea to slow things down a bit.

Okay, good stuff:

You've set up a fairly decent story, with good conflict and interesting (If underdeveloped) characters. I want to know how this story ends, so you've definitely grabbed my interest.

I can't really comment yay or nay on the plot, since the story isn't finished yet. As it stands now, however, I think that you've done an alright job explaining what's going on. It's fairly obvious who the good guys and bad guys are, you don't have a lot of loose ends lying around, and it looks like you're going to get everything wrapped up.

Most, if not all, of the suggestions I listed above can be explained by the fact that you apparently wrote this story in a month. If the whole story is actually 50,000 words long, then I'm not surprised it's not perfect; that's quite an astounding feat of writing.

So... yeah. That's about all I've got for now. Hope it helps. Looking forward to the next chapter.

#43 · Chapter 5 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

>>3508 Nice to know someone got the references.

>>3509 They're due for a spanking.

>>3550 I understand what you said and appreciate the comments.

WIth Gilda, Trixie, etc, I am going to try to develop each of them a bit more. However, I'm going to be limited in how much I can do so since this is only one fanfic; I won't be able to develop them to the point that the mane6 have already been developed over the course of 26 episodes. I mean I can toss Rainbow Dash out there with no description at all because everyone knows who she is, but with Blinkie I'm starting from near-nothing.

I do have a bit more development in mind for Gilda and Trixie. Derpy, Blinkie, and Inkie are more difficult in that they have nothing to base their depth on, thus I have to start from scratch with building them up and may not have time to take them deeper. The roleplayed characters I'm basing them on have a lot of depth, but most of it (like their families, business, and relationships they've formed with other characters in roleplay) are not relevant to a 10 or so chapter fanfic where they have just arrived at Ponyville.

I realize that it might be a bit choppy, but do you have any specific example for that? Like could you take a short paragraph and tell me how it might be made not choppy? That might help me understand more specifically, though I think I understand generally.

You are correct, though. Most of that is because this is a PonyWriMo entry. What you've read so far (over 22,000 words) was in fact written in only ~five~ days, so I'm quite proud that it's gotten 4.5 stars. I've gotten so far ahead at this point, that I'm going to give it another run through before proceeding, but could really use some proofreader/editor volunteers if you wanted to do so. I think it seems rushed because it IS rushed, but at the same time I'm not sure how or if I should slow it down. I'm afraid of moving too far in another direction. Are their any particular scenes that you felt were rushed or needed development?

Again, I really do appreciate the comment and am trying to respond in such a way as to elicit more detailed comments :p

#44 · Chapter 1 · 160w, 2d ago · · ·

Fucking 80s...:applecry:

#45 · Chapter 5 · 157w, 5d ago · · ·

The re-write is over. I didn't try to cater to every single opinion, but did smooth things out a bit. Namely, the G1 ponies now act like G1 ponies (which yes, in some cases is not very different at all from their G4 counterparts), but not so obscure that people who haven't seen G1 would be confused. More detail has been put into what made the villain do what they are doing (though this won't be clear by the end of chapter five), and it's worth re-reading because some bits have changed in ways that will seriously affect later chapters.

Please let me know how it looks or for minor errors or obvious continuity errors that I missed. I'll be tweaking chapter six and should be able to post at the least one chapter a week now.

#46 · Chapter 3 · 157w, 5d ago · · ·

>>3404 the solar empire? *mocking laugh* you will be crushed by new lunar republic cause not only are we strong then you we have a cooler name:rainbowdetermined2:oh by the way my response to the chapter:yay:yayyyyyyyy

#47 · Chapter 5 · 157w, 5d ago · · ·

:trixieshiftright: ........ ohh dont look at me like that trixie you know itd be cool

#48 · Chapter 5 · 157w, 5d ago · · ·

blinkies special weapon should be a nuke:trixieshiftright: ........ ohh dont look at me like that trixie you know itd be cool

#49 · Chapter 5 · 157w, 5d ago · · ·

Yes the new re-writed chaperts are back:yay: And I got to say that these chapters so beat your origanl chapters so keep up the great work. I cant wait till the next chapter so just one week from now.

#50 · Chapter 1 · 157w, 5d ago · · ·

If there is anything I do not like about the 80's, it's how crappy the shows were.

Except G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero. That show was god-like.

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