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‘Have you ever,’ she started, ‘broken a promise you made?’
Celestia and Luna live a carefree childhood at Canterlot Castle, but its end approaches far too quickly — no matter how much they struggle, they find themselves drifting apart. And without their noticing, a new evil rises that could drive a wedge between them for good...
Hmm, very interesting indeed. A little jumpy in places, but considering its length and the large period of time events are taking place over, there is not too much that could be done about that.
Regardless, very nice story you have here. I am intrigued. Keep up the great work!
This. made. me. cry. *cue sappy moment*
I felt I could actually relate to Luna in this fic. From her describing the "buzzing" she heard (I've heard similar buzzing, had similar feelings of doing something terrible), her doubts about her future (which is something I think a lot of people experience), and her resentment towards Celestia. The line "You’re so loved, god, you have no idea how loved you are." struck me as so profound; I once said something very similar to someone.
BUT before I make you feel all awkward about me sharing some personal back-story, just know that when a story makes me feel such emotion, it is an automatic favourite of mine. I LOVE it when a story does that; it's so refreshing. I'm a sucker for tragic stories, and Celestia and Luna's history has the potential to be extremely tragic. I'll definitely be keeping tabs on this story.
Your prose is fantastic. You've made the story beautiful, without using "purple" prose. One suggestion I might have is to work on the clarity of your descriptions. Sometimes I got confused. It's difficult to keep track of busy settings when each scene has a "time-jump".
I did notice a could of typos here and there. An example: I found the word "here" when it should have been "her". I wish I could locate the exact sentence, buuut I got distracted by the rest of the story :P (that's a good thing btw).
Otherwise, again, this is fantastic. Well done; hope to see more of this soon! :D
>>147348>>147265>>147198>>134237>>130011>>130006>>129964>>129958
Thank you all so much for the comments! I'm glad it affected at least some of you.
As for the jumpiness: I agree. I think this will become much less of a problem in the coming chapters, since they take place in a shorter amount of time for the most part.
Thank you so much! It means a lot to me that it emotionally resonated with you in that way. I had the express intention not to make use of any purple prose, and much less kitsch. I hate emotional manipulation, so I tried to evoke that kind of sentiment in a more natural fashion. There'll be more about that "buzzing" and Luna's emotional development in the next part (obviously).
I had doubts about continuing with this story, especially since the reaction on Eqd is really weird (4.7 stars, but very few comments). I guess this means it didn't speak to most people, or they got bored with it pretty quickly? No idea. But your comments inspire me to go on 
This made me start to tear up, this is really compelling and I wish to read the finished product someday. This is coming from the son of an author, I know my words and choose them well, you however can take that step further and command feelings not just words. Let nothing discourage you from writing, I know the finished product will be sad but in a good way.
I have to say I could never get in to a Fan Fic that about Celestia. But this was caught my interest from begging to the end of the chapter. Everything is written so well and easy to understand. I'm going to be tracking your story and I can't wait for an update. Please keep up the good work.
I'm enjoying the story! One style note: when a character's speech spans multiple paragraphs, you omit the closing quotes on each paragraph except the last. You've done this. However, each paragraph starts quotes. So to take excerpts from Sweetcorn's story:
“When the Two Sisters saw this, they grew fearful. ... What gave the Sisters the right to keep it to themselves, when the ponies had famines, winter and wilderness to fight?
"The Sisters pondered long and deep, but they could not think of any way to drive off the enemies without a fight; and even though they were very powerful, they did not like to fight, for the warmth of the Flame had made them complacent and tender.
"But when the clash appeared inevitable, ... as though devoid of physical substance.
"When the Sisters saw this, they were all the more frightened. ... He proclaimed that he knew a way to stave off the warrior ponies outside, and that he would do it without the Sisters getting their hooves dirty. He proposed them his help.”
