Twilight finds out that a certain changeling Queen has relations with her that she wouldn't guess in over a thousand years.
But when she is kidnapped by them and the Wedding is crashed and revelations revealed by the queen.
Twilight has to face the fear that she might not come out of this one unchanged. and what does Celestia have to do with this.
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looks like this celestia is not at all pure good
looks like twilight and chrysalis are twins!
i guess this means shinign will be marrying his sister
Oy yoy yoy. It's going to be very interesting when that crown is removed off of
Evening StarChysalis. Celestia in some way is going to get hers.1830437
If you read the text more closely, you'll see Cadence isn't even going to get kidnapped. Rather, Twilight is.
Amaryllis will hopefully be screwed when Twilight and Chrysalis meet.
If Twilight's sisterly instincts kick in to protect her sister as an infant then they should feel something as adults. Maby even enough to break Amaryllis's control over Chrysalis...
I am really hoping that this story is not grimdark enough to have Chrissy hurt Twily.
Well this is certainly interesting. Tracking, so I can see where this goes
1832085
Thanks for the critical eye but i think you may have inferred something that i wasn't intending
I made the point that it was het dad that was from germaney. Not twilight. She picked up the language from her father, but was raised in canterlot as normal.
All shall be revealed and i am now expanding certain parts that need it.
This is definitely one of the more interesting Changeling fics on this site.
I'll be following this.
1832646 That does raise some questions; If her father is from Germane, how is that relevant to the story? If it's just something you added to show off that you know the language then I question if this fic will be worth reading further. If her knowing Germane is actually an important part of the plot, or give insights into her character, then by all means, go nuts.
'Is it relevant' is something you should ask yourself regularly when writing. You would be surprised how many ideas I've discarded simply because they played no real role in the story beyond me wanting it in there.
A few things:
- Why is Celestia at the hospital? (other than for the plot) Explain or remove. The recognizing and dealing with the changeling can be done by the doctor. Locking Twilight's magic can be a separate scene taking place after her exam at the school for gifted unicorns.
- Why does Chrysalis know she was named Even Star when she was just a newborn when she was last called that? Explain.
It would be good if you were to expand the chapters to be more than 2,000 words each. In that vein, it would be good to do an emotional scene for the family about the loss of their foal. Maybe even use it to explain why Shining Armor was so close to Twilight when they were younger.
You have my attention do go on
Great chapter!
Now
ChysalisEvening Star has managed to break the crown off. Now let's see how the reunion of the sisters go. As well as the rest of the wedding. (Man, I really hope Celestia gets some type of comeuppance. She is a real bitch in this storyline.)Will there be a update for this soon
anyone know where to get Nth metal? its far past time to put tia and the changling queen out of Equis' misery
2236360 Celestia should be beaten to within an inch of her life and be stripped of all political power (including the removal of her crown (which she doesn't deserve!)) until she has learned her lesson.
2236833 Nth metal disrupts and all but destroys magic
people like tia do not "learn their lesson", they do as they damn well please and do what they can to "silence" those that say no. thats why I say use Nth metal on her, it'll save lives
2236858 Then I take back what I said, I approve of this action.
2236858>>2236891
I guarantee both Princess and Queen get what is coming to.them
2238272
I hope so. The way it looks now, somepony is going to have to pull something out of their flank to beat Queen Bitch. Once that happens, Celestia should be easy.
This sounded interesting at first, but your lousy grammar was so distracting that I couldn't get even a quarter of the way through the first chapter. There's lots of punctuation issues, you seem to have no idea how capitalization is supposed to work, and the wording of the dialogue is awkward.
It's a pity. Yet another potentially amazing fic ruined by grammar...
Is this ever going to see an update again?
Well I'm a bit surprised here. But considering twilight bears the element of magic she is still friends with the rest of the mane six and spike. That bond will never change. I'm sure they will accept twilight for who she is.
I am so glad that this has been updated. I understand that real life comes first. Put out the chapters as you see fit. As long as we, the readers, know that this story isn't going to unfinished limbo.
As for the story, I wonder how Twilight is going to prevent Amaryllis from sapping her magic again?
I am so glad Celestia got blasted...and I want more to happen to her.
THAT BITCH!!
I look forward to Twilight waking up and explaining Evening Star to her friends, as well as her confrontation with Celestia.
The concept here was interesting enough for me to give this a shot, but the writing was just so bad that I couldn't enjoy it. And believe me, I tried. I read every chapter you've posted so far in the hope that it would get better, but it didn't.
First of all, the grammar is awful. There are even a lot of problems with simple things like capitalization.
Then there's the writing. Even if you ignore the problems with the grammar, the writing is amatuerish, at best.
Finally, there's the plot. Like I said before, the idea behind this whole thing is good, but the plot that has come from it is not. There are a lot of things that don't make sense or that are handled very poorly. Like the mare at the hospital. Why does she even exist? She's only there to tell Twilight what happened to her sister. The doctor could have filled that role just as well, and it would have made more sense. Or it would have been even better if no one had told her and she and Evening Star had worked the whole thing out themselves. And really, the entire story moves way too fast. If you slowed down and explored things a bit more, the story would be much better.
I don't mean to come across as harsh, but I am being completely honest with you here.
First, Originally. Second, wow, what happened.
Anyway, it looks like Evening Star and Twilight Sparkle are both now pony/changeling hybrids. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when Celestia was confronted by Twilight Velvet.
