The new Dragon
Thanks to airbournesquid and to Gnomeflame for their advices.
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Chapter 1: The new dragon
In the darkness of the night, a long, thin figure crept through the bushes. "The Elements, they are close, I can feel them!" he thought The thing stood still on a hill, staring at a small town. "There they are. Finally I found them." he said with sharp teeth forming a smile wich was visible in the moonlight.
At the library of Ponyville, Spike was, like usual, cleaning up Twilight's books while she was reading one of those. Time passed but they both stoped when the little dragon found a book with a dragon on his cover, Spike oppened his mouth "Twilight?" asked the dragon to her "big sis".
"Yes Spike?"Twilight said in response.
"t's been three days after since I met those teenagers dragons..." he continued.
"And?"the purple unicorn asked again .
"Do you think they're all like that? I mean, are we, dragons, all jerks, cruels and stupids?"
"Of course not" said the unicorn," you for example, you're the cutest and kindest dragon it can exist."
"Because I grew up with ponies! I want to know more about my species!" Spke said with authority.
"Please, stop asking yourself this kind of things." Celestia's student begged putting her hoof on his forehead.
"Sorry Twilight, I just wish that a dragon comes and lives here, in Ponyville..."
After saying that,suddenly, the door opened , It was Pinkie Pie. She screamed:
"Twilight! You have to come!There's a dragon who wants to live here in Ponyville!!"
"Wow! I just wish I had a muffin"the dragon said , hoping that his second wish comes true.
"Oh Spike!" Called out the earth pony," If you're hungry, I've got a muffin for you!" She affirm by pulling out the cake from nowhere.
The baby took the cake and eat it in one bite, what a Lucky Day!
"I just wish I had a ton of gems!!" He yelled.
He wait for twenty seconds and sighed a: " Oooow...". Twilight use her magic to transport Spike on her back.
"We don't have time for making fun, Spike. We must meet this newcomer."
On the main square of the city, there was almost all of the ponies even Rainbow Dash was here to stare somepony, this somepony was a tall dragon with green scales, he had a huge light green crest adorning his head, at the sides of the crest : two horns with strange forms. His eyes were orange with light green bushy eyebrows, then came a long beak with the same color of its scales, two fangs came out of each corners of his mouth. Its wings were folded in half, but if they were extended it would probably giant. And for finish, his body was long and thin. If you still don't see how it looks like, well you can see it here He looked a bit threatening but somehow it gave off a protective aura, the mair, who was among the ponies, thought it will be good if he was among them ... it could protect the city or even be a touristic attraction, you know, for money.
The dragon opened his muzzle, everypony start to listen.
"Where can I meet the mayor?" the dragon asked with a grave voice.
"It's me, I'm the mair here" a brown pony with gray mane answered . "What can I do for you?"
"Oh, I just want to live here in Ponyville." the dragon said quietly.
The mayor said to the newcomer that it wasn't a big deal, all he has to do is promise not to hurt anyone in town and to protect the town when a dangerous creature attacks, like Discord, Cerberus, this kind of stuff, as it is a very powerful creature, the dragon promised all that and thanked the pony to allow it to remain. This is where Twilight and company came and called to the dragon. This one turned to face her and had an air interrested "So there's the Elements... Interresting..." He thought.
"Hey!" The unicorn screamed at Rainbow style, "what's your name?"
"Didn't I present myself? I'm sorry, my name is Kingodonamsumka, what's yours?"
An angel passed, all pony was trying to repeat the dragon's weird name.
"Kingadoniku- what now??" Pinkie tried to repeat.
"But people call me "King", just call me like that."King Explained .
"Why you wanted to come live in this town?" asked again the purple mare.
"Well, I just wanted to change the scenery, and I couldn't take it anymore about living with stupids and jerks dragons." Growled the new dragon.
"Really?"
"Of course! The youngs from today're all IMBECILES!!! I'm sure if you ask them about Dragon History, they will respond : "I don't care!"." Started to scream the green dragon, "and I'm sure I AM the only dragon who know all about our species."
"Seriously?!?" Asked shouting Spike.
"YEAH!... Now, can you please tell me your name?"
"I'm Twilight Sparkle."
"Why do you ask me all these questions?"