The plot and the characters are all so well thought and planned out. The characters have purpose and I simply love how the current enemy (Sweetcorn) can be so provocative. The whole story seems very organized, and how the whole story gives a negatives mood creates more suspense and interest. Honestly, one of the best FiMFictions, I've read to date. Oh yes, I'd like to compliment on your vocabulary also, there are still words I cannot comprehend without pondering deeply into the context. Let's hope your writing doesn't deteriorate either, I find in a lot of fictions that the writing just get progressively worse. So far, this is gradually becoming better and better.
Exceptional job, I truly do not have the patience for the upcoming chapter. But of course, please do take your time.
The writing is very well thought out and the progression is very sensible, I simply have trouble waiting for more, however the quality must be maintained, against what anyone may say always write for yourself first and your fans later.
side note: this is one of the most beautifully written pieces i have come across, not just in fics either, You could easily become a successful published author if you wrote any non-pony related stories i am sure of it 
>>177959>>177179>>176173>>175999>>175956
Thank you all for the kind comments! I'm glad you liked this chapter.
As for continuing the series, well. I'm a bit disheartened by the overall lack of response and indifference this fic seems to provoke. You are the shining exception, though, thank you so much!
But truth be told, 15,000 word chapters don't write themselves, especially if you have any kind of quality standard, and it's simply easier to find the energy for that when you've got 60 comments on a chapter rather than 6. I'm not sure if I can keep it up. I hope so, but we'll see.
Thank you for sticking with this story, however. It means the world to me.
>>178617 well I sincerely hope you do. this inspired me to start writing fanfics and it turns out writing is very soothing for me. I thank you for that and I thank you for an amazing story. I'll try to share this story with as many people as I can so that you can get more support behind you
Truly amazing.
I can't even find the words to describe how in awe at this chapter I am.
The writing style --> Brilliant.
The plot --> Amazing
Absolutely everything is perfect. The time and effort you put into each and every sentence is evident
I am more engrossed in this story, than in the last published stories I have read.
I've already recommended this to all of my friends that like My Little Pony, but after this chapter I'm going to recommend it to ALL of my friends.
I really hope you continue with this. You've set such an amazing start up, I'll follow this to the end!
Hmm, very intriguing indeed. All is not well in our fair land of Equestria.
The pacing of this chapter was vastly improved and thus it flowed much more naturally. Your style is quite befitting of a story of this nature and manages to capture the scope of the tale you are weaving quite well.
However, be careful to make sure that all of your characters don't seem too smart. It prevents the creation of a range of three-dimensional characters, instead of having just one or two like you have now. An easy trap to fall in to.
Overall, I am enjoying this story a lot. Keep up the great work!
A few months ago I seemed to have lost my passion for reading. Finding amazing stories such as yours is helping me get it back. Thank you so much for writing this, and though I'm no judge it seems to me that this chapter is even better than the last. Incredible story, beautifully written. Keep up the wonderful work.
I have a little complaint about the "time". You make them grow, mature, as they were normal ponies, I think that making them growing slower would be better. I mean, it implies that Luna started to breakdown in just about twenty years.. I found that was quite fast for an immortal being, or for a being with a very long lifespan.
Well, we see through the eyes of Celestia, so we can't know what she is subjected to and you also stated that they didn't seem to grasp the concept of eternal life.. However, it still feels a little bit rushed. Well, it's not like NMM will be the next day ? Right ? 
I find her weirdness and the fact that she's a little different from other pony very great, though. Too bad we didn't see much about this, well, still in the eye of Celestia.
I appreciate your story, by the way.
Onward to the next chapter ! 
I absolutely LOVE the story, but i hate the idea of you not writing it. 
Please keep writing, your work is enthralling and it's one of my favorite fanfictions.
I like how in just one chapter Celestia has like 25 reality checks. My brain practically exploded when she read Acier's parchment! The part about the attack in the square was totally unexpected- it took me by surprise. Call me crazy, but I love it when writers somehow manage to bend my emotions with every sentence they put into their stories. You have definitely earned my love with this one.
It took me awhile to read the whole chapter, i had to stop a couple of times to do other stuff, like eat 
, but every time i came back, your words would pull me back into your world filled with brave statements and belligerent rebel ponies.
