Cancelled until further notice!
The events of the Canterlot Wedding led the changelings one step closer to extinction. Unwilling to just give up her life Queen Chrysalis throws away her pride and asks for help. She won't stand alone in her struggle however... five brave changeling generals will stand by her side regardless of what comes forth.
Togother they shall begin a long journey to reclaim the past from the un-named evil. The wind of change however does not blow at anyones will. On the one hand the past governs their impression upon the world and on the other their future is sculpted by their own actions. The consequences of their actions shall ripple upon Equestria and change the land forever.
Chapters (4)
Hmmm…
Your structure could defiantly use some work. More regular paragraph brakes and a new line for every time the speaker changes.
The grammar could use some touching up but nothing too serious.
A bit more creativity in the descriptions would also be nice.
Otherwise? A charming start to a story. Best of luck with it!
1799962 "Creativity in the description" meaning? and "a new line for every time the speaker changes" does this mean i have to change a line every time after the same person talks again after my short description? Spellcheckin and editing done! Hope its somewhat better this time. I am a computer engineer not a literature teacher :D Well w/e we'll see how it goes.
1800126 Regarding the description the rule of thumb is “show, don’t tell”.
For example, you ‘tell’ us that;
“The Knight Captain Mortain a changeling with blue eyes, short black mane and white-blue scales.”
Try to give us a more abstract description so instead of saying he has blue eyes try something like, “his eyes were teal-blue orbs, as hard and as tough marbles” or something like that. Don’t let my
Instead of simple and overused words like ‘short’ you could deepen the description and say, “His jet-black mane was closely cropped to his scalp. Never permitted to grow to the point it would interfere with battle and hinder his ability to protect those he cared for.”
Try to excaudate and ‘show’ the reader what you mean. “cold, hard ice like scales, that would never melt, even under the most intense heat of battle.”
As for spacing, yes. Every time you switch from one person speaking to another you should start a new line. Helps limit confusion.
Overall though, better quality than my first try at fan fiction.
I am currently looking on some videos and links on the internet about this sort of stuff. Its really interesting! Guess it'll be somewhat hard but i dont mind! So long as the thoughts of whats to come flow through my mind i shall find a way in the end and put them in correct wording. Changed the description as you told me. I would very much like to talk with you on skype or on facebook if you have time. I plan on making this a LONG fanfic... I have lots of ideas that are just waiting to come out. This actually started with my personal fic of my character at Baldurs Gate 2.
1799962
Defiantly?
de·fi·ant (d-fnt)
adj.
Marked by defiance; boldly resisting.
de·fiant·ly adv.
I think you've got the wrong word.
1801003 I beg your pardon?
1801033 Your first comment. It says, and I quote, "Your structure could defiantly use some work" Did you mean definitely? I feel like such a grammar nazi.
1801062 Oh, I missed that. Don't worry about it. My spelling is terrible (to prove my point I almost posted tribal there) and I know it, if I don’t check my work through thrice I usually miss something. That glass of rum probably didn’t help either. It’s why I never offer to edit even if I try to be insightful with my comments.
Awesome story so far. I'm really enjoying it.
1878530
It will continue as soon as i get time after my exams end in 2nd January. Be sure to favorite it.
1892870
Already have. Can't wait to read more. Good luck on the exams.
1893039
Thank you... i plan on making a long thing. With lots of adventures yet to be had.
Awesome new chapter. The story is coming along well. Keep it up.
2262413
Though it might take sometime. Also its time for the apology although it wont be an apology. You'll see. In the meantime spread the love! Btw i thought that before the apology it'd be nessecary to explain why would either accept each other. Prepare for MANY revelations of the changeling's nature, the nature of emotions, the elements of harmony as magics and a blast from the past.
Thinking of introducing a "Double-faced" evil next time. It will be double faced in more ways than one....
Lovely
I'm liking this story so far!
Grammar could be better, but otherwise, pretty good!
this is interesting! I've always been fascinated by the changelings... where do they come from? why do they look like ponies? I like this a lot!
2413927 All shall be revealed in due time my dear friend by the end of this fic i plan on explaining their origins, why none has ever seen them so far, what exactly they have in common with ponies. I plan on making your all
before this fic is over!
Next chapter will be really cool i believe oh well "The definition of *evil*" is always a complex and cool thing. 
To all you out there who await the next chapter. Unfortunately till the exams get sorted out at 21 June i cant write anything. I swear to you though... i am commited to this and will see to it that in the summer you see more of this. I have already though of how the next chapter goes. Prepare for it!
Well, got around to reading this and it is very interesting to say the least. As has been said before me, your grammar could use improvement, but whatever. Mainly it's real nitpicky/grammar Nazi stuff like the extreme lack of apostrophes. I shall read more another time.
2965659 Maybe its cause i heard around that it is not advisable in formal writting. Whatever... Almost half a year has passed since i got out my first chapter. As a person and a writter i have changed in that time... and so has my fic.
Hello, nionio! It's me, Thunder Knight.
This is a good story, although it needs to be edited for grammar.
Other than grammar- I love it!
You are awarded five moustaches!
3039281 From the MLP forums? Yea... grammar is only bad because i'm Greek. When i have time i will run this through a grammar checker online and see what i can do... maybe i can find a good proofreader along the way! Thanks for mustaches!!! I want to introduce a new villain... and i'm looking for someone to volunteer drawing her for me. She has a quite peculiar cutie mark thats why.... and i have no artistic talent thats why!!!
This was really good. There were some grammar errors, but overall I would love to read more! It's really interesting how the Changelings seem to have the same Elements as the mane 6, but their personalities are different. This was a great read and I look forward to reading more about this!
6212651 I'll see what i can do.