"I don't know, I just think it was weird that a dragon who emigrate decide to live here."the unicorn eplained .
"I told you, Twilight Sparkle, I just want to change the scenery. Now if you excuse me, I'll get better acquainted with the others." Conclued the newcomer.
After saying that, King go meet the ponies, Pinkie was the first to jump front of him for sing her Welcome song. What makes the dragon laught because it was funny. And he continue to present himself with the other.
Two hours passed, Spike finished his tasks at the library and it was break time now! He asked to her "big sis" where the new dragon's going to lives, she answered that he'll lives near Fluttershy's house and asked to the assistant why he want to go meet him. The kid said in response that he can finally have a chance to learn about dragons, real ones! And then the little dragon go to the yellow pegasis's place. He wondered what he's going to learn about the true dragons, are they really majestic as the legends say? Or it will only be looters who sow destruction wherever they go? When he arrived, King was with two handyponies front of a small and pretty house:
"Thanks guys, I'm still impresed about this: in two hours you finish to built a house with everything in!"
"Impressing, huh? All of this thanks to Gameloft" said one of the ponies.
"Game- what?" the dragon asked confused.
"We don't even know... Well see ya, King, right?" said the other pony going away.
"Yup! Bye! Aaah, if all ponies are like that, this gonna be a good place to live!"sighed the dragon with enthusiasm.
When he said that he felt a presence behind him and turned, it was a little purple dragon, " This aura... Would it be?..."
The young dragon stare at the elder one.
"Hey, Kingodonusamuka, right?"
"Just call me King, I didn't know there were another dragon here! What's your name kid?"
"I'm Spike! Sooo how do you feel here in Ponyville?" asked Spike.
"Well it's a quiet and friendly place, I like it!" Exclaimed King.
"Isn't it the same with the dragons?"
"No" said quickly the green dragon in responce. "Hey, Spike, can you show me around the the town?"
"Sure! First, your closest neighbor is Fluttershy. A yellow pegasis who can talk to animals."
"Interesting..." "Must be the Element of Kindness" he thought.
"Now come with me I gonna show you the Caroussel Boutique! That where Rarity works!"
"The white unicorn?" "The Element of Generosity?" asked King.
"You know her? Oh yeah it's right, you met everyony allready." Said Spike, "now lets go!"
They went to the clothing store and Rarity welcomed them and asked what she could do for them. King asked if she could make him a white waistcoat, she agreed and said to come back in the evening. "Okay" said King, he called Spike, but he stared at the unicorn with an stupid looking face. One by one The green dragon stared on Spike and Rarity and then he realizes something very weird. "No waaaaay, get out!!!" He exclaimed in his head, "Spike, come with me." he said taking the little dragon under his arm while leaving the shop. Once outside, he put down the purple one and this one asked:
"Okay, what can I show you now?" said the young dragon happy all of sudden.
"Kiddo..."
"Yes?"
"Don't tell me that you're in love with Rarity..."
"How do you know that?" Said surprised the kid.
"That was easy, just look at your face! You were all "gagagou" when you look at her." said King in response.
"Okay, now you know that, can we go before she heard you?"
"Kid... Dragon can't fall in love with ponies. It's insane!"
"That so no true!" Yelled Spike.
"Yes it is!"
"No it isn't!"
"Listen, all I want to say you is that it would be very strange, don't you think? How your kids are going to look like?" said King exasperated.
"Kids? Why are kids involved in Rarity and I? Now that I'm thinking about..."
"Oh no, not THAT question!"
"Tell me King... Where the babies come from?" Asked the little dragon innocently.
"Oh shit"The elder one thought. "F-Forget about the kids, I'll make this simple: Dragon + Pony = striped heart!" expained King.
"Well let me tell you something! Dragon + Pony = healthy heart!!" Yelled the kid.
"Kid, that stupid..."
"Well you're just... just... Diamond dog's poop!" said the purple dragon as an insult.
There were a long silence, King faceplamed himself "You really need to review your dictionnary of insults..."
"Well whatever, we're in a free country, I can do whatever I want, nah!" concludes the little one pulling out his tongue.
"What's wrong darlings?" Asked a white unicorn behind them.