Actually, after writing all of this, i might reread this chapter to relive the amazing.
I think that's a very valid complaint. I just honestly don't know how I could have spread it out even further, because even over the course of a good fifteen years, this chapter has a certain jumpiness to it.
The following events take place in a much more compressed timeframe, though.
Well since you commented on my blog post I guess I am obligated to comment on your amazing story. 
Honestly I am enjoying it a lot, filly Celestia is something hard to enter into and you are pulling the transition off well. I am excited for future chapters and glad to hear you are writing more! I know they are big chapters and you fear for both your hands and our attention spans but fear not! We come from a Fandom with other Fics that have just as much if not more! The longer ones are always the best too.
your take on Luna's ascent to NMM is interesting, I would have thought that she would have the issues after Discord but when we are young we are not always in control so I can see how they come out when she is younger.
Keep it up!
-Wraith
This really is great.
It's actually hard to put into words my full feelings on it. On one hand, you've taken such a "conventional" (and I mean that with no disrespect) fantasy approach to the core story. On the other hand, your handling of the relationship interplay between Celestia and Luna is exquisite. To be honest, the relationship stuff is more interesting to me at the moment, simply because I've read plenty of compelling fantasy. All that said, I really did enjoy it, thank you, and don't give up on a great story just begun.
Now, just because I'm anal about such things, I'm gonna point out one wording error you made; Even minor ones, like these, can break the "Spell" for me for a page or more, otherwise I wouldn't bring it up :)
"Normal ponies could never understand, yet alone combat them." You want to use the phrase "let alone". Yet alone is grammatically correct, but means something different that, in context, makes no sense :).
New Chapter!!! Time to drop everything and read!
I know what it's like to write long chapters and get few comments since I started writing (You've been a large inspiration for me. Both your writing, and how you write 16,000 word chapters even with a small fan-base has inspired me to continue) so here’s a long deeply thought out comment. Hope you enjoy!
First things first, I love the new picture and summary. The first one was perfect for the first chapter, but this new one just seems to encompass everything while allowing for so much more. Did you draw it? (That would be even more impressive)
Onto the chapter. When I read this I see 16,000 words that have been perfectly thought out. Every word chosen to come to life, every sentence to flow off the page, every paragraph perfectly crafted and placed to further the story at the perfect pace. When I read this, it feels more like a professional story than just a Fan Fic.
One of the things I love so much is your characterizations. Each and every character is so deeply developed, that they seem more alive than actual people. We not only see their ideas and personalities clash and combined, but even their flows of thoughts, strengths and weaknesses, and own feelings that fit so well, and even the background ponies have so much thought put into them. Even the writing style aids in their development. The first paragraph is very action based - little dialogue - that contrasts greatly with the second paragraph. Not only does this keep everything interesting, but it puts contrast on Luna’s character due to this difference in writing. As you can tell, I’m in love with your characters.
I wish to talk a bit about the second section. You incorporate quite a bit of politics, something that can be very boring if not done right. However having these characters different minds come together, presenting opinions and idea, mixed with their own personas, and makes it so interesting to read.
There is a perfect balance between the dialogues and actions, making it never seem to drone on but always new and exciting. There are so many ideas that are weaved in, and knowing these things about Celestia and Luna that others don’t make extremely interesting interactions. The constant references back chapters, bringing up Sweetcorn's story, or just thinking about previous actions, seem to connect the story and gives everything meaning by making everything seem to have importance.
I could go on and on with praise. How perfectly the ending comes together, yet still leaves so many questions. Questions about Acier, about Sweetcorn, about the upcoming Gala, and about the future. But I believe that every review should come with some criticism to improve upon. After searching and searching, I could not find a single word out of place, a single sentence that should be edited, or a single event that wasn’t perfectly paced.
You have a great talent with words. I eagerly await more, knowing that when it comes it will be absolutely perfect. And for that, I will gladly wait
I love how you deal with big ideas and issues. You've built up strong characters, and a solid world for them. But most importantly, I can allow my mind to exist in the story. I'm not distracted by big inconsistencies, or things that just don't "groove" And I feel with the characters. You've handled dialogue well, I find it realistic and very easy to read aloud.