I look forward to Twilight's friends finding out about Evening being her lost lost sister.
What does this mean? I tried Google and got this chapter.
4394478 After about a month, they probably already know
What was that supposed to mean? at the moment it says: This switch goes that shesplasharound never with my daugthers. translated word by word or: This switch goes to never splash around with my daugthers. is the most sensible english tanslation of what you wrote.
HI all regarding the German in this - I was Testing out Translator for German on that back when i was writing it. even now i see the stupidity in that
sorry all - have swapped that over to english to which will make sense.
4398213
Unless they figured it out on their own, they don't know. I don't think they even knew Twilight ever HAD a sister.
Ok so you wantewd to say
which would be best translated as: Ich werd diese Hexe lehren, sich nie wieder an meinen Töchtern zuvergreifen.
This was nicely done, one of the best chapters in this story
I'm a little surprised by how easy her friends accepted that Evening Star was her biological sister...especially Rainbow Dash. Also, I think everypony will now know not to piss off Twilight Sparkle. Can't wait to find out her friends and family's response to the new Celestia. I hope it's in the epilogue. Still, excellent story.
Ending was so edgy that my monitor only by luck didn't get cutted in half
This bugs me.
Okay, I made a comment earlier about how this story has some serious problems with the writing and whatnot, but I think this might take the cake. This whole "Celestia is evil" thing just comes out of nowhere. Yes, she has been killing changeling larva, but based on everything we and she knew, they're evil monsters who are a threat to the safety of ponies. So unless we find out that changelings aren't evil and dangerous and that Celestia knew it, she hasn't really done anything to qualify as evil. You said that she's murdered ponies who have tried to stand up to her, but again, it just comes out of nowhere. If you want to make Celestia evil, there has to be more buildup to it than this.
4411102
So Changelings are evil. Who gives a fuck when you are killing CHILDREN?!?! Killing a child is inexcusable, even if they would grow up to eventually be monsters. The fact that they had yet to grow up into the "monsters" means that they were still innocent of being as such. Doing so makes Celestia herself more of a monster than the changeling larvae she has killed.
4452239
Okay, I admit that you make a valid point. But even so, I think her actions are still justified.
Suppose that I pointed you at a pregnant friend of yours and told you that some creature had killed her unborn baby and replaced it with its own, and that this replacement child will, as it matures, turn said friend and her family into mindless zombies under its control. And suppose that there was irrefutable evidence that I was telling the truth and not completely crazy (like, for example, the clearly inhuman creature she just gave birth to and reports of what had happened when other women had given birth to these same creatures). Now let's say that, for some reason, it fell to you to decide this child's fate. What would you do? Would you let the child stay with your friend and her family, in all likelihood effectively condemning them to death? I would hope not.
Celestia is in a very similar situation, except that she's not just a friend, she's also the ruler of the nation. She has to make decisions based on what is best for her subjects, whether they think it is or not. So at the very least, she needs to remove changelings from their host mothers. If she didn't, while knowing what the consequences would be, then she would be an absolutely awful ruler at best, and legitimately evil at worst.
Now, I admit that she did not absolutely need to kill these changeling larvae, but she did at least have to remove them from their families. But unless she could find a way to then feed these orphan changelings love without them turning anypony into drones, then they would just starve to death. Or she could just kick them out of the country, like what happened here, but then 99% of the larvae would either starve to death or be killed and probably eaten by some animal out there.
So really, a quick death might even be the most humane way to deal with them. It's not nice, it might even be a bit evil, but it is also absolutely necessary. And as the ruler of a nation, it is Celestia's job to do things like that.
So at worst, Celestia is a well-intentioned extremist. What she's doing might be wrong, but she's doing it for all the right reasons. So she's not unspeakably evil like the author is trying to make her out to be (well, the part about her secretly killing political opponents would make her evil, but like I said earlier, that part comes out of nowhere anyway, and it's not what we're discussing). She's just misguided.
So I must respectfully disagree with you. I think Celestia did exactly what she had to.
This is an interesting idea but has some punctuation errors, and you keep misspelling the German words.
Everything also seems rushed.
CANCELLED???
WHY???
6542990 In all honesty. I Do have a conclusion chapter ready. it didn't help that I lost the drafts for a long while and only just uncovered it on one of my many harddrives.
Thank you.
Thank you for finishing this.
I have to ask though. How are Twilight and Evening suffering because of the unification of the changeling hives?
it need's a sequal where we see about celestal's time whit twilight also we need a Picture of twilight in her new form
why is twilight's magic orange?
6544505 the way i see it, it would be like a Internet connection, the more PC's/Changelings Attached to a network the more strain is put on the servers so to speak, that's the way i see it.
6544544 Finding a picture will be the hard part that would match what I had envisioned. As for a Sequel it's not on the books But depending I may do one.
6546874 So, Twilight and Evening are the servers and the Hivemind is the connections? It puts a magical, physical, and/or mental strain on them?
6544544 Psst. Don't get greedy. At least this story was finished. I know many others that are not.
6547176 That would be the way that I personally view a Hive mind, After all - when you compare that example to say the Zerg in SC and SC2 you can only support so many Zerg depending on your number of Overlords you have. sure theoretically you could get better at it but that would be like 'Upgrading' the server etc. Again that's only my Views on the matter. But yes it would put massive strain on the 2 though after a while i would see it as them become more accustomed to the strain and then would add more- repeat until all hives are uniformed/combined
6547183 im not greedy im just asking