"R-Rarity?" Said Spike, turning to face the Element of Generosity.
"I heard screamings, so I came out to see what's wrong, but it seems it was you two who were having a fight. Is there something wrong?" asked again Rarity.
"Nothing wrong here, huh Spike, am I right? "
"Yeah, of course!"exclaimed Spike.
"Now that I'm thinking about it, there were something you wanted to show me, no?" Said the green dragon.
"Oh yes! This thing! We gonna go!"
"Come on my shoulder kiddo, I'll bring us flying. See ya later, Rarity."
"Yeah, let's go! Bye Rarity!" Respond the kid climbing the big one.
"See you later boys." Finished the customary, saying goodbye to the dragons who were allready flying away.
King and Spike were in the air, the suddenly, Spike's stomach started to groarn, he told to the elder one to go down to a restaurant to eat some snacks. They arrived, sit to a table, King said to the little that he was sorry for earlier, it is true, we are free to love who we want. Spike forgave him quickly, he explained to the elder that Twilight said the same thing the first time when she learn about his feelings for the white unicorn. They both laught for a short time. Then the server arrived.
"Did you make a choice, sir?"asked the pony.
"I'll take hay fries! Extra crispy, like allways" commanded Twilight's assistant number 1.
"Hay fries?"asked the newcomer.
"Yeah, like they don't have gems here, I eat hay fries, they're so delicious!"
"Yeeeeeeah... Do you have sandwiches?"
"Of course, we have daffodil and daisy sandwich." confirmed the server
"Flower sandwich? Yeck!" Spited King with disgust. "Don't you have any ham and cheese sandwiches?"
"H-h-ham?"stammered the server with fright.
"Yeah, you know?! MEAT!"
"YOU EAT MEAT?" exclaimed the little dragon.
"Dragons eat meat."
"DID EVERYPONY HEARED? HE'S CARNIVOROUS, HE WANTS TO EAT US!!!" screamed a white earth pony with blue and pink mane. And all the ponies ran away by screaming like we were mutilating a hydra. Silence reigned at the restaurant. the two dragons were alone for few minutes until King realized what he say.
"What! Hey!" he yelled "I don't eat meat comming from ponies!!"
The two dragons were walking down a street, they're going to a place that Spike called the "Sugarcube Corner"
"The BEST pastry EVER!" he said to King. They arrived at the store, came in and a pink earth pony wished them the welcome "The Element of Laughter... so that were she works...". The little dragon explained to the mare that they were here for King to taste the cakes from the Sugarcube Corner.
"BWAAAAAAAAH!!!!" King, Spike and Pinkie heard from upstairs.
"What's the hell?" asked the green dragon.
"That must be Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake, babies twins. Looks like Mr. and Mrs. Cake are having bad time." said the mare in reponse.
"Oh I see, that must be a pain in the butt to take care of two kids"
"Sure thing, and tonight I have to ponysit the twins *sigh*" said sadly Pinkie, "but it's not that bad, it's fun to play with kid!" continued the mare with a big smile on her face.
"Wait... you taking care of kids?" asked King, surprised.
"Well, duh! Do you know somepony else called Pinkie Pie?"
"N-no, but... I mean, YOU! Taking care of kids is not just play with them, is to much responsabilties. You're to excited to a task like this one. If you want, I can come and help you tonight" proposed the new dragon.
"No it's okay, I'm a responsible pony! I already take care of them several times."exclaimed the pinky mare.
"And you cry, don't you?" asked King with a mocking air.
"................................................................................................................. yes." said Pinkie with a disappointed tone.
"Don't woory, I'll help you tonight with the kids, and maybe-"
"NO! I can handle it by my own! I'm responsibe and I'll not change my mind!" yelled the mare.
"Wow! you make Pinkie angry, better get out of here" whispered Spike to the big dragon.
"Okay" whiped King to the little one, " Sorry for this misunderstanding, can I have this donut overthere?"
"Sure!" exclaimed the Element of Laughter, then she opened the window and pulled out a pink donut who sounded delicious "Like you're new in town, this donut is offered by the shop!" she said whith enthusiasm.
"Wow, Thank you Pinkie Pie!" thanked the dragon, having said that, he swallowed the cake on one bite. "DELICIOUS!"