Plot progression, world/history building, beautiful imagery and character development. Yes! Very nicely done!
A thoroughly enjoyable chapter. I am really enjoying the direction this story is taking, and I am really liking the slowly tightening noose around the nation's neck. Something dark is coming, and oh boy am I excited!
I do have to say, however, to watch out for tense slips. There were a fair few of them in the first scene. (And one or two straight afterwards.) Writing in present tense for a scene is ok (if it's for a specific purpose), but make sure it's consistent! But then, other than a few awkwardly worded sentences, not too bad at all. Your prose style is really quite expressive, something that I really enjoy.
In summary, a great update! I can't wait to see what's next! Keep up the awesome work!
>>274115 Thank you very much! I truly appreciate long comments like this, that you enjoy my story so much really means a lot to me. As for the lack of response, I'm beyond caring right now. I feel a need to finish this story, an excitement, even, and I guess that is all that counts! I urge you too to keep writing, the only direction it can ever go is up.
>>277620 The same is true for you, Mystic, thanks for your thought-out comments. I appreciate that you also point out weaknesses and inconsistencies in the story, it's enormously useful for improvement. I'm very glad you like this chapter :)
Thanks to all who take the time to read! The next chapter will be... quite exciting. I think. Hopefully, also done much sooner! I'm already 7,500 words in, and I'll try to keep it a bit shorter this time. 
Oh... oh! OH! The penny drops! Haha. I love it!
I was waiting for this for a while, and I'm glad it has finally arrived. As usual, a very enjoyable update!
Now, because every fic needs someone to do this:
“You know, General, I don’t think that is one of our priorities right now.” “What?” He looked incredulous. “Princess, do you realise the gravity of this situation and how compromising—” That is all one paragraph, yet two people are talking in three separate occasions. There is another when Celestia is talking to Stronghooves alone straight after the attack.
‘She flinched. He had grabbed her face firmly in his hoofs,’ – Hooves, not hoofs.
He nodded. “That's as it should be. I honestly you never will." Missing a word after honestly?
And yeah, this does mean I am willing to pre-read, haha. Chuck us an inbox and we'll sort out details!
Wow. Amazing chapter, it's all just intertwining and becoming more complex, yet all balancing so precariously, as if it could break at any moment.
I'm really excited to see what happens next, this story could go so many different ways (and whatever way you take it will be amazing!)
I'd also be willing to pre-read for you.
Actually, I would love to pre-read for you. Send me a message if you need me
He smirked and looked around, extending his arms as if he was embracing their surroundings. Shouldn't 'arms' be forelegs or something similar?
“No,” she said honestly.“ Minor, but no quotations after honestly- unless Celestia was saying 'She said honestly' out loud.
He walked a few steps around Celestia, who followed him with his eyes, towards her sister. Replace 'his' with 'her', as Celestia was watching him, not a male character.
That's about all I found, and they were just very minor errors. Otherwise, I have only one complaint I can really think of currently; description. The characters are decently described, but with the setting a few times I found it difficult to imagine where Celestia was, or even where she was going. Too much would be a bad thing, flooding us with words until we don't care, but on the other hand we need enough description to be able to get a fairly good idea of the surroundings- things in the room (like bookshelves), the 'mood' of certain rooms (if it felt particularly depressing, for example), any odd temperature, etc., etc.,
That's pretty much it, though I may be overly-critical at certain things. Anyway, can't wait for the next chapter (love the suspense), and have a nice day.
What the hay, have a mustache, too 
Love this story, it's pure quality.
I haven't read this chapter yet (reading very little these days), but I thought I'd compliment you on what I've read so far. It's dark and mysterious and keeps me constantly on my toes, in a sort of Game-Of-Throne-ish way. That also makes it a bit 'heavy' to read compared to most pony stuff, but I like it. Love how you portray Luna and Celestia and their close (but very distant) relation.
It took me a bit of time to get used to Gaia (because conjuring up a mother for our favorite princesses is kind of a big deal!) and I think her name is pretty cliche (but not more than other ponies), but I'm fond of her too and think you've written her convincingly.
Small nitpick: In the third chapter it mentions "handcuffs." That a mistake? Lyra wishes!
I'll comment some more when I finished it! Keep writing!
Edit: Finished the chapter! It's great and I'm looking forward to the rest!
I'd say a nice mix of a bit of action and emotional stuff for this chapter, and I'm still in suspense as to what will happen next 
great stuff.
Sparkle, quick question. How do you pronounce Acier's name? Is it like Ah-sea-air or A-key-air? I like names I haven't heard before but I'm baffled as to how to say it
>>636735 Haha, that's a good question. Well, technically it should be Ahs-jieh if it's pronounced the proper French way. But in my head, I hear most characters (except Gaia) calling him A-sha instead, a mispronunciation no doubt due to their unfamiliarity with the foreign language. In the very first chapter, it was briefly mentioned that he isn't from Equestria even though he has no discernible accent. There'll be more shreds of his backstory later.
In any case, in retrospect I would have given him a plainer name...
Another amazing chapter
I especially love how, not only do the chapters tie themselves together well, but they all tie together with the past chapters.
Like everything that's been mentioned before now might have more importance than first thought.
I noticed one small... don't know how to describe it.
"“Hey!” a male voice shouted below.fina"
How did that .fina even get there?
Onto the chapter.
I love the character development.
At first I felt Celestia growing wiser. Becoming more of the future ruler of Equestria
And then there are times when I just see her as nieve. I mean, she doesn't even give a second thought to the safety of Canterlot when she flies off.
As long as one of us stays in this castle, it is safe.
I guess she's just chosen Family over Canterlot, because when that's in danger it's all her mind considers.
Luna.
Have you been planning what to put into that letter ever since chapter one? It sure seems that way, amazing job!
And Sweetcorn. He's seems like the type that would lay his life down for the cause, and would let himself die (or arrange it) if he served a better purpose dead. I'm excited to see what comes of this.
I have my own thoughts about Acier and Stronghooves, but those I shall keep to myself and see what comes of them
Let me just say, I fear for Canterlot
Amazing chapter, possibly the best one yet!
I've always been under the impression that Celestia and Luna didn't spend their childhoods in Canterlot, but in Everfree. Remember, the castle of the royal pony sisters? They defeated Nightmare Moon in the ruins?
I don't mean to nitpick, or Luna forbid make it sound like your premise is bad, but it seems that nopony else remembers that. It might not have been where they spent their childhoods, but "once upon a time" that castle was where Celestia and Luna lived.
I think Acier is innocent. I don't think he the bad guy here. I think its Stronghooves because the way he been acting in this story and where he wants everything to go his way.
I have alot more to say but I don't really know how to put it in words. Other than awesome chapter and please keep them coming.
Are you seriously telling me you're giving up right now?
Your writing is amazing. Only a handful of writers can portray Luna and Celestia this well. You tackled what might be the hardest sub-genre of FIM fiction, and rocked it. I can count on one hand the stories of pre-mane 6/young princesses stories that work. Please, please, please, don't give up now! 
So we've finally come full-circle. Well done.
Your descriptions are strong and do well the set the bleak mood of this final chapter. I like your take on the events preceding Celestia's millenium-long rule. Your characterization of Discord and the theme about the shattering of innocence strike me as particularly well-crafted. This was quite an enjoyable read.
Even so, I feel your villain's exposition is a little long, if necessary. The worst part is that you stop describing Celestia's reactions towards the end, which emphasizes the feeling of monologue that just drags on and on.
I also think the scene with Celestia and her mother is not nearly as powerful as it could've been. It's supposed to be touching in a tragic way, but it just didn't elicit that response in me, even though you did a good job in leading all the events together. If there's a point in writing your story where you dropped the ball on strong descriptions and painting the mood properly, this is it.