The dragons were going now to a farm that Spike called "Sweet Apple Acres". The little dragon say that were lives the Apple family. As they approach their destination, they crossed a road that separates a forest of apple trees. "That a lot of apples" thought the green dragon, when they arrived King could see a huge red barn and he dicovered that the garden was the apple forest. "Come with me, I'll introduce you the family" said the purple dragon running towards an old green pony who was in charge of three foals, the new dragon followed him. He realized that the old mare's name was Granny Smith, that the yellow pony was called Applebloom, the white unicorn was Rarity's sister and called Sweetie Belle and that th orange pegasis's name was Scootaloo and that she's a great fan of Rainbow Dash "The Element of Loyalty" King thought. Spike asked to Granny where were Applejack and Big Mac, she replied that they were bucking apple trees to collect some apples. The two dragons went to meet them, and they were working hardly there were already twenty baskets full of apples.
"Hi A.J.!" said the little dragon.
"Well, hi there Spike!" greeted the earth pony. " And ya must be the naw dragon, King? Am I right?"
"Exactly, and you must be Applejack!"said and asked the green dragon in response "The Element of Honesty"
"Hey Big Mac! Everything's fine?" asked Spike to the red stallion.
"Eeyup!" respond the quiet stallion.
"What can I do for ya guys? Do you want something?" proposed AppleJack.
"Nothing important, I just wanted to King to know you and your family, that's all" smiled the kid.
"Okay then. Oh it's getting a little be late, ya better starting to go home." said the Element of Honesty going back to the farm.
"The cowmare's right kid, we better get going, but first I want to get my waistcoat" said King, "you can just tell me the rest by the way, okay?" he asked.
"And overthere, there're the Everfree forest, a really dark place where lives a really nice zebra called Zecora, she knows a lot about potions and this kind of stuff." conclued Spike to King. They were going to King's new house the big dragon wore a bag, in this bag was a white waistcoat, the one that Rarity makes for him ( the one on the cover). They continued to talk about everything and anything before arriving front of the house.
"Well, kiddo, that was a great day, thanks for everything, see ya tomorrow okay?" exclaimed the new dragon.
"You're welcome, King..." started Spike "C'mon Spike, ask him now!" he thought. King were starting to open the door, "Wait!"said the kid.
"It's there something wrong, kid?"
"I-I want to ask you something..."
"Please! Not the baby question!" begged the teenager.
"No! It's not that... I just..." continued Spike, "Please?"
"Huh?"
"Please, teach me all about dragons!"
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Mate, you're not using the quotation marks correctly. You see, in a conversation between two entities, the layout should look a bit more like this:
"Oh hi there guy number one" said guy number two.
"Hello, guy number two!" said guy number one in response.
"So, did you that flying ball of octopus faeces?"
"Hell yeah, that was sweet!"
and so on, so forth. basically, you can't contain more than one speaker in a single pair of quotation marks. Also, the dashes (-) are kind of unnecessary. Hope this helped out a bit.
Alright, I know that English is not your main language, so my advice to you is if you want to get better with your grammatical skills, how to spell words correctly, and how to not misuse words, I advise you seek out an English grammar book and a dictionary. Now that said, I noticed three problems that you may want to fix up.
First one, your going to fast with your story, slow down a bit and describe some of the events better then just dropping it on us and expecting to keep up. Second problem, now I can tell that you are proud of your work and want to show it off, but this is a fanfiction site, not a fanart site, describe your character to us, don't just put a picture of him in your story and say "this is what he looks like" for people will down vote just because you seem to be lazy. Third problem, now tht one scene where Spike and King bicker about if its right for a dragon to like a mare or not, you should have not just repeated "YES IT IS" and "NO IT ISNT" for that can annoy some readers pretty quickly, try just saying: Spike and King bickered amongst themselves about if it is right for a dragon to love a mare, both repeating their opinions, Spike saying that it isn't wrong, and King stating the opposite.: not the best example, but it is better then just making them repeat the same thing over and over.
Now, sorry if it seems I am being harsh, but I realize English is not your first language and i'm just trying to give you tips on how to improve your story if you wish too. Don't give up writing, I can tell you have some talent in it, good luck to you!