Still, overall, I enjoyed it. And I'm sad you don't get much recognition for your work. It is definitely one of the better ones of this fandom. Both as far as the mechanics of writing are concerned, as well as for the story itself.
I'll be on the lookout for your sequel, should you ever decide to write it. And I'll be sure to comment on every chapter.
Long days and pleasant nights to you.
Nice, what a good wrap up. I loved Gaia, she was a strong character, and she ends well. Great story, no doubt about it. I really enjoyed all of it. Thank you for sharing it.
It's a shame you are not continuing this, but if you no longer feel like writting the rest; what can we do? 
Who knows, maybe you will retake it someday. Meanwhile, best of luck on your future projects.
That's a fair criticism. In my defence, I was trying hard to avoid melodram, and I wanted there to remain a certain doubt, a distance from her mother. I'm glad that you like the story otherwise!
Well, thank you very much, but as I see it, not having given up until now is a pretty good accomplishment in and by itself!
Well this was a great discovery, the first chapter piqued my interest, I'm currently on the third and so far I highly approve of what I'm reading. Popular or not is irrelevant, this is a great read and I'm saddened to see that you've decided to not go on, you seem too caught up in if the story is popular or not, that's a bad view to take. Please at least consider the possibility of going on, take a break if you want, but I must ask that you give it some more thought. It's a beautiful story.
>>772928 Thank you very much, I'm glad you like the story! I assure you that I'm not caught up in its popularity at all, however -- if so, I'd have abandoned it after the second chapter and moved on to more "promising" enterprises.
It's just that I consider this particular story finished now. Writing -- actual writing -- takes a lot of energy and thought, way more than can probably be ascertained from the final product, and I think it might be wiser to invest all that time and energy into something else from now on.
But who knows, maybe the story keeps bugging me so much that I'll do a sequel eventually. Time will tell.
Well I'm quite aware that writing is a big investment of time, several years back I used to be able to write a lot, these days I've simply lost the flair for it all, I have neither the time nor energy to do so. If you truly care about the story you write, you'll certainly put a lot of time and energy into it and that after awhile can be mentally draining as well as taking up a lot of your time, energy and time that could likely be better used elsewhere. It is better to finish a story you feel as if you've completed, rather than drag it on forever.
My concern was merely that you finished it due to popularity concerns, reading certain comments seemed to suggest that you were going to give up at times, I'm glad that was not the case. Even so, if you ever do a sequel, I'll be reading.
I like it, but DAMN MAN.
THIS SHIT IS LONG!
You know whats a good time to read this fic?
WHILE YOUR ON THE MOOOOOOONNNNNNNNN
Well this was a brilliantly done story, while I am sad to see it is over I am glad as well. Thank you for making a well written story, it was long, but very well done. I would like to see a second one...But if you do not want to put that stress on yourself I respect that completely. thanks again for the great fic! 
"Oh, Benedict here, and this is Arnold."
This does not bode well for the royalty of Equestria.
Haven't really seen many stories on this theme, and gotta say this was masterfully executed - very strong characterisation and some genuinely intriguing original characters; Sweetcorn especially. Real shame there won't be any more of this, would love to read that.
The story is great, and it is well written too. But there is 1 thing that I would like to "propose" to you. Next time when you will be making a fic, please, make the chapter not so long. I think 6-8 thousand words will be okay, I can eat 10. But Around 14, that is too much, it took almost 2 hours for me to read it (You see I am not native english speaker, and though I can speak and talk to other people withhout any problems, reading this kind of well written story is really difficult to me, however I enjoyed every single minute) Take care!
I read this chapter without difficulty, to be honest I was putting it off, I didn't think I could read 15000 words in one go. But it was surprisingly easy because of how good the story was, this chapter in particular.
Although it really sucks that you're not writing book 2, I'm not going to hold that against you. It must have been an unbelievable pain in the ass to write this work of art and to be honest I could never do anything half as good as this (I'd have given up long ago because I'm lazy). And yes, I do think this is grossly under-appreciated